Kwiingcamango zabantu, imbono yaqulunqwa ukuba umtshato onolisayo unokuphela kuphela kubakho babantwana. Umtshato ongenamntwana uthathwa njengengaphumeli kakhulu. Ezi zintlupheko zaziyimpawu yamandulo. Namhlanje amaninzi amadoda namabhinqa asombulula le ngxaki ngokuzimeleyo, ngaphandle kweendlela. Ngaphezu koko, ezinye izazi zeengqondo zaqala ukuxela ukuba imitshato emininzi engabantwana ingabangela ukwandiswa kolutsha lwaba bini.
Abantu bafanele bazame ukunyaniseka nabo. Ukuba isibini esitshatileyo singaziva sikulungele ukukhulisa abantwana, ngoko isibini kufuneka sibenze isigqibo sokuba yeyiphi intsapho yentsapho. Akuyimfuneko ukuphulaphula uluvo lwentsapho, abahlobo, abamelwane kunye nabasemagunyeni kwiinkalo ezahlukeneyo zobomi, nokuba yinto ehlonishwayo kwaye ihlonishwayo.
Siphila ngexesha apho abantu bebona iingenelo zemitshato engenamntwana. Ziyintoni na?
Kukholelwa ukuba abantwana bayomeleza ubudlelwane bomyeni nomfazi. Oku akunjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ngokuzalwa komntwana, ubuhlobo bubuhlungu. Kwintsapho yabantu ababini, iimvakalelo zothando kunye nothando azidingeki ukuba zongezelelwe "iipropthi". Kwintsapho enjalo inembopheleleko kuphela kubo nakwabathandekayo. Kuye kunye nesimo sengqondo, njengomntwana ozithandayo. Yaye yintoni ephosakeleyo naleyo? Ukuphila omnye komnye, abantu banandipha ubomi.
Ngaba kuzingca? Ewe, ukuzingca. Yaye ngubani ongeyena? Ngaba kaninzi abantwana banomdla, okanye banqweneleka. Ukukhulelwa okungalindelekanga kuphula zonke iiplani, ezingenakonwaba abaninzi. Ukukhulisa abantwana, abasetyhini (ababenokwenza njalo) bakhathele, musa ukulala ngokwaneleyo, bacaphuke. Oku kuboniswa kubantwana. Esi sitrato unako ukudibana nomfazi okhwaza ngomntwana okhalisayo, aze aze amkhange, ukuze ekugqibeleni "avaliwe". Oomama abaninzi bakholelwa ukuba batyalile "amandla, izibilini kunye nezibonelelo ekuzalweni nasekukhulisweni komntwana ukuba" uyaziboleka "ebhokisini lobomi. Akuqhelekanga, xa oomama becinga malunga nendlela awakhulisa ngayo umntwana, kwaye, xa ekhulile, ngoku unyanzelekile ukuba amnyamekele.
Ewe, abantwana abalungileyo abalokothi banike abazali babo. Kodwa iingxabano ezinjalo zibukeka ngathi zizingca, kunye nokubala. Ngelishwa, nokuba nothando lomama kwinguqulo engathandekiyo alufanekiyo (njenganoma yimuphi omunye uthando olungenabugovu).
Kule nkalo, enye into ephathelele ubudlelwane phakathi kwabatshatileyo ibalulekile. Akuyena wonke umntu ovuyayo ngokubonakala komntwana, kuba umfazi, ngokuqhelekileyo, uyitshintshe yonke into yakhe. Oku kuchaphazela umyeni, ngaphandle koko, uhlala ebona utshintsho kwicala elibi kunye nokubonakala, kunye nemeko yomfazi, engabongezeli uthando lwakhe. Enyanisweni, simele sivume ukuba imeko enjalo isenzeka kwiintsapho ezingakhange zikulungele ukuzalwa ubomi obutsha. Emva koko umbuzo uvela uxanduva lwabazali. Kodwa le ngenye isihloko.
Kule ngcamango, umntu unokuhlonela isibindi sesibini esithembekileyo esishiya abantwana, sibonisa ukuba asikho inani labantwana kubalulekile (bangaphi na, bashiywa okanye bavuyiswa ngabazali abaphilayo?), Kodwa uxanduva lwabazali kubantwana. Emva koko, ukukhulisa abantwana ngokungafunekiyo kudinga umnikelo. Kwaye ukuba akukho nto inomdla wokubingelela, kungcono ukuyeka ukuzala. Umntu akayena isilwanyana, unokukwazi ukusombulula le micimbi ngokombono wesigqibo kunye nokuziphatha.
Ewe, abo bantu abangacingi ukuba intsapho yabo engenabantwana bafanelwe inhlonipho nokukhuthazwa.
Kodwa nabo bacinga ngendlela eyahlukileyo, akufanele bagwetyelwe. Kwenzeka ukuba umtshato ongenawo umntwana ngumphumo wokugula komnye wabatshatileyo. Emva koko, esikhundleni sokubandezeleka kule nto, abafazi bakhetha ubomi obuzolileyo ngaphandle kobantwana. Abaninzi babo abaqapheli nokuba bathathe inxaxheba, nto leyo enomthwalo omkhulu.
Ngokuqhelekileyo ingxaki yengqondo ngumnqweno obalaseleyo wokuba nabantwana baqhubeke kunye nabanye, kunye nokungathandi kwizinga elingenalwazi. Ukuba umntu onjalo uholele abantwana, ngoko baya kuba ngabantwana abangonwabileyo, kuba abafunwa.
Ngaloo ndlela, saphila kwixesha eliphucukileyo, xa unako, ngaphandle kokujonga abanye, ukhethe indlela yabo yobomi bentsapho. Umtshato ongenamntwana okanye umtshato kunye nabantwana badibeneyo kunye neentlanzi. Mfuneko nje ukuba uthembeke malunga nezinto ozifunayo kwaye ulandele ubunjani bakho.