- Mhlawumbi, kuya kuba seminye iminyaka emihlanu ukuya kwimithandathu, kwaye lixesha lokuzala.
- Ngubani na?
- Kwakubaluleke ngani? Nangona kungekho mntu ndifuna kuye, ndiya kusebenzisa indlela yokuchithwa kwempahla. Ndifuna umntwana wam. Wena ngokwakho.
Zingaphi iindlebe ezivelayo emva koko? Kwaye nabaninzi abafazi, badumala ngamadoda, kwimbono yentsapho, bathambekele ekuzaleni "ngokwabo." Yintoni le? Isibonakaliso sesimboli sekhulu lama-20? Utshintsho oluqhelekileyo? Okanye uhlazo lwabafazi (kunye nendoda yakhe) isitshixo?
Kukho izizathu ezininzi zeli ganeko. Okuqhelekileyo kukuba akunakwenzeka ukudibana nomntu onokuba nguyise olungileyo kumntwana. Kwakungenakwenzeka ukuba nditshatile, kwakungekho mntu endifuna ukumelana naye phezu kwentloko. Akuzange isebenze. Isizathu esingaqhelekanga - ukuhlehliswa "kwexesha elizayo". Abathandi ababini, abaselula nabakhuselekanga. Into enkulu kunazo zonke onokuyithengisa ukurenta indlu. Kodwa ukukhulisa umntwana kukho ukwesaba. Kwaye kudlulayo unyaka emva kokulindeleka kweemeko ezingcono kunye nokuchuma, kwaye ngoko umtshato ngokwawo uhlala ukhulula. Kodwa ezi zizathu zihlala zihlala zihlala zihlala njalo. Ezinye iinjongo zeenkulungwane ziqala ukuvela. Le nto isele ingcamango yabasetyhini abaphazamisekile. Kuqulethwe kukuba umtshato kunye nentsapho ziphelile kwaye izinto ezingadingekile ukuba umntwana angakhula ngokupheleleyo ngaphandle kobawo, ukuba indoda ifuna kuphela ulawulo lwezonxibelelwano zesondo ngokuqhelekileyo "kwimpilo", kwaye oku akufuneki ukuba ufumane umtshato kwaye uhlale kunye. Ukufudumala komntu, ukunxibelelana kokomoya? Kwaye kule njongo kwaye kuya kuba nomntwana. Ya neleyo. Makungabikho omnye, kodwa ulwalamano loqobo.
Makhe sibone iziphi iingcambu ezifihla icebo lomntwana.
Ukuba ngaba oomama abatshatileyo banzima ukujamelana nokukhula kwabantwana babo, kuya kwenzeka ntoni kumfazi ojolise ngokupheleleyo kumntwana? Xa umntwana encinci, kubonakala ngathi kusekude, kodwa ixesha libaleka ngokukhawuleza. Kwaye ngoku, yedwa, kungeyena osemncinci, sele sele ekhule engaqhelekanga ukwenza izicwangciso nomnye umntu ngaphandle komntwana wakhe, kwaye akadingeki umntwana. Kuvakala ukuba inkohlakalo, kodwa yinyaniso. Umntwana okhulayo uneminqweno yakhe, iimfuno zakhe, ixesha lobuthathaka obutsha bendalo. Kwaye kwanabantwana abacebileyo nabanomdla, inqanaba lokuqwalasela umama lisezantsi kakhulu. Uninzi unina aphule kwaye aqale ukufuna ukunakwa, ukunyuka ebomini bomntwana, ezama ukuthobela ubomi bakhe.
U-Ilya, 42, utshatile eneminyaka engama-39. Wayengumntwana, lowo unina owabeletha "ngokwakhe," engacingi ngokubhekisele kuye. Akazange azi uyise. Wayenokutshata kwaye abe nabantwana emva kokufa kukaMama, ngoxa wayesaphila, wagxeka wonke umfazi owayeya ku-Ilya. Kwaye waqonda: mhlawumbi unina okanye umfazi. Ukushiya umama ogulayo akavunyelwe unembeza, kwaye ukuba nosapho kwakuya kuthetha ukuphonsa unina - akayi kwamkela nawuphi na umfazi ebomini bakhe. Emva kokumngcwaba, wavuma: "Kungakhathaliseki ukuba kunjalo, kwakunentloni, kodwa ndandidliwa emva kokufa kwakhe. Ngoku ndihlala ngokuqhelekileyo. "
Kwiimeko ezinjalo, ukuqinisekiswa kukaMama ukuba "uhlala ngunyana wakhe" ubuncinane buzenzisi. Waza wazala waza wahlala ngokwakhe-kwaye kuphela. Kwaye ngokukhawuleza umdlalo wakhe waqala ukubiza amalungelo okuphila kwakhe? Umama ukhubekile ngantoni yonyana wakhe. Ulibale into eyenza umntu. Ngubani unelungelo lokuphila njengoko ufuna.
Ngamanye amaxesha iqhutshi iyaqhubeka: unyana uyahlala engatshatanga, mhlawumbi enika umntu "uqobo oluthile" lokuzala. Intombi - ibuye ibele umntwana "ngokwabo", kuba ubuncinane umzukulu unina umona.
Kwakhona kwenzeka ukuba abantwana bavukele kwaye ishishini liphela ekuphumeni. Oku akwenzeki ngoku. Ukuhlambalaza umama nomntwana ngokumelene nomnye kunokubangela ezininzi iinkqubo ezifihlakeleyo kwi-subconscious kwaye zonakalise kakhulu ubomi bomntwana. Lo mqondo ofihlakeleyo wecala phambi komama, kunye nomnqweno kwinqanaba elincinci lokuba "lingqina" umama ukuzimela kwakhe - nokuba yintoni leyo, umntwana uyaqhubeka ehlala "emthunzini" womama, ecatshulwa yindlela yakhe.
Kodwa ngelixa umntwana ekhula kuphela, kukho ubunzima obaneleyo. Kwiminyaka engaphambi kokufunda esikolweni nasekuqaleni abantwana abakwazi ukuqonda ngokucacileyo isizathu sokuba intsapho yakhe ingafani nabanye. Kukho okufanayo, kukho kwaye kuya kuba neentsapho ezinabantwana ababini. Kwaye umntwana uya kuqhathaniswa. Hayi, kungekhona kwintsapho yakhe. I-archtype yentsapho, eyabekwa kuyo kuthi kube yiminyaka emininzi, akulula ukuyibulala ngeengcinga ezintsha. Kungcono, kufuneka kuthathe ngaphezu kwekhulu leminyaka. Kwaye umntwana unamandla kunabanye abantu abadala, la ma-archtypes aphelayo-jikelele-ingqondo yakhe "ayilungiswanga" kuluntu. Ngoko ke, ngasese, uya kwakha ingqiqo yokufihlakeleka.
Iphuzu lesibini - le ndlela yindlela elula yokukhula i-egoist kunye neurotic. Umntwana usetyenziselwa into yokuba unina akabelane naye ngqalelo - konke kungokwakhe. Kanti ngaphandle kokuthanda kwakhe, unesimo esifanayo kwihlabathi: ihlabathi lonke kufuneka lithintele kuphela, kunye neengxaki kunye neemfuno zakhe. Ukuba kukho umlingiswa - aba bantwana baqhele ukugcina imeko yezinto ngokunyanzela. Kwaye sibabiza ngokuba ngabanyanzelisi nabashiyashi. Ukuba ubuntu buthathaka - ukudumala kukubuhlungu, kwaye ukuhlambalaza ihlabathi kunkulu. Kwaye ngenxa yoko - izifo, ukungaphumeleli, ukuphazamiseka.
Omnye uya kufuna ukuphikisana: akubona bonke abantwana abakhulileyo kwiintsapho ezinomzali oyedwa abaphosakeleyo! Ewe, kungekhona bonke. Ukulimala kuphela kulabo abanina umama abangazange bathande nabani na, becela umntwana.
Kwindlela endiyisebenzayo kukho umzekelo ongezantsi: umfazi wayetshatile kwaye wayemthanda kakhulu umyeni wakhe, kodwa wayengenakucinga kuye-indoda yakhe yayineengxaki. Bagqiba isigqibo malunga nokugqithiswa kokufakelwa komzimba kunye nomniki wesini. Umyeni wam wayenami yonke ixesha. Umntwana wakhulelwa aze azalwe ngothando. Kwaye konke kulungile kubo, kwaye umntwana akafani na bantwana abazalwa ngokusemthethweni.
Kuyatshwenyeka ukuba akukho ntata. Wayenokushiya unina, afe, unina wayenokushiya, ayenokuhlakazeka ngokufanelekileyo - kungekhona okoqobo. Kubalulekile ukuba ukufakwa koqobo kwintsapho kwenzeke, kwaye kwakukho kule ntando yothando, ubudlelwane, wazalwa waza wazalwa ngumntwana. Kuyatshitshiswa xa omnye umama osele kumgangatho wokukhulelwa ahlawula impahla yomntu kuloo propati. Emva koko, abantwana, ngelixa besesiswini, baziva becinga yonke into eyenzeka kubazali babo.
Ukuphazamiseka kwintsapho, amadoda, uthando-into eyenziwa ngabantu kakhulu. Kodwa indlela yokukhula ngamadoda apheleleyo kunye nabasetyhini abasemagqabini, ukuvala iintliziyo zabo ngenxa yeemvakalelo ezivakalayo, besaba kunye nokuzama ukujikeleza?
Kukho enye indlela yokuphuma: ukuzama, ukuzama, ukufuna nokufumana into eyinyaniso, ukukholelwa kunye nethemba, ukuba usebenze ngokwakho. Oku kusebenza kubo bonke-amadoda namabhinqa.
Ngokombono wam, kuyafaneleka ukucinga: ngaba kuyimfuneko ukuba unqwenele ekuzalweni komntwana, ukuba akukho namnye ozayo kumfazi oya kuba yinkxaso ubuncinane ekuqaleni? Abaninzi bathi ukuba ibhinqa lingaqhubeki njengomama, ubomi bakhe buchithekile. Kodwa ngaba kuya kwenzeka njengomama ozele ngokupheleleyo, ubeke omnye umntu ubomi bokuzikhusela kwizikhalazo kunye nokudumala?