"Hayi, ndiba nomsindo kangakanani!" - oku kumemeza kwi ingoma kwi-cartoon ethi "i-Blue Puppy" akuchazi nje iimvakalelo zeqhawe le-pirate, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha umntwana wakho, kwaye kamva umzali ngamnye umelana nayo. Ukunyuka kwabantwana kunye neentlungu zichazwe ziimpawu eziqhelekileyo zokukhula, iimfuno zokutshintsha komntwana.
Iminyaka emithathu ukuya kwimithandathu
Kwiminyaka emithathu intsimi yomnxibelelwano yandisa umntwana. Uya kwi-kindergarten, ukutyelela amaqela okuphuhlisa ngokuzithandela, unezingane eziqhelekileyo. Ngoko, ngovuyo olutsha kunye nokufumanisa, iimpikiswano ezintsha ziyavela. Umntwana ubhekane neqiniso lokuba ulwalamano lwabantu alukwazi ukuhlala lungenamfuyo, ukuxabana kubakho ngokuphindaphindiweyo, kwaye kufuneka ahlangane nemvakalelo engathandekiyo. Kwaye ukuba xa unyaka kunye nesiqingatha okanye kwiminyaka emibili kwakwanele ukuba uvelane nomsindo odibeneyo, ongazange ahlanganyele ihlombe lakhe kunye nebhakethi, kwaye uyitshintshe. ingqalelo, ngoko ngeminyaka emithathu umntwana sele sele ekwazi ukuthetha kunye nokuqonda okwaneleyo ukuba angene ngaphakathi kwingxoxo.
I-kindergarten yithuba apho abantwana befumana ithuba elibalulekileyo lokuva iimvakalelo kunye nobudlelwane njengobomi abadala: uthando kunye nokwahlukana, ubuhlobo kunye nokukhungatheka, uvuyo kunye nomona. Kwaye kubalulekile ukuba umzali enze njengechweba elithembekileyo, apho umkhombe wamava abantwana ungasabela. Ukuba umntwana uvakalelwa kukuba ubandezeleka bakhe buqondwa, ngoko-ke baya kumonakalisa kakhulu. Kule meko, unina unokuqalisa incoko enjengale: "Ndiyabona ukuba waqala ukukhala ngokuphindaphindiweyo, awufuni ukuya kwirejista, kwenzekani?" Ukuba umntwana akaphenduli, kubalulekile ukuthetha iinguqu ezininzi, kuba ngamanye amaxesha abantu abadala bangaphoswa ngcamango zabo: "Ngaba utitshala wakuxelele nto kwaye uphazamisekile? Ngaba ufumene into engayithandiyo enkulisa? - Ngaba uxabana nomntu? Mhlawumbi umntu wayeke ukudlala nawe? " Ngokuqhelekileyo umntwana uyayiphendula enye yembuzo okanye unikezele inguqu yakhe. Le ngqalo yencoko apho umzali akwenzayo kwaye ubiza iimvakalelo zomntwana: "Ewe, kuhlambalaza xa intombi iqala ukuba ngumhlobo kunye nabanye kwaye iyeka ukunxibelelana nawe. Kodwa kwenzeka - wonk 'ubani unelungelo lokukhetha ukuba ngubani ozakuthetha naye. Ngaba ucinga ukuba ungathanda ukuba ngabahlobo kunye namantombazana, okanye ingabe kukho omnye umntu ebhentshini oza kuba nomdla wokudlala nayo? Mhlawumbi uza kuzibuza ukudlala kunye? " Kule ncoko, umzali akagcini nje ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo zomntwana, kodwa unomnceda ukuba aphile ngokungafezeki kobudlelwane bokwenene, abonise iindlela ezingezinye ezivela kwimeko.
Ukuxoxa ngokucacileyo ngeemeko ezinzima nabantwana, sibonisa ukuba oku kwaye kunokuthi kuthethwe ngaye. Kwaye xa bekhulile bawususa umnqweno wokungafuni ukuvalela ekungqubuzaneni ngokukhawuleza, kodwa ukuxazulula kwintetho. Ukongeza, ukuqonda iimvakalelo zabo, umntwana uqala ukuqonda ngokucacileyo nakwabanye abantu, ufunda ukuwashiya ilungelo lokuzimela. Ukuqonda oku kwenzekayo kuyomeleza ukuzithemba kwakhe.
