Uninzi lwethu lukhetha ukuba ngabahlobo besini esifanayo. Kukholelwa ukuba "uthanda wena" kuphela unokuqonda, ukutya, ukufudumala-ngelizwi, kufaka indawo yamagxa xa ufuna. Kodwa kutheni ke abaninzi abafazi bephupha lokuba nomhlobo wesilisa (oko kukuthi, umhlobo, kungekhona umthandi)? Ngaba ubuhlobo nomntu ongcono kunomfazi? Kwaye ngaba ubudlelwane obunjalo abuyi kuhlaselwa into engakumbi? Ngaloo nto ibonakala ubuhlobo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi okwenene, kwaye ziya kuxutyushwa ngezantsi.
UKUSEBENZISWA KWEENKQUBO ZOBUSEBENZANE NOMUNTU
Ewe, ukuba nomhlobo osondeleyo naye akubi. Kukhona umntu ozayo aze athabathe umphefumlo wakho ngokugxotha umyeni wakho malunga noko ihlabathi limi khona. Kukho umntu oya kuthengwa kunye nendawo yokudlala (awukwazi ukuhamba kunye ne-crane!) Kukho umntu ohamba nabantwana epakini okanye kwindawo yokudlala yabantwana nabantwana. Ekugqibeleni, kukho umntu oza kuxoxa ngokutya okufake imfesane kwaye akhononde ukuba kwakhona awuhambisani nejee zakho ezizithandayo. Umhlobo othandekayo uya kuphulaphula, axolele, athethe ngeengxaki zabo ezifanayo. Yaye uya kukunceda bobabini. Kubonakala ngathi yonke into ilungileyo, yintoni enye into enqwenelayo. Kodwa, kuvela, kukho iingcingo ebusini bomfazi, kwaye akubi nakakhulu.
- Ndiyamthanda umhlobo wam, sihlobo naye esikolweni, - u-Marina uthi. - Ngaphezulu kweminyaka, baye bancedana ngokuphindaphindiweyo kangangokuba abanako ukubala. Sasisondelene kakhulu, malunga nokuzalwa. Kodwa ndaqaphela ukuba umhlobo wam ngokuzithandela unxulumana nam ebuhlungu ngaphezu kovuyo. Ngokomzekelo, xa ndixelela ukuba ndakhuthazwa kwaye ndandisa umvuzo wam okanye ukuba indoda eyindoda endikhangayo, iyayifumana ingcingo ngaphakathi. Kwaye nangona ezama ukubonisa ukuba uyonwabile kum, kodwa ndivakalelwa kukuba amanqaku angamanga aqhubela ilizwi lakhe. Ekuphenduleni kwam amazwi am, uqala ukukhalaza ukuba akukho mntu uyongezela imali, kwaye abantu abazange bamkhange ixesha elide. Ngaloo xesha, ndiziva ndetyala, kuba ndilungile, kodwa akenzi.
Umona kunye nokuphikisana phakathi kwabahlobo kubakho rhoqo. Kwaye oku kunqanda ubuhlobo, kuba ukunyaniseka nokunyaniseka kuyanyamalala, into engenakunxulumana nobungane. Yingakho abafazi abaninzi, besaba umona, bakhetha ukugcina amantombazana emgama othile, bangabavumeli ukuba basondele kakhulu kwimpilo yabo yangasese. Kwaye ubuhlobo bobuhlobo buyatshintshwa ngabahlobo. Abaninzi bayakuxela ukuba bonke abafazi abanjalo - baninzi abanye abanokwazi ukuxhasa omnye umntu kunye novuyo. Kakade kukho. Ngokulula, bambalwa. Ngako oko, udaniwe "kubuhlobo bobulili obufanayo", abafazi bazama ukufumana induduzo kwi "bundini" - bafuna umngane phakathi kwamadoda.
KUNYE OKUHLEKILEYO "KUNYE"
Indoda ayinakwenzeka ukuba ikhumbule umona ngomfazi ngenxa yamacici amasha, ifenitshala okanye indlu okanye ngenxa yokuba intombi ilahlekelwe isisindo, kwaye akayi. Oko kukuthi, kumhlobo "odibeneyo" (ubuhlobo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi), ukuziva ngomona kukuba, njengommiselo, awukho ngokupheleleyo. Kwaye oku kubangela ukuba kubonakale kakhulu kubafazi.
Into yesibili ukuba ubuhlobo obunjalo bubulungile kukuba umhlobo wesilisa unokuhlala efumana iingcebiso ezifanelekileyo kunye neengcaciso ezifikelelekayo malunga nengqondo yengqondo engamadoda. "Xa ndixabana nomyeni wam okanye ukuba andiyiqondi ezinye zezenzo zakhe," u-Oksana uthi, "into yokuqala endenzayo kubiza u-Alyoshka, endiye ndiba ngumhlobo kunye naye iminyaka emininzi. Uya kundisela kunye ne-valerian, kwaye mamela kwaye uchaze ukuba kutheni kunjalo, kwaye kungenjalo. Awuyi kufumana "i-ambulensi" enjalo kumnye umhlobo okanye wengqondo. " Ngendlela, le nzuzo yobuhlobo "obundlululo" buxabiswa ngabantu. Abo baphethe intombi, bacela ngokuzithandela izimvo zabo malunga nokuba kutheni umfazi okanye inkosikazi ingenangqiqo. Kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo umntu utshela intombi yakhe izinto ezingathembeli kumfazi wakhe.
Kukho enye enye. Iingcali zengqondo zibonisa ukuba ubukho bomntu olwahlukileyo ngesini esahlukileyo buqinisa intliziyo yakhe. Oku kuyinyani ngokukodwa kubafazi. Emva koko, sifanele sizive ngathi ngomoya esithandayo wesini. Kubalulekile kuthi ukuba asithandwa kuphela ngamahle amahle kunye nemilenze emancinci, kodwa neempawu zokomoya. Ewe, ngokuqinisekileyo, konke oku kuya kuba kunqweneleka ukufumana kumyeni wakhe. Kodwa, maye, akubona wonke umntu unenhlanhla. Kodwa umhlobo womntu uyakuthanda ngokunyanisekileyo kwaye uyakuxabisa njengomntu. Oku kubangela ukuzithemba kumfazi, ukuphelisa ezininzi iingxaki. Ukongezelela, ubuhlobo nomntu kunceda intombazana, ebizwa ngokuba, ukugcina ithoni - ukubukela iimpahla, ubungakanani kunye nezinye izinto.
Ngelinye igama, kuvela ukuba ubungqina obunjalo buhlanganisiwe kuphela. Kodwa ukuba yonke into yayilula! Napha, kwakhona, kukho ixesha elincinci. Ngokomzekelo, inokwenzeka into yokuba ubudlelwane obusondeleyo nomhlobo, ukungavumi ukuba nobuhlobo obunjalo kubantu abakujikelezile, ekugqibeleni, umona ngomyeni ...
ISAHLUKO SIKHO SIKHO!
Unokwenzeka ukuba abahlobo baya kuba ngabathandi, ngokwenene. Ngamanye amaxesha ubuhlobo, bubukeka njengobungane phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, ngokungaqondakaliyo bobabini bakhula babe yintando. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha banokubangela ukuba banqamle ukulala. Ewe, kunokwenzeka, kodwa akunakunceda. Yingakho. Inyaniso kukuba umfazi, njengomthetho, uthatha ubuhlobo obunzulu kakhulu nomntu obaluleke kakhulu, obanika ukubaluleka okukhulu. Uhlonipha umhlobo wakhe kwaye uvelwano naye (ngaphandle kovelwano akukho buhlobo, akunandaba nokuba uyayithanda kumhlobo wakhe okanye umhlobo). Kodwa ubona kuye nje umhlobo, kungekhona umntu. Ngenxa yokuba umxhelo onobubele, kungekhona ukuthanda ngokuzithandayo umthandi. Kwaye ubude buhlobo, ithuba elingaphantsi lokuba umfazi uza kubona indoda kwintombi yakhe, izazi zeengqondo zithi. Emva koko, akukho nto iyenzekayo, ngenxa yokuba ngamanye amaxesha senza izenzo ezingenangqondo, siphuma kwiingalo zomntu ongaqhelekanga.
