Ngaphambili, ukubonakaliswa kokukhula ngokwesini kwintwazana inxulumene nenani elikhulu kakhulu lezengqondo. Okokuqala, lo mnqweno wabaselula, ngenxa yokusondelana, ukuzalisa ukungahambi kakuhle kwabo, ukuphepha ubunyulu, okanye ukufikelela ekuthandeni. Inkcazo yale nto inokuthi umntu ngamnye ufuna ukuthandwa, enikwe ingqwalasela efanele kwaye ngaloo ndlela uncedise ukuvelisa uluntu. Ukuba umntwana osemncinci akafumani konke oku ngasentla kwidilesi yakhe, ngoko ke ukungabikho kwemvakalelo yangempela kwizalamane kunye nabahlobo bammisela kulo nyathelo. Amazwi avayo athi "Ndiyakuthanda" kwiqabane lamalungu esini anokukhupha zonke iimbambano zentsingiselo ephilileyo. Kwaye nakhu, kunye nento yonke, uvakalelwa kukuba le yindlela onokufumana ngayo ukuthandwa phakathi koontanga bakho, kunye neentombi kunye nabahlobo. Ungazicingeli njani ngesondo, xa umhlobo onqambileyo ekuxelela ukuba ukuba awuzange ulale ngesondo, usengumntwana nje. Nasi isizathu sokuqala esicacileyo sokwandisa ukukhanga nokukhula komntwana osemtsha kule nkalo.
Isizathu sesibini kukubonakalisa ukuzimela okupheleleyo kubazali babo. Apha ungakwazi ukufaka ngokukhuselekileyo kunye nomnqweno weselula ukuba ube ngumntu omdala ngokukhawuleza kwaye uzame "ukunambitha" ubomi bomdala kunye nazo zonke iimpawu zayo. Ukufunwa ngokwesondo apha kukuba umfana osemncinci uyagqithisa into yokuba akazange azame ubudlelwane bezesondo, akakwazi ukufaka indlela yokuphila kwabantu abadala. Kule meko, ukunyuka kobuntwaba kusasaza ubudlelwane bezesondo kunye nesondo ukuya kwinqanaba lokuqala elibizwa ngokuthi "ubomi bomdala".
Isizathu sesithathu sobudlelwane bokuqala besondo sinokumemeza kwe-subliminal kwintsholongwane ukuze uncede. Oku kubangelwa kukuba umntwana ubona ubunzima obunzulu beengqondo ebomini bakhe. Ngokuqhelekileyo ezi ziingxaki kubazali, esikolweni, nakubangane. Kungenxa yesi sizathu ukuba intombazana ikhetha isondo, njengendlela yokuzibonela nokususa kulezi ngxaki. Ngendlela, kwimeko apho abantu abaselula baqala ukusetyenziswa kotywala, ukutshaya kunye nokuzama ukusebenzisa iziyobisi, njengoko bebheka ukuba le ndlela iyona ndlela iphuma ngayo. Ngoko ke apha ufanele uhlawule ngokukhethekileyo umntwana kwaye utshintshe isimo sakho sengqondo kuye.
Isizathu sesine, xa ukukhula kocansi kuqala ukubetha isitshixo, yinto eqhelekileyo phakathi kwabantu abaselula kukuba ukwanelisa iimfuno zomntu kunye nesisa esiqhelekileyo. Kutheni esi sizathu sisona siqhelekileyo kwisizukulwana esincinane, akunzima ukuqiqa. Emva kwakho konke, namhlanje, yonke imithombo yemithombo yeendaba ngokungafihliyo kwaye iphathwa ngokucacileyo ngesihloko sesini, idumisa njengento ekufuneka ihlolwe. Kwaye kwangaphambili, bhetele. Nantsi kuwe umphumo, ngenxa yoko umntwana aphelela khona ngokukhawuleza ukuba azive kuye "oko kukuthi kunye nento ekudliwayo."
Kwaye isizathu sesihlanu kukungathandeki komntwana osemtsha ukuba alahlekelwe ngumntu ayithandayo, kwaye ngaloo ndlela ulondoloze ubudlelwane naye. Ngamafutshane, umfana usekhetha isondo ukuze agcine umntu wesini esahlukileyo kuye. Nangona oku akusebenzi ngaso sonke isikhathi. Oku kudla ngokukwenziwa ngamantombazana abangenakho ukuzithemba kwaye abahlala behlanjululwa ngumbuzo wokuba bahle ngokwaneleyo. Ngamanye amazwi, la maantombazana aziva enzima kakhulu ngenxa yokubonakala kwawo, abahlali bevuyiswa yiyo kwaye ngaloo ndlela baxinezelekile. Bacinga ukuba indlela yodwa yokugcina umntu ozayo kuye isondo. Kwaye amagama anjengokuthi: "Ukuba awufuni ukuba nam - kuthetha ukuba ungandithandi" - izandi njengebholti evela eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka. Ndicinga ukuba baqhelane namantombazana amaninzi. Yingakho iingxabano zesini kunye nolwabelana ngesondo kwiintsholongwane.
Ukuba wena, emva kokufunda ezi zizathu, uziqaphele wena kunye neengxaki zakho, cingisisa ngazo, mhlawumbi ngoku lixesha lokuyeka kwaye uziqonde. Okokuqala, cingisisa malunga noko ukulindele ntoni kwiinkalo ezinjalo kunye noko baya kukunika khona. Emva koko, ukukhula ngokwesini akuthethi ukuba ufanele uqale ngesondo ngokukhawuleza.
Ubundlobongela bokuqala beselula, oko kukuthi, ingxaki yobomi bezesondo zakuqala kunzima kakhulu. Yingakho kufuneka wenze isigqibo kuwe ngokwakho, njengokuba besithi, kwingozi yakho kunye nomngcipheko. Mhlawumbi, ngaphambi kokuphindaphindiwe kwaba nombuzo: "Ngaba ixesha kwaye ndikulungele ukungena kwizesondo zesini? "Masicinge ngako.
Okokuqala, kufuneka uqonde ukuba ubude kangakanani kunye okanye ukuba uyazi njani lo mntu. Enoba unomdla kuwe kunye nangaphandle kwesondo, ingaba umhlobo wakho unxinezela kuwe, akayi kukuphatha okanye akwenze uzive unetyala okanye unyanzelekile kuye. Musa ukuziva ukhululekile okanye uhlaziswa, ukuba ubuhlobo bakho bobulili buyabonwa ngabanye. Ngaba ufuna ngokwenene ukulondoloza olu lwalamano kwaye uya kuhlala kunye xa ungazange uqhubeke ulala ngesondo. Ngaba ulungele ukuthatha uxanduva oluya kukunceda ukhuphe ukukhulelwa okungafunekiyo nokukhusela kwizifo ezidluliselwa ngesondo. Oku kubonisa ukuba kuyakufuneka ukuba kusetyenziswe iikhondom okanye ezinye izithintelo zokukhulelwa, esinye sesiseko esisisigxina sezesondo ezikhuselekileyo.
Emva kokuqonda zonke ezi ngongoma kwaye ubanike iimpendulo ezifanelekileyo, kufuneka wenze ukhetho olufanelekileyo kwaye ngoko uyaqonda, nokuba ngaba ufuna ukuqala ubomi bokulala ngokwesondo ngokubanzi. Khumbula ukuba ubomi bokulala ngokwesondo ahlale esithwale imiphumo emihle.