Izizathu
Indoda ayithandanga ngaphambi kokuba umtshato ungabikho ngenxa yokuba unenkxalabo okanye ukwesaba. Ngabantu nje abadumileyo bazama ukulahlekelwa ubuntombi babo ngokukhawuleza kwaye baqale ukuqhuba. Apha umcimbi uhlukile. Inokwenzeka ukuba, le ncinane ikhuliswe, kunye nembono yokuba kufuneka ithandane kunye kuphela kwaye emva koko, njengoko ivumelanisa ubudlelwane, ixhomekeke kwingqondo yakhe yokuba icinga nje nayiphi na indlela yokuziphatha engalunganga. Amadoda anjalo awawuthobeli uluvo loluntu kunye nefashoni. Abakhathaleli oko abanye bathi. Xa umntu onjalo exelelwa ukuba akaqhelekanga kwaye ukuziphatha okunjalo akuyinto engokwemvelo kumntu, akayi kuze abe neentloni. Kuba umntu onjalo ukuziphatha kwakhe akuyinto engonelanelekanga, kwaye nangona kunjalo ihlazo. Uqhayisa ukuba ubona othandweni kuphela, kwaye umzimba uphawula kakhulu. Ngendlela, ungacingi ukuba le ndoda inenkinga ngesondo. Enyanisweni, okokuqala, akazi ukuba yintoni le nto, ngoko kulula ukuba angamelana naye. Wayengasetyenziselwa ukuhlala ethola uxhaso ngokwesondo, njengabanye abantu abaselula abaphila ubomi bobulili obugcwele kunye namaqabane abo. Yaye inyaniso yokuba akafani ngesondo ayithethi ukuba akafuni. Ngomntu onjalo ngamabomu uyamnciphisa iminqweno yakhe kwaye akavumelanga ukuba aye kuwo emanzini.
Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantu abanjalo bangamakholwa abaphila phantsi kwemithetho yeBhayibhile. Kuzo kunye neentlalo zabo, ukuziphatha okunjalo kuqhelekileyo. Ngokulula, thina, abantu abaqhelekileyo, asinakuqhelana nobudlelwane obunjalo, ngoko-ke le ndlela yokuziphatha iyenzela ubuncinane, kunye nokuchithwa kwangempela. Kubantu abakholwayo, isondo ngaphambi komtshato empeleni kuthathwa njengento enqatshelwe. Unyaka emva konyaka bawubeka ingcamango yokuba kuyiphutha ukutshintshana kuyo ezininzi, ezingcolileyo kunye neziyatha. Inyaniso yokuba indoda idinga amava esondo kunye nokuba kukho into efana nokungahambelani ngokwesondo, abantu abanjalo abacingi nhlobo. Baqinisekile ukuba uthando luyakunqoba konke, kwaye baya kukwazi ukuzilungelelanisa omnye kunye nomva. Ukongezelela, abantu abanjalo abakhulumi kakhulu malunga nomgaqo wesondo, ngoko abanako ukuqonda amaninzi amanqaku. Ngako oko, kuvela ukuba le nkqubo inokwakheka, apho abantu abafuni ukutshintsha.
