Uthando, ke, luvakalelo oluhle. Kodwa, njengokuba kukho umzekelo, ifom (isatshati okanye ayikho) ekugqibeleni ibonakala ibaluleke ngaphezu komxholo. Le ngenye yeengqungquthela ezibuhlungu kakhulu zentombikazi, esixoxa ngazo ngokunyanisekileyo nabahlobo kunye nonina bam banenkxalabo malunga neentombi zabo ezithandekayo. Ixesha lokuba ufumanise ukuba iimeko ezifanelekileyo kunye neengozi zomtshato womtshato zixubile. Masibuyele kwii-psychologists ezikhokelayo ukuze sinike iingcebiso.
Umtshato yinto entle
Okokuqala machaze isigama. Igama elithi "umtshato", ngokuchasene namahlaya aqhelekileyo kulo mbandela, livela kwisenzi esithi "ukuthatha". Kakade, izibophelelo zichazwe. NgamaNgqina "abizwa (ecaweni), urhulumente (kwi-ofisi ye-registry) kunye nabantu abalulekileyo ebomini besibini-izihlobo, abahlobo, oogxa nabo. "Inkqubo yokuvunywa evela phezulu" inomsebenzi obalulekileyo wabantu, njengokwenza nayiphi na isithethe -kuba ingaba ubhalisela oovulindlela okanye unikezele idiploma. Ukususela kwiminyaka engama-3 umntu uyaqonda ukuba wakhiwe ubuhlobo obuthile kunye nehlabathi langaphandle. Ukuzithemba kwethu kukubonakalisa oko kukhuthazwa kuluntu kunye nento engekho. Yingakho kukho isiko lokubhiyozela umtshato ngokubanzi njengoko kunokwenzeka, inentsingiselo, ngakwesinye icala, ukuvunywa koluntu, kunye nolunye - ukubeka abantu uxanduva. Ephakamileyo isimo somntu, "unyanzelekile" kufuneka abe ngumtshato. Yingakho kungekho mongameli omnye okanye oqhawule umtshato. Kwaye wonke umntu uyaqonda ukuba kutheni. Kodwa ininzi kuthi ngabantu abaqhelekileyo, kwaye umba wokubhalisa ubudlelwane ubangela ukungqubuzana kwangaphakathi.
Ngoko ke sicinga ntoni ngomtshato? Xa indoda kunye nomfazi behlala ndawonye, bahlala kunye nendlu kwaye ... bathandana. Kodwa kwenzeka ukuba emva kwexeshana, xa zonke izithandwa zicima, siyaqaphela ngokukhawuleza ukuba iqabane lifutshane kakhulu kwi-suit Ideal kwaye akunakwenzeka ukubekezelela ukungaphumeleli! Ngaloo ndlela, umtshato wasemzimbeni uyindlela ekhethekileyo. Unokujonga ukuba ukhululekile kangakanani omnye nomnye ngokomzwelo, kwimpilo yemihla ngemihla, ngesondo, njl. Kwaye ngaphandle kwephepha elibomvu lephepha elibomvu ukusabalalisa ukufumana ulonwabo lokwenene. Kwaye ukuba yonke into ifanelekile, ngoko into eyona nto ingundoqo, kukuba umtshato osemthethweni - yinto yeshumi! Isicwangciso esihle nesinyanisekileyo, akunjalo? Kodwa iingcali ziqaphele ukuba, ngazo zonke iinkonzo ezinjalo, "abafazi bembambano" baxhalabisayo kunokuba "bavumelekileyo". Ixesha leminyaka engama-4 libhekwa njengento ebalulekileyo kumtshato womtshato. Isizathu? Siza kuzama ukuqwalasela ubunzima obuqhelekileyo (kodwa asixeli ukuba umtshato womtshato ungaba sisiseko seentsapho ezonwabileyo).
