Ngoko, isinyathelo esilandelayo endleleni yokunyanga kwisifo esibi-uthando - kukuhlola ngokuchanekileyo zonke iifomus kunye ne-pluses zothando. Zibuze umbuzo olula: Yintoni enokuyithanda yona? Uyazi ukuba kwixesha elincinci lovuyo, ulonwabo lulandela ukudandatheka, ukudana. Emva kokuqhawuka kweemvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo, kuvela isithintelo esinzima, ukuxabana, ukuxabana, ukungaqondi kakuhle. Nangona wena kunye nomkhethiweyo wakho uzama ukuziphatha ngokuchanekileyo, kufanelekile, kodwa oko kuya kukwanela nje ixesha elifutshane, kwaye ke konke kuya kufana nexesha elibi kunye nemivakalelo engonakalisa ubomi bakho. Yintoni enye onokuyithanda inika? Uthando ngumgibe wokuzithandela apho ngamnye wethu ulahlekelwa inkululeko. Oku kuyinyaniso yobukhoboka ngokuzithandela. Kuthiwani ngesithunzi sakho? Khumbula ukuba uthando luya kuthatha okulungileyo kuwe: ixesha lakho, amandla akho, iimvakalelo zakho, ungalahlekelwa ngabahlobo bakho, inkululeko yesenzo, inkululeko yokucinga. Uthando luthatha ixesha, imali kunye namandla kuwe. Yaye iya kushiya ntoni? Ziyizinkumbulo kuphela, ezinokuthi zingenakulungiswa ngokupheleleyo. Khumbula, zingaphi izenzo zobugebengu ezingathandabuzekiyo nezitshutshiso zenziwa minyaka yonke ngenxa yothando? Abantu abathandwayo, abavalelwa yimvakalelo yabo kunye neemvakalelo zabo, bazondwa ngabantu bonke, baqala ukubonwa ngabanye ngokungavamile. Kwaye emva koko konke oku, ingabe uthando lubonakala lubonakala kuwe? Ngoko, indlela yokubuyisela kwisifo esibi-uthando?
Lope de Vega.
Ngoko, indlela yokuqala yokuphilisa kwisifo esibi-uthando olunikezwa ngumlobi uLope De Vega. Wathi: "Ukuba uthanda abesifazana, khangela izinto ezingonakaliyo kwiingqungquthela." Eli binzana livakala kwimisebenzi eminingi enikezelwe uthando, kubandakanywa kwifilimu eyaziwayo "Inja kwiManger". Ngoko ke njani ukusebenzisa le ndlela yokufumana isifo esibi-uthando. Ukuba kubonakala kuwe ukuba uqala ukuhlala othandweni, ngoko ufuna ngokukhawuleza amaphutha kwizinto ozithandayo. Ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunokwenzeka, cinga ngeziphoso zabantu, ukuze ungaxakali kwinethiwekhi yeemvakalelo ezikhohlakeleyo. Ngaba okhethiweyo wakho unomzimba omncinci? Kuthekani ukuba uyayibheka ngaphesheya? Umzimba, uthetha, umlwane uyabhaqa, akazibukeli yena, uyaxothwa kwaye ahlambe. Abakhethiweyo bakho abazi indlela yokupheka? Oo, loyiko! Uya kulahlwa ukuma kwisitofu yonke ubomi bakho, kwaye yena, akaze akwazi ukupheka amaqanda othosiweyo. Okanye nokuba uyazama, uya kudla amazambane ezitshiweyo kunye namazambane atshwayo. Eli nqanaba eliphakamileyo liqwalaselwa ukuba unokuguqula isithunzi somntu kwiintsilelo. Ngoko, ukhethiweyo wakho ngumthandi obalaseleyo? Wow, ngaba uqeqeshe kwenye indawo? Ngokuqhelekileyo usebenzisa ezo ndlela, ngokukhawuleza uza kuba nokuqonda indlela yokufumana isifo esibi-uthando.
Pasteur.
Usosayensi owaziwayo waseFransi, owamisela indlela yokubilisa ubisi, naye wenyuka ngendlela enhle yokulahla ukuthandana. Umgaqo ulula, njengoko kumgaqo wokunyusa. Ngoko, ukwenzela ukukhusela eso sifo, kufuneka uvelise inani elincinci lokusuleleka emzimbeni womntu, kwaye ngokukhawuleza uhlakulele umkhuhlane, kwaye, akukho nsulelo oyiyoyikeka. Oku kuthetha ukuba lixesha lokuhlakulela umzimba wokuhlala unomzimba wokuthanda. Njani? Kulula kakhulu. Khetha into efanelekileyo yokukhanga, uthandane nayo, uze uqale ukwakha ubudlelwane, kodwa ngokukhawuleza uphosa into. Lo msebenzi wakhiwa ngamaxesha amaninzi, ngoko, inqanaba lokuxinwa "lokuthandana nomzimba" emzimbeni wakho kuya kufinyelela kumgangatho ophezulu, kwaye awuyikoyika ukuba usulelo lwothando lunokukufumana. Khumbula ukuba kumancinci amanani, ubudlelwane obunothando buya kuba yinyango kuwe kwisifo esibi kakhulu sothando, kodwa kuyafaneleka ukugqithisa indlela oza kuphinda ubanjwe ngayo. Ngokwemvelo, ukungabi naluphi na ulwalamano oluthile lungabangela ukubandezeleka kwengqondo. Ngoko, siye saqwalasela enye indlela yokuphiliswa kwesifo esibi-uthando.
