Kukholelwa ukuba ukuqhawula umtshato emva kweminyaka eyi-5-10 yokuhlala ekhuselekileyo kunye kunye novavanyo olubalulekileyo kunowesifazane. Kwimeko nayiphi na into, ukuqhelaniswa kwakuqinisekiswa kukuba isiqingatha esihle sabantu sidinga uncedo lwezakhono. Amadoda, kunye nokuyimfuneko kumgangatho oqinileyo, ngokufanelekileyo ukulungelelanisa iimeko ezintsha zobomi. Nangona kunjalo, malunga neminyaka eyi-10 edlulileyo, iingqondo ze-psychotherapists zaqala ukumangaliswa kukuba amadoda ahlukanisile baninzi abaziva bengakhululekile, njengoko bonke baqhele ukukholelwa. Indoda iziphatha njani emva kokuqhawula umtshato, kunye nendlela yokuziphatha ngayo nathi - abafazi?
KWIINTLOKO ZEMIGAQO
Ukuze kuhlolwe ngokufanelekileyo umlinganiselo weli ganeko, okuza kuxoxwa ngayo - indoda eyaziwayo isifo-okokuqala makhe sithethe malunga nendlela yokudlulisa inkululeko yabafazi. Ngokomzekelo, enye yeengcali eziphambili kwi-psychotherapy, uNorman Farberou, uxela ukuba akukho namnye wesini esilungileyo emva kokuqhawula umtshato kunye nokuwa kwembumbano eyayikhona iminyaka emininzi ayibuyisanga kwinqanaba elidlulileyo lempilo yengqondo kunye nempilo. Kwimeko nayiphi na imeko, inenekazi ekhethiweyo yesibhozo, ngokwemibare, izama ukulungisa amanqaku ngobomi. Wonke umntu wesine uphendukela kwisifo sengqondo sokuncedisa (nangona ngaphezulu kwesigamu sabesifazane abaye bakhulula kwiintsapho zabo bafumana ukuxinezeleka okudinga ukwelashwa). Kwaye ngaphezu kwesiqingatha sazo zonke izidandlululo ezithengiswayo kwiindawo ezibizwa ngokuba ziphucukileyo zifumaneke ngabasetyhini abaseburhulumenteni abangaphantsi konyaka!
Kubantu, ubuncinane ekuqaleni, kulula kakhulu. Kwaye oku kuqinisekiswa ngophando: ama-65 ekhulwini abantu abaqhawule umtshato kwakhona emva kweminyaka emihlanu yokuqala. Konke oku kuqondakalayo kwinqanaba lokujonga kwe-psychoanalysis. Inyaniso kukuba wonke umntu owake wafumana amava okuhlukana nomfazi obalulekileyo-unina. Xa uneminyaka emi-5-7 ubudala, abafana bavuselelwa ngokwengqondo. Kancinci bayeke ukuzivakalelwa njengenxalenye yomama kwaye, njengokuba iingqondo ze-psychotherapists zithi, ziguqulwa zibe yindoda encinane. Ngoko ke, ukuhlukana okwesibini kunye nomfazi othandekayo nothandekayo kulula kakhulu. Enye iipesenti ezili-15 zamabhinqa anamandla athola intsha entsha phakathi kweminyaka emi-5 no-10 kwinqanaba lesibini lobomi bonyango. Kodwa iipesenti ezingama-20 eziseleyo ngoku zenza into ehlolisisiweyo yeengqondo ze-psychotherapists, ekubeni zakha intsapho entsha (okanye ithole iqabane elihlala phantsi) kuphela iminyaka engama-20 okanye ngaphezulu emva kokutshatyalaliswa kwintsapho yokuqala.
KWAMAGAMA APA
Ukuze uqonde ukuba kutheni inani elininzi lamadoda lifumana ubuninzi beengqondo (emva kwabo kunye neengxaki), ukuba "ngokubanzi", umntu kufuneka akhulume ngamathemba abaye bahlangabezana nawo kumzamo wokuqhawula umtshato.
♦ Amadoda amaninzi athemba ukuba, ngokuzikhulula kumlingane wabo womthetho, baya kudibana nomfazi ofanelekileyo - enhle, enhle, onobubele, onenkathalo kwaye esoloko eselula. Oko kukuthi, ukukhathala kwi-sex conjugal yansuku zonke kuvuselela i-flight of fantasy, eyinceda imifanekiso emnandi kwiingcamango kwaye ithembisa ukuvakalelwa kwezesondo ngokucacileyo, kunye namaqabane ahlukeneyo.
♦ Kwaye okwesibini, isisombululo esicwangcisekileyo sokunqumla ubudlelwane kunye nosapho ngumnqweno wokulahla uxanduva lwekhaya. Okanye nciphise lo xanduva.
ILL-TERMED ILLUSIONS
Nangona kunjalo, ukuxhatshazwa kwenkululeko esandul 'ukufumana emadodeni kugcina, njengokulawula, nje ezimbalwa iinyanga, ngezinye iiveki. Kwaye ke, ngokukhawuleza, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo, ukukhungatheka kuyaqala ukungena emphefumlweni.
Emva kokuba ebonakala "inkululeko", loo ndoda ayiziphathe ngendlela ethanda ngayo. Abameli bezesondo eziqinileyo bazama ukuqaphela yokuqala yazo yonke imingqumbo yabo yesondo. Njengomthetho, amaqabane amaninzi avela kanye kanye: enye isigxina, enye inxeshana. Kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo oku kudla ngokukhawuleza (ezi zimbini-ezintathu-iiyure) ukudibanisa okungathandabuzekiyo kubangela ukudumazeka. Nangona kukwazo ukuba amadoda anethemba elininzi. Inyaniso kukuba isondo esitshatileyo sinomsebenzi obaluleke kakhulu. Sithetha ngolu hlobo olubizwa ngokuba luhlengahlengiso - ngokwengqondo nangokwenyama. Emva kweminyaka emininzi yokuhlala kunye nesithandwa esikhethekileyo sezesondo (emoyeni), isiqabane, ngokwenene, asiyi kuziva, kodwa ivuyo ifika ngokukhawuleza, ngaphandle kwexesha elide kunye neengqondo. Ubuhlobo obusondeleyo bubonakala bukrakra, kodwa inqanaba lokuzonwabisa luhlala liphakamileyo, ukukhupha kuqaliswa ngokukhawuleza - ngaphakathi kwemizuzu engama-4-5. Kwaye konke oku kudibeneyo kunika umuzwa wokuthuthuzela.
Kodwa ubomi obusondeleyo kunye nabalingani abatsha abangaqhelekanga bafuna kumntu okhululekileyo kwengqondo kunye nezindleko zomzimba. Okokuqala, iqabane lifanele lithandwe ukuba ludlelane. Okwesibini, kufuneka ixineke ngokwaneleyo. Okwesithathu, isenzo sesondo ngokwawo sisinde kwaye "sinamandla kakhulu". Ngokwezibalo, ngexesha lokuthandana nomfazi wakhe, izinga lentliziyo kumadoda landa nge-8-10 beats ngomzuzu kwaye igcina kule nqanaba ngaphantsi kwemizuzu emi-3-5 emva kwesiqhamo. Ukuba iqabane lingumtsha, intliziyo yendoda iyabulala imitha engama-30-40 ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunokuqhelekileyo kwaye "iyancipha" kuphela imizuzu eyi-10-20 emva kokufikelela kwi-orgasm. Kukho neyesine ubuncinane: emva kwesenzo sesondo kunye neqabane elitsha kufuneka uqhubeke noqhagamshelwano, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo uyamthatha naye ekhaya. Ewe, ukutshata okunjalo kubangela uvuyo oluninzi, kodwa kuthatha amandla amaninzi, kunciphisa ukusebenza kakuhle, umnqweno wokubonisa isicwangciso, njl.
Unonophelo olunzulu, nokuba lusizi ngexesha elifanayo, kukuba, ngokutsho kweengcaphephe zengqondo ezivela kumazwe ahlukeneyo, ininzi yamadoda ahlukanisile ngonyaka kunye nesiqingatha emva kokuqhawula umtshato isinciphisa kakhulu umsebenzi wesondo. Uninzi lwawo luye lwalahla izibonelelo zesini ezicacileyo ezivela kubasetyhini, ngokuqhelekileyo zincinci kwaye zinobuhlungu.
Ukongezelela kwiingxaki ebomini bakhe, kubakho iingxaki ezinokuthi zentlalo. Ewe, imfuno yokuthwala uxanduva lweentsapho akumele ilahleke, kodwa amanye amahlombe omntu alala phantsi kwamagxa asemadlelweni-amadoda. Kwaye ngoku, kwiimeko ezenzekayo, abaninzi abameli besondo esomeleleyo abanakulungele. Okokuqala, akukho namnye onokubonisana naye kumaxesha anzima, akukho mntu ukukhononda ingxaki. Emva kwakho konke, inkosikazi, nokuba yintlonelo eninzi, ayikude ibe ngumfazi, ngoko ke akuyiyo yonke into iya kuvula phambi kwayo. Yaye akuyiyo yonke inkosikazi eya kuphulaphula indoda yakhe ikhononda ngexesha elizayo.
Ukongezelela, emva kweeveki eziliqela zobomi bonyango, amadoda amaninzi afumana ezi ziphumo ezininzi eziyingozi, ezinjengoku: umnqweno wokusela ngokugqithiseleyo, umnqweno wokutya ngokumnandi kunye kakhulu, kuquka ubusuku, njl njl. Abasetyhini baneemfuno ezincinci, kwaye, ukuba babe noluntu oluhle kunye nolungelelaniso oluhle, izabelo zesini zikwazi ukuphelisa lula umnqweno. Ngendlela, kwinqanaba elincinci, amadoda aziva le nkalo yabasetyhini kwaye ahlala eshada kwinxalenye yokuqinisekisa ukuba umfazi unceda uqulethe izinto eziyingozi. Ngelishwa, eli qiniso alihlehlisiwe engqondweni, ngoko ke, uxanduva olusandul 'uqobo lwawo luphenduka uxinzelelo olunzulu kumalungu amaninzi esondo esomeleleyo.
Ngaloo ndlela, zonke izinto ezikhankanywe apha ngasentla zihlala zikhokelela ekubeni amadoda amaninzi malunga nonyaka kunye nesiqingatha emva kokuqhawula umtshato aqala ukuziva ecinezelekile, adidekile, anentshisekelo ebonakalayo kumsebenzi. Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kotywala (ngokugqithiseleyo ibhiya) kunye nokutya yimiqondiso eqhelekileyo ye-post-mortem syndrome kumalungu osondo oluqinileyo. Ukongeza ekunciphiseni umnqweno wesondo, oye ushiwo ngaphambili, ezinye iziphazamiso kwisigaba esithandanayo zivame ukubonakaliswa.
ABAFOMI ABAKHULU NGOKWENZA
Kukho uhlobo oluthile lokuziphatha ngendlela amadoda aziphatha ngayo emva komtshato. Phakathi konyaka wesibini emva kokupheliswa kobudlelwane, indoda yesithathu ehlukanisile iqala ukucinga ingxaki ngokubuyela kwintsapho yakhe yangaphambili. Kwaye ekupheleni kwaneesine ekugqibeleni uphinde watshata nomfazi wakhe wangaphambili! Enyanisweni, amanye amadoda azama ukubaleka kwedwa, ekufumaneni intsapho entsha. Nangona kunjalo, ababini kwisithathu kubo emva kwesikhashana bayaqiniseka ukuba umfazi wokuqala wayengcono kunomfazi omtsha okanye ohlala rhoqo.
Ngoko ke, ukuba umfazi engonwabanga ngokuqhawula umtshato kwaye sele ufuna ukubuyisela ubuhlobo kuye ngokuqhelekileyo, kufuneka, kuqala, uzame ukuzinqabisa. Okwesibini, umntu kufuneka abe nomonde. Kodwa ukugijima emva komyeni wangaphambili akufanelekanga, kunye nokuziphinda ngokuzithemba: "Uya kuphinda ubuyele kum!"
Izidalwa zabantu ziziqheno, ngoko ke kunzima ukuba babuyele ekhaya benentloko enetyala, nangona kukho umnqweno omkhulu. Ukuziphatha ngokufanelekileyo ukubuyisela ukubuyela kwabo, zama ukulahlekelwa nobudlelwano bobuhlobo emva kokuqhawula umtshato. Xa indoda "ivuthisa" ukuze iqalise intsapho ekuqaleni, ayiyi kukhangela ithuba elikhethekileyo elizayo. Ujonge nje ngendlela enobungane yekomityi yetiyi kunye nokuhlala.
ABANTU BENKCAZO
Ukuba ulungele ukudibana nomntu ohlukanisile endleleni yakho, khumbula imithetho emilula, ukugcinwa kwayo okukukunceda ukuba wakhe naye ubudlelwane obuqinileyo kunye obunzulu.
♦ Nangona ulwalamano lwakho lukhula ngendlela efanelekileyo, udibana rhoqo (2-3 amaviki ngeveki) kwaye uhlala kunye kunye, ungagxininisi ekuhlaleni phantsi kophahla olulodwa, ukuba umntu uyakugwema konke ngale ndlela. Qonda ukuba waqhawula umfazi wakhe wangaphambili, kungekhona ukuze akhuphe ngokukhawuleza ikhaya elitsha.
♦ Inyaniso yokuba umyeni wakho uhlala emtshatweni ovuyayo iminyaka emininzi ayithethi ukuba ulungele ukuziphatha njengentloko entle yentsapho. Kungenzeka ukuba umhlobo wakho ubhekisela kuma-20 eepesenti amadoda angakwazi ukuchitha yedwa emva kokupheliswa komanyano wokuqala wosapho malunga neminyaka engama-20 (ukuba awuyi kufikelela ekupheleni kobomi babo). Ngoko musa ukunciphisa umnxibelelwano wakho kumyeni osemandleni.
♦ Ukuba umfana wakho oqhawule ngokutshatyalaliswa kungekudala (ngaphantsi kweyure kunye nesiqingatha kwiminyaka edlulileyo), mhlawumbi, uya kuba nabanye abafazi ngaphandle kwakho. Ukuqhankqalaza kule nto ayiluncedo. Khawucinge nje le meko kwaye ube nomonde.
♦ Ukuziqhelanisa kubonisa ukuba abasetyhini abadibana nabantwana abahlukanisile bavame ukuhlala kwisinye sezikhundla ezi-polar: bazungeze iqabane labo ngokunyamekela, okanye banxibelelana ngokubambisana okukhulu, benethemba lokubonisa iimpawu zabo ezilungileyo emva kokuba bemtshatise. Zibini zombini zindlela zingabonakali. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, zama ukuhlakulela umgca wokuziphatha apho unonophelo kunye nokukhululeka kwinqanaba elisondelene nalo liza kudibaniswa nokuvalwa. Le yithuba elifanelekileyo kakhulu lokuphumelela intliziyo yekhethiweyo.