Xa siphakamisa, siyaqonda ukuba siphelile, kwaye ukusuka kulo mzuzwana siqala ukukhawuleza. Ngokukhawuleza sigqoke, ngelixa siphuza ikhofi, siphume endlwini, kwaye masinyane siye emsebenzini. Ndinomsebenzi omninzi wokwenza emsebenzini, ngoko ke siphuthuma ukwenza konke, ngexesha lesidlo sakusihlwa siza kusondela ukuze siqhube phambili ukuze siqhubeke nomsebenzi wethu, kwaye xa siqala umsebenzi, siphuthuma ukuya ekhaya, kwaye emva kokugqiba umhla osebenzayo, siphuthuma ekhaya. Xa sifika ekhaya, siphuthuma ukwenza yonke into endlwini, ukuze kusasa kusasa siqale ukukhawuleza ukusebenza. Kwaye ngokukhawuleza, siphuthuma ukususela ekuzalweni.
Siphuthuma sikhule, xa sineminyaka emithandathu siphuca umlomo wethu ngomlomo kaMama size sigqoke izithende zakhe eziphezulu. Xa sineminyaka eyi-15 siqala ukufunda ngesondo, kwaye sineminyaka engamashumi amabini esele sinomntwana ezandleni zethu. Iintsapho ezininzi zenziwa kwi-flight, kwaye ke zenziwa kuphela xa umyeni ekhutshulwa kwaye engesabi izibophelelo. Kwaye kamva, eqonda ukungahambelani kwayo kunye neqabane, omnye wethu ubalekela, eshiya yonke into, kuquka umntwana kunye neentsapho ezingaphelelanga zenziwa. Ingxaki yonke kukuba siphuthuma ukukhula. "Intsapho engaphelelanga kunye neengxaki zayo eziphambili" yiyo iya kuxutyushwa kule nqaku.
Namhlanje kwilizwe lethu ingxaki yentsapho engaphelelanga yinyani. Kwintsapho nganye yesibini, umntwana uzalelwa okanye aveliswe ngumzali omnye. Uninzi lwentsapho enje, kuquka nam, kwaye ndandicinga ukuba ikusasa lam elilindele nabantwana bam? Kanti andiyiboni umyeni wam noyise wabantwana bam kufuphi nam. Kubonakala ngathi le ngxaki yentlalo ingena kwimimiselo yobomi bethu ibe ibe ngumgangatho. Kwaye ekubeni le ngxaki iyinxalenye yesimilo sobomi, ngaba oko kuthetha ukuba le ngxaki, mhlawumbi iyayeka ukuba yingxaki ebantwini bethu, ngenxa yokuba ukungafani okuhlukeneyo ukusuka kwimimiselo eyahlukeneyo yobomi bethu bentlalo kuqhubekayo, emva koko ezi mpazamo zenza imimiselo emitsha.
Bendijikeleze abahlobo nabahlobo abaninzi abakhulisa abantwana bodwa, bayaqiniseka ukuba abayidingi indoda, kwaye umntwana wabo akayidingi uyise. Bathetha ukuba indoda iyisidalwa esingenalusizo esichukumisa iimbilini ngokulala embhedeni nokubukela iTV ngexesha elondla umntwana ngesandla esinye kwaye enye ipheka into ethile yasemini kufuphi nesitofu. Mhlawumbi, kubalulekile ukuqala intsapho encinci ubudala, kwaye kungekhona kwiminyaka eyi-18-20. Mhlawumbi emva kokuba mncinci, siza kuba nexanduva elingakumbi lokungashiyi umntwana wethu, kwaye sithintele ukuhlushwa xa sikhulile, xa isazela siqala ukuhlushwa umntwana kunye nosetyhini.