Kodwa amadoda ahlelwe ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Nangona bebahlobo kunye nomfazi oneminyaka engaphezu konyaka, bayabona kuye umfazi. Nokuba ikhoneni liso. Oku akuthethi ukuba balele kwaye babone indlela yokumdonsa embhedeni. Hayi, kunjalo. Kodwa musa ukuphika ukuba phantsi kweemeko ezithile, isondo kunye nentombi ingenzeka. Ukucaphukiswa ngenxa yento kumadoda iyisiphukuphuku - ngoko ihlelwe, yintoni ongayenza. Kufuneka ukuba ukwamkele oku njengoko unikeziwe kwaye uzame ukunika umngane wakho isizathu esincinci sokuphuhliswa, oko kuthetha, ngesiseko sakhe esisiseko. Okokuthi, musa ukuhamba naye yedwa kwi-sauna, musa ukuguqula wakhe osandula ukuthenga ingubo phantsi kwempumlo yakhe, njl. Emva kwakho konke, amanyathelo ambalwa angalunganga kwinqanaba lakho, kwaye unokucinga ukuba awunakucingi ukuba ubuhlobo bakho abuyiyo kuphela i-platonic. Kwaye, ngokweengcali, ukuba kwenzeka ntoni, abahlobo bahlala bezisola. Ngenxa yokuba akuqhelekanga ukuba ubudlelwane obudala bubuyiselwe emva kolu, kwaye kunzima ukwakha ezintsha. Ngoko ke, bafazi, qaphela!
KUYONKE I-ROTOK AYIZITHINTI ISIHLABA
Yilo bulumko babantu. Oku kuthetha ukuba ngokuqinisekileyo kuya kuba nomxholo oza kujonga ubuhlobo bakho. Yilungele oku. Hlalani nikulungele kwakhona ukuba, ekuphumeni komnyango nomngane wakho, usengozini yokuva emva kwabamelwane ukugubungela abamelwane: "Ewe, kufuneka, ngelixa umyeni usebenza, unethuba elihle." Uya kufuneka ukwamkele ukuhlaselwa okunjalo uze uzame ukuba ungawaqwalasela. Awuyi kubaxelela bonke abaphambene nomnqamlezo ukucacisa nokubonisa ukuba ningabahlobo nje, kwaye akukho nto. Ngandlela-thile ihlazisayo, kwaye kunjalo abayiyi kukholelwa. Yaye ukuba ungeyonto engalunganga, ungazami ukuwanika isizathu - udibana nomhlobo othile kwindawo ethile ekuthandeni umgca ongathathi hlangothi, kude neengcamango zengcamango yomzala wommelwane. Iingcebiso ezifanayo ziya kuba luncedo kubooomama abayeni babo banomona kakhulu ngabahlobo babo besilisa kwaye ngeendlela zonke bayathintela ubuhlobo babo.
UMTHETHO OMSEBENZI - UBANI?
Ngokuqhelekileyo umlingane osemthethweni unomona kuphela ngenxa yokuba akaqondi ukuba isiqingatha sakhe sinokufana njani "nolunye uhlobo lohlobo". Ngoko, madoda abathandekayo, oku akusili ngesondo nantoni na, kodwa ihluke ngokupheleleyo.