De-romanticization.
Sonke siyazi ukuba abantu banomdla wokuthanda, udidi lomntu kunye nomqondo. Bajwayele ukuthanda uthando, yingakho nayiphi na isithintelo esenzeka kwimendo yabo iba ngumthombo wamava okwenene kunye neentlungu. Ukuba ungowoluhlobo lwesimo sothando, ngoko yindlela yokukrazula isifo esibi sesithandane, njengokwenziwa kwe-romanticization, okulungileyo kuwe. Yintoni efunekayo kule nto? Kulula kakhulu. Ukuba umntu omthandayo unqatshelwe ingcamango yakhe yothando malunga nehlabathi lonke, ngothando, malunga neemvakalelo ezinikezayo, indlela uthando kunye nayo yonke into ehambelana nayo iya kudlula ngokwayo. Eyona nto ingcono, ukuthanda amabali afanelekileyo. Ukungahambi kwabo kweetalente kunako ukulahla uthando kunye neengcamango zepinki malunga nantoni na. Kuhle kakhulu kuya kunceda ukuthetha nomntu ongakholelwa othandweni nhlobo. Unokufumana abantu abanjalo naphi na. Ngenhlanhla, kukho ulwazi oluninzi kwi-Intanethi. Kukho iiklabhu ezikhethekileyo, uluntu, iiforam kunye namawebhsayithi anikezelwe kubantu abangakholelwa othandweni. Nqabile njengoko kubonakala ngathi, kodwa kukuxhaswa ngabantu abanjalo abangadlala indima ebalulekileyo ekunqweneleni ukulahla ukuvakalelwa ngakumbi-uthando. Azange ancede? Ewe, musa ukucaphukisa, njengolu hlobo lokuthintela le mvakalelo, kufuneka ufumane umsebenzi kwiindawo ezingenanto zothando. Umzekelo, umthwalo, umongikazi, umthungci, umfazi ohlambulukileyo. Kwanele ukusebenza kwinyanga nje kuloo msebenzi, njengoko yonke imizwa yakho yothando ingena ekugqibeleni. Ngoko, indlela yokubuyisela kwisifo esibi-umsebenzi-uthando!
Extrapolation.
Ngoko, naphezu kwazo zonke iindlela ezenziwe ngayo, ngaba usengokutshatyalaliswa yintlungu ebonisa ukuthanda? Ewe, ke siqhubela phambili kwiindlela ezisebenzayo, indlela yokubuyisela kwisifo esibi-uthando. Ukuba usakholelwa ukuba uthando lukhona, ukuba ungalondoloza ulwalamano lwakho, ke ke uyeke ukuziqhelanisa! Ngaba ucinga ukuba yonke into iyahluka, ngendlela entsha? Yonke iya kutshintsha? Hayi! Kwaye ucinga malunga nokuba usuku olutsha luhlangene lubuhlungu bufana nolunye oludlulileyo, ukuba akuyi kuba nantoni na entsha ebusweni bakho. Ukuba awuyi kuba nantoni na ukuthetha ngayo kunye neqabane, ukuba awusoze uhleka kwakhona, njengangaphambili. Unokuxoxa ngezinto ezingenanto, ezifana nesimo sezulu, ishishini emsebenzini, iindaba zezingane. Kodwa, akukho nto entsha! Ukongeza, ngokuthe ngcembe, kumlingane, uqala ukuphawula iinkcukacha ezincinci, ezithe zazingekho ngaphambili, okanye ungaboni. Kwaye, baqala ukucaphukisa ngakumbi nangakumbi uze ungakwazi ukuwujonga ngaphandle kwengqumbo nomsindo. Unxibelelwano nosuku olufanayo nomntu ofanayo, ubomi obudibeneyo ngokukhawuleza buxhoma inceba yothando, de kube kungekho ndawo engenanto ngaphandle kwayo. Ngoko uthando lukhokelela kulwalamano olunjalo? Ukuwa, ukungabi nantoni, ukudideka kunye nezibambano kunye kunye nentukuthelo. Kwaye ukuba kukho ukuqonda, ukuhlonipha, ngoko akukho nto inokuthetha ngayo. Yintoni eya kuhlala? Ingxoxo yeengxaki zekhaya kunye nezezimali. Ngaba uyayifuna? Okokuqala, zibeka izinto ezibalulekileyo kuwe ebomini, mhlawumbi, ngoko awusoze wathandana. Ngoko ukuphiliswa kwesifo esibi-uthando? Phambili ebomini bakho.
