Zivela phi iingcambu?
Eyokuqala malunga nempembelelo yendlela yokubonakala komntwana kwintsapho yakhe yaqala ukuthetha uFrancis Galton, isiNgesi ongu-anthropologist, ekupheleni kweXIXX. Ekuqaleni kwekhulu lama-20, u-Alfred Adler, isazi sengqondo sengqondo sase-Austrian, wenza i-"ory positions ", echaza ukuba uhlobo lokuzalwa lunqunywe ngendlela yokuzalwa kunye nobukho okanye ukungabikho kwabazalwana kunye noodade (ngolwimi lweengqondo kunye nabazalwana). Ngama-1970, ii-psychologists zaseDutch uLillian Belmont kunye noFrancis Marolla baqhubekisela phambili enye inkolelo: ngakumbi abantwana babo abantwana abakhulileyo, abaphantsi kwengqondo (bathi, abazali bahlawula ingqalelo bonke abantu). Nangona kunjalo, ukusetyenziswa kwezikolo zengqondo ngokuxhomekeka komyalelo wokuzalwa kunye nenqanaba le-IQ alizange liqinisekise.
Omkhulu: "ukumkani ngaphandle kwetrone"
"Kwaye ndangowokuzalwa!" - uthi umdala, uAndreya, ngokuzikhukhumeza. Ngalesi sizathu uyazijonga ngokuthe tye kwaye ufundisa abazalwana kwiinyawo zonke. Ungathembela kuye, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha uyagqithisa intonga. Ewe, apho, ngamanye amaxesha ukhomba ezinye iimpazamo zemfundo. Yena ngokwakhe akakwamkeli ukugxekwa. Ukuziphatha okuqhelekileyo kokuzalwa kokuqala, owaziyo amandla othando lwabazali (emva koko, wayengumntwana kuphela kwithuba elithile), kunye nomthwalo wempazamo zabo, ukuxhalabisa, ukungabikho kokungaqiniseki. "Kumntwana omdala, oomama kunye nootata abancinane baya kuvavanya iinkqubo zemfundo (ezikopishwa kubazali babo okanye zabo), elindele ukubuyiswa okuphezulu kunye neziphumo. Ukuthetha ngokomfanekiso, owokuqala ufana ne "blotter", eyokuqala isetyenziswe kwiblothi kwaye ibambe inkoliso yeinki, "kuchaza u-Elena Voznesenskaya, uF.D., uphando oluphambili kwi-Institute of Social and Political Psychology ye-National Academy of Sciences yase-Ukraine. - Kodwa umntu omdala unalo "umlingani" (umzalwana okanye udade), kwaye uziva elahliwe esihlalweni sobukhosi, uphupha ukuphinda ufumane uthando lomzali, ube yinto engcono kakhulu (ngoko ke iingcambu zengqibelelo zifana neyokuqala). Abazali bahlala bengakwazi ukuqinisa lo mkhwa, bethetha: "Wena ungumdala, phawula, ube ngumzekelo!" Ukongeza koko, umama onobubele uxhomekeke kumdala omalunga noxanduva lokunyamekela umntwana: fudula, funda iindlovu, uthathe i-kindergarten, njl njl. Apha angamkeli imisebenzi yomzali? Iinjongo zabadala zibandakanya ukuzimisela, ukunyamezela, ukunyamezela ekufezeni injongo: zombini kwimveli kunye nento entsha (abazali bokuqala bahlala beqhubeka nezoshishino zentsapho). Bafezekisa impumelelo yentlalo, isimo esiphakamileyo: ngokwemibare, isiqingatha sabameli baka-US bazalwa ngabokuqala.
Kukho iintsilelo: i-conservatism, ubugunyazi, ukunganyamezelani kwimpazamo (bobabini kunye nabanye), ubuzwe obukhulu kunye noxhala: umthwalo wokulindela awukuvumeli ukuba uphumule kwaye ujabulele ubomi. Kwaye itrone! Ilungelo lexesha lokuqala (itrone, ipropati) kwindodana endala iyaziwa kwixesha elidala. Mhlawumbi esi siko sasinxulumene kuphela nezizathu ze-anthropological ("ukusweleka" kwamadoda, ubomi obutshane-kubalulekile ukuba "batshintshe"), kodwa kunye neziganeko zengqondo zowokuzalwa (onokwethenjelwa, okwazi ukulawula)? "Ewe ewe. Umdala ukususela ebuntwaneni, ebhekene nesidingo sokuzilawula kunye nabanye, ngoko ke izandla ezandleni zakhe ziyi-reins zikaRhulumente-ukuhamba ngokufanelekileyo. Ukongezelela, oonyana bokuqala, njengommiselo, uzuko lwexabiso lentsapho, "- utsho uNatalia Isaeva, isifo sengqondo, umqeshwa weSizwe soBuchule beengqondo kunye ne-Psychotherapy. Abadala abadala: Winston Churchill, uBoris Yeltsin, uAdolf Hitler.
