Yiyiphi "ukugxilwa" - ngoko u-Eric Berne wabiza loo mvakalelo yesondo, eyakhokelela kwisondo? Kukho iingcamango ezininzi malunga nezinto ezikhuthaza amadoda nabasetyhini, kwaye nganye nganye kukho inyaniso.
Umzekelo: "Umfazi uthanda indlebe, kunye nendoda - ngamehlo akhe." Ngaba akubona umntu ohamba kunye nobafazi?
Kodwa ngaphandle kwemigaqo jikelele kubakho ukwahlukana komntu, ngoko uBerne wathi:
"Kukho amadoda 'atyalwe' ngebhokhwe lesibini, kunye namadoda 'atyalwe', ekhangele imilenze yamantombazana. Wonke umntu unokhetho lwakhe, kwaye ezinye zezi zinto ezifanelekileyo zinganele ngokwaneleyo "kwendalo".
Ngokuqhelekileyo kuxhomekeka kwinto umama abonakala ngayo kumama xa wayeseminyakeni ethile: mhlawumbi xa eneminyaka engama-4, xa eqala ukuba nomdla kwiimpawu zomzimba wabasetyhini abahlukeneyo waza wagqiba kwelo hlobo lomfazi eza kutshata naye; okanye kwiminyaka eyi-12-14, xa eziva ukuqhuma kokuqala kokuvuswa kobulili obudala "
Kwaye kulo mzekelo, kwakhona, sijamelene neemeko ezibekwe ebuntwaneni, zichaphazela ngokukodwa isithuba somntu. Kwaye ngokukhawuleza le nxaxheba ayikufanelanga, ngoko ke ungayenza ntoni, umntu utshabalalise?
Hayi! Kukho amathuba okuba nefuthe elikhulu kwi-destiny yakho, kwaye oku kunokunceda isazi sengqondo.
Ewe, isondo siquka ulwalamano oluhle lwabantu. Kodwa ufuzisela njani uBern malunga nesondo: "Unokonwabela ngesondo kuphela, bobabini bodwa kunye neqela. Ukwabelana ngesondo kunokubonisa ubungqina obusondeleyo bokomoya okanye umzamo wokunciphisa ukuxhatshazwa, umcimbi woxanduva okanye umonde, okanye nokuba yindlela nje yokuchitha ixesha nje ukulibazisa ukuqala komhla wokumnyama. Emva kwayo konke, inzondo - oku kufelwa ukufa, okukhokelela kuye kungekudala okanye emva kwayo onke amaxhoba akhe ngokugula, ingozi okanye ukuzibulala. "
Mhlawumbi, kwabanye, indima yabo kukuba bangabi neentlobano zesini kunye nomntu ade anikezele kuye izibophelelo zakhe kuwe. Kwaye ngoko unokulinda uze ungalindeli, kufuneka ube neqhinga elifanelekileyo.
Bonke amadoda nabasetyhini bafuna into efanayo-ukuziva iimfuno zabo, ukuzihlonela kunye nokuthandwa.
Yaye ulwalamano lwakho lwezesondo luyancitshiswa kwaye luya kufana nokuba awuhambanga phi na, musa ukuxoxa ngeengxaki ezinzulu kwaye uvakalelwa kukuba awunikelwa ngqalelo. Unokuqiniseka ukuba uzitshintshe umthwalo oyintloko wobudlelwane bakho, ngelixa iqabane lakho likhethe inxaxheba engabonakaliyo.
- Yenza uludwe lwezinto zakho ezibonakalayo. Uze ufunde olu luhlu lwemihla ngemihla ukukhumbuza oko akufanele ukwenze.
- Nikeza ithuba lakho iqabane ukuba uzibonakalise. Lindela de ukuba umyeni wakho ahlasele kwisiqingatha sendawo yokulala kwaye akugubungele.
"Kodwa ungalinda ubusuku bonke, ukuba bekungekho ukulungiswa kwangaphambili ngaphambi kokuba." Kwaye nakwiimeko ezihoxisiwe, isilumkiso esilumkileyo kakhulu.
