Okuqhelekileyo yimeko xa bengakhulelanga abantwana babo, nangona bebengakulungelanga ukuba bamkele umntwana womnye. Umxholo wokufundisa umntwana womnye umntu uhlale ukhona kwaye ufanelekile. Kwabaninzi, le ngxaki yangempela, idinga utshintsho kwisimo sengqondo sakho sengqondo - kwaye uyavuma, akulula. Iingcebiso malunga nendlela umfazi angamkela ngayo umntu womnye umntu unokuva kwiintetho ezininzi zeentetho kwaye ufunde kwiifom ezahlukeneyo. Kodwa ungalandeli ngokusesikweni isiluleko samava omnye umntu, kuba imbono yeso simo kunye nesimo sengqondo salo ahluke kubo bonke abantu, oko kuthetha ukuba kulo mzekelo umntu onomnye unokuyenza ingozi. Ukuba umfazi akakwazi ukuwamkela umntu womnye umntu, ngokokuqala, kufuneka uzame ukuqonda izizathu zezi. Izizathu ziyahlula kwiindidi eziliqela:
- kwinqanaba leengqondo (ukungakhathaleli, ukugatywa, umsindo);
- kwinqanaba leemvakalelo (ukuphazamiseka, ukuxinezeleka, ugonyamelo, ukugatywa okusebenzayo);
- kwinqanaba lokuqonda (ukuvavanya imiphumo emibi, isisindo "sokuba" kunye "nokuchasene", ukuthotyelwa kwisicwangciso sobomi);
- kwinqanaba lesimo sengqondo (ibhloko yengqondo).
Makhe sijonge ngalinye kwizinga ngokungakumbi. Iqondo leemvakalelo libeka ulawulo apho, ukuba umfazi, kwaye angaziqondi kakuhle, umntwana ongaphandle angabangela ukuba abe nemizwa, okanye abangela ukucasuka okanye umsindo. Olu hlobo luchazwa ngumntu wangaphakathi, mhlawumbi nangenalwazi, ukungafuni ukuba ngumzali nhlobo.
Ukuba umfazi sele sele engumama, ke iimvakalelo ezinjalo zivela kwinqanaba elingazi kakuhle ngenxa yomona kunye nomnqweno womntwana ukunyusa bonke abanye abantwana, oku kuthiwa ngumntwana ongenamfama. Akulula ukuphelisa izizathu ezinjalo. Into kuphela enokucetyiswa kumama kukunyamekela omnye umntwana, ukuzama ukuyixabisa impumelelo yakhe nokuba ngumhlobo wakhe kuqala. Izizathu zokugatya kwinqanaba leemvakalelo zibonakaliswa ngokuphazamiseka, ukuxinezeleka kunye nenkcaso ephikisayo kumntwana. Ngokungafani neli nqanaba langaphambili, ibhinqa liyaqonda ukuba umntwana ongekho mzabalazo kuye umzabalazo, yena usexinzelelekileyo kwaye akazi ukuba aphume njani. Izizathu zeli nqanaba zipheliswa ngokwazo, oku kuphela kuthatha ixesha. Ukungakwazi ukuzamkela umntwana womnye kwinqanaba lokuqonda lichazwe ngqiqo yowesifazane. Mhlawumbi ungumsebenzi wezemfundo kwaye ugcina ubomi bakhe buphantsi kolawulo, kwaye ukubonakala komntwana womnye akuzange kwenzeke nakwizicwangciso zakhe. Kule meko, umntwana ongekho mnye akahambelani nesicwangciso sobomi kwaye kubonakala ngathi uyingozi ekwakhiweni kwexesha elizayo. Izizathu ezinjalo ziphangiwe, kodwa kungekhona ngokwazo-umfazi kufuneka acinge ngendlela yokwamkela umntwana womnye umntu nokwakha isicwangciso-mbini, kwaye ngokuvumelanayo ulungelelanise kwisicwangciso sabo sobomi.
Izizathu kwizinga lokufakela ziphakathi kwezona zinto zinzima kakhulu, kuba ukuwunqoba kubalulekile ukuba udibanise ibhloko yengqondo eyayimisa lona wesifazane. Ibhloko elinjalo livela kwizinto ezibizwa ngokuthi "ukuphakanyiswa kweengcamango". Umfazi uyika ukwamkela umntwana womnye umntu, kuba oku kuthetha ukuthatha ulwahlulo ebomini, kwaye ibhloko yeengqondo inceda ukuphuma kuzo zonke iingxaki. Kodwa oku kuyingcamango, kuba awukwazi ukuhlala ufihle "kwigobolondo." Udonga lwendlela yokukhusela lunokumiselwa kakuhle kangangokuba luya kufuna uncedo lwezengqondo zengqondo. Kungakhathaliseki isizathu sokuba ubunzima bokumkela umntwana womnye umntu, umfazi kufuneka azikhethele kuqala ukuba kutheni ethatha le nyathelo kwaye kubaluleke kangakanani ukuba abe ngumama kumntwana womnye umntu. Iimpendulo kule mibuzo ziya kumnceda ukuba alwe nemvakalelo kunye neengcinga ezimbi.
Indoda kufuneka icinge ngendlela umfazi amkela ngayo umntwana womnye umntu, uncedise kwaye uyamxhasa. Ngamnye wethu wazalwa ukuba uyavuya kwaye athande. Kwaye kuthintela ntoni? Kuphela zengqondo zengqondo, indlela eya kulonwabo ifanele ivulekele ukuqonda kwethu kunye nemvakalelo, ngoko umfazi uya kukwazi ukwabelana ngolonwabo nomntwana. Ubume budale umfazi njengomama, kwaye ilangabi lothando luhlala entliziyweni ngamnye wethu. Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba umntwana, nokuba engumhambi, akafanelanga ukuba eli lililo lifudumale? Umfazi ongazange alahleke kwiintsuku zakhe ezingenanto ukukwazi ukuthanda, akasayi kuphinda ambize ngomnye umntu ngomnye umntu.