Phakathi: terra incognita
"I-Serednyachok" ayibonakali njengabazalwana nangaphandle. Uzolile, udibaniso kwaye unentlonelo, uhlala eqinisekile (ufuna ntoni na?). Le "ubumbano," nangona kunjalo, uyamtsalisa ngokumangalisayo: ubonwa ngokuba "mnandi kakhulu" ngaye iqela labahlobo. U-Alfred Adler (ukuba, ngokuqinisekileyo, umntwana wesibili kwintsapho) wathi "umyinge" kunzima ukuchaza, kuba kunokudibanisa iimpawu zabadala nabancinci. Yingakho kunzima kuye ukuzimisela - akukho zikhokelo ezicacileyo. Ukuba phantsi koxinzelelo kumacala omabini (kubalulekile ukufumana umdala kwaye angavumeli ukuba afikelele kumncinane), ulwe endaweni yakhe elangeni kwaye kufuneka "aphakamise phezulu" ukuba aqaphele. Nangona kunjalo, le meko inikezela ibhonasi: uphuhliso lwezakhono zentlalo, idiplomacy kunye nokwakhiwa kwesimo somenzi wokuthula, onomdla kwabanye. Phakathi, ukuthetha ngokufanayo kunye namaqela ahlukeneyo asekuhlaleni (abadala kunye nabantwana), ngokukhawuleza uye kwizinga elona "lilungele" - "abadala", apho, ngokungafani "nomzali" okanye "umntwana" angavuma ngokulula. "Iinkqubo" eziphakathi-uhlamvu oluzolile, ukubunjwa kwalo okubangela ukuba kungabikho ukunyanzeliswa kwengcinezelo yabazali (ukulindela ngokweqile, i-hyperopeak), kunye nokunxibelelana okuphezulu (ubuchule bokuphulaphula, ukukholisa, ukuthetha). Phakathi kwezinto "zokunciphisa" ukungabikho kweempawu zobunkokheli ezidibaniswe nomnqweno wokukhuphisana (ngamanye amaxesha, ngaphandle kokuvavanya ngokwaneleyo izikhundla zabo, umntwana ubeka iinjongo eziphakamileyo ezingenangqiqo, kunye nokwenzeka kokungaphumeleli). Umnqweno wokukholisa wonke umntu, naye, unokudlala ihlazo elibi - ukwenqaba ukuthatha izigqibo ezingathandekiyo, "umyinge" ngamanye amaxesha uyazilimaza. Ukuxhomekeka kwamalungelo omdala kunye namalungelo omncinci, uvakalelwa ngokugqithiseleyo "ukungabi nabulungisa kokuphila." I golide ithetha
Iingcali zethu azizange zixhase ingcamango yeklasi yokuba isikhundla sendawo esona sikhulu kakhulu. Isikhundla somntwana sinokwenziwa kuphela ngabazali abangakhange basebenze ubungozi babo buntwaneni, obuphindaphinda "imeko" ephindaphindiweyo kanye. Ukungenalo uthando ebuntwaneni, ngoku bamnika "isabelo", ngumntwana kwaye kufuneka alwe. Kwindlela yam yengqondo ye-psychotherapeutic, loo nto ayizange ivele. Mhlawumbi, bayona baphilile kakhulu: bayaphila kwaye bayavuya. Umyinge owaziwayo: Mikhail Gorbachev, UVladimir Lenin, uGustave Flaubert.