Yintoni esingafanele siyenze nale nto?
Umxholo wendlela umntu angakwazi ukujamelana ngayo kunye neenyembezi kunye neenkompoza kunye kunye nazo zonke ziye zagqithiswa nenani elikhulu leendoda ezidlulileyo ukusuka emlonyeni ukuya emlonyeni kwaye zixubushe kwiiforamu zabazali. Nangona kunjalo, ezinye zeendlela zokufundisa ziyakwazi ukulimaza ubuhlobo bomzali bomntwana.
Ukuphatha i-shalat
Enye yeendlela ezenziwa ngabazali ngokuphindaphindiweyo kukuxelela umntwana ukuba akanalo ityala nantoni na, kodwa "iipenki zakhe zihlaselwa", okwenza into enqatshelwe, okanye "enye inkwenkwana / intombazana / imifanekiso yecattoon" - umntu wancinciza umntwana ukuba angathobeli kwaye aqhube.
"Masithethe ngokuthe ngqo kubo, ukuze bangabi nantoni na kwaye asiyi kuxabana nani," umntwana unikwa. Kubonakala ngathi le ndlela inomnqophiso obalaseleyo - ukuvumela umntwana ukuba azithande ngokungathandabuzekiyo, aze ahlawule kuphela ukuziphatha kwakhe. Kwaye nantoni na eyenzekayo, uyona mhle kwihlabathi. Ngokwengxenye, le nto ixhomekeke kwinkcubeko yendabuko, kunye neenkolelo zayo ukuba "amandla amnyama" atyalwe ngumntu omhle. Iyintoni ingozi yale ndlela? Ukuba imilenze kunye nokuphatha ihlala ubomi obuhlukeneyo okanye yonke into inokuyichazela uCarlson, kuvela ukuba umntwana akayiyo inkosi yomzimba okanye izenzo zakhe. Ukutshintshwa kwexanduva kunokuba yimeko efanelekileyo, ngaphezu koko, ingcaciso enjalo ayisifundisi ukuba siqonde oko kwenzekayo. Kubalulekile ukuba ungalumkisi umntu ongekho ngaphandle, kodwa ukucinga into enokwakhayo, ngexesha elifanayo ukucacisela umntwana iimvakalelo kunye neminqweno yakhe: "Ngaba uthanda ukudlala ngezandla zakho ngendlala? Ewe, kumnandi, kodwa xa udla, awuyikukwenza. , kwaye emva kwesidlo sakusihlwa siza kudlala kunye naye. "
Andiboni nto, andiyiva nantoni na
Abazali abaninzi bakholelwa ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba ukungahoywa kwezinyembezi ngokukhawuleza kumnceda umntwana. Ngomncinci, bayeke ukubonisa ngokuthetha okanye bathunyelwe ukuba bahlale bodwa kwigumbi. Ukongezelela koko, nokuba neengxaki zokusebenzisa iindlela ezinzima, abaninzi bethu bakholelwa ngokucacileyo ukuba banceda umntwana wabo. "Emva koko, andizange ndihluthe," umzali ukhuthaza ngokwakhe ngeli xesha. Ingcambu yale migaqo kukuba kubonakala ngathi nzima: umntwana udlala ngokukhethekileyo "umdlalo womdlali omnye", ngoko ke kubalulekile kuphela ukumnciphisa abaphulaphuli. Yaye loo mpuphu yomoya, apho esiyibeka khona, iya kubhubhisa "icebo elikhohlakeleyo". Enyanisweni, inyane lijongene nelokuba akakwazi ukuzimela ngokuzimeleyo zakhe iimvakalelo. Kwaye kule mzuzu enzima, umntu osondeleyo uqala ngokumthobela, kwaye umntwana uya kudibana novakalelo. Ukuhlwaywa ngokuthula kwangoku kwaba yindlela eyaziwayo yabazali - emva kokuba umntwana ngokukhawuleza avumelana nazo zonke izikhuso zethu. Ivakalelo lokugatya linamandla anjalo anokubhubhisa ukuba umntwana adibanise nayo nayiphi na isikhundla somntu omdala, ukuze abuyisele uxhulumaniso oluphukileyo. Akenzi oku kungenxa yokuba uye waqonda yonke into kwaye wenza izigqibo, kodwa ngenxa yokuba usongelo lokuphula ubuhlobo lunamandla kunomnqweno wokufumana into. Ekugqibeleni, "ukukhuliswa" okunjalo kubangela ukuba umntwana utshintsha nje isimo sengqondo kwimeko elamkelekileyo yokwamkela into yokuba umntu akanako ukuthembela kumzali kwaye kungcono ukuba angamthembi. Kwixesha elizayo, unobungozi bokuthatha umzekelo ofanayo wokungathembeki kubantu abadala abazama ukwakha ubuhlobo obusondeleyo naye ekukhuleni. Ngaloo ndlela, ngokuzihlukanisa umntwana, endaweni yokuba sisondele kule mizuzu enzima, senza nje ingxaki.
