Kwiingcinga ezininzi zethu, i-stereotype isetyenziswe, ngokubhekiselele kuwo onke amabhinqa afikelele kumntu omdala amaphupha okuba ngumfazi otshatileyo, kodwa amadoda, ngokuchaseneyo, azame ukuphepha umtshato kunye nabo bonke amandla abo. Enyanisweni, le meko ayiyinto encinci kwaye njengemiboniso yokubonisa, kukho inamba enkulu yamantombazana ehlala kakuhle kwimtshato yomtshato okanye engekho nhlobo ngaphandle komyeni. Kuluhlu lweemeko ezifunwayo, abafazi abanjalo abanalo umtshato onxibe ingubo emhlophe, i-limousine emnyama, i-ofisi yokubhalisa kunye nomngcipheko ngomunwe ongenagama. Ewe, ewe, kwaye nokuba nethuba lokufunwa kakhulu kwiitampu ezininzi kwiipasipoti azikholisi.
Iyintoni isizathu sokuba amantombazana ahlakulele imbono efanayo efanayo ngomtshato kwintsapho kunye nayo yonke into elandela kule nto? Masizame ukuqonda ukuba kutheni amanye amantombazana engafuni ukutshata.
Izizathu zokuthi kutheni amantombazana "azinqabile" ngokuzonwabisa
Kuvela ukuba izizathu zokubangela ukuba amanye amantombazana aphule ukuzibophelela ngomtshato ayingabalwa kakhulu.
1. Ukushiya kwizinto ezichasayo
Kuye kwenzeka ukuba amanye amantombazana akangxamanga ukutshata ngenxa yokuba abafuni ukubona umhlobo wakhe othandwayo - abavumelani ukuzama yonke imilinganiselo yezinto ezingabonakaliyo ezinxulumene nomtshato wendabuko. Ngokuphathelele ingubo emhlophe emhlophe, iindwendwe zeendwendwe, iholo lokutya kunye nokugcinwa kwemasiko endala , njengokuba, umzekelo, ukuhlamba imilenze yomkhwekazi, okanye udibanisa isitya entloko yomtshakazi, oye waba ngumfazi.
Abachasene nomtshato onjalo bayonwabile ukuba bathi "ewe" kwimoya yokuthandana, kwaye abanandaba nokuba bafika kubhalisi kwijee, okanye baya kulungisa umcimbi womtshato osekuhlaleni. Into ephambili kukuba ukugubha ngabantu abakufutshane, okuthi, ngokucacileyo, akunakwenzeka.
2. Ukungaqiniseki ngokuchanekileyo kokukhetha kwabo
Kukho namantombazana abangaqinisekanga ngokupheleleyo ngamaqabane abo. Bayakwazi ukudibana nabo iminyaka emininzi, bahlala emtshatweni womtshato, kodwa ukulungiswa ngokusemthethweni kobudlelwane akuphendululwa.
Kwimeko apho ikakhulukazi abahlobo abanomdla, abaqhelana nabo kunye nezihlobo zabo zibaphazamisa ngemibuzo, abafazi abazitholayo kuloo meko badla ngokuhleka oko bathethayo akubi kakhulu kwaye kutheni bafanele bachithe ipasipoti ecocekileyo kunye nohlobo oluthile lwesitywina.
Njengoko uqeqesho lubonisa, iimbini ezinjalo emva kwexesha elithile lidibanisa. Kwaye asikwazi ukusho ukuba kwakukhona uthando phakathi kwamaqabane: iimvakalelo zikhona, kodwa ukuba umfazi enze isigqibo sokuzithemba yena kunye nabantwana bakhe bexesha elizayo kule ndoda ethile, ke, uthando olulodwa alanele.
3. Amava okubazali ababi
Abazali bahlukana xa intombi yabo ineminyaka emibili ubudala, ubaba akadibene nomntwana osele ekhulile. Ubaba utywala kakubi, kwaye ngexesha elide uphakamisa isandla sakhe kunina. Ngenxa yoko, ibhinqa elisuka kumncinci lifaka umntwana wakhe inkohlakalo apho zonke i-muzhiks zifaniswa kunye nabakhweli, okanye zenziwa iingxelo ezikhusayo. Ngokwemvelo, impembelelo yentsapho emntwaneni inkulu, kwaye xa engaboni phambi kwakhe umzekelo omhle wokunxibelelana phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, imbono yokuba umtshato awukho nje umanyano wabantu ababini abaxhatshazwayo kunye nexesha elifanayo abantwana bahleli phantsi.
Enye into enokuyifaka entliziyweni yentombazana ingcinga engathandekiyo ngomtshato yintsapho yomzali, apho wonke umntu ehlala khona, unina noyise akayi kuhlambalaza, kodwa ke abayathethani ngokuthe ngqo, bengena kwimicimbi yesiqingatha sabo sesibini. Kwaye ngenxa yoko: umntwana akayiqondi ukuba kukho uthando, okanye uthando phakathi kwabazali.
