Kodwa kwenzekani kwiingcinga zabasetyhini kunye namadoda xa kuziwa malunga nobulili?
Kwihlabathi lanamhlanje, umfazi uziva ekhululekile ngesondo, njengendoda. Kodwa kwinto eyenzekayo, ukuba nanamhlanje indoda enenani elikhulu leendoda eziphathekayo, zonke ezithiwa yiZhigalo, kunye nomfazi olala ngaphezu kweyodwa, ngokuqhelekileyo kufuneka aphulaphule ukuba aphume emkhosini weentloba emva kwakhe aze abukele inani elikhulu lokujonga. Kuvela phi ukungabi nabulungisa?
Inokwenzeka ukuba, ingcinezelo yolwalamano olunjalo luboniswa kwi-vnuansah yengqondo yengqondo. Njengawo nawuphi na, ukuguquka kwezesondo kukulimaza ukubonakaliswa kwangaphandle kweempawu ezihlukeneyo, kodwa akukwazi ukuzahlula izimo zengqondo zabantu kunye neengcamango. Nangona okwangoku, imemori yomntu (nangona i-genetic okanye kwinqanaba elingaphantsi kwengqondo) ligcina isimo sengqondo: indoda ngumzingeli, umfazi ungumgcini wekhaya.
Inzululwazi yanamhlanje iphinda iphakame ukukhuselwa kwamadoda. Oososayensi-genetics baye bafumana into enomdla ukuba ihomoni enye ibangela ukukhangwa kwezesondo kubameli besilisa. Yaye bonke, mhlawumbi, bacinga ukuba igama lakhe ngu testosterone. Ngobudlelwane bezesondo, omnye umfazi akhange athwenkwe yi-hormone elula, kodwa yinkqubo enkulu yinkqubo yamakhemikhali. Mhlawumbi yile nto, kuba amadoda amaninzi, isondo sisenzo esilula esingokomzimba esinokuthelekiswa, umzekelo, ngesidlo sasekuseni. Abafazi be-jessex bayazibona ngesondo njengobonakaliso obubonakalayo obusondelene nothando. Ekugqibeleni, kuyacaca ukuba abafazi babaluleke kakhulu kwicandelo lomoya kule nkqubo.
Kubuhlungu, kodwa kuvela ukuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba sinokuphikisana kangakanani na ingxoxo malunga nokuziphatha nokunyaniseka, uhlobo lwalo wesifazane kunye nendoda luqulethe ulwahlukileyo nolwabelana ngesondo.
Xa indoda ihlolwe ngumfazi, uhlolo lwakhe luhlala luqhubeka. Kukho abantu abavuma ukuba xa bethetha nentombazana entsha entle banalo ngcamango enjalo: "Ngaba uya kulala nam?" Isenzo sisezingeni elincinci, nokuba uyayithanda umfazi kwaye uyonwabile ngomtshato! Uphando oluncinane phakathi kwabahlobo bam kunye nabahlobo bamqinisekisa ukuba iingcamango zesicwangciso esinjalo ziza engqondweni ngokuphantse kubo bonke abantu. Emva koko yonke into iyahamba ngokwemeko eqhelekileyo. Indoda, njengesidalwa esinqwenelekayo, ngokwemvelo ifuna ukuqinisekisile ingcamango yakhe: "Ngaba uya kulala okanye angalali?" Mhlawumbi oku kunokuhlambalaza, kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo kwinkqubo "yokudonsa" umfazi ekude, loo ndoda ayithatha inxaxheba kuyo nayiphi na imvakalelo. Umsebenzi oyintloko kukuwina. Ukuba ibhinqa lijika liba lixhoba elilula, ngoko umntu, ebenomdla ngokuzithanda kwakhe, uphahlake. Amaxesha amaninzi aqhubekayo "amaxhoba" anganyanzelisa umntu ukuba asebenzise ukubonakalisa izinto ezimangalisayo zobudlova, uyakwazi ukukholelwa kuye ukuba uyabathanda. Nangona kunjalo, emva kokuba ufinyelele umnqophiso onqwenelayo, lo mntu uyaba mnandi. Impendulo yombuzo wanikwa, ngoko ke, ubudlelwane obunjalo buye baphila.
