Iingcebiso ezifanelekileyo zonxibelelwano namadoda

Ngokuqhelekileyo sihlala siqonde ukuba yeyiphi abantu-nokuba ngabahlobo, abafazi okanye amaqabane amashishini - sifuna ukubona ngaphaya kwethu. Kwaye siyazi ukuba kutheni sifuna lawa okanye amanye amadoda - oko sikubiza ngokuthi "uhlobo lwam".

Kodwa kutheni sifuna umntu okanye abanye abantu? Kutheni aba bantu babonakala befana njalo? Kutheni iherezo le-joker liphinda liphinde libuyele imidlalo efanayo kwiindawo ezihlukeneyo? Mysticism? Kude nje kuphela ukuba ukukhangela iinkcazo kungathathwa ngabagqirha beengqondo. Se benzisa iingcebiso zethu ezincedo malunga nolwalamano nabantu.


Uthando olungapheliyo

Ngaba wakha waphawula ukuba bonke abalandeli bakho ngexesha elithile lithile bafana ngokufanayo? Ukujonga emva kwaye uqonde ukuba isiphelo "bonke abalimi - (esikhundleni santoni na igama elihlambalazayo)" lichazwe ngongomazi lwamava akho, apho ngenxa yezizathu ezithile ushiywe kuphela ngalawa magama, afanelekileyo ngamazwi amanga kuphela? Kwaye nabasetyhini abakhetha wena njengeziyimfihlo, ababukeka njengabanye, beqala ngohlobo lweentombi? Ngolu hlobo lokuqonda, ubunzima obunzima buqala, obusoloko buhlala kwisiphelo sokufa, kuba kungenjalo, kunokuba "ngamahlaya" okufihlakeleyo, le nto ayinakucaciswa nangayiphi na indlela. Kutheni kunjalo, ukuba sishushiswa ngenxa yobomi "ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo"?


Kwimbali efana nomnye nomnye, umhlobo wam wandivuyisa, kwaye wayemisa nokucinga, waqonda ukuba ngokwenene bonke aba bantu bamkhumbuza indoda eyayingathandabuzekiyo kuye ixesha elide. Umxholo weemvakalelo zakhe wayetshatile, kwaye akazange azibonele unelungelo lokutshabalalisa intsapho aze ahlupheke. Kodwa yintoni eyenza amadoda avele ebomini bakhe, ngubani owakhumbuza ngencwadana engenakwenzeka? Ngaba bekungeke kube nengqiqo ukusuka kwicala lokugqibela ukuphonsa izinto ezahlukeneyo ngaphambi kwexesha? Iingcebiso ezifanelekileyo zonxibelelwano namadoda ziya kukunceda ukuba uhlakulele iindlela ezifanelekileyo zobudlelwane obusondeleyo.


Kwizengqondo kukho into eyaziwa kakhulu - "i-Zeigarnik yempembelelo" (emva kwegama le-psychologist Soviet Blumy Zeigarnik, owathi wachaza okokuqala). Izenzo ezingagqitywanga zikhunjulwa kangcono kunokuba zigqityiwe. Ngelo xesha baya kungena kwimvelaphi ye-psyche, bangabonakali, kodwa ngokuthe ngcembe baququzelele umntu ngendlela engaziqondi ngayo imeko ephindaphinda enye engagqityiwanga. Ngokomzekelo wakho, ngokucacileyo, le ntombazana ayizange iqedele ulwalamano nomntu obalulekileyo kuye, kwaye ilungiselela indawo ejikeleze yona ukuze abantu bangene kuyo eya kumnceda kule meko kwaye ekugqibeleni bayigqibe.