Logic Women
Kwinqanaba lomzimba nelengqondo, lo mfazi ulungiselelwe ukuba unikezwe kumntu. Kwaye ufuna iimpawu zokuthi akayikufaka nje kuphela. Ikamva kufuneka lilandelwe. Emtshatweni womtshato, ukugqibela kuvulekile, njengoko ku-Eugene Onegin. Inkululeko ngobudlelwane iyashunyayelwa. Inkululeko njengenkhukhu evela kwi "bytovuhi." Kodwa emva koko konke, eqinisweni, isibini esisafuneka ukuba sihlele ubomi obufanayo, nje ngomtshato obhalisiweyo, sinqume ukuba ngubani oza kuhlamba izitya, athathe inkunkuma ... Ngenxa yoko, kukho into ebangel 'umdla: amaqabane aphephe ukutyalomali ebomini kunye nokuthuthuzela. Umbuzo wukuthi uthenge intsimbi entsha, ingakhankanyi inkcitho enkulu - imoto, indlu-ixhomekeke emoyeni. Ukususela kumbono wezomthetho, kwakhona, akukho siqinisekiso sokuba amalungelo akho epropati ayayi kukhuselwa yiNkcazo yoLapho. Kwaye iminyaka leyo isibini singaphila njengabafundi, sizama ukungacingi ngomso. Inkathazo yesibini inkululeko njengethuba elingenalwazi lokuba kunye "ukunambitha" namanye amaqabane. Emva koko, le ngongoma ingasetyiweyo, ngaba umntu "ofanayo" uza kubonakala ngokukhawuleza? (Kwimeko yokukrexeza umtshato obhalisiweyo nayo iwanele, kodwa kukho isondo kwicala liyakuthi libhekwe "yiphulo" kunokuba ifune isiqingatha sesibini). Njengomthetho, emtshatweni womtshato, omnye wabalingani uvakalelwa kukuba "ukhululekile", omnye uloyiko ukuva ukuhlambalaza: "Ndiyicinezela kakhulu kum!" Ngenxa yezizathu ezichazwe ngasentla, ikhonkco elibuthathaka lidla rhoqo intombazana.
Logic
Ngoko kutheni amadoda angaphumeleli kwisithsaba? Akunakwenzeka ukuba ubunzima bezintlu ezincinci zamathambo ezindala ezingabonakaliyo. Kwaye abantu abakhetha umtshato wembambano njengomnye umtshato osemthethweni, basenokutshata ngokusemthethweni (nangona kungekho rhoqo kwiqabane labo "labasebenzi"). Ewe, unelisekile ngayo "yonke into enjalo". Kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, akafuni ukutshintsha nantoni na. Kodwa unentshiseko enkulu yokuba intombazana yakhe ethandekayo emva komtshato "yonke into iya kutshintsha." Ngaphambi komtshato, amantombazana asebenzayo - amasitokisi, amakhandlela, ukusuka kwiintlanano eziphuma kwiintsholongwane, ngokungaqiniseki. (Kuphawula ukuba abafazi abatshatileyo bazibukela ngaphantsi kwezinto ezenza ngaphambi komtshato, kwaye bancani kakhulu "ngothando"). Elizweni lethu, i-stereotype isasaqhambuka ngokupheleleyo: umfazi-umfazi ufana nomfazi ongumama (ngesizathu esihle, sihlala sibiza amadoda "abantwana" kwingxoxo kunye nabahlobo kunye nonina). Umama-umfazi, njengomama wakhe, uya kuqhubeka emfundisa, ebeka isohlwayo. Inkathazo yesibini yilo mcimbi oqhatha umtshato, xa intanda kunye nomama bakhe befuna ukudlala "umyeni-nomyeni-we-tiri-tiri-hlama". Umbuzo uvela: "Yintoni ayifunayo ngokwenene-ukubonisa wonke umntu ukuba ekugqibeleni utshatile, okanye ndihleli?"
Kutheni ecacileyo ngokumelene nomtshato?
Amava abantwana ahlala edlala indima ebalulekileyo. Mama, nceda uqaphele! Iimbangela zokwesaba umtshato osemthethweni phakathi kwabantu kwesazela sakho!
1. Ukungabi nokuzinza. Akunjalo nje ngama-scandals rhoqo kwiintsapho, kodwa nangokuba ngabazali, bengenakuphikisana, bahlala bebodwa, behluke omnye komnye kunye nobomi bomntwana. Kwiimeko zombini, le nkwenkwe ingaba nokungaqiniseki ukuba uyayifuna umntu kwaye uyakwazi ukunqoba uthando olujulile. Kuloo mfana unako ukuva: "Yiya kumama!" Kulula ukuba aqikelele ukuwa kobudlelwane kunokukhathazeka ngelinye ilanga intombazana "iya kubona oko ndiyinyani."
2. Ukunyanga. Oomama abaninzi banamandla kakhulu, bayaqiniseka ukuba unyana akafunekanga kuphela ukulawula, kodwa nokuba enze okuninzi kuye, ezama ukufumana iingcamango zakhe neemvakalelo zakhe. Xa ekhulile, unokwesaba ukuba uthando kunye nokunakekelwa - nokuba intombazana enhle kakhulu emhlabeni - inokumgwinya ngokupheleleyo, ukumgxotha ukuzimela kwakhe.
3. Ukunyamekela. Kwenzeka ukuba oomama abazinikele ixesha elide kumntwana wabo, abahlali ekhaya, kwaye ugogo unika le nkwenkwana. Umama ubanda kwaye ufuna. Ekubeni engenawo ithuba lokuthetha ngokuthe ngqo kunye nonina, unokuhlula umfazi wesithandwa sakhe, okungekho nto intombazana enokuyenza. Yingakho ngoko uya kuba kukhangela ngonaphakade umlawuli wakhe.