Kuninzi "akukho"
Ngamanye amaxesha ukucaphukisa kunye neengcambu zengxaki yomntwana kuthatha impendulo kwinto yokuba abantu abadala bayaphazamisa umntwana onqwenela ukuhlola umhlaba, ukubeka imingcele eninzi engavumelekanga. Kukulungele ngakumbi kwaye kukhawuleza ukunyusa umntwana ngokwakhe kwaye uyitshintshe ngaphambi kokuphuma. Ngendlela yokuhamba, sinokuqhaqhazela, ukuze ahlale ecaleni: "Uya kuwela kule ntaba", "Ungagxumi kwaye ukhange phantsi kweenyawo zakho," "Ngoku uphose intonga engcolileyo." Akumangalisi ukuba umonde womntwana, onobuhlobo obuthetha ngokungesibindi ukuqhubela phambili nokuzama izinto ezintsha, ukugqabhuka kunye nemilambo ivela kumanxweme. Emva koko, umsebenzi wabantwana kukuhlala kubaphandi, kwaye umsebenzi wethu kukubanceda endleleni, ngokukhuselekileyo ukukhusela "indawo yokulinga." Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umntwana ufuna ukuhlamba izitya, mbonise indlela yokwenza ngayo ngokufanelekileyo, ukususa iimbombo ezibukhali. Enyanisweni, nangona umzali evumela ukuba kuthathwe isenzo esithile, umntwana angenakho izakhono namakhono ngenxa yobudala, umnqweno "mna ngokwam" ukhulu kakhulu. Le mpikiswano ibangela ukusabela okuphazamisayo. Akufanelekile ukugxeka umntwana okhungathekileyo, kodwa ukumxhasa, ukubonisa ukuba uzame kwakhona ngoncedo lwakho. Nangona kunjalo, sinokubona okunye okugqithiseleyo, xa, ukuhamba kwindlela yokungancinci, kulula ukuba sisombulule wonke umntwana. Ngokuqhelekileyo oku kuhlanganiswa ngumnqweno omhle wokungathinteli inkululeko yakhe yangaphakathi kunye nokuzisa uxanduva lwezigqibo zakhe. Umntwana ngexesha elifanayo ufumanisa kwihlabathi elikhohlakeleyo, enengqondo yokuba ungamandla onke kunye nokungabikho kwemida. Isikhundla sabazali sinokubangela ukuphulwa kakubi kokuphuhliswa kwabantwana. Emva koko, ukuze umntu aphile kwihlabathi lenene, kufuneka afunde ukuqonda ukuba kukho ukulinganiselwa ezithile kuyo. Kubalulekile ukuba abantwana baqaphele ngexesha elingaphelanga ilizwe, into engasebenzi kuyo, kwaye ke siyaxhalaka kwaye sikhala, kwaye xa kuvela siyavuya. Kwaye oku kuqhelekileyo, kuba lo bubomi.