Indlela yokulungiswa kwendawo inembile kwaye ayibonakali njengeluleko eluncedo malunga nolwalamano nabantu. Le mizekelo, umzekelo, izibonakaliso ezingezozithethayo, eziphinde zilandelwe ngabantu abazama ukusondela kuthi, kwaye ziba njengesikhokelo kuzo izinto ezongezelelweyo: nokuba ziqhubeke nokudibanisa, nokuba zibuyele kwindawo ekhuselekileyo okanye zinyamalale ngokupheleleyo. Kubudlelwane bomntu kunye nomfazi, "imidaniso" enjalo imdala kangangokuthi ibonwa ngokungenangqiqo nangona abanamava kwimicimbi yokudlala ngothando. Ukhangeleka, ukungazi kakuhle, iimbono zezwi-asingazi ukuba kulula kangakanani ukuxelela umntu: "Ndibambelele!" Okanye "Hamba, awuvunyelwanga apha"?

Kwaye i-destiny, apho sibhala khona izinto ezinjalo, kwiqondo lokujonga ngengqondo, yinto esenza ngayo thina. Abantu babonakala ebomini bethu kuphela njengoko sibavuma kuwo. Kwaye ngendlela, inani lezinto "eziyingqiqo" zincinane kunokuba sicinga. Apha kukho enye into eyenziwa yingqondo - umfanekiso wehlabathi.

Nangona kunjalo , sibona oko kufanelekileyo, kwaye awuqapheli ukuba ayihambisani nayo. Okanye mhlawumbi sikhetha ukungazikhumbuli iinzame zethu zokusondeza kwabanye abantu nakwezinye iimeko kunokuphindaphinda kwethu okuthandekayo kuthi. Iingcebiso ezifanelekileyo zokusebenzisana namadoda ziyakunceda ukuba udibanise kwiimeko apho zivela.

Imeko engapheliyo iphindaphindwa ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngokoqobo, njengomzekelo ukususela ekuqaleni kwenqaku. Ngamanye amaxesha siwadlulisela kwezinye iintsebenziswano malunga nomgaqo ofanayo. U-Natalia Kravchenko wandixelela ibali le ntombazana ephindaphindiweyo ngokuphindaphindiweyo kwindlela yokusebenzisana namadoda: badibana ngeenyanga eziliqela baze bahlukana, kwaye intombazana yayinesiqiniseko sokuthi ikhefu liye laphuma ngenxa yephulo lakhe, ukuba wenza into eyayichukumisa iqabane. Icala elaqalisa inkqubo yalo "ukujikeleza isangqa" - ukufa kukayise, kwenzeka xa iqhawe lethu liyinkwenkwe. Ukulahlekelwa kwangoko kwangoko kwaye kwenzelwe ukuba intombazana ayikwazi ukuyiqonda iimvakalelo zakhe kwaye ithathe ukuhamba ebomini bayo umntu obiza. Waphoqeleka ukuba alahleke ngokuphindaphindiweyo umcimbi ofanayo wokuhlukana okuyimfuneko kuye.


Yiya ekupheleni

Ukusuka kwi-"Zeigarnik effect" kulandela ukuba sikhumbula isenzo esingagqitywanga njengomcimbi othize, esiya kuthi sibuyele emva koko. Ukuba siyamkela le ngcamango, kuvela ukuba i-psyche yethu ayiboni ukungazaliseki konke-konke kufuneka kuhanjiswe kwisigqibo esinengqiqo, kungekudala okanye kamva.

Ngendlela, ukusuka kwiminqweno ye-psyche ukuba ingashiyi ishishini elingagqibekanga, ulawulo oludumileyo lwe-psychotherapeutic - unyango lwe-Gestalt - lukhule. Intsikelelo yalo kukukwamukelwa nokuziqonda iimvakalelo zakhe, uze ufumane indlela yokuvala imeko, ukuba kungenjalo ngokoqobo, ngoko-ke. Ulwaphulo oluchanekileyo (ukusuka kwigama elithi "ingxelo" - ingxelo) kunye ne-psychodrama zenza ezinye iinkonzo ezifanayo.


