Izizathu zolu ngqu zulomdla phakathi kwakhe kunye naye zinokuba naliphi na iinkcukacha zobudlelwane babo: ukusuka kwi-pilaf engasetyenziswanga, ukukrokrelwa kobugwenxa. Izazinzulu zithi ukuxabana kubangele ukuxinezeleka kubini abathathi-nxaxheba, okuchaphazela ngamnye wabo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Ngoko, ukuba ibhinqa ingxabano yinkqubo enkulu yokuvela kweemvakalelo eziphazamisayo, indlela yokuzithiba kwaye, ngokufanelekileyo, isenzo esiluncedo. Kwindoda, ngokuchaseneyo, ukuhlaselwa kuba yinto efunekayo yezifo ezinzulu kwaye kunokukhokelela kwingxaki yangempela. Kwaye le nkcaso idibanisa nokuziphatha komntu ngexesha lokuxabana.
Ngoko yintoni na isikhundla kwi-scandal ngokuqhelekileyo kuthatha isondo esinamandla?
Kuvela ukuba amadoda amaninzi anika ukhetho kumaqhinga alindelekileyo kwimpikiswano. Kwi-scandals eziyi-15 kuphela ngo-15 baya kubonisa imvakalelo enobudlova okanye banike indlela yokukhupha. Oku kubangelwa ukuqonda kwendoda yakhe yangaphambili: naphezu kweenkolelo ezithandanayo zokuthi uthanda ukuthatha kuqala ngaphezu komntu akhethiweyo kungekhona ngokwengqondo, kodwa ngokwenyama, nayiphi na indoda iyamoyika ukwenza ukuba umfazi wakhe abe yingozi.
Kukho, kunjalo, ukungafani - amadoda anethemba lokuba ukunyaniseka kwintlondi yowesifazane unikezela ukuqonda ngokubanzi phakathi kwentsapho. Kodwa kunabantu abambalwa kwaye, ngokusemthethweni, kungenxa yobundlobongela obungavumelekanga obangela ukuxabana. Kwaye, besoyika ngethuba lokulimala kwimeko enjalo, umfazi onomntu onjalo uzama ukunciphisa konke ukungaboni ngaso sonke isantya, ukuvumela kuye phantse yonke into kwaye ngokuthe ngcembe ukuqokelela isibindi sokubalekela kwihlabathi elikhuselekileyo lonwabo ngokukhawuleza.
Indoda enempilo yengqondo ngokwenene ngokwenene ilizwi liyesaba yena kunye nokuphendula kwakhe okungalawulekiyo kwiingxelo ezibuhlungu zokukhethwa kwakhe kwimeko yokuxabana. Ngako oko, ukhawuleza ukuhamba okanye ugijime kwiqela labahlobo ngokukhawuleza, ngokukhawuleza ukuba uqaphele ukuziphatha komthandi wakhe iimpawu zokuqala zokutshitshisa. Kunikezelwe ukuba xa engakwazi ukubalekela kwimpikiswano, ngokuqinisekileyo uthatha ukuma okuzikhuselayo, ezama ukungabonakali kwizinto ezenzekayo. Yaye ukuba ithe ibhinqa iyakwazi ukuyikhupha, izingela ngokukhawuleza iseshya ekubonakalweni kwemiboniso enobudlova. Bahlala bezinto eziwela phantsi kwengalo yomntu. Ukusuka apha - kunye neendonga eziphukileyo, kunye nefowuni ephathekayo, yaphonswa phantsi, kunye nekhenkco eqhekekileyo kwiingcango ukuya ekhitshini.
Enye inkalo yokuziphatha komntu ngexesha lokuphikisana kukunciphisa ukuthetha.
Njengoko umkhuba ubonisa, kuzo zonke izinto eziye zathethwa ngexesha lohlazo, u-80% uthethwa ngumfazi kwaye kuphela ngu-20% ngumdlali wakhe. Nangona kunjalo, ngokuphindaphindiweyo kulo mba, ibhinqa kunye nendoda iyatshintsha indawo: xa uqalise ukuhlalutya kwesimo esiqhwithileyo, nguye yena. Kwaye oku kwenzeka kwiingxabano ezingama-36 ngekhulu. Kule meko, umntu uthetha ngakumbi, kwaye ukuphakama kweentetho zakhe kuxhomekeke kwizinga lokucaphuka kwakhe. Amadoda amaninzi, kuvela, uthetha ngokucace ngakumbi xa bevutha. Kwaye njengoko kupheliswa kuzo, ukukhwela kwabo kuphakama. Ukuba umntu utshintshela ithoni ephakamileyo, ke lo ngumqondiso ocacileyo wokuphela kokugqibela kumbambano: uya kubalekela ukuhamba, okanye ahambe nje egumbini elilandelayo, ekupheleni kwesigcaziso kwisigama sakhe.
Ukongeza, le ndoda, nangona iimeko zakhe ezingenakuzinzileyo, zizama ukugcina imeko ilawulwa ngxabano. Yiyiphi into eyenza ilahlekise ingqwalasela yakhe kwinto ekhankanywe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, oku kuhlangothi lwesibini - umzuzu uphumelele: amagama aphazamise indoda kakhulu kunowesifazane kunye nesondo esomeleleyo ihluke kakhulu kwixesha elide. Ngako oko, amazwi angamncinci, kwi-fuse yalabo abaphonswa kuye, uya kuva, mhlawumbi kuya kuba ngamathuba okubuyisela ukuvumelana phakathi kobudlelwane bomtshato. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, oku kungabikho kwengqondo esicasula abafazi besona sonke. Ngenxa yakhe, ngoko umntu kufuneka aphinde amaxesha amaninzi ukuba kwakungekho nje ubuhlungu kwaye bubuhlungu, kodwa walandelwa ukuxolisa ngokukhawuleza, kunye nokugcinwa kokuba la mazwi athetha kwi-fuse kwaye kwakungekho inyaniso kuyo.
Kwaye ekugqibeleni.
Umnqweno wokugcina yonke into elawulwayo ngexesha lempikiswano, okanye kunoko-ngokukodwa ngexesha lokufumanisa ubudlelwane - luchazwe ngumntu onqwenela ukubonakalisa esidlangalaleni iingxaki zakhe. Ibhinqa eliseburhulumenteni ayinandaba nento abavakalisi bayo bayayicinga ngayo ngobomi bayo bentsapho: ebaluleke kakhulu kuye imvakalelo yakhe kulo mzuzwana. Kodwa kumntu, uluvo lukawonke-wonke lobomi bakhe lubaluleke kakhulu. Ngako oko umkhwa wesilisa owaziwayo wokubonisa indawo yonke emotweni entsha kunye nokufihla ngokupheleleyo iingxaki kunye nokuxabana kwintsapho. Kwaye ingxaki enkulu yeyiphi na ingxabano phakathi kwabatshatileyo - ukungabikho kokuqonda kwezinto eziza kuqala - nayo iyancatshiswa yile mfanelo yamadoda. Ibhinqa lizama ukufumana indoda ukuba ivakalise imvakalelo, amava malunga nesimo sayo esithile, ukuqonda imeko yakhe yokuxinzelela kunye novelwano. Indoda ayilungele ukuphulaphula amabango kunye neengxelo zowesifazane uze ungayithobeli ilizwi lakhe ubuncinci.
Ngokuqhelekileyo ukuziphatha komntu ngexesha lokuxabana kuhlala kungundoqo. Yilokho ebangela ukuba kube nemiphumo emibi yeentlekele kuye. Ukuthintela iimvakalelo eziphumele ngaphandle, uqondisa ukuhamba kwamandla angenayo kungaphakathi, kodwa ngaphakathi. Ngako oko, akafumani indlela yokuphuma kwiimeko ezixinzelelekileyo, ukungathinteki kwengqondo kuye kuqokelela, kwaye ngenxa yoko unempembelelo kummandla wezempilo okanye udlulele ekuhlaselweni ngokugqithisileyo kubahlobo okanye abantu abachasene nabo, into engamthobeliyo. Ngokwezibalo, ukuthatha inxaxheba kwamadoda ekulwa ngokungaqhelekanga kwi-72% yamatyala kwenzeka kuphela emva kokuba usapho lwakhe lwaluqhekeke phakathi kwakhe nomkakhe.