Ngendlela, i-worldview enjalo ayikwazi kuphela ukukholelwa abantu. Ngokuqinisekileyo, phakathi kwabantu abaqhelekileyo aba ngabachasene ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato, baninzi kakhulu, kodwa nabo banjalo. Ngokuqhelekileyo aba bantu badidekile kwiintombazana ezininzi. Bazinenjongo ezinzulu kubasetyhini, bafuna ukwakha iintsapho kunye nabo, bakhulise abantwana, kodwa baqonda ukuba abafazi baye baba ngumoya, banokungcatsha, bethetha, behamba. Ngomntu onjalo, kancane ngaphambi kokuba umtshato ungathandeki, njengoko acinga ukuba ngubani le ntombazana elalilele ngaphambili kwaye uya kulala naye. Kwaye ngokubanzi, ukuba nesondo, uvakalelwa iimvakalelo okanye ufuna ukulala ngesondo kuphela ngenxa yesondo. Ukwahlukana kwamanye abantu abangazange bakhathazeke ngemibuzo enjalo, aba bantu bava. Le ndlela yokuziphatha yabameli bezesondo ezihle ziyabakhuthaza kwaye iphulaphula isidima sayo sabantu. Indoda ayikhathazi ngoluvo lokuba uninzi lwabantu, kwaye akuyona into ephambili kakhulu, intanda kakhulu, eyona nto iyintsikelelo. Kungenxa yoko, nokuba neentlobano zesini, ngomzuzwana othile, umntu onjalo unokunqanda isondo kwaye unqwenela ukuba kwenzeka emva komtshato. Ngaloo ndlela, lo mfana uhlola intombazana, efuna ukuqinisekisa ukuba uyamfuna ngokwenene, kwaye akayi ngesondo. Ngokuqhelekileyo iingxelo ezinjalo ziyakuthi zivezwe ngabasetyhini, kodwa ngenxa yokuziphatha kwamantombazana amaninzi, oku kubonakalisa ngokwenene kwamadoda athile azivalekile kakhulu kwiimvakalelo, zithembekileyo kwaye zibuhlungu kakhulu.
Ngaba akuqhelekanga?
Ewe, okuninzi, sinokuthi ukutshatyalaliswa kwesondo - iyiyinto engavamile. Nangona uhlobo oluthile lokuthandana nokuziphatha okunjalo kunye nenkolelo yokuba umntu uyakuthanda ngokwenene, kodwa akahlangabezananga nje ngenxa yesondo, konke okufanayo, le ndlela yokujonga ngesini esingazikho nto. Okokuqala, indoda kunye nentombazana inokwenene inokungahambelani ngesondo. Kwaye ukuba umntu akanakho amava, ngoko ukulungisa imeko yangoku kuya kuba nzima kunokuba kubonakala. Ukongezelela, umfana angakwazi ukufumana ubunzima. Ukuba akafumani nantoni na embhedeni, ukuba uya kuqonda ukuba intombazana ayinelisekile, emva koko uya kuqala ukuziva ephosakeleyo kwaye unokuthi ulahlekelwe ngumdla kwisini.
Ukuba umntu sele sele ecacile ngaphezu kwemashumi mabini, kwaye akazange alalane ngesondo, ngoko kuya kunokuchaphazela impilo yakhe. Kuboniswa ukuba ukuyeka ukuzibambelela kakhulu kunokuchaphazela ukulungiswa komntu kwaye ekugqibeleni umntu onempilo angakwazi ukuba ngumntu ongenamandla. Ngelishwa, abantu abathembekileyo ngemigaqo yabo, abafuni ukunyathela ingqalelo nantoni na. Bahlala ngeengcinga zabo kwaye abafuni ukuva nabani na. Ngoko ke, ukuba umntu enenkani kunye ne-dolgovzderzhivaetsya yesondo, ke esikhundleni sokuba aphile ubomi bakhe bonke othandweni, mhlawumbi, uya kuphila ngokudumala.
Ukuba umntu wakho nguye kanye, ke indlela efanelekileyo kakhulu yokuphuma kwimeko iya kuba ngumtshato. Akunakwenzeka ukumkhohlisa, kwaye ukulibazisa ixesha, ngokubanzi, kwaye akukho nto ingqiqo, kuba ngokucacileyo uyakuthanda, kuba loo madoda aqala ukudibana ngokufanayo. Umbuzo kukuba, uyayithanda? Kwimeko apho impendulo yakho ithi "ewe", inkinga iyalala yodwa. Ukuba awukwazi ukuphendula ngokuchanekileyo, mhlawumbi, kulungele ukuhlalutya iimvakalelo zakho kwakhona kwaye unqume ukuba kulungile ukuzithuthuma kunye naye okanye ukuhlukana ngokuthe ngcembe, kuba lo ngumntu wakho. Ukuba usasafuna ukuba naye, ke ulungele oko ufanele ukunyamezela ngaphambi komtshato kwaye emva koko uza kukwazi ukujamelana neengxaki ezininzi zesini. Kwaye ke into ephambili ukuba ube nomonde, ukuqonda kwaye ungamgwebi umfana ngemibono yakhe nemigaqo.