Kukho iingcebiso ezininzi ezinxulumene nolwalamano kunye namadoda, njani ukuba ungaphenduli ubomi bakho kwifilimu "Usuku lwe-Groundhog" - ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba luhlala phi na uluvo, naluphi na ulwalamano oluya ekupheleni, ukuhla kweyokugqibela. Kodwa akulula. Naliphi na uvakalelo olunzulu ekuphuhlisweni kwalo ludlula kwiinqanaba eziliqela, kwaye kulula ukuba unamathele kumaphaphu ngamnye. Yithi, intlungu, nokuba ekufeni komntu othandekayo okanye ukuhlukana nomntu othandekayo, ivela ekutshitshisweni okuphambili ngokukhanyela ("oku akunako," "oku akunakwenzeka kum"), umsindo womsindo ("ungandishiya njani? ! "), Ulungelelwano (" Ndingayilungisa yonke into "," nguwe omele uxanduva lokufa kwakhe ") kwixinzelelo engaphezulu okanye ngaphantsi kwexesha elide kwaye, ekugqibeleni, uthathe ilahleko ngokubonakala koluhlungu, olubuhlungu. IJam kunaliphi na inqanaba lithwala ingxaki yengqondo, kunye neengxaki zomzimba.

Kutheni singazivumeli ukuba sihambe ngaphaya kwesigaba esithile sokuphuhliswa kwesimo? Esinye sezizathu kukuba asizivumeli ukuba sivale ezi zinto okanye loo mvakalelo, njengoko abazali bethu abavumelanga ukuba sikwenze. Khumbula: "Intombazana enhle ayifanele ithukuthelele unina!"; "Musa ukuphendula, wonke umntu ukhangele kuwe!"; "Umona uyona mvakalelo embi!" Yile ndlela esiluhlakulela ngayo imbono yokuba kukho "iimpumelelo" kunye "ezimbi", kwaye sizame ukuvavanya lo mva ukuze singabacaphukisi abazali bethu. Ngokuchanekileyo, asiyiqapheli loo mntu ngokukhawuleza wayeva into "engalunganga".


Umoya ongafumananga i-outlet "inqenqemeni", kwaye amandla ayo alandelayo abe ngumbane apho iimeko zokuphindaphinda zisebenza, ngokuphindaphindiweyo kusishukumisela ukuba sikhulule iimvakalelo zangaphandle kwaye "sijikeleze" imbali yethu, okanye kunoko, ixesha elipheleleyo, lihluke ngokupheleleyo .

Kakade, imfuneko yokubonakalisa iimvakalelo zakho akuthethi ukuba sinobubungqina obubonakalayo, sithi, umsindo okanye inzondo kuluntu. Kodwa, ubuncinane, kuyimfuneko ukuqaphela ubukho beemvakalelo kuwe nakwabanye, kwaye unokukwazi ukuthetha ngabo. Kubazali - ukuba "bafanelekanga" iimvakalelo zomntwana ukuba bangaphenduli ngokuthintela kunye nezohlwayo, kodwa ngento enjengaleyo: "Ewe, uphumelele, kwaye unelungelo kuwo. Mhlawumbi, kwaye ndiza kuba nomsindo endaweni yakho.

Makhe sicinge kunye malunga namacebiso ancedo ekusebenzelaneni namadoda, kwaye yintoni enokwenziwa ukuze ungabi kubi ngeli xesha. " Yaye ungesabi iingxabano ezinokwenzeka - zivelisa kwaye ziyimfuneko ukulwa. "Xa bethetha kum:" Asizange siphikisana kwintsapho yethu! "- Ndiyethusa ngokukhawuleza: ingaba kwintsapho enjalo kufuneka ibe neengxaki ezifihliweyo, imibuzo engaphenduliweyo, ubudlelwane obungacacanga, iimvakalelo ezingenakuqonda, ukuba kunzima kangakanani ukuhlala kule ntsapho, ke elinye lamalungu entsapho lijongene nezifo zenyama, i-somatic (okanye i-psychosomatic).