Ngokwemvelo, intombazana, ebona phambi kohlobo lwezobudlelwane, iloyiko lokuphindaphinda isithuba sikamama kwaye ayikukhawuleza ukutshata.
4. Futhi ngaphandle komyeni ulungile
Kukho umphandleli wesini esilungileyo, enesiqiniseko sokuthi umsebenzi welo ndoda kuphela ukuqhubela phambili kwintsapho, kwaye loo mfazi akayiyo inkunkuma engakwazi ukuthwala indlalifa.
La mabhinqa athambekele ekuzimeleyo njengokuba kunokwenzeka, zama ukuzakhela umsebenzi, uhlakulele kuzo zonke izinto, ufumane ubuncinane amadoda. Ngaphezu koko, bachaza ngokucacileyo ukuba kuyabiza kakhulu ukuvuma umtshato kunye nomntu ongeyena mhle wesondo oqinileyo, balungele ukuzala baze bakhulise umntwana ngokwabo, ngaphandle kokuxhomekeka kunoma ubani.
5. Iphutha egazini
Mhlawumbi, yonke intombazana engatshatanga ngaphambi kweminyaka yobudala engama-20 ukuya kweye-22 ihlaselwa ngezihlandlo ngabahlobo bayo abadala. Ngaphezu koko, ukunyuka kwamaxesha kwandiswa kunye nabafazi abangashadile. Ubunzima bokuhlaselwa ngolu hlobo lulandelayo: Wonke umntu ufuna ukwazi ukuba baya kumenywa nini emtshatweni, abazali banomdla wokuba bazuze abazukulu babo, kunye noogxa babo osebenza nabo kunye nabo bonke abanako ukuzama ukunciphisa abantwana babo.
Abasetyhini basabela ekuhlaselweni okunjalo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo: umntu uhleka, abanye bawela kwi-stupor, abathile bayaphendula ngokuthe ngqo ukuba baya kutshata kuphela ngexesha lokuthanda kwaye xa kufika ixesha. Abameli abahlukeneyo ngokwesini esilungileyo bazimisele ukuqhuma ngokulala, beva le mibuzo kwidilesi yabo. Ukukhutshwa kwimeko ephosakeleyo, bekulungele ukuba banobuqhetseba "abanqwenela kakuhle", kodwa ngokugqithiseleyo, badibanise nabo, "kwindlebe yenu" bevuma ukuxhomekeka kwabo ngokungathintekiyo.
6. Intsapho yinto eqhelekileyo kwaye akukho nto inomdla
Abasetyhini ngabanye abangenayo ukukhawuleza ukutshata banokuqiniseka ukuba ubomi babo obatshatileyo buya kubaguqula abafazi abalungileyo abanamaxesha amaninzi okwenza ishishini labo, ukuba bahlale bekhulile, abanokuzigcina bevaliwe kwiimpahla zesekhishini, iimashishini zokuhlamba kunye nezinye "iintlobo" ubomi.
Ukuze uqonde apho imilenze yolu hlobo lugxila khona, ungahambi kude: jonga amanina wakho kunye nogogo, odla ngokungazange akhohlwe malunga nesithakazelo sabo sowesifazana, uguqula "ngumgcini weentloko", ekuxhaswe kuyo amahlombe indlu kunye nemindeni. Ukuphendukela kumfazi onjalo othotyelwe, amantombazana amancinci ayaqonda ukuba abafuni ukuhlala ezinqabeni zabo, kwaye yonke imikhosi izama ukutshintsha umzuzu womtshato.
7. Andiyi kuzincama ngenxa yantoni na.
Esi sizathu sokungafuni ukuya kubhalisi sibonakaliswa ngabasetyhini abazama ukufikelela kwiindawo eziphakamileyo zemisebenzi. Bakholelwa ukuba umnakekeli kunye nentsapho azinxulumani nezinto, ngoko ke umntu uya kufuneka anike into ethile.
Mhlawumbi kwezinye iintsapho yilokho okwenzekayo, kodwa ngokukhulu kunabo bonke abaqeqeshiweyo bafanele ukuba balungele ubuncinci ukuba bathathe amalungelo abo.
8. Ubuhlobo obungaphumelelanga emva kwakho
Ngokuphindaphindiweyo, nangona umtshato womntu uyaba neentlanzi eziye zakuba ziintlobano zesigxina, ezenza ukuba zibuhlungu kunye nentlungu. Ewe, abafazi abanjalo, behlulekile, badibana namadoda baze bavumelane nomtshato womtshato, kodwa isitampu kwipasipoti yabo iyethusa. Ngaphezu koko, nokuba incoko ngomtshato ingabangela ukuba baphendule kakhulu.
Kucacile ukuba kutheni le nto yenzeka: amantombazana akafuni ukungena emlanjeni owodwa kabini, ekholelwa ukuba indoda entsha ayibe yinto engcono kunomyeni wokuqala.
Ukuba ungekhawuleza ukutshata, zama ukuhlalutya, kwaye, mhlawumbi, amanqaku amaninzi aya kwongezwa kweli nqaku.