I-Junior: I-Pet and Sly
Uxolelwe zonke - ukujonga okubonakalayo (njengekati ephuma "Shrek") kunye nobumfesane, apho-engacacanga. Nangona engeyena umntwana, uhlala ephuma emanzini. U-Arseny uneminyaka emihlanu kwaye, kubonakala ngathi akayi kuze akhule (abazalwana bakhe kule minyaka babesele "bakhulu"). Ngoko ukuba mncinane kunenzuzo? Kunzima ukuba ndiphendule umbuzo wakhe: "Mama, kutheni ndizalelwe okokugqibela?" Omncinci unethamsanqa: akazange akhatywe "ukulahla itrone" kwaye unabantwana "abanamava", abathambekele ekufundiseni baze banikele uthando olungenammiselo (" intliziyo enkulu ", ngo-Olga Alekhina). Uhlala ejikelezwe ngqalelo (abazali kunye nabantwana abadala). Kwale qhinga! Abo bavuthiwe ngakumbi, bafuna ukulibaziseka ukuba abe ("makabe ngumncinci"): ukunika izabelo ezimbalwa, ukuhlambalaza ukulahleka, ukumenzelela oko akude akwazi ukuzenza. Ngoko ke, imfuneko yento into ekufezekisileyo encinci ayaneleyo, kwaye ukuzithemba kudlalwa phantsi - ukuthelekisa nabadala, umntwana uhlala elahleka. Ugijima ngokukhawuleza, into engaziyo ukuba yenzeni, yambethe impahla yabazalwana bakhe kunye nabasolwa (njenge-Kid, umhlobo kaCarlson) ukuba oku kuya kusasazeka kwizinto ezininzi zehlabathi, "kusho u-Elena Voznesenskaya. Nangona kunjalo, isikhundla esinjalo sichasene nabantwana bakhulileyo, umona kunye ... nobuqhetseba. Umncinci uhlala enamava okulwa (ngokuphindaphindiweyo emva kweembononongo) kwindawo yakhe kwintsapho. Kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo isikolo sakhe sobomi sinzima kakhulu. Impawu ezintle zentsha: ukungakhathali, ithemba, ukunxibelelana. Njengomthetho, ezi zinto zixhamla, ezenza amandla ekunxibelelaneni nabantu kwaye andesabi ukuthatha ingozi. Kule ndawo, iicwecwe kunye nososayensi "bajika umhlaba" ngokufunyanwa kwabo kunye neenguqulelo zivame ukukhula (ngokubhekiselele kumphando waseMelika uFrank Salloway, oye wafunda i-biographies yamanqaku asixhenxe eembali kunye nezenzululwazi). Ukungalungi: ukungazinzi ukuzimela, okukhokelela ekuphulaphuleni imida yesithuba somntu wabanye, kwakunye nobunzima bokuzimelela nokwenza izigqibo zabo, ngoko ke ukuphumelela komsebenzi wabo kudla "kuhlutha". Oku kuququzelelwe ukugwetywa kwabancinci ukuba "kufuneka bancede".
Ngaba sisidenge?
Kutheni kubangelwa ibali? Okokuqala, njengoko uNataliya Isaeva ubonisa, phambi kwekhulu leshumi elinesixhenxe, bonke abantwana abasemakhaya babizwa ngokuba yizihlunu (oko kwakuthetha ukwandisa i-naivete kunye nobuntwana), kunye noPetros Omkhulu wanika igama elibi eli gama elibi (isichazizwi sobudenge). Kwi-epic, isilumko sibonisa intsingiselo yangaphambili - ukulula okubantwana, ukunyaniseka nokuvuleka. Okwesibini, ngomntwana ngamnye olandelelanayo, izinga lokulindela kwabazali linciphisa. "Nokuba 'ungathandeki', akukho nto iphoxekayo - nokuba yimpumelelo kakhulu kuncinci iya kuba" yinto eqhelekileyo ", - u-Olga Alekhina uthi. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, "inkunzi" kufuneka ibe neyona ndlela kwaye ifune eyakhe, eyahlukileyo kwabanye, indlela eya empumelelweni kunye nokukhula. Yenza umdlalo, umzekelo. Lezo mvavanyo u-Ivan the Fool ehamba nazo zihlobo lokuqalisa, emva koko bamthabatha emhlabeni "omkhulu". Esi sifundo kukuba: nokuba uthembele "kwiimpawu zobuntwaneni" kwaye uhlala ngokwakho, unokuphumelela. Abadlali abadumileyo: unyana weBhayibhile ongenamarhamente, u-Elizabeth Taylor, uBernard Shaw. Umyalelo wokuzalwa awuyiyo "itywina elithandwayo" elichaza ixesha elizayo. Kodwa kukho inkozo yenyaniso kule nto: abantwana, ngokutsho kohlalutyi waseFransi uFrançoise Dolto, banalo ... abazali abafanayo. Umama kwiminyaka engama-20 nangomama kuma-35 - ahluke: owokuqala kuphela owaziyo izinto ezisisiseko zokuba ngumama, wesibini - isilumko. Oku kushiya umxholo kwiinkalo ezininzi zemfundo. Ezinye izinto zibalulekile: umoya ohlala kwintsapho, imeko yezinto eziphathekayo, ukuhanjiswa kwemisebenzi phakathi kwabazali, isimo sengqondo kubantwana ... Ukuba imeko yentsapho ixhaswa yintembeko yemvelo yomntwana ngamnye, sifumana ethile "bangaphi abantu, baninzi baninzi." Akunandaba nokuba ubala ntoni, into ephambili kukuba uzive kwindawo yakho. Ndacela ngamnye unyana: "Ngaba uthanda ukuba ngumdala (phakathi, oselula)?" Amazibulo athi: "Kakade! Yintoni eyona nto imnandi kakhulu? Amandla! "USerednyachok waphawula ukuba" ukhethekileyo "(baninzi abantwana abalingana nonke), ngaphandle koko, unamaqabane emidlalo. Yaye inkwenkwe yabuza isithsaba sayo: "Mama, kutheni ndiza kuzalwa?" Wandula ke wathi: "Ndiyathanda. Ndingomncinci! "