Akufanele utshatile umntu omthandayo, kodwa kumntu onithandayo, "kusho ubulumko bendoda yasendulo. Kukholelwa ukuba kule meko, wonk 'ubani uya kuvuya: umfazi-onokuyiphambukisa indoda yakhe, njengoko efuna, kwaye - into yokuba into yokudumisa ihlala isondele kuye. Kodwa ngaba intsapho enjalo iya kuhambelana kwaye iyavuya? Yaye unokuzikhethela njani okubaluleke ngakumbi - ukuthanda okanye ukuthandwa?
IINDLELA NAMASEBENZI
Ngaphambi kwamantombazana, ngokukodwa akukho mntu wabuza ukuba ngaba bathanda abantu ababenamantombazana okanye ababengekho, ngelo xesha babexhalabele omnye. Ngokomzekelo, zingaphi iinkomo, ihagu, iifubini kunye nemali (eqinisweni, umyeni wayenomdla kwinto efanayo malunga nomtshakazi). Ngoku, ngokuqinisekileyo, akuqhelekanga xa betshaba imali emabhokisini (iinkomo asithandanga mntu), kodwa le ngxoxo ehlukeneyo. Namhlanje sithetha ngomnye, malunga nento ebaluleke ngakumbi-yanele ngokwenene uthando (xa umntu ethanda, omnye evumela yena ukuba amthande, xa omnye embanga kunye nomnye ubeka nje itekisi) lomtshato. Makhe sijonge kwizinto ezixhamlayo kunye neengxaki zokubambisana.
Siyintoni isono sokufihla, thina bafazi sithandeka xa sisazi ukuba kukho umntu osithandayo. Kwaye nangona le nto ingenakukhathalela ngokupheleleyo, kusenomdla - ukuzithemba kuya phezulu! Kuvela ukuba awunanto, nangona iiplundi ezingaphezulu, kunye nesimo sokugungqa kwaye ngokucacileyo asikho ukubonakala kwephotomodel. Ubuso bukaKnight, nokuba ngumlenze, onobukhulu kunye nomdala, ehlala kwindlu yokuhlala kunye nonina, kodwa ekuthandeni ngothando kwaye ukulungele ukuzalisekisa nayiphi na into yakho, nayiphi na iminqweno, yenza uzive njengoMhlekazi onjalo. Unika ientyatyambo, ukhokelela kwiindawo zokuzonwabisa, ngamanye amaxesha - ukuba unethamsanqa-kwaye unika imibongo. Ungowokuqala umnxeba kwaye ujonge kuwe ngamehlo athembekileyo, engafuneki nto ngokubuyisela. Ewe, ndixelele, ngubani ongayithandi? Ngoko senza isigqibo ngokuzikhethela ukuba lowo othembekileyo nothando angenzi isono naphantsi kwesithsaba sokuhamba-makabe esesandleni sakhe de kube ngumhlala phantsi (ngaphandle kokuba, ngokuqinisekileyo, ayiphuli ngaphambili). Kodwa, ngokungaqhelekanga njengoko kubonakala ngathi ekuqalekeni, konke okukholiswayo kukhethwe ngaphambi komtshato, emva kwexesha elithile liqala ukucaphukisa. Kwaye i-pros ishintshe ibe yimihlaba.
Ndiye ndafunda kum namava am ukuba ukuzivumela ukuba ndithande ngaphandle kokuphindaphinda kukuxhatshazwa. Siphila nomyeni wam iminyaka engama-7 ngoku, sinabantwana ababini, yonke into ibonakala ihle. Kodwa andizange ndive ngenxa yentswelo yonyani-kuphela uvelwano. Ngethuba ephambi kwakhe, kwaye ngoku uhlanya, xa senza inxenye yosuku, uyandinyamekela, njengomntwana omncinci, uthetha amagama amaninzi. Amantombazana athi nditshwenyekile kwaye andiyiqondi intlalo yam, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo bayandiqhatha, ngenxa yokuba abafuni ukusela "isiqingatha" sabo baye kwesobunxele, kwaye abanye babo bangaphakamisa isandla. Yaye yam, ukusuka ngaphesheya ukhangeleka, konke kukhangeleka ukuba ngumzekelo nje. Yingakho ibuhlungu! Ndiyaqonda ukuba ufanelekele ngakumbi - uthando lokwenene, kodwa akukho mbulelo ngenxa yothando!
Kwaye kwimeko enjalo akucaci ukuba ubani ofuna ukuxatyiswa ngaphezulu: indoda okanye ibhinqa. Into enye icacile-kubalulekile kuzo zombini. Ibhinqa liyaqonda ukuba kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba kuthandwe, kodwa ke ngokuphatha umlingani wakhe njengomthengi, kwaye oku kuye kwenza ukuba azive enetyala phambi kokuba umyeni wakhe, okwangoku, angabangela ukuba kube ne-neurosis enkulu. Indoda esuka esikhumbeni ikhuphuka, izama ukunqoba uthando lomkhethiweyo wakhe, kodwa ngokuphindaphindiweyo ithola kuphela "inkosi" ongenakunqwenela kunokuba ube nomdla onomdla. Oku kukunyanzeliswa kwakhe, kwaye ngokuthe ngcembe uthando lwakhe luya kutshintshwa ngokunyuka imihla ngemihla kunye nobudlova kumlingane: "Ndenze konke ukukholisa kuye, kodwa akwanele! Yintoni enye into ayifunayo? "Ngoko ke, kwiintsapho ezinjalo, ukukhuseleka okuqhubekayo, ukuxabana, ukunganeliseki kunye nokukhathala akunakwenzeka.
STEPPITSYA
Ngokutsho kweengqondo zeengqondo, "ukuwela othandweni" akunakwenzeka njalo. Kwaye ngokuchanekileyo, kwenzeka kwiimeko ezinqabileyo kakhulu. Ngokuqhelekileyo iziganeko zivela phantsi kwezinye iimeko. Kwimeko enye (eyona nto ibubi kakhulu), ukungavumelani komnye kubangela ukuba inzondo ithandane. Kwaye ukuhlala nomntu oguqukayo akusivivinywe lula. Kwelinye icala, ekugqibeleni, bobabini baxolelaniswa nelokuba abayi kuze bakwazi ukuthandana, kwaye bazama ukwakha ubudlelwane nokuba babusane. Oku kufana nesivumelwano phakathi kwabantu ababini abanengqiqo abaye banquma ukuba iminqweno yabantwana iyindawo yokuqala, ngoko ke akukho nto yokuyidiliza intsapho. Mhlawumbi, kulo mzekelo, abantwana abahluphekanga ngokwenene xa beqhawula umtshato (nangona kunjalo umbuzo omkhulu, kuba umntwana unokukopa imodeli yobudlelwane bomzali ebomini bakhe obudala), kodwa unokuthi loo ntsapho iyavumelana kwaye iyavuya?
Ukongezelela - khumbula uFrud - ungalibali ngesini, into ebalulekileyo yentsapho yolonwabo. Kwiintsapho apho intsebenziswano zithandana, akuthi ngaphandle kokuba ulwalamano olusecaleni aluvumelekanga okanye alufunanga. Yaye ukuba umntu emtshatweni uyakuthanda, kwaye omnye-akunjalo, ngokufanelekileyo, kwaye umbuzo othi "utshintshe okanye ungatshintshi" usombulula lula. Indoda ehlala nendoda engathandeki inokutshatyalaliswa ngokukhawuleza kunye nomnye kwaye iholele ubomi obuncinane iminyaka emininzi. Fundisa abantwana baze baye kuthengiselwano kunye nehafu yabo yomthetho, bathande baze baphuphe ngenye into. Ewe, kunye nomyeni, ukhathele ukukhangela i-caresses kunye nesisa kumfazi wakhe, unokuya kwicala, ezama ukuzithuthuzela kwiingalo zobuhle bokuqala. Yaye ukuba ekuqaleni oko kubonakala ngathi kulungelelaniso - kwaye iingcuka zizele, kwaye izimvu zikhuselekile, - ke kuza ukuqonda ukuba inxalenye ephindwe kabini inwaba ayinakufunyanwa. Ukongezelela - ukuvisisana akufumanwanga kwicala okanye kwintsapho. Emva kwakho konke, nangona iinqanaba ezimbini zizenzele i-arithmetically kwaye zinikezele ngokupheleleyo, ubomi buyalela imithetho yayo. Kwaye, ngokweengcali zeengqondo, umntu unokuchitha yonke loo nto ebomini phakathi komnqweno onqwenelekayo kunye nobunzima obunzima, obunobunzima bakhe. Kuze kube yilapho ekugqibeleni uyayibona into ayifunayo ngokwenene, kwaye akenzi ukhetho olufanelekileyo.
ISISHWANKATHELO
Ngako oko, iresiphi "yomkhulu" yentsapho yolonwabo - ukuzivumela ukuba uthande, kwaye ungayithandi - akupheli ixesha. Ukuba awuyithandi, phinda ubambe okokuqala. Emva kwakho konke, uthando luseburhulumenteni olukhethekileyo, olukwazi ukuguqula nawuphi na umfazi onobungozi ebuhleni obuvuthayo ngaphandle koncedo lwabagadi bezakhiwo kunye nabenzi bezakhono. Ukuba sithandana ngothando, umntu ufumana amandla amakhulu: yonke into iphikisana, yonke into iyasebenza. Kwaye abantu abazungezile baqala ukumphatha ngomusa, kuba iimpawu ezilungileyo zivela kumntu othandwayo. Emva koko, E.Kusuka ngokuqinisekileyo wathi, "othanda umntu oyinyaniso, uyalithanda lonke ihlabathi."
Kwaye ngaphambi kokuba unike isandla sakho (malunga nentliziyo yokuthula) kumntu ongathandekiyo, kuyafaneleka ukuba uqikelele ukucinga nokulinganisela zonke iingxaki. Nangona ubudala buhlala kwizithende, kwaye umama uthi kuwe: "Ungaphuthelwa, le yithuba lakho lokugqibela", mhlawumbi kungcono ukulinda de ukufika kwangempela kwaye uyaqonda ukuba kubalulekile ukuthanda okanye ukuthandwa kwinqanaba elifanayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, uthando lwentsebenziswano ngokwawo aluqinisekisi ukuba nolwalamano oluqinileyo lwentsapho, kodwa, uyabona, oku kuyinto. Esi sisiