Kuthekani ukuba umhlobo wakho osondeleyo ungumgungqungquthela kunye nesigxina? Inkxaso okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, zama ukuphinda ufundise? Ngokuqinisekileyo kukho ububele, uthando kunye noxanduva kulo, kodwa luhlala luphazamisa yonke into ngokuziphatha kwayo. Yintoni enokuyenza ngento embi? Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukutshintsha umntu onjalo?
Yintoni ukubonakaliswa kokungathembeki?
Iindwendwe ngabantu abanokukhawuleza kunye nokubhubhisa nantoni na. Ihlabathi labo liqule kuphela iigrey, kwaye ngokubaluleke kakhulu, bathi bayazi isizathu sokuba abayi kuzuza oko bafuna. Basoloko bekhalaza ngobomi, kwaye imvakalelo yabo embi idlulela kubathandekayo. AmaPassimists, kwinqanaba elincinane, khetha le nto ngaphambi kokuba ulungele le nto okanye ukuba ukuhluleka kwangaphambili kwaye uhlale phantsi ungenzi nto. Kutheni ufanele ucoce izandla zakho okanye ucinge ngentloko yakho ukuba awukufumani?
Naluphi na umntu ongenangxaki oyikayo ukwabelana nabanye ngolonwabo novuyo lwakhe, ucinga ukuba kulolu luleko lwakhe luya kuba mncinci kwaye lusemzuzwana omnye lukhule - akukho nto iyakusala. Kubonakala sengathi u-jinxing ngokwakhe. Ama-Pessimists akholelwa kwimimiselo eyahlukeneyo, umzekelo, "ukuba uhleka kakhulu ngokuhlwa, ngomso uya kukhwaza," "ukuba ulwabelana ngeenjongo kunye nezicwangciso zakho, yonke into iya kuhamba kwaye akukho nto iya kuphuma ngokukhawuleza." Kungenxa yesi sizathu sokuba babelane nabantu abakujikelezileyo abanesimo esihle, uvuyo ngovuyo, kodwa "ngezilonda", ukucwina kunye nokungaphumeleli.
Ngokuqhelekileyo abantu abanengxaki yokuzama ukuthetha nabo bazama ukuthetha nabantu abanomdla ukuze bathathe amandla kubo. Nangona kunjalo, umntu omhle ngumntu ontle. Ngaba unomdla ongenakuyithatha kuye, akayi kuba yi-zhizneredostnym encinci kwaye adibeneyo, kodwa i-pessimist ayinakongezwa, kuba umphefumlo ugcwele ukungabi nantoni kwaye akukho nto iya kutshintsha. Umntu onenkathazo ophethe umfazi okanye ngumfazi othandekayo, zonke izicwangciso eziqhakazileyo, iinjongo kunye neengcamango zesahlulo sesibini ziza kuphawuleza, ziphule kwaye zipende emnyama!
Kukho, ngokuqinisekileyo, ukudibanisa nabantu abanjalo, kubomi bentsapho banyanisekile, bazinzile kwaye bahlale bekulungele ukufumana ubunzima. Nangona kunjalo, ukwenzela ukuba uphile ngokuqhelekileyo kwindoda enesifo sengqondo, kufuneka ube nezakhono ezikhethekileyo: ukuba ungakwazi ukusuleleka kwimikhwa emibi, kodwa, ngokuchaseneyo, ukuba ungayithobeli ingqalelo kwindawo ethile, kwimeko ethile, ukuxhasa, ukukhuthaza, mhlawumbi ukude uhambe. Ukuba awukwazi ukwenza oku okanye ucinge nje ukuba awukwazi ukuhlala njengolu bomi bonke ubomi, ke ungazami naluphi na olungcono, ngaphandle koko ukungathembeki kuya kukubamba.
Ngaba kukho imilomo kwi-pessimist yindoda?
I-pessimist yintlamandla yamandla. Nangona kunjalo, iinkalo ezintle zifumaneka. Bona ngokwabo bayakwazi ukwabelana nentlungu yomnye, oko kukuthi, bayakwazi ukuba lula ngokufanayo. Bakwamkela ngokulula iimpazamo zesiqingatha sesibini, kuba bayaqonda ukuba bonke abagqibekanga okanye mhlawumbi bacinga ukuba ubomi babo bubandezelekileyo, kwaye bona bangcono kakhulu. Ama-Pessimists awanqabile ukuba atshintshe kwaye ashiye iintsapho zawo. Banobuchule, bacingisise, basebenza nzima, bazi indlela yokwenza iinkcukacha, nokucinga ngokucwangcisekileyo. Abazami ukubalekela ubunzima, becinga ukuba kufanele ukuba kunjalo, abaqala ukukhangela indlela yokuphuma, apho baya kuhlala beba bhetele kwaye "banandi". Iipassimists ziingxelo zeengcali kunye namagqwetha. Zivame ukuzakhela ezinye izithethe ezikhethekileyo kwaye zibambe. Oku kuncedo kwaye kubalulekile kubo.
Nangona kunjalo, ukuze ukwazi indlela yokuziphatha kunye naye, umntu kufuneka amisele uhlobo lwakhe.
Ziziphi iingxaki?
U buhlungu
Bacaphukiswa ngokuhleka, ukumncoma okanye ukubonisa uthando. Baqinisekile ukuba konke oku kungokoqobo, ngumdlalo nje. Wonke amaphupha kunye nethemba kubo - liphupha nje, "akukho nto injalo," baya kuthi. Naluphi na uhlobo lovuyo amadoda anjalo angakunqumla ibinzana labo ngebhakethi yamanzi umdlalo. Ewe, bazele amandla, kodwa ngamandla aya kutshabalalisa izinto ezonwabileyo, ithemba, izicwangciso, amaphupha, uvuyo. Mhlawumbi ubonise ukukrakra nomsindo. Abantu abathandabuzayo, njengomthetho, bahamba emva kokunciphisa kakhulu ebomini.
I-Passive
Amadoda anjalo acinezelekile, axhalabile kwaye adumelekile kuyo yonke into kwaye. Akunakuze bazibeke iimvo zabo neengcinga zabo kwihlabathi, abantu kunye neemeko, kodwa ukuba ufuna ukwabelana ngamaphulo kunye namaphupha akho ngomntu onjalo, qi ni sekise ukuba unikezelwe ngeso simo sengqondo esibi, ukungaqiniseki ngokukhawuleza kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ukuxelela ukuba kutheni akukho nto iya kwenzeka. Bahlala bekrokraza kwaye bakhawula! Abazange benze izigqibo ngokwabo, kuba abazi ukuba njani, balinde ade umntu enze oko. Iindwendwe zicinga ukuba zinamandla amaninzi, ngoko zizama ukuyidla kwabanye abantu. Ngokuqhelekileyo oku kubangelwa ngumgaqo-siseko wengqondo obuthathaka.
Siseko
Kukholelwa ukuba kokubili ukungafihlisi nokuxhomekeka kuncike kakhulu ekusebenzeni kwendalo. Inkxalabo yinkqubo yesifo esinobuthakathaka ebantwini, apho iinkqubo zokuvimbela kunye nezinga eliphantsi le-serotonin liphezulu. Aba bantu sele bazalwe njalo kwaye abanakukuncedwa ngale nto. Becinga ukuba ubomi abuyi kuqonda, kwaye ukuba uyaphanga into ethile, iya kungena ngokukhawuleza, kungekhona enye. Le ilifa.
Ukudala
Ukwenza olunye udidi, bafuna ukubandezeleka. U-Muza uwatyelela kuphela xa befumana ukungaphumeleli kwemvakalelo kunye nokuhlushwa ngokomzwelo. Zibeka zizinjongo ezingafumanekiyo. Oko bayenzayo: iingoma, imifanekiso, umculo wenza abantu batyelele ihlabathi labo elizaliswe ngongoma. Ewe, umsebenzi wabo uyamangalisa, kodwa, ngelanga, awukhathaleli. Mhlawumbi bafuna ukukhaba umlingo, ngenxa yokuba baya kuhlaziywa baze baqale ukudala kwi-wave of positive.