Akuyimfuneko ukuqonda i-psychology kakuhle ngokwaneleyo ukuba uqonde ukuba abantu abaqalisa umdlalo nje bafuna ukuzimisela ngokwabelana ngesondo, kwakhona kwakhona, bebakhohlise "I". Abaninzi abanjalo benza oko kanye, kuba abaqinisekanga ngokwabo. Eentliziyweni zabo banomqondo wokungakhuselekanga, behlaselwa ngendlela elula, bafuna ukugxininisa umdla wabo. Kwenzeka ukuba abafazi baziphatha ngendlela efanayo. Nangona kunjalo, iinjongo zabasetyhini kunye namadoda ziyahlukileyo. Ukuba amadoda afuna ukuqinisekisa i-ego yabo yesibini, ngoko a bafazi bazama ukubonisa bonke abantu kunye nezinto ezifunwayo kwaye bathandekayo.
Ngokuqhelekileyo, abafazi banokungakhuselekanga kangako kwaye baxakeke kwizesondo zabo. Ngoko ke, ukuba umntu kufuneka ahlale efumana indlela "yokulala" isiqinisekiso sokukhupha umdla kumntu wesini esahlukileyo, ngokokuba umfazi uya kukwanela ukuva ukuncoma okanye ukubonwa okubonakalayo. Ukuba ukunconywa okunjalo kwenzeka, ngoko iimvakalelo zeentombazana okanye ukuziqhenya komfazi ziyaneliseka. Kwaye ke kuyimfuneko ukusetha le njongo.
Ibhinqa elingatshatanga, njengomthetho, lijongana nolwazi olutsha njengento enokuba yintando kunye nomnqweno. Nangona kunjalo, kugxininisa ngokungafaniyo. Ukuba ngokuqhelekileyo iimfuno eziphambili zomntu zifumaneka kwinqanaba lombhede, ngoko iimfuno zabasetyhini zitshatiwe ngokwemvelo. Naliphi na intombazana emva kokuqala kokubamba ekhanda lakhe ipeyinti umfanekiso, ngokungathi, ingoma engaqhelekanga yeentaka eziphethe izandla, iya kwisibingelelo. Ngoko kuvela ukuba indoda ibona ngesondo njengenjongo, kunye nomfazi-kuphela njengendlela yokufezekisa injongo ephambili.
Ukuba umntu olala ngesondo kuphela ulindela ukwanelisa iimfuno zakhe zomzimba, ngoko kuyacaca ukuba kutheni ufuna umlingane?
Emva kwakho konke, unokukwazi ukufezekisa le mihlali ngokwakho, ngelixa ungachithe ixesha kunye nemali ekumiseni uqhagamshelwano, ukuqhelana kunye neminye imigomo. Kuyakuthi kuqaphele ukuba kukho umsebenzi omdala kunye owaziwayo, obandakanya isondo ngaphandle koluthando. Nangona kunjalo, kule meko, isisusa sokuthobela ukuzithemba kwakhe asikho kumntu. Ngoko i-kakon ithola ngesondo kungekhona ngenxa yokungathinteki, kodwa kuba nje kuba ukuhlawula imali. Kuyabonakala ukuba ukongeza "ukudlala ngothando" ngokuziqhenya nokuzonwabisa ngokwenyama kukho enye into, ngesizathu sokuba ngamnye wethu angene kwisini. Kuyathakazelisa ukuba nangona abaxhasi beengcamango zengcamango yokuba isondo nje sisenzo esingafaniswa nokuthunyelwa kweemfuno (okanye nokuba kunye nesidlo) saphendule umbuzo onjalo: "Kutheni ufuna umlingane xa ulala ngesondo?"
Ngokwemvelo, akukho mntu uya kukhanyela ukuba isiko socansi sinesimo esifana nesomiso okanye indlala, kodwa ngokungafani nabo, sinokulawulwa ngumntu ngokwakhe. Ukuba kulula ukuzityhila, ukuba isisu sisinokuba yindlala, ngoko kwimeko yesondo (nangona isabelo esikhulu sempembelelo yesimo somzimba), ubuchopho buhlala kwindawo ekhokelayo. Ngenxa yoko, kuvela ukuba loo mfazi kunye nendoda into eyona nto yokulala ngesondo ayikho, kodwa ulwalamano olungokomoya. Oku kuchazwe ngokuthe ngqo kumntu kunye nesilwanyana.
Abantu ababini abathandana nabo abathandana nabo ngesondo kubonakaliswa kobomi baya kufumana uxolo olukhulu kwaye kuya kuba yinto ehluke ngokupheleleyo. Ngamanye amaxesha ndaqaphela indlela ababukela ngayo abo babecinga indima yesini ebomini bomntu. Enyanisweni, banokuvalelwa kuphela-ukuba ngaba banako ukuthelekisa, ngoko abazange bazive bevakalelwa ngokupheleleyo, ukuvakalelwa kwenyunyana ye-cosmic enikwe kuphela ngothando.