Wonke umntu uvile ngale nto. Kukho konke kukholwa. Kuthiwa ngale nto. Kodwa yintoni na, ngokwenene, ukuxhamla kwendalo phakathi komama nomntwana? Yintoni kuxhomekeke kuyo? Ngeliphi iphuzu kwaye linokuphela? Yaye yomelele kangakanani na? Masithethe ngalo.
Umama uyazi nje.
"Xa ndithwala ekhaya ndivela esibhedlele, ndakhangela i-staircase kwimvulophu kwaye ndiqhaqhaqha ngokumangalisa. Undikhangele ngolu hlobo olubonakalayo nolunentsingiselo ukuba ukususela ngoku ndiqiniseke ngokuqinisekileyo-uyayiqonda yonke into, uziva yonke into, uyazi konke malunga nam, ntombi yam! "- ngoko umama wandixelela xa mna, umfazi okhulelwe, wambuza malunga nosana lwakhe. Emva kwala mazwi, iinqununu ezininzi ezivela kubomi bam obudala benziwa emfanekisweni omnye: ukuba umama wambi wandibiza wavela kude waza wabuza ukuba ndiziva njani. Ngenxa yokuba uyaqiniseka ukuba ndinomkhuhlane. Kwaye ndandinayo, kwaye nokuba yintoni! Xa kwakuyisihlandlo sokuba ndibelethe, okwenzeka ngeveki ngaphambi komhla wokugqibela, umama wayeyikhulu leeekhilomitha kude nelizwe kunye nendodana kadadewabo. Mina nomyeni wam sasingaxhomeki naluphi na inkxaso, kodwa ngokukhawuleza wabonakala emngceleni kwaye, ngaphandle kokuvuma, wabuza: "I-ambulensi ibizwa ngokuba yiyo?". Ukwazi njani konke oku? - ndandithuthuma emva kweso siganeko. Umama wasasaza izandla zakhe: wayesazi, yikho konke.
Umhlobo omhle.
Ukuba ngumama, ndandiqaphela ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuba kukho uhlobo oluthile lokuqonda okungenangqondo phakathi kwam kunye nendodana yam kwaqalwa njengokuba yedwa. Ukuba iimeko zam ezibangelwa zizizathu ezingaphaya kolawulo lomntwana, umntwana wayebonakala 'ehlengahlengisa' kum. Oku kwabonakala ngokukodwa emva konyaka. Umntwana unokuzinyamekela ixesha elide, ngokukodwa xa ndandinjalo kwimeko yokuba kwakubonakala ngathi yonke into iyandikhathaza, kwaye kungcono ukuba ungandichukumisi kwakhona. Ukuthula kwakhe kwasasazeka - zonke iingxaki zam zaqala ukubonakala zingenangxaki. Ukuba ngumdala, unyana angakwazi ukuza ngaphandle kokuthetha, undikhathaze kwaye njengokungathi utshintshe inxalenye yamandla akhe omntwana angapheliyo.
Kwenzeka ngeendlela ezininzi.
Ukuthetha nabanye oomama nokubukela ubudlelwane babo nabantwana, ndaqaphela ukuba bonke bahlakulela imithetho yabo yokunxibelelana. Kwabanye, yonke into yakhiwa ngama-nuances, bayasabela ngokuthandana. Kwaye abanye oomama bayamangalisa imiqondiso ebanikezwa ngumntwana wabo. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, umzali ongaphandle angakwazi ukuqonda iimfuno zentsana ngaphambi komama wakhe.
Si dibene.
Kucacile ukuba phakathi kwethu nabantwana bethu kukho intambo engabonakali esolulwe entliziyweni entliziyweni. Ndiyabulela kule nxu lumano phakathi koomama nomntwana, siqonde phantse yonke into ngaphandle kwamagama kwaye xa omnye wezonxibelelwano engakwazi ukuthetha. Ubungqina bokuba unxibelelwano lubonelelwa ngokwemvelo njengenye yeendlela zokusinda, kodwa kungenako ukubunjwa, ukucinywa okanye ukutshabalalisa.
Ingane yazalwa. Kuhle, ukuba iimeko eziphezulu zokuhlanganisana ngokukhawuleza zadalwa esibhedlele sokubeleka. Kodwa kwenzeka ngeendlela zonke, kwaye kukho zonke izizathu zokuba kungani umama nomntwana bahlukana kwiintsuku zokuqala emva kwentlanganiso. Kwaye ngexesha lokukhulelwa, abafazi bahluke ngokukodwa ngokukulungele ukulungiselela umama. Ukukwazi ukuvakalelwa nokulindela kwakha kancane kancane, oku kufuna iiyure kunye neentsuku.
Ukubambisana kwabamama (ukusuka kwisiNgesi-bhondi yegama-"bond, bonds") - inxalenye yobudlelwane behlabathi jikelele, nangona inxalenye ekhethekileyo. Ngokungafani nxu lumano nobawo, ukuxhamla phakathi koomama nomntwana kusemgangathweni nemvelo. Kukho amakhulu eempawu ezahlukahlukeneyo ezichaphazela ukubunjwa kwesi sixhumo.
Siyazi ukuba phakathi kobabini abanothando, nakuba bengabalwanga, abantu, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uxhulumano olungabonakaliyo lweengqondo luye lwasungulwa, luvumela ukucinga iingcamango, imizwa, ukuziva utshintsho olubuqilileyo ubudlelwane, uvakalelwa intlungu yomntu. Kuthetha ntoni ngoomama nomntwana, oxhumo lwakhe lugcinwa ngokwemvelo kwizinga le-hormonal. Ukukhululwa kwe-hormone i-oxytocin, eyona nto ikhutshwe ngokukodwa kwabasetyhini ngexesha lokuncelisa, inceda ukuseka olu xhumo kunye nokusemandleni. Kodwa oomama abaye bafumana ukubeleka okubuhlungu okanye abangabondli, ngale ndlela, nangona kunzima, akavaliwe.
Mamela kwaye uve.
Indlela efanelekileyo yokumisela "umgca wokunxibelelana" kukuqeda kokubili ukulawula okugqithiseleyo kunye nokungahambi kakuhle kwintsana yakho. Awudingi ukwenza umntwana into efana neshedyuli yakho yemihla ngemihla, kwaye indlela yakhe yemihla ngemihla iyindlela yokuzicwangcisa ubomi bakho. Ukuvumelanisa iimvumi zakho azibekezeli. Ukuxhalabisa ngokweqile, ukuxhalabisa nokuphonsa "into endiyenzayo engalunganga", ngokukodwa xa uhlakulela ngokuziqaphela kuwe, oku kukubonakaliswa kokuqala kwakho okusoloko kungenakwenzeka. Emva kwakho konke, ngale ngxolo yomsindo engadingekile, uyagxotha impembelelo engokwemvelo neyenembile ukuba umzimba wakho, umzimba womama wakho, ukunike.
Ewe, umntwana ungumtsha kweli hlabathi. Kodwa umntwana wakho akayena mntu wokuqala emhlabeni. Ngoko ungakhathazeki - unikwe ubunjani kwizinto ezininzi zokwenza izinto azifunayo kulo mzuzwana wobomi bakhe. Into ephambili kukuba umntu "amlalele" kuye.
Yonke imiyalezo inkwenkwe idibana nomama. Yaye iyakwazi ukuxhamla kumntwana wayo, ukuphulaphule ngokukhawuleza ukuphefumla kwakhe xa elele kufuphi naye, ephethe isifuba sakhe esesandleni sakhe xa egubungela, ngokuzithoba nangokunyamekela iimfuno zemvelo zengane, "engayitholi", kodwa engayikunyaniseki ukunyuka kwayo. Umama ufunda, ngokuqhelekileyo ecaleni kwinqanaba elincinci, langaphandle, iimpawu ezingabonakaliyo zokuxhalaba, ngeyure elithile elingaphakathi eliqhelekileyo kubini, ukubamba xa umncinane efuna "ah" okanye "pi-pi". Ufunda ukuhlukanisa ukukhala okuvela entlungu okanye kwindlala, ukungaxolisi ukuxhamla kwi-boredom.
Thembela wena nomntwana.
Izinto ezihlukeneyo esinokuzifumana kwiincwadi zokunakekelwa kwabantwana, ukusuka kumava oomama, zibaluleke kakhulu. Yamkela iingcebiso ngokuzithemba (ukuba zifanelekile), kodwa ngesabelo esilungileyo sokugxeka. Eyona nto ifanelekileyo, ukuba nje ngokuba amava ngamnye nomntwana ayenayo impawu eziqhelekileyo (ngaphandle koko yintoni inqaku lokuvelisa kunye nokuxoxa ngento ethile, ukufumana izigqibo!), Kodwa kunye nezici ezithile. Kwaye le "nkcukacha", ezingabonakaliyo kumbono ongaphandle, kodwa zicaca kumama onobubele, kwaye wenze ubuhlobo bakho nomntwana wakho uyingqayizivele.
Jabula kwaye ufune uxolo phakathi kweengxaki zakho. Emva koko unokuva ngokucacileyo ilizwi elifanayo lokuxhamla komntwana kunye nomntwana komnye nomnye, okwangoku akuyi kugxotha naziphi na iziphepho zobomi.