Abazali bajezisa njani umntwana wabo? Abanye abantu bathanda amanyathelo okugweba: bayabetha inkunzi kwipapa, bambeke ekhoneni, bamgxothe. Abanye banamathela kwifilosofi yobuncwane - bayenqaba ngokuhlwa ngamakhathuni okanye othandweni kunye nobudlelwano. Xa abantu abadala bezama ukwahlula "okulungileyo" kunye "okubi", ininzi yabo ithambekele ekukholweni ukuba isijeziso senyama sibi kakhulu kwaye kungcono ukuba umntwana ahlasele.
Kutheni oku kwenzekayo?
Ngokuqhelekileyo, kumbuzo othi: "Kutheni uhlwaya umntwana wakho?" - abazali baphendula ngokuthi "fundisa" okanye "ndiphukile". Kwaye, ngokuqhelekileyo ukuphazamiseka okunjalo kwenzeka ngokukhawuleza xa uziva ukhathele, uphelile okanye ukuba unomsindo ode uhlala usana. Xa ukuwa kweyokugqibela kuwela kwikomityi ekhulayo, umntwana uhlamba okanye ukukhala.
Yingozi kangakanani na? Ukuba umntwana usele minyaka engama-2.5 ubudala kwaye ukuba awusebenzisi kakubi amandla akho, musa ukumgxeka ngenxa yezizathu zonke kwaye esi sihlwayo asimyiki kakhulu, ngoko ngezinye iindlela kungabonakala luncedo. Inyaniso kukuba kulo nyaka umntwana sele sele eqala ukuqonda ukuba ukwenza into ayilungile, kodwa ayikwazi ukuhlala ihlala yodwa. Ukuhlwaywa kunokunceda xa kwenzeka ukuba umntwana uthathe isigqibo sokujonga imida yento evunyelweyo kwaye ufumane ukuba ungamvumela ukuba ahambe. Ekubeni umntwana usengabhekiswanga kakuhle kwihlabathi, abazali kufuneka bambonise umgca ongeke uwele. Kodwa ukuba abantu abadala abaqapheli ukuba banqande into ethile kumntwana okanye ngandlela-thile bayayinqanda, inkunzi iya kufuna ukuphendula kwayo nayiphi na indlela, iholele ngokuziphatha kwayo.
Nangona kunjalo, kungakhathaliseki ukuba ujezisa umntwana okanye cha, khumbula: ukuba ukhula kwintsapho apho kuvunyelwene khona izivumelwano kunye neemfuno, kodwa wonke umntu uziva ekhululekile, inkunzi iya kuzama ukugcina le ndlela yobudlelwane ngokumisela ubudlelwane nabanye abantu.
Indlela yokuchaphazela umntwana?
Kuze kube ngumntwana uneminyaka engama-2 ukuya ku-2,5 ubudala, kungabi nantoni na ukuba ajezise okanye amgxeke, kuba isifundo kuphela asikwazi ukukwenza kule nto kukuba ulungile kwaye akukho mntu uyamthanda. Ngelo xesha, xa umntwana ebona umphumo womsebenzi wakhe (umzekelo, unqumle intsimbi yeoli), akaqapheli ngokupheleleyo ukuba kwenzeka ntoni: nokuba wenza into ngekhanga, okanye isitshetshe esityathwe kwiitrato, okanye i-cloclo yinqwelo. Kule minyaka, unokufundisa umntwana ukuba aziphathe ngokwakhe kunye nabanye abazungezile kuphela ngokucetyiswayo, ukuchaswa ngokucacileyo kunye nemingcele.
Umntwana oneminyaka engama-2.5 ukuya kwimizuzu engama-4, 4 uqala ukuqonda umntu ngokwakhe kwihlabathi kwaye, kunye nalokhu, ngokuqinisekileyo ufikelele ekuqinisekiseni ukubhaliswa kwezenzo zakhe. Ngokwexesha elifanayo, inkwenkwe iyaqonda ukuba ezinye iziganeko kunye nezenzo ziyakukholisa abanye kwaye zibhekwa zilungile, kwaye ezinye ziyakhathazeka, zicaphuke kwaye zibheke kakubi. Nangona kunjalo, nangona ukuba ukuqonda sele kufike, ukukwazi ukulawula ukuziphatha kwakhe akukabikwa ngokwaneleyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo kweli nqanaba lobomi, "i-deputy" ethile ivela kubantwana, odala zonke izinto eziphazamisayo eziqhubisayo abazali. Yilokho okuvumela umntwana ukuba akhuphe intlungu yehlazo, kuba uninzi lwento eyenzekayo, omnye umntu akwenzayo.
Zama ukukholelwa ukuba inyana ayikukhohlisi, ithi "yi-nahuliganila squirrel evela ehlathini." Inyaniso kukuba udibanisa ngokulula imfesane kunye nenyaniso. Umsebenzi wakho kukuqonda ukuba kutheni le nkwenkwe yenza oku. Mbuze, uphikisane naye, okanye uncede ukulungisa imeko. Ngendlela, ukuba umntwana engesabi ngomsindo okanye ukugwetywa, ngoko, mhlawumbi, ukuthetha ngokuzithandela nawe ...
Kwakhona, musa ukulibala ukuba kule minyaka ubudala abantwana bahlala besenza ngokuchasana nabazali babo. Akunjalo ngenxa yokuba abanakukucingela, bafuna ukuziva ukuzimela kwabo, amandla abo kunye nemida yabo. Ukuba uqala ukuba "ukuphishekela", qalisa imfazwe apho abayi kubakho abaphumeleleyo. Kungcono uzame ukuyijika ibe ngumdlalo okanye uyiphathe njengengxaki ephazamisayo ekugqibeleni iya kulahleka.
Umntwana weminyaka engama-4-6 usenzima ukulawula izenzo zakhe, nangona uhlala ecinga ukuzihlalutya. Kodwa nangona ukuba uyaqonda ukuba into ayifanele yenziwe, ngamanye amaxesha akanako amandla okwaneleyo okuzikhusela, kwaye ngoko, ekusebenziseni ngokungalunganga, uqala ukuva ulwaphulo-mthetho. Le meko iyinkimbinkimbi yinto yokuba kulo mntwana umntwana uqala ukufumanisa ubuqili bobudlelwane boluntu kwaye ufumanisa ukuba akukho nanye "inhle" okanye "imbi" inxhomekeke kakhulu kwimeko. Ngoko, umzekelo, uyaqonda ukuba akulungile ukukhohlisa. Kodwa ngexesha elifanayo uva uqinisekisa unina ukuba yonke into ihlelekile, kwaye waxhalaza kummelwane ngeengxaki ... Ukuba ufuna ukukhulisa umntwana oqhelekileyo, ncedise ukuba alungiselele kweli hlabathi kwaye azama ukuchaza ukuba, phi, kutheni kungenjalo kwaye, ukuba, ngubani na onokuthi kwaye kuyimfuneko.
Emva kweminyaka emithandathu, umntwana unethuba lokuzilawula kwaye anqande ukuziphatha kwakhe "okungalunganga". Olu buchule kufuneka lukhuthazwe kwaye luqeqeshwe, ngokukhawuleza lubeke ukulawula phezu kwezenzo ezenzayo. Ukwenza oku, thethana naye, mbuze ukuba ulungele ukujongana nayo yonke into, kwaye ungamgijimisi ukumthwalo ngomthwalo omkhulu. Khumbula ukuba unokuphendula ngokucacileyo ngezenzo zakhe kuphela kwiminyaka eyi-18-20, kwaye ngoku umsebenzi wakho kukumsiza ukuba afunde ukwenza oko, kwaye akafune ukuba ayenze njengomntu omdala.
Ukugxeka okanye ukungaxolisi?
Xa ubona ukuba umntwana ujongene nokufezekisa, musa ukunyusa le miva. Kungcono uzame ukukuxhasa. Into ephambili kukuba aqonde ukuba umcimbi unokulungiswa kangangoko, ukuba ungumntu onokwenza iphutha kunye nendlela yokuzama ukuyenza ngexesha elilandelayo ngokungafaniyo. Ukuqaphela oku, inkwenkwe iya kufunda ukuzithobela kunye nokuziphatha kwayo ngokufanelekileyo nangokufanelekileyo. Ukuba akayiqondi loo nto, umzekelo, ukhethe okanye uphule enye into yokudlala, wenza into ehlawulelwayo, kufuneka uqikelele ngokucokisekileyo. Mhlawumbi, ukukhulisa umntwana, wayesaba kakhulu ukumcasula ngokumxelela ukuba akafanelekanga malunga nento ethile, ngoku ukuba umntwana akakho konke ukulungele ukuvuma ngoku ukwenza izinto.