Kwaye umfazi omele enze ntoni xa indoda ithi ayiqinisekanga ngolwalamano?
Ngokuqhelekileyo isizathu sokuqhawula umtshato siya kuba yinto enzima yeqabane lesibini. Sivame ukuva izivakalisi: "Akanakulibaleka," "akahlali esonwabile." Kodwa iingcali zengqondo zanamhlanje ziqinisekile ukuba lo mqathango wesigamu sakho sesibini awukho ngenxa yokuba kungalunganga, kodwa kulungile kuye. Kwaye ukuba usondela ngokuchanekileyo isisombululo sale ngxaki, unokuphila ngokuvuyisayo emva kokutshata komyeni wakho okanye umfazi wesilonda.
"Hayi, ndive!" Yile ndlela amagama omlingane kufuneka aguqulelwe ukuba indoda ithi ayiqinisekanga ngekamva lakho elizayo.
Iimbambano emshadweni zihlala zikhokelela kwizikratshi kunye nezikhalazo ezingenakunzima ukuhlala nalo mntu. Kodwa yintoni eyona nto ibangela imbango? Ngokuqhelekileyo inyaniso kukuba indoda yakho ayithembeki ebuhlotsheni, kungekhona ngenxa yokuba uyeke ukunqanda okanye ubenomdla kwelinye ibhinqa, kodwa nje akanakunakekelwa ngokwaneleyo. Yonke into ayicelayo le binzana kukuba ugxila kulo. Enyanisweni, ubudlelwane kwiintsapho abukho nje ukulinda ukunakekelwa. Oku kubandakanya ukutsalana komzimba weqabane, kunye nokukhangwa kwesondo, kunye nomdla woluntu olulula. Kodwa ukuthetha ngamabango, kusoloko umnqweno wokunyamekela kunye nokunyamekela okungafumanekiyo.
Oku kulindela kunokukwazi ukuchaza ukuba ukuxhamla, ukujonga okokuqala, ukuba kunzima kakhulu ukuba umntu avume ukuthanda. Kodwa kutheni kunzima ukuxelela omnye ukuba uyamphatha ngokunokwenzeka? Ewe, kuba kukho ukwesaba ukwehluleka. Kwaye ekubeni ukwesaba ukukhishwa, oko akusiyo nje umyalezo wenyaniso, kodwa isicelo: ndiphulaphule, uchithe ixesha elininzi kunye nenceba kum. Oku kuyimfuneko yokuba sikhululeke kumxholo wobudlelwane bethu kunye nesiqingatha sethu sesibini. Le mfuneko ifumaneka kubo bonke abantu, kodwa kuwo wonke umntu ubonakaliswa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Abo baqonda ukuba zonke i-antics zeqabane lakho - le "yinto" yesicelo esongezelelweyo somnxeba ngokuphathelele kuye (unako), unokusinda kwintlekele ebubudlelwaneni kwaye uhlale ndawonye. Kubuhlungu ukuba oku kwenzekayo kangako. Isikhalazo senza impendulo, ngoko-ke enye elandelayo-kwaye ngoku kwaqhambuka isicaphulo, engazange iholele nantoni na. Kwaye bobabini abatshatileyo balinde, xa "uya kufika engqondweni yakhe," "uya kuthobela iimfuno zam". Kodwa ungalinda njani? Umntu ongenalo uthando akakwazi ukuhlangabezana nale nto ngokuzimeleyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ngenxa yeembambano zengxabano zasekhaya, xa indoda ithi ayithandi indlela umfazi wayo ayisusa ngayo okanye ayikulungiselele, kwaye umfazi akanelisekile ngomvuzo wendoda yakhe, njengomthetho, kukho izizathu zokungaqondi, ukungabikho kwengqalelo, ukukhathazeka, ukunyamekela.
Kodwa ukuba omnye wabafazi akwazi ukuqonda oku kwaye uya kuzama ukunika isiqingatha sakhe sesibini into engenayo, nayiphi na, nokuba umntu onenkathazo kakhulu angaguquzela kwaye azinzileyo.
Ngokubanzi, xa indoda ithi umfazi wakhe akayithandi, eqinisweni, ubonisa ukwesaba kwakhe ukuba uyayeka ukulungiselela umfazi wakhe. Cinga ngako, kuba xa umntu eqhubeka ekhwaza - oku sele kubonakaliswe bubuthathaka bakhe, uloyiko, uhlobo "lokupenda kwintliziyo yakhe." Ukukhala kuyisignali yentlungu. Kwaye endaweni yokuphendula ngokukhala, kwaye ngoko ngenxa yobuthathaka obuthathaka, zama ukuqina. Zama ukuxhasa umlingane wakho womntu, kuba konke akufunayo kukunyamekela kunye nenkxaso yakho. Ngaba akuyena lo mbono wothando?
Kucacile ukuba ukuhlala uzolile, xa isalathiso esilandelayo sibheka endlwini, kunzima kakhulu, sonke siphila abantu, kwaye, ngenxa yoko, ngenxa yeemvakalelo. Kodwa akukho mntu uthe ukugcina uxolo noxolo kulomsebenzi ngumsebenzi olula. Kwaye ukuba unomntu onomlingani odibeneyo, kufuneka uqonde ukuba imeko ayiyi kutshintsha ngokwayo. Kwaye i-scandals rhoqo ingakhokelela kwinto yokuba uya kuthetha ukuba akaqinisekanga ngokuqhubekayo ubomi kunye nawe. Iimeko aziyi kutshintsha ngokwayo.
Kuthetha njani ukuba umyeni uthetha nomfazi wakhe othandekayo kungekudala ukuba akaqinisekanga ngobuhlobo? Kutheni kuvela kumntu ohloniphekileyo novuthayo oba ngumntu ongenamdla okanye obuthathaka? Isizathu salokhu silele kwintliziyo yokunganeliseki ngokukhawuleza ngokwakho, ukungaqiniseki ngokwamandla akho.
Ukuba umyeni uthi akaqinisekanga ngolwalamano-makangenele ngokwakhe. Ndivumele ukuba ndihambe nokuba ufuna. Oko kukuthi, phumani kule meko, eyenzela kuphela intlanzi phakathi kwakho. Nangona ushiya namhlanje, usenjalo, nangona wayedlulile, kodwa isihlobo sakho. Unokutshatyalalisa ubudlelwane naye njengendoda, indoda, kodwa uya kuhlala usondele abantu abathi emva kwexesha elithile baya kuba nako ukuseka ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo boluntu.
Abasetyhini abaninzi bayesaba ikhefu ngenxa yokuba baziva bexhomekeke kumyeni wabo. Kodwa ukuxhomekeka komnye umntu kunokuvela kuphela xa kungenakuqinisekiswa kwakho, ukungakwazi. Qala kunye nawe: ukusebenza ngokwakho kuya kukunceda ukuba uyeke ukuvakalelwa njengexhoba. Lo msebenzi unzima kwaye unzima, kodwa uzinamandla ngokwakho uya kuba mnqweno kumyeni wakho.
Ukuze ugcine intsapho umntu makabe ngowokuqala uzama ukuhlola ngokwaneleyo izenzo zabo. Akufanele kusekelwe kuphela kwiimvakalelo zakho, kuba ziyinxalenye enkulu yokuzimela. Zama ukulungisa imeko, mhlawumbi amagama ambalwa avelwano, uxelele umyeni wakhe ngexesha, kunye nokubonisa ukuba uyamkhathalela ngokwenene, kuya kumnceda ukuba akhethe ubudlelwane?