Umhlobo wam wayengumhlobo nomnye umntu, bahamba, bathetha, kodwa abazange bamanga okanye bange. Babengumhlobo nje. Wayevuya gqitha ngobu buhlobo, kuba akukho buhlobo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi njengaloo mntu, wonke umntu uthi, ngubani ongeyendoda enjalo ukuthetha njalo. Ubungane luhlobo lomthando, bathetha nge-ace, kwaye baqhayisa, kwaye bambiza, ngokubanzi, omnye nomnye wayengenakho. Ngelo xesha sobabili sakholwa ebuhlotsheni phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, kwaye sazama ngamandla ukuzityhila thina nabo bantu esasingathandi njengomhlobo, kodwa njengamantombazana. Sasiyiziphukuphuku kwaye sinezinkani, ngelixa saxelelwa ukuba akukho buhlobo obunjalo, sazama ukukufumanisa, kodwa njengokuba uyazi, naluphi na ubuhlobo buphela, kwaye ngexesha lethu ekupheleni kobuhlobo buza ngokukhawuleza nangokukhawuleza. Mhlawumbi sikhohliwe ukuba ngabahlobo? Nawuboni nantoni na ngaphezu kwempumlo? Ngoko, ubuhlobo babo buphelile ngoSeptemba 7.
Le mini ngumhla wokuzalwa wam somhlobo. Wajika iminyaka engama-20 ubudala. I Yubile, oku kuthetha ukuba iindwendwe, abahlobo, izalamane, izipho, ibhola, iintyatyambo, ukuhleka kunye namahlaya. Ndiyakuvuyela kwaye ndifuna ukuhamba emlanjeni, ngokubanzi, imimoya yovuyo kwaye kwakungoko-HE. Kwaye kwenzeka ntoni ukuba balele. Ukwabelana ngesondo rhoqo kwenzeka njengento engalindelekanga. Ucinga ukuba awusoze wakwenza oku ngomntu othile, kodwa kwakukho, kwaye emva kwezi ngcamango kwakukho okwenzekayo. Kubonakala ngathi ngokuthanda nokuthandana, kuxutywa ngobuninzi botywala kunye ne-hookah, abo babini bakhohliwe malunga nokukholelwa kokukhulelwa. Njengoko efana nesiqingatha sethu sabantu, emva kobusuku bothando wayelahlekile. Wayeka ukubiza nokubhala, kwaye waqala ukungayinaki. Ngobo busuku babo ubuhlobo babulawa. Ubundlobongela buhlala bubulala ubuhlobo, kuba abanakuhlala kunye kunye nobudlelwane babantu ababini. Emva kweveki ezimbalwa, safumanisa ukuba ukhulelwe. Ixesha alide lide, kwaye kukho into enokuyenza, kodwa wenqaba, wanquma ukuzala. Wazalela intombi enhle, enempilo, entle, efana namaconsi amabini, ibonakala njengomama.
Sithetha kakhulu, ngakumbi xa kungasikhathaleli. Ngokuhleba nokuthetha, ubaba wathola ukuba intombi yakhe yayikhulelwe. Wagqiba ekubeni athethe naye, andisayiqondi into ayifunayo ukuyifumanisa le ngxoxo, kwaye eyona nto inomdla kakhulu, wajika yonke into kangangokuba wayenetyala, kwaye ngenxa yoko washiya ukukhubeka kwakhe, esithi akayi kusondela kuye sondela. Uvakalelwa kukuba wayemthuka ngenxa yokuba isisu sakhe sakhula iqanda lakhe. Akazange afune into ethile kuye, kwanaye kwaye watsho njalo, kodwa ekuqaleni wayemxelela ukuba akayi kuqonda ukuzala.
