Ngona kuphela imibhangqwana esandul 'intsha ayifumananga ukuba bayalindela, baqonda ukuba le nyunyana ibe yinto yokuhlola, ivakalelwa ngokwasemgangathweni kwimanyano. Kodwa nakwiibini eziphumelelayo, umzuzwana ufika xa wonke umntu ezama ukuguqulela uluhlu lwakhe lwentsebenziswano, kwaye iingxaki zokuqala kulwalamano luqala.
Sekunjalo, kuyathakazelisa kakhulu, kutheni kwenzeka njalo kwaye kwenzeka njalo xa ubudlelwane kunye nolwalamano luhlobo lwe-fiasco kunye neminyaka yobomi obudibeneyo. Kodwa ukuba sonke sihlala sihlawula kunye nexesha kunye neengxaki rhoqo, qwa lasela iqabane lethu, ngoko ubuhlobo buya kuphuhlisa kwaye luphucule rhoqo.
Ngoko, kutheni ukungaboni ngaso ulwalamano, ngakumbi ngokuqinileyo okokuqala:
- kaninzi, kuvela, ukunika ingqalelo enganeleyo, ixesha lokuthandana naye, ukuqinisa ngakumbi nokwakha bonke ubudlelwane obuguga entsapho.
- ngokuqhelekileyo, ukungonakaliswa kobudlelwane bamadoda nabasetyhini, baxhomekeke kwinkqubo, bebekwe ebuntwaneni, kubazali.
Emva koko, xa sixelelwa ukuba kwintsapho yobudlelwane bomtshato kuthatha umonde omkhulu, ukuchitha umzamo omkhulu ekuqondeni, ukuhlonela iqabane, sihlala siyichitha.
Kubonakala kuthi kuthi yonke into iyaqhubeka njengesiqhelo, kwaye yonke into yenziwa yodwa. Kodwa ngaba kunjalo?
- Inyaniso eyona nto igcina ukuba kubalulekile ukuba ukhethe iqabane, qaphela ukusilela kunye nezidima zakhe, kwaye uyithathe njengeyakhe, ngaphandle kokuhlukana, ngokupheleleyo.
- kufuneka nje ufunde ukuxolelana, kwaye kungekhona nje ukuvumelana, kodwa ukuqonda, nokuthembela kumntu, ukuthembela kuye, ukuze ukwazi ukuzibona ngaphandle.
- Kufuneka ukuba ufunde ukuphulaphula, ukuva umlingane, ukuphatha yonke into ngokuqonda, ungayinqabeli, uyeke ukuba ibonakale ingenanto.
- Musa ukubeka umgca wakho wobomi, shiya indawo inkululeko. Emva koko, akukho mntu ufuna ukulawulwa nokulawulwa ngobomi bakhe. Umntu uyinkosi yakhe.
- Kusoloko kuyimfuneko ukuxhasana, kwaye kunjalo kunye kunye ukuya kwelinye injongo.
- kunye neyokugqibela, ngokusemandleni okungagxeki, kodwa kunengqiqo ukucebisa indlela yokuqhubeka, ngaphandle kweemvakalelo ezinkulu, ngokuzinzileyo nangengqiqo, ukuxazulula zonke iingxaki kwiinkalo zomntu nomfazi.
Emtshatweni, kuyimfuneko ukuba kungekuphela nje ukuba uzizwe ungumakhelwane, kodwa uzive uziva kunye neqabane lakho lonke. Ubuhlobo obonwabileyo bube kuphela xa kubuya ngokugcwele, ukuqonda ngokupheleleyo, ukuhlonipha inkululeko yomntu ngamnye. Kwaye ke, ngaphandle kothando, asiyi kuzuza uhlobo lolwalamano esilithetha ngalo, inkululeko yothando kufuneka ihlale ngonaphakade, kulo lonke umtshato, mhlawumbi iya kukhula libe yintyala ethile kunye noxanduva, kunye nengqondo yobuwula yokuxhamla kunye nobunikazi.
Iziganeko eziphambili kwiimeko ezinxulumene nabantu, zivela ngenxa yokuba amaqabane ahlala efuna into efanayo. Ngenxa yokuba bavavanya le meko kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo, ngokusekelwe kwipradidi yokuzijonga ngokubomi.
Amadoda ahlala eqinisekile ukuba nakuba ungafanele uzame ukuqonda ibhinqa. Abasetyhini bakholelwa ukuba abantu abahlali bekwazi ukuthabatha indawo yabo, baqonde. Umahluko phakathi kwothando lwabesilisa nabesifazana kukuba umfazi uhlala ethanda ngayo yonke intliziyo yakhe nomphefumlo wakhe, kodwa umntu - kuphela ngengqondo yakhe nomzimba wakhe.
Into ebaluleke kakhulu kukuthanda, nokuqhubeka nokuthanda ixesha elide kwaye unamandla kwaye unamandla njengokwokuqala. Ngokuqhelekileyo kunokwenzeka ukuba uthandane ngokulula, kwaye kuthandwa, kodwa kungekhona ixesha elide, kodwa ukudala intsapho, nokugcina uthando, lo bugcisa bokwenene. Kunzima kwaye kunzima, ekhula ibe yingxaki ebubudlelwaneni bomntu kunye nomfazi, nangona ayifuni nto into engaqhelekanga kuthi, simele siqhubeke sithanda ngokunyanisekileyo.
Ubusiso obunomdla kunye nokutshisa okutshisa, kusemva, ukunyameka nokufudumala akufani, kuqhelekileyo kwaye kuqhelekileyo. Kodwa konke oku kuphelile phi? Kwiifilimu, abaninzi abantu abonwabileyo abasele beneminyaka eyanciphayo, bajonge omnye nomnye ngendlela efanayo nangokuqala. Asinayo, ixesha elide lokulandela iminqweno yelinye iqabane, ngakumbi ukuzivakalela kunye nomnqweno wakhe. Qonda kakuhle okwangoku, kwaye ukhumbule yonke loo mvakalelo kunye namava anzulu ayenothando.
Indoda kufuneka ifunde ngenjongo yokubona ibhinqa kumfazi, ukubonakalisa umphefumlo wakhe, kwaye kungekhona umzekelo womfanekiso womama. Ibhinqa lomntu kufuneka ibe ngumhlobo ongcono, uncedo kunye nomphefumleli. Yinto nje yokwenza izinto: kufuneka uyeke ukulenga umongikazi wakho kumfazi kwaye uzifumene ubunzima obaneleyo kunye nokuzimisela ukukhusela inkululeko yakho yomntu nokuzimela. Ibhinqa, kufuneka ufunde ukulinganisela ukuzingca kwakho kwaye ubone kumntu ongafezekanga iminqweno yakhe, kungekhona umkhuseli kuzo zonke izifo, kodwa umntu ozimeleyo oza kulandeleka kwaye uyakufanelekela ukuphila ubomi bakhe. Ukuba unika umntu inkululeko kwaye uhloniphe ilungelo lakhe lokuzimisela, uya kuzalisekisa yonke iminqweno yowesifazane ngenxa yokubulela nokuhlonipha.
Kusondele kuthi sonke ixesha nje ngumntu esifanelekileyo. Kwaye ukuba ngenxa yesizathu esithile, kubonakala ngathi sinokufaneleka ngakumbi, ngoko, mhlawumbi, sasiziqhenya ngokupheleleyo.