Kwiimeko ezininzi, abafazi bakhetha ukuba ngabahlobo bafunda nabo esiklasini nabo okanye nabo ekilasini eklasini. Oku kuyaqondakala, kuba banamaqela amaninzi! Izikhumbuzo zeminyaka yesikolo, iikholeji "iifatata", ukuhamba ngokubambisana, iibhonfires, njl. - yinto engabonakaliyo yobuntwaneni kunye nentsha. Konke oku kudala "ukuxolela" ngokuqinileyo ngobuhlobo. "U-Nikolai kunye nam ndibahlobo ukusuka kwiklasi yokuqala," kusho uAlga. - Ngexesha elinye wayenomdla kumfana, kodwa wada wadlula, kwaye ubuhlobo buhlala. Sonke siyabonisana. Ndamzisa kuqala kumyeni wam ozayo, kwaye yena kum - kunye nomfazi wakhe kwikamva. Sasiqwalasela imbono yomnye nomnye ukuba senze isigqibo, kwaye ngoko ke sinqwenela ukulungisa "ukukhangela" ngaphambi kokuqhubela phambili kwintsapho. Iinqalo zethu ekuqaleni zazingabi nomona, kodwa zanyaniseka, ziqaphela ukuba akukho zesondo phakathi kobudlelwane bethu kwaye ayivumba. "
Abahlobo banokuba ngabahlobo abahle. Baphinda babelane ngokuzithandayo, kuquka uqeqesho.
Ubuhlobo obomeleleyo maxa wambi buvela 'ekuthandeni' abantu basekuqaleni. Ngokomzekelo, abathandekayo okanye abatshatileyo (ukuba, ngokwenene, bahlukana ngaphandle kokuhlambalaza kunye nokuthotywa, kodwa baqhubekile). Ngaloo mibini ilamlilo elithandanayo laphuma, isithandwa sagqitha, kodwa emphefumlweni kwakukho ubudlelwane obufudumele komnye nomnye. Ngokuqhelekileyo kula malahle agqithise ubuhlobo obuqinileyo. Kwaye nangona abantu baqalisa ukutshata, bahlala behlala kunye nobudlelwane nabo. Kwaye kwenzeka ukuba bahlobo lweentsapho.
Ewe, ukusuka kwimbono yomyeni wakhe, ukhetho olulodwa oluvumelekileyo lwabafazi-abesilisa bendoda ukuba umhlobo womfazi ungumlingani. Abantu abalingqingili bahlala bebahlobo abahle kumfazi: ingxaki yesini iyabhubha, kwaye zonke iingenelo zohlobo "oluxubene" luhlala. Kodwa emva kokuba zonke izigulane kuzo zonke ungeke uzixhalabele, amadoda angamaqhelo emveli kodwa kunjalo (inqabileyo kubafazi!). Ngoko ke, iqabane elisemthethweni liya kufuneka lidibanise kwaye ekugqibeleni liqonde ukuba indoda nomfazi bangabandakanywa kuphela ngesifiso sesini. Kukho ubuhlobo, kwaye kusekelwe, njengoko sifunde, ngokupheleleyo kwezinye izinto.
I-HARE YE-HUSBAND
Ukuba iqabane lakho likhwele ngumhlobo wesilisa, sebenzisa iziphakamiso zeengqondo zeengqondo:
♦ Ngokuqhelekileyo mdumise umyeni wakho, umxelele indlela enhle ngayo, onobuqili, othanda kunye nokunye. Emva kwakho konke, umona uvame ukuvela kwiimeko ezincinci. Kwaye kukusemandleni akho ukukhuthaza umlingane wakho ukuba ungumntu oyingqamlekanga kwaye ungacingi ngcamango yakho ukuba umntu uhlala kwindawo yakhe;
♦ Ungalokothi uphazamise umyeni wakho kunye nomhlobo wakho: "Oo, awuyandi! Ewe, ngoko ndiza kuPasha. Uyandithanda ngokwenene! "Ngezenzo ezinjalo, uya kuthukuthelela ngakumbi, kwaye uya kwenza konke okusemandleni akho ukutshabalalisa ubuhlobo bakho;
♦ Zama ukusasaza phambi koyeni wakho ngaphantsi malunga nomhlobo omhle onayo kunye nendlela akuqonda ngayo. Amadoda ayithandi xa ibhinqa lawo lincoma abanye abantu;
♦ Musa ukufumana umngane wakho ukuba abe ngumhlobo wentsapho. Kwiimeko ezininzi, akunakwenzeka. Kwanele ukuba umyeni uyazi ukuba unomhlobo wesilisa kwaye uchitha ixesha kunye naye.