Yintoni ekhuthaza abantu ukuba bayeke uxanduva? Ngaba sinokuyishiya? Ndabuza le mibuzo. Umzekelo omkhulu ushiywa ngabafazi abakhulelwe, kunye nabantwana abasandul 'ukuzalwa. Ukubandakanyeka ngokwesini esingakhuselekanga, ngokwenene amadoda ethu asebenza okanye asebenze "mhlawumbi prokanaet"? Ewe, ndiyavumelana nelokuba amadoda kunye nabasetyhini bayakugxeka oku, kodwa yibani nomusa, musa ukuyeka into oyenzile. Intombi yam ayizange imshiye umntwana, wanquma ukuzala, kodwa akazange avume ukuqonda umntwana. Akazange afune into ethile kuye, akazange amxelele nokuba ukhulelwe. Yena ngokwakhe wafunda kubantu ukuba wayekhulelwe. Kwaye ngenxa yoko, wamenza unetyala, wamshiya umntwana. Apha, le nto ayikwenzeki ngaso sonke isizathu kuba wayefihla ukukhulelwa kuye. Nantsi yonke into kukuba uzama ukufihla emva kwesigqeba, ukugweba ukungaxanduva kwakhe, bathi, Ndiyayinqanda umntwana, kuba unjalo-nanjalo. Nangona kunjalo, umntwana akayi kubeka ityala. Usana aluzange luzalwe, kodwa waqala ukufaka ngaphakathi kumama wakhe, kwaye sele esenecala ekubunzeni intsapho engaphelelanga. Abantu bakulungele ukubeka ityala kubo bonke kunye nabo bonke abantu, ukuba ngaba bona kuphela abanetyala. Kufana nomdlalo "Mafia". Ingundoqo yomdlalo kukuba ubeka abantu bonke icala, uthabathele ukusola, bathi, ndiyinqambi njengesilana lesana, nokuba u "mafia" wena.
Emva koko, le yimiqathango efanelekileyo, kwaye ekupheleni kweli bali sele licacile. Kwiminyaka embalwa uyayibona kwaye uya kulala phantsi komnyango, ugcine okanye intombi, ukuze ubone ukuba waba yintoni ubuhle, okanye wayethandana naye, ukuthetha naye, kwaye uchaze ukuba wayeyiphi idiot. Umbuzo kuphela ovela, kutheni bawufuna? Emva koko, benza njalo. Emva kwakho konke, kunzima ekuqaleni, kwaye siyifumene nayo, kwaye kamva asifuni ukutshintsha into esasetyenziselwa ukuyifumana. Ngamnye wethu kukho i-drop of conservatism. Kwiminyaka embalwa abayi kufuna ukuphulaphula ukuvisisana okwakhiwa phakathi komama nentombi yakhe.
Ngoko ke yintoni i-blame kubantwana abangakazalwa? Kutheni banokuthi banqunywe ngokukhawuleza ngobuntwaneni obuzeleyo, okanye ngexesha lethu, ubuntwana obusisigxina kubonwa njengobomi kunye nabazali, kwaye intsapho yoluntu yinyaniso yokuba intsapho inomama noyise? Okanye ngaba kufanelekile ukudala intsapho kunye nokubeletha abantwana kungekuqaleni kwamanyathelo okukhula, kodwa kamva kamva? Nangona kunjalo, ndiqinisekile ukuba imitshato yasekuqaleni ayizinzile kakhulu kunokuba zikhulile. Emva koko, sele sele yamkelwe kuluntu ukuba umtshato osemncinci uthetha ukuba isibini esitshatileyo silindele umntwana, kwaye konke ngenxa yokuba siphuthuma. Kuphela xa umntu esemdala angenza isinyathelo esifanelekileyo sokucinga, ukuqonda yonke imfanelo.
Umntakwethu watshata xa wayeneminyaka engama-28, kunye nomtshakazi wakhe 26. Wonke umntu wathi bathathe umtshato ngokukhawuleza. Yaye phi ukukhawuleza? Ngoku banentombi enhle, kwaye bayonwabile. Kwaye ndiqinisekile ukuba umtshato wabo uya kuhlala kuze kube yiminyaka yobudala, kuba abo babini babumba abantu bathatha isinyathelo ngokuzikhethela, bazi kakuhle izenzo zabo. Kwaye ndifuna ukulumkisa wonke umntu, musa ukukhawuleza! Kwaye siya kuphepha, ngoko ke, zonke iingxaki zentsapho engaphelelanga! Ulonwabe aluyi kupheka kuwe ngexesha, ngokungafani nomyeni omncinci ... Ngokuhamba kwexesha, kuya kuba yinto enomnandi kwaye enomnandi, njengewayini yeeminyaka yokuguga.