Akuyimfuneko ukuba uzalise rhoqo ubudlelwane ngaphandle kokuva inkxaso evela kumlingane. Ukuyeka ukuzalisa ukungahambi kakuhle, wena, ngokungathandabuzekiyo, uye engozini. Unokufumanisa ukuba iqabane lakho alinakukunika.
Mhlawumbi uqonda, ngokukhawuleza uyaqonda ukuba abayithandanga nalo mntu.
Nangona kunjalo, umngcipheko ufanelekile ukuya kuwo.
Ngaphi na umfazi unomkhuba omubi wokumthobela isithunzi sakhe phambi komntu. Ngaphambi kokuba isithandwa sifihle ingqiqo yakhe, ubuchule, iimpumelelo, ubuchule bakhe kunye neetalente, ukuze angamthumisi aze angabonakali.
Kwaye bafezekisa ntoni aba bafazi: baqala ukuthandwa nokuhlonishwa ngakumbi?
Kutheni usebenzela umntu ukuba abe nombono ophakamileyo ngaphezu kwakho ubuya kubonakala engcono kunoko. Emva kokufihla isidima sakho, ubulala uthando phakathi kobudlelwane bakho.
Musa ukwesaba ukuba uphelele ngakumbi - amadoda akhathazekile kwaye akhangwa ngobulumko kunye nokufezeka, kungekhona ubuthathaka. Amadoda ahlonela abasetyhini, abavela kuyo ukuzithemba. Ukusebenzisa ukufihla isithunzi sakho kubantu, wena, ekugqibeleni, qala ukuzifihla kuwe.
Kodwa kutheni uthobela indoda?
Mhlawumbi ukuze ufumane lo mthando, uthando lomfel 'ukholo ngenxa yothando. Ukuzinikela ukuzithemba, ukuzithemba, ukuzithemba kunye nobomi bakho ngenxa yokufanelekela, mhlawumbi, uthando lomntu.
Unengxaki, akunzeki! Kwaye kaninzi kangakanani iphela.
Ukuvavanya oku, ndincoma oku kulandelayo:
"Ukuvumela amadoda ukuba akuphathe ngendlela ongazifuni ukuba iintombi zakho ziphathwe ngayo."
- Ukukhusela isithunzi sakhe xa kuyimfuneko yokwenza.
- Hlala ukwesaba ukubangela ukunganyaniseki okanye ufanele ukugxeka iqabane.
- Hlala, unelisekile ngothando oluncinci nangengqalelo kunokuba uyifanele.
Abantu bavame ukuzivumelanisa nokusingqongileyo abahlala kuyo.
Kwaye kaninzi oku akuyona nto ibhetele, kodwa asiyi kukwazi ukubona oku kude kube yimeko.
Ngokufakela iimpumelelo zakho emehlweni abantu, uncinci kwaye ungaziqapheli ngokwakho, kude kube lula ulahlekelwe ubuqaqawuli bakho.
Futhi "umzingeli" wakho sele ekhangelele.
Kodwa yintoni okufuneka uyenze:
- Yenza uluhlu lwamandla akho, iitalente, iimpumelelo, ukufaneleka kunye neempawu ezilungileyo kwaye, ukubetha njengento yokuqalisa inkonzo, cinga umthandi wakho. Yaye ukuba uzama ukutsala kunye naye?
- Zama ukwamkela, kungekhona ukuba ugijime ukusuka kwiincoma. Yaye xa uyanconywa, thatha umoya kwaye uthi: "Ndiyabulela!" Ukuthozama kwamanga akukhenkanga mntu.
Ewe, ukuba iqabane lakho lithandekayo, aluyi kukhulula nawe, lilungele kwaye liqinisekile, kwaye alifuni? Emva koko cinga ngokucophelela-ngaba ufanelekile ukutshabalalisa ubomi obungatshatanga ngenxa yomntu ongeke akwazi ukuqonda, uyazixabisa kwaye ongeke ujabule naye?
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