La hlekelwa
Abameli beli hlobo lokungathembeki bakholelwa ukuba ihlabathi lingenabuhlobo kuphela. Ingqondo yabo yesimo sengqondo ibavimbela ekubeni baphile. Ngesinye isikhathi baziphefumlele ngokwabo ukuba balahlekile, kwaye ngoku ngoku ukufakela kutshabalalisa ubomi babo. Njengomthetho, amadoda anjalo azimela ngokuzimela ukuba abantu baqonde ukuba kufuneka baphathwe kakubi. Nangona kunjalo, yiyiphi into engeyiyo abayicinga ngayo, ihlala iyenzeka. Ukuhlala ngokuqhelekileyo, abameli belo hlobo kufuneka batshintshe iinkolelo zabo.
Ezihlobene nobudala
Kule minyaka, umsebenzi weenkqubo zeentlanzi uncipha, amaninzi amadoda anokuba yindlala. Akunakubona into entsha, ngoko ngokukhawuleza ukuphelisa onke amathuba okutshintsha ubomi kwaye bafune ukulungeleka kwintoni. Ngokuqhelekileyo abameli baloo hlobo baqala ukubamba ukungathembeki kwiminyaka emva kwe-40-45 kwaye oku kwenzeka ukuba umntu akabonanga ingqiqo ebomini, akazange akwazi ukubeka iinjongo phambi kwakhe, akafumananga amathuba amatsha okuphuhliswa. Unokumnceda umntu onjalo kuphela ukuba unomusa, unobtrusively ukumnceda ukuba achaze ama-horizons amasha kunye namathuba.
Kodwa abafazi emva kweminyaka engama-45, njengommiselo, ngokuchasene noko, bafunyanwe nethemba. Baqala ukuziphilisa, bavule ngakumbi kwaye bengazi. Mhlawumbi uye wakuva eli lizwi: 45 - umfazi kwakhona!
Ukuhlala kunye nendoda-ingxaki? Indlela yokuthetha naye?
Iingcali zengqondo zithi akunakwenzeka ukutshintsha abantu abanjalo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uyamthanda ngokwenene ngentliziyo yakho yonke, kwaye ufuna ukuhlobisa ubomi bakhe-phambili. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso kuwe:
- Fundisa ukungaqiniseki kwakho malunga nokufuneka uphile namhlanje, ngaphandle kokucinga ukuba ngomso okanye inyanga ingaba mbi. Zama ukufaka kuye uvuyo lwezinto ezincinci zobomi - ubuhle bemvelo, uvuyo loqhagamshelwano kunye ne-takdalee.
- Ngokuqhelekileyo amadoda anjalo abukela iifilimu ezibuhlungu aze afunde iincwadi ezifanayo. Cetyisa ukubona i-comedy, efakwe kwindawo evelele yeencwadi ezilungileyo, ezizele ngokuhleka.
- Mfundise ukuba i-pessimist ifuna into enako ukuyifumana, kwaye umntu othembayo angenza oko akufunayo. Ukuba yena ngokwakhe uya kuvumela imimangaliso ukuba yenzeke, ngoko kuya kwenzeka. Kunokwenzeka, okubaluleke kakhulu ukufuna.
- Ndihlala ndihleka. Ukuba uqala ukuxelela kwakhona ukuba yonke into ephosakeleyo kwakhona, kwaye apho awukugqibekanga kwaye awupheki apha, guqulela yonke into ehlekisa.
- Fumana kwisifo esingenakunqwenelekayo esisaza kuvuyisa: ukuhlamba elwandle, isonka esizenzelayo, umculo wesiqhelo, uhleli ebhentshini kunye nesemchkami. Ngoku oku kubomi bakho, yenza konke kunye naye kwaye rhoqo ngangokunokwenzeka. Gxi ninisa ukuba uhlonipha imilinganiselo yayo kwaye ngexesha elifanayo uvule ii-horizons ezintsha.