Abaninzi bayazi ukuba kukho ingxaki njengobundlobongela basekhaya, obuye kwabonakala iminyaka emininzi. Isisombululo sawo singaphezu kwamandla alo kunye nenkqubela phambili, kwaye ukuphakamisa izinga lezentlalo kuluntu. Inani labasetyhini abamele ixhoba lohlaselo lwabesilisa liphezulu nakwiindawo eziphucukileyo. Nangona kwimihla yokubetha kwindoda, umfazi unelungelo lokunika ingxelo kwi-arhente yokunyanzelisa umthetho kwaye ngaloo ndlela uya kumgweba.
Kodwa ngaba bonke abafazi benza isigqibo malunga nale nto? Kuvela ukuba akukho. Kuyamangalisa ukuba abantu abaninzi, kwaye nathi sithetha abafazi abaneleyo, baqhubeka bephila baze banyamezele ukuxhatshazwa kwisigamu sabo sesibini, ngelixa bebonisa ukukhathazeka ngaye nokuzala abantwana kuye. Kutheni kwenzeka? Sisiphi isizathu salokhu? Akunabani na owaziyo impendulo ethile kulo mbuzo. Mhlawumbi baqhubeka beyinyamezela, bekhokelwa sisilumkiso esilukhuni kunye nesisilumko-siyabetha, siyabathanda? Futhi mhlawumbi banethemba lokuba ngelinye ilanga ukulungeleka kwabo kuya kutshintsha kwaye yonke into iya kutshintsha ebomini babo.
Kwiimeko ezinjalo, sinokuthi enye into: ukuba indoda iyabetha umfazi, kuyimfuneko ukulwa nale nto kwaye uthathe amanyathelo athile. Ingxaki ixazululwa, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo-umtshato onjalo kufuneka uqothulwe kwaye uchithe ukuxubha. Kodwa ngenxa yesizathu esinye okanye esinye, akubona bonke abafazi abagqibayo oku. U-Asli akakwazi ukucombulula ingxaki ngale ndlela, umntu makenze imizamo yokuthintela ukuxhatshazwa. Indlela yokusebenza kwiimeko ezinjalo?
Yintoni enokuyenza xa indoda ibetha umfazi wayo ?
Kucacile ukuba umfazi onokuzithemba, umfazi oqaqambileyo akaze abe yintlungu yobundlobongela besilisa. Ukuba nangona imeko iyenze ngendlela enokuthi umyeni onobushushu uwile emgibeni, umfazi onamandla onamandla kunye nemizuzu akayi kuzingcungcutheka ngoku. Ukuphula ubudlelwane, kunye nenqaku. Kwaye kufuneka ndixelele ukuba kwiimeko ezininzi akasayi kuphinda aphinde aqhubeke nobudlelwane obusondeleyo naye.
Ukuba ngumntu obuthakathaka, ukuzithemba ngokuzenzekelayo, umfazi unenkxwabo bonke ubomi bakhe, ngaloo ndlela yena kunye nabantwana bakhe baya kubandezeleka. Akunalo abantu ababuthathaka ukwenza izinto ezinqumlekileyo, kwaye akuninzi ukutshintsha uhlobo lwabo ebusuku. Kwaye ukuze angabonakali kwiintambo zomyeni wesibindi, umntu makaqale azame ukufunda isimo sakhe, ukuthambekela kwakhe kobundlobongela kwaye athathe amanyathelo afanelekileyo.
Abo bahlukumeza ukunyanzeliswa okupheleleyo kwintsapho yendoda kaninzi, ngelishwa, banomdla. Emva kokuba aphendule intloko yentombazana aze amjikelele ngenyameko kunye nokunyamekela, bafikeleleke ngokukhawuleza bazijonga ngokwabo. Ngokuthandana nentombazana engenalwazi, ukholelwa ukuba ukuba umntu oqinileyo onokuhlala naye uya kuhlala ekhuselekile kwaye ephila ngokukhululekile. Inkathazo yeNkot, ukuba uhamba nje ngomtshato, njengodonga, okusemntwini womyeni wakho kufuneka ube ngamatye, uvalelwe entolongweni. Kubudlelwane obuphakathi komlingane, kusebenza ngokusemgangathweni wobudlelwane phakathi kwe-boa nekrolikom.
Ngoko yintoni emele ibe ngumqondiso wokuqala kwaye uqaphele intombazana?
