Indlela yokuseka ubudlelwane nomyeni wakhe kwinqanaba lomtshato - Le ngcebiso yengqondo iza kukunika ulonwabo lwentsapho

Inkxalabo ebudlelwane nayo ihlangene nakwiintsapho ezinokuthandana. Kwaye basinda ngokukhuselekileyo, ukuba abatshatileyo badibanise ukuxabana baze bafune ukuvumelana. Kodwa ubudlelwane obunxulumano obufanayo kunye nobutyebi obuvuthiweyo, obunembopheleleko ngokubambisana nothando oluzalwe ngokubambisana, bambalwa kakhulu. Abaninzi abakwaziyo ukuthwala uxanduva lokufuna ukuphakanyiswa, ukuphuhliswa, ukufundiswa njengomntwana omncinci, kwaye uphathwe, kwaye abulawe, xa "ugula." Ukwahlukana ngumbono obulalayo, ovuma izibini zothando lwabo ngokuqinisekileyo.

Kutheni esi sigwebo siva ngakumbi kwiintsapho zanamhlanje? Yiyiphi indlela enoburhaxu yokuxazulula ingxaki yobudlelwane? Ncinane, nje umtshato! Xa kukho nayiphi na ingxabano yentshisekelo, yonke impazamo eyenziwe, ngxabano encinane, ngaphaya nangaphandle kwayo, abafazi basongela omnye umtshato ngokuqhawula umtshato. Ukuxazulula le ndlela, iingxabano zentsapho zifana nokucima umlilo ngeoli. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ngokukhawuleza okanye emva koko abo bafazi bafumana ukuba bangasondelene nomda wokuqhawula umtshato. Kwaye ukuba kukho ncinane ithuba lokugcina intsapho kwaye ulondoloze "umntwana" oqhelekileyo ogama linguLuthando oluvela ekufeni okukufuphi, uze ufike kwi shishini ngokukhawuleza!

Yintoni esikwenzayo engafanelekanga kwaye kutheni simelene nomtshato?

Iingcali ze-Psychotherapists zihlukanisa imiqondiso emininzi, ukubonakala kwayo ichaza ingxaki ebusweni. Ukungayithobeli le ngxaki yindlela engenakukhusela yokuqhawula umtshato:

1. Impikiswano yokutshaya. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba kunzima kangakanani ukuba izibini zizama ukuxazulula iingxaki zentsapho kwixesha leziganeko, ngexesha lobomi kunye, izizathu zokuxabana ziyaqhubeka zikhula kwaye zikhule. Xa kukho amabango anzima ukubonakalisa kumlingane kwiso, kodwa ngokwenene ufuna ukuthetha umhlobo ekhitshini, oku kungumqondiso wokuqala malunga nosongelo olufihliweyo lomtshato. "Ukugubha" ukunganeliseki kungekudala okanye emva koko kuya kuba yinto ehlaselayo. I-scandals iqokelela!
2. Amabango angapheliyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abafazi bahlazana ngokubhaliweyo kunye nokunyanzeliswa, bengabakhathaleli ngokwenene oko kwakuthethwa. Ukuba umyeni akazange ahlambe indebe kwakhona (akazange ahlambulule iisokisi, akazange avule isibani sokukhanya, njl.), Mhlawumbi endaweni yokukhalaza kwezikhalazo ezinjengokuthi: "Ungakanani na ihagu!" Kufuneka umonde, kwaye ungenayo imvakalelo ( nangona ukuba ikhulu lexesha) zibuze: "Ndoda, hlamba, nceda, nendebe yam." Amatyala angapheliyo - ukuhlambalaza, ukukhula kube ngcikiva. Izibhengezo ziqokelela!
3. Ukugxeka rhoqo. Ukucatshulwa ngumcibisholo okhutshwe kwisigxina somntu. Mhlawumbi, kwinqulatho, kusemthethweni, kodwa akusoloko ifom apho ibinzana limbethe ngayo, linikeza ithuba lokufikelela kumlingane. Ukuba injongo yentoloko kukulimaza umntu omthandayo kwaye ungayifaki intsingiselo yenkinga, ke kungcono ukumbetha. Ukugxeka okufunekayo kubonakaliswe ngendlela yesicelo, kwaye ngokusoloko kwindlela yokuhlolwa kwesenzo, kungekhona umntu. Iingqinisiso zokuqhayisa ziqokelela!

4. Ukubonakalisa ukungcikiva. Ngokunyeliswa, ukungcikiva ngokucacileyo komlingani kubonakala. Ukulawula okungabonakaliyo, unyango ngokuzikhukhumeza, ukungahoywa imbono, ukuthetha okungapheliyo, ukuhlekisa nokunyelisa kwenza umntu azive engento kwaye engabalulekanga. Ukuhlaselwa kuqokelela!
5. Ukungabi nombulelo. "Ndiyabonga" kwaye "ndiyabonga" ngamagama amabini anzima kakhulu "njengothando". Bona, njengeempawu zokunakwa kunye nokuncoma, beka ithoni ngobudlelwane, kwaye ukungabikho kwabo kuthatha uthando kuba "intambo". Imbopheleleko esiyenzayo ngokunyanzeliswa (okwethu okanye ongaphandle), kodwa ukunyamekela kunye nezenzo ezintle zibonakaliso zentando kuphela. Amazwi okubonga yikhowudi yakhe eyimfihlo. Ububudenge bomphefumlo buqokelela!
6. Ukungahoyi ngesondo. Ukulala ngesondo okanye ukungabi nalesi sizathu esivakalayo sokuqhawula umtshato, nokuba ngaba isibini sitsho ngokungathandabuyo isizathu esivakalayo. Ukuba ubuncinci omnye wabasetyhini akalali ngesondo, ngoko mhlawumbi uya kuba "ahambe" kwixabiso elipheleleyo leli cala lobomi. Kwiintlobo ezininzi zentsapho, into enjalo isithintelo kwezobudlelwane. Ukunganeliseki kuqokelela!

Laba kunye nabanye "abavuthayo" bomtshato bafumana indawo yokuqokelela, kwaye banokuthi bangabakhonkco bentsapho yokuphepha.

Ukuthintela umtshato

I-blogger yaseNew York eyaziwayo uJoanna Goddard, ehlanganisa isihloko sobudlelwane, yabelane nezigidi ezininzi zabathengi abangavamile, kodwa iziphakamiso ezinempumelelo kakhulu eziqinisa ubudlelwane kwintsapho. Ngokweziganeko zakhe, ixesha elide umtshato ugcinwa luvuyiswe ngokungahambi kakuhle kwaye kubonakala kungabalulekanga. Nangona kunjalo, ukugcinwa kwabo akuze kuvumele umntu ukuba acinge ngomtshato.

1. Musa ukukhubekiswa kwizinto ezincinci. Ubomi bufutshane kakhulu ukuze ungakhubeki xa ukhonkxa lomlingane, xa engagqithisi, xa egula kwaye engafuni ukubona nabani na, xa efumana uxinzelelo ngomsebenzi kwaye iqalwe ukusuka kwisiqingatha sekhaya kunye nekhaya. Akufanelekile ukuthatha intliziyo ngobuthakathaka ukuxhomekeka kwimvakalelo. Vumela ukuhamba kwezikhalazo ezincinane, kodwa uholele intsapho ekukhulekeleni ukuxolelwa, xa iimvakalelo ezimbi ziza kudlula.
2. Qaphela imithetho yembeko. Ubupolitika buvula ezininzi iingcango, kunye nokuhlonipha phakathi kwabatshatileyo - luvulela iintliziyo ukudibana. Amazwi okubonga, izicelo ezihloniphekileyo, ingqalelo enyanisekileyo kunye neenkomfa zingalungisa nobudlelwane phakathi kwentsapho kunye nomtshato.
3. Beka umbhedi ndawonye. Musa nje ukufisa amaphupha amahle, kodwa uthabathe ixesha lokuxoxa engqengqeni ngaphambi kokulala, ukuxubusha okwenzekayo ngosuku. Xelela omnye "inkcazelo yamagama" ubusuku, njengokuba wenza kubantwana. Makube ngamava akho, uvuyo okanye ukwesaba. Kukho into echaphazela abantwana, isondlo kunye neyokunyamekela. Yaye qiniseka ukuba uwanga ngaphambi kokulala kwaye ekuseni!

4. Yithi "Ndiyakuthanda" kwinkqubo yokuxabana. Intsapho efanelekileyo ayithethi intsapho ngaphandle kwempi. Ukufumanisa ulwalamano kukuvumela ukuba ufune kwaye uyifumane inyaniso, uzive intlungu. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuba nakwiingxabano abatshatileyo bayaqonda ukuba bayaqhubeka bebathanda, nangona batoni banda. Ukuthi phakathi kwempikiswano "Ndiyakuthanda!" Akunzima, kodwa xa uvakalelwa yimvakalelo, uya kuzibulela ngala mazwi. Zama!
5. Gxotha umyalelo osiweyo. Musa ukulibala ukuzalisa intsapho yakho ngeyona nto. Akukho nto inyaniso ebulala ubudlelwane, njengesiqhelo. Zama into engavamile kunye entsha, yenza ukufumana okudibeneyo, amava anemizwa engenayo. Ukutyelela ivenkile entsha, utshintshe iholide evelele ehlobo ehamba ngekampu kunye neentente, fumana isithethe ukuya kuma-movie, ukubonisa imiboniso kunye nokulungiselela izidlo ezingavamile zothando.
6. Shiya indawo enye. Ukuba iiyure eziyi-24 kunye kunye nokuba kuhle, kodwa kungekhona iintsuku ezingama-365 ngonyaka. Wonke umntu udinga ukuhlala yedwa, inkululeko kunye nokuba yedwa: xa ufuna ukuziva umphefumlo wakho, yenza uphicotho kwiingcamango zakho, uhlalise. Okuqhelekileyo! Shiya indawo yakho, vumela wena kunye neqabane lakho ngezinye ixesha udibane nabahlobo okanye unikele ixesha kwixesha lakho lokuzonwabisa ngaphandle kokubika.

Indlela yokuseka ubudlelwane nomyeni wakhe, ukuba basesecaleni somtshato

Xa ukhuseleko, oluqinisa ubudlelwane bentsapho, lugxothwa, kwaye izibini ziqwalasela ngokuvisisana nobudlelwane obubonakalayo ngokuthandana nothando, intsapho iyaxhomekeka kwikhefu. Ngamanye amaxesha isibini esithatha iminyaka emininzi sitshintsha uxanduva lwe-microclimate kwintsapho omnye komnye, engafuni ukwenza umsebenzi wokuphucula. Ikhono lokuphulaphula nokuva umlingane, ukwenza izinto ezixhatshazelisayo, ulinde iingxaki, unike ngaphandle kokufuna okufanayo - lo msebenzi omkhulu, umonde kunye nexesha. Ukubuyisela kwakhona ubuhlobo obufa, kuya kuthatha umgudu ongakumbi, kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu - uthando!

1. Yamkela iimpazamo. Yonke intsapho yongxabano ikhula ngokuhambelana ne-algorithm: "Ndilungile! Awukho! "Ababini banqwenela ukufumana impendulo kumbuzo omdala ubudala:" Ngubani omele uxanduva? ". Kodwa ukugxininisa kwingxaki evela ngokuthe ngqo kumnye umbuzo: "Yintoni enokuyenza?" Kwaye ke kuphela ukuqhuba ukuxoxwa kunye nokukhangela ityala. Ulwalamano oluhambelanayo kwintsapho alufunanga ukulungiswa. Kwanele ukuvuma ngexesha ophosakeleyo, unetyala okanye uphosakele. Yithatha uxanduva ngenxa yezenzo zabo ezingaqhelekanga, zicele ngokunyanisekileyo ukuxolelwa kwaye zinike ilungelo lomntu othandekayo ukuba anqume-ukwenza okanye ukuxolela.
2. Ukuphelisa ukungabikho kokuzingca. Uya kufuneka uvume ukuba umntu osondeleyo ngumntu kuphela, kwaye unelungelo lokungafezeki, njengabantu bonke. Akukho bantu abalungileyo! Inyaniso yokuba umtshato uyaphula ngokugqithisa kwakho okuza kubonakaliswa zilandelayo izibonakaliso zobugovu:
   • i-egocentrism (ukulungiswa ngokwakho);
   • ziqheno;
   • ubudlelwane obungapheliyo;
   • ukugxeka;
   • ukuvalela;
   • ukungathobeli;
   • nekratshi;
   • nomsindo;
   • ukuphathwa, njl

3. Thatha isenzo. Ukuba ngaba "uyisigxina," kwaye akusikho okokuqala (kubonakala ngathi, kungekhona okwesihlandlo sesibini, ukuba kuvela ekuqhawuleni umtshato), qhafaza ukwenza okungaqhelekanga kuwe, okuya kuthi ufuna ukuxolelwa. Amazwi okuxolisa kunye nezithembiso ayinayo impembelelo efunwayo, kuba abantu abathembeli ngamagama, kodwa ngezenzo. Ngokuqinisekileyo baqinisekise ukuba isibini sinokholo, sixolele, siqale nge-slate ecocekileyo.
4. Xolela kwaye ukhulule. Akunjalo rhoqo ubudlelwane buya kuhlaziywa, kwaye akusoloko kudingeke ukuba kugcinwe. Kukho amaxesha abantu abaye bafeza umyalezo ebomini babo babini kunye nokugcina iimvakalelo ezide zifile - kukuba benze ulwaphulo-mthetho malunga nekamva labo kunye nomntu oza kuthi uya kuvela. Masihambe kunye nomlingane othandekayo nothando, ukuba sele sele ikhona zonke iindlela zokukhusela ulonwabo ziye zazama. Kodwa yenza ngokubulela, ngaphandle kokuhlambalaza kunye netyala. Mxolele yena kunye nawe ngenxa yothando oluphukile. Mkhulule kunye nemeko. Kwaye ke, kunokwenzeka ukuba isenzo esinjalo siya kuba yithuba lesibini lokutshatyalaliswa kwintsapho yakho.