Indlela efanelekileyo yobomi.
Xa ingqondo yethu ingenzi nantoni na, akumangalisi ukuba zonke iintlobo ezingenangqondo ziza ezintloko zethu. Cinga kwakhona indlela yakho yobomi. Ukuba uninzi lwexesha lokukhulula, yenza into, ngelixesha apho ikhanda lakho liya kuhlala. Yaye ukuba unomsebenzi osebenzayo wengqondo, ngelo xesha intloko yakho ihlala ixakeke ekujonganeni nayiphi na ingxaki, ngoko awuyi kuba nexesha lokuthandana nomntu, nandipha ixesha lokuthandana kweentaka, ujabulele ilanga. Yishiye le zifundo eziyathayiyo kubantwana abancinci. Ukhulile! Ngoko ziphathe ngokufanelekileyo. Musa ukunika labo bafumana intsingiselo yobomi babo kwimisebenzi yobuwula. Intetho zabo zifana neminqweno yotywala kunye nezilwelisi zeziyobisi ukwenzela ukuba zilungelelanise iziqhotyoshelwano zazo, ukwenza lonke ihlabathi lixhomekeke. Yichasene nazo zonke iintlobo zezinto zothando nezithintekayo. Musa ukuphendula kwiingxelo ezinje: "ngaphandle kothando akukho nobomi," "intliziyo ayiyikuyalela." Uya kuyilungisa, kwaye njengoko uthanda! Wena ungumnikazi wendalo yakho, kuquka intliziyo yakho. Musa ukukhokelela indlela engafanelekanga yobomi, ikhokelela kumntu obuthathaka kunye nokucinga okukhululekileyo.
Sigmund Freud.
Ukuze uphilwe ngesifo esibi-uthando, ungasebenzisa indlela yesazi esaziwayo Freud. Ingqondo yakhe isekelwe kwizenzo zendlela yokunciphisa. Kwintliziyo yomgaqo wesenzo somntu isifiso sesini. Yonke into eyenziwa ngumntu ijolise ekuyaneliseni iimfuno zayo zesondo. Ngokwazi oku, sinokuqondisa umnqweno wethu kunye namandla ethu kwisiteshi esinokuthula, umzekelo, unokuqala ukudweba, ukudala, ukubhala, ukuqamba izingoma zomculo. Thatha ukudala ubugcisa! Akunandaba nayiphi indawo, kubalulekile ukuba uxakeke ngomsebenzi wobugcisa, kwaye awuyi kuphazamiseka nayiphi na into engeyonto engafanelekanga efana nothando. Funda ukudlala isandi somculo okanye udwebe iifayili. Kungenzeka ukuba ufihlile iitalente, lixesha lokubonisa nokutyhila. Ngo kunceda ukupenda, umculo kunye nomdaniso ungabonisa iimvakalelo zakho zothando kunye neentestile, ngelixa ungawa phantsi kwezibatha ezenziwe ngothando.
Zeigarnik.
Ngubani lo, ubuza? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseRussia, uBlueum Zeygarnik, senza isifundo esisodwa esibalulekileyo. Abantu aba-20 bavaliwe kwigumbi elinye, ngaphambi kokuba nganye nganye ibe neetafile ezininzi kunye nemisebenzi. Ukuqokelela isikhephe kwiibhokisi, bala inani leemidlalo, udibanise i-mosaic, usombulule ingxaki kunye nangaphezulu. Izifundo zazingavunyelwanga ukugqiba isabelo sabo kwaye zacelwa ukuba ziqhubele phambili. Ekupheleni kovavanyo, abantu babuzwa ukuba yiyiphi imisebenzi ababeyikhumbula kakhulu. Bonke baphenduliwe ngendlela eyacaca kwenzululwazi ukuba ingqondo yethu ikhumbula kuphela ezo zenzo esazange sizigqibe. Kwenzeka kwakhona ngothando. Ukuba asivunyelwe ukuzalisa ubudlelwane, kunokwenzeka ukuba siya kubandezeleka oku kubomi bethu bonke. Iingcamango zethu ziya kuhlala zibuyela kulo mntu, uya kufumana onke amava akho. Ngokuqhelekileyo, kuba yimbono egxininisayo, ekhusela ukuhlala. Kodwa, kukho indlela yokuphuma. Kubalulekile ukulahla uthando lwakho kanye nonke. Ukwenza oku, udinga uncedo lwe-psychologist, intombi okanye ngokwakhe ngeglasi. Kubalulekile ukuxelela yonke into, yonke into, ukuyizama kwakhona, uyeke ukugxeka wena okanye iqabane lakho ukuba uliphelise. Ukugqiba olu budlelwane ngengqondo entloko. Myekeni kuloo ndoda. Xa ulahla zonke iimvakalelo zangaphandle, uya kuziva ulunge ngakumbi. Vumela ukuhamba kwexesha elidlulileyo, phila okwangoku!