Kwenzeka ukuba abantu baqhawule umtshato iminyaka emininzi. Kodwa kwenzeka ukuba eso sigqibo esibalulekileyo sithathwa ngokukhawuleza. Yaye xa kungekho ndlela yokubuyela kuyo, zonke iibhuloho zitshiswa, siyaqonda ukuba savuya. Yintoni enokuyenza kunye nendlela yokulungisa imeko engafaniyo?
Uyayivumelana nomfazi kwixesha langaphambili?
Ngokutsho kophando lwezenhlalakahle, abafazi abaqhawule umtshato kwi-28% yeziganeko bayazisola ngezenzo zabo. Kodwa akusiwo wonke umntu olungele ukuvuma omnye nomnye impazamo yakhe kwaye athathe isigqibo malunga nokubuya, okanye ngamanye amagama, ukutshata kwakhona. Phantse i-80% yabesilisa abesakuba yindoda ayengayi kubuya kubafazi babo bangaphambili. Kodwa amaninzi amabhinqa ayamkeli ukunikezelwa kwendoda yangaphambili. Kwaye oku kungona nantoni yokuba abafazi abanamathuba amaninzi okuphinda aphinde ashade omnye umntu. Ngoko mhlawumbi kufuneka ucinge malunga nokuba ungayiphika loo yangaphambili?
Indlela yokwenza isigqibo esifanelekileyo
Into ephawulekayo yokutshata kwakhona kukuba uyayazi lo mlingane kakuhle. Uyazi iimbono zakhe ebomini, kwisidima kunye nemiphumo, imikhwa yakhe. Eyona nto ayifanele ukuba isetyenzisane. Ngaphambi kokuba uphinde utshate kwakhona, xubusha zonke iingongoma eziphikisanayo kwaye ucinge ngezinto zonke kwangaphambili.
Khumbula umnqweno we-psyche ukulibala malunga nakho konke okubi. Emva kokuqhawula umtshato isikhashana, umyeni wakho wangaphambili unokubonakala engcono kunokuba wayeyenaye. Kodwa enyanisweni, lo mntu akaguqukanga. Ukuze ugweme enye intsizi, xa umfazi evumelana nomtshato wokubuyisela, iingcali zeengqondo zincoma ukugcina imithetho ethile ebalulekileyo.
Ungazami ukubuyisela yonke into, emva kokuba emva kokuqhawula umtshato kuya kuthatha ubuncinane iinyanga ezintathu. Ngeli xesha, iimvakalelo ziya kunciphisa, uxinzelelo luya kuhlala kwaye unokucinga ngokucacileyo malunga neemeko eziye zavela. Emva koko kuya kucacisa ukuba umnqweno wokubuyela kumlingane wangaphambili usekelwe kwiimvakalelo zakhe okanye ngomnqweno wokufihla kwizinto zokuphila ezizimeleyo. Okokuqala, ubuyisele ubuhlobo obusondeleyo kunye nosapho, uvumelane naye malunga nexesha elithile lokulinganisa. Ixesha lobudlelwane kufuneka libe ubuncinane kwiinyanga ezimbini. Xa ixesha liphela kwaye ufuna ukurejista umtshato kunye nomyeni wakho wangaphambili, ungathatha ithuba kwaye ufake isicelo kwiofisi yokubhalisa.
Ungazami ukubuyisela ixesha elidlulileyo. Ukwakha ubudlelwane obutsha kunye nomlingane oqhelekileyo. Unethuba elinye kuphela. Ukuba akusebenzi ukusebenza okokuqala, kuyinqweneleka ukuyeka unaphakade ubudlelwane kunye nomntu osekude naye. Ngaphandle koko, isazi sezengqondo seentsapho asinakukunceda, kwaye ke kuya kufuneka ujike kumntu wezifo zengqondo ukuze uncede. Uninzi lwabafazi abathandana nokuqhawula umtshato, bashada kwakhona, bafumana iingxaki ezahlukeneyo ezingqondweni, akunakukufanelekela wena? Isizathu sokuqhawula umtshato wokugqibela singenza ukuba iqabane libuyele emtshatweni wesibili kwindlela yokuziphatha engafunekiyo.
Kutheni uvuma ukutshata kwakhona
Iinjongo zokubuyiselwa kwezibophelelo zomtshato ziyahluka. Ngamanye amaxesha abantu bahlushwa yintyala, ukuba intsapho ibhujiswe, kwaye bakulungele ukuqhubeka behlushwa emva kokuphefumula okuthile. Oku kusebenza kwiintsapho apho sele sele sele abantwana. Kwi-19% yamatyala, umnqweno wokugcina uyise okanye unina kumntwana kubangela umtshato wesibini.
Umntu onama-32% wamatyala uyavuma ukuba xa unikwe ithuba, ulungele ukulungisa indlela aziphatha ngayo, ekubeni wayengafanelekanga. Kwaye i-28% yabaphenduli bayavumelana nomtshato wesibini kwaye bavuma ukuqwalasela kwakhona izicelo kwiqabane kunye nokwenza isigqibo sokunyamezela. I-5% yabathathi-nxaxheba bathatyathwa yedwa kwaye bayakuphepha, balungele ukubuyela kwimpilo yabo yakudala.
Ngamanye amaxesha iinjongo zokwenza umtshato wokubuya zizathu ezibonakalayo - umfazi akakwazi ukujongana nezindlu, kunzima ukubonelela intsapho. Abantu abangama-16% babonisa umnqweno wabo wokuhlangana kwakhona kwaye abazange bafune ukwabelana ngeemfihlelo zabo ngeentlalo-ntsapho.
Indlela eya kuba ngcono ngayo abantwana
Akusoloko ukubuyiswa kobudlelwane phakathi kwabazali kunokukwenza umntwana onwabe. Ekuqaleni, wonke umntu uyavuyela le meko, kude kube yimpikiswano yamandulo. Kodwa kufuneke ukutshata kwindlela ehambelana nolwalamano olubangela ukuba uqhawulo lomtshato wokuqala kunye nobomi luya kutshintsha ngakumbi. Okokuqala, inxulumene nemishado yokubuyisela kunye nooyise-utywala. Ngokuqhelekileyo abafazi basebenzisa umtshato ukunyanzelisa umyeni wabo ukuba bayeke ukusela. Ukutshatyalaliswa kokutshatyalaliswa kunye nokubuyiselwa kobudlelwane, ngenxa yoko, umntu usela ngaphezulu, kwaye umfazi uba ngumlutha. Akuyimfuneko ukuthetha ukuba abatshatileyo babandakanyeka kwinkqubo yokulwa kunye nabantwana abakhulumi ngako.
Kuya kuba ngcono kubantwana ukuba uqhawulo lomtshato isenzo sesikhathi esisodwa, kunokubakho indlela abazali abahlala kuyo. Kungenzeka ukuba umntwana uya kuphumelela umzamo wesibini ongaphumeleli, kodwa ukungaqiniseki rhoqo kunye nokungazinzi kuya kumlimaza. Ukuba oko kwenzeka, kungcono ukuzama ukuvuselela ubomi nokuyeka nayiphi na imizamo yokugcina umntwana kayise. Izingane zithatha oomama abangaphantsi kweminyaka engama-6, xa upapa efuna kakhulu ukuba umntwana ulungele ukumbona kunoma yimuphi umntu, kwanaye. Ukususela kwiminyaka eyi-10 ukuya kwiminyaka eyi-15, abaselula bayaphikisana nemizamo yoomama ukudibanisa nabantu abangaziwayo. Musa ukuqhubeka malunga nentombi kunye nendodana, kuba iingqondo zengqondo zithi yonke intsapho inefuthe elihle ekukhulisweni nasekuphuhlisweni komntwana. Yaye ulwalamano phakathi kobawo omtsha nomntwana luya kuphucula kancane. Into ephambili ayenzi iphutha xa ukhetha.