Ukuxolisa, njengomthetho, ngaphandle kokuphoqeleka ukuba ulinde ixesha elide, ngokukhawuleza uqala ukuzityhila kwiingxelo ezingenasiphelo ezibhekiswe kubahlobo kunye nabahlobo abaqhelekileyo. Ukuzama ukumqwalasela indlela kunye namanye amabhinqa ama-nimflirtuyut, umyeni okhohlakeleyo ozayo uzama ukubangela intombazana yokuziva. Ukuphikisana kwiingxabano ezinjalo njengengongelo yabantu abasondeleyo (intombi, unina, udade) ukutshabalalisa ubudlelwane babo, uzama ukufezekisa ukuhlukana ngokupheleleyo kwiintsapho.
Indoda enolu hlobo ngokukhawuleza iyafutheka kuyo yonke into encinane kwaye ilahlekelwe ngokolawulo.
Ekuqaleni, ngaphandle kokuqhuma ebusweni, izinto ezinjalo zibonwa yintombazana njengenhlaya. Ngamandla omntu okhohlakeleyo, ongenakulinganiswa ngokupheleleyo, kuvela emva koko, xa izihlobo kunye nabahlobo bexoshwa eceleni, ngamanye amaxesha baze bachitheka ngokupheleleyo.
Konke kuqala ngento yokuba indoda ethandekayo yintanda kwaye iphuma ngaphandle kwayo ngaphandle kwayo, iqala ukuhlazisa kwaye isebenzise amandla akhe. Umfazi uqala ukuphinda aphelelwe yithemba, zama ukukholisa, kodwa konke oku kungakhokelela kwiziphumo ezilindelekileyo.
Ndingenza ntoni ukuba konke oku kuthatha uhlobo lokuhlala? Into ephambili akuyikuvumela konke oku. Akufanele uzingcolise kwaye ukhawulezele ikusasa lakho elibi kwaye lingazalwanga. Kuphela kufuneka uzame ukuzigcina uhamba kwaye ucinge ngqalelo imeko ekhoyo kunye nezizathu zokuvela kwazo. Kwaye ngokubanzi-ngaba kufanelekile ukuqhubeka nokuhlala nalo mntu? Zama ukuvavanya imeko ngokunyamekileyo kwaye ulinganise konke okulungileyo kunye nokungalunganga kwiimpawu zomlingane wakho. Ewe, ukuba iimpawu ezintle zigqithileyo, zama ukutshintsha i-microclimate endlwini.
Okokuqala, zama ukuphakamisa ukuzithemba kwakho, kuba kukho iindlela ezininzi ongayifumana intlonelo kunye nothando lwakho oluvela kwelinye icala. Ukukhethwa kwalolu hlobo okanye loo ndlela kuya kukuvumela ukuba ufezekise ngaphandle kwakho ubunzima obukhethekileyo. Kubalulekile ukulahla ubunzima obungaphantsi kohlobo lwakho oluphefumlelwe ngumyeni wakho. Iimpawu ezinjengokungaqondi, ubuyatha, ukudibanisa kunye nezinye izinto ezininzi sele sele zikhona, imeko yomphefumlo wakho. Nangona kunjalo, umntu ngamnye unelungelo lokonwaba. Awusayi kuxolelwa, kwaye akukho mntu unelungelo lokukukhupha oku.
Ukuba ufuna ukugcina intsapho, phucula umgangatho wekhaya, wenze ngendlela ehamba phambili kwaye eqhubekayo. Ukuphelisa ukwesaba umyeni wakhe, mkhuphe kwiingcambu. Khumbula ukuba ukhululekile, inkululeko yokuphosa inika inkululeko yokuphila, ehlala iphela kuphela. Yaye ukuba uthe wagqiba ukugcina umtshato, zama ukutshintsha indlela oziphatha ngayo kumyeni wakho. Mdumise ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngenxa yezinto ezintle ezibonakalayo kuye, zihlaziye kwaye zithande kakhulu, zama ukukhanya ngakumbi.
Isiphumo siya kuzisa oku kuphela ukuba isiqingatha sakho sesibini siqaphela iingxaki zayo ezidibene nokuzithiba kwaye uthathe isigqibo sokuba usebenze ngokwakho. Kwaye ukuba kungenjalo, kuya kuba ngcono ukuba uyingxenye kunye naye, kuba izicelo zakhe ezingapheliyo zokuxolelwa kunye nokuzama ukubonakalisa uthando lwakhe oluthandayo alukwazi ukuthathwa ngokungathandabuzekiyo ukuze kuqinisekiswe ukuba ukubetha kuya kupheliswa. Njengoko amava obomi abubonakalisa, ukusetyenziswa komntu kuya kuba yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba umfazi uhlala emxolela. Kwaye ke, umntu makangenakwenza isangaphambili "isithandwa-kuthetha, sithande" kunye nesimo sakhe esibalulekileyo. Ufanelwe uthando lwabo abangaqhiphi izandla zabo ukuze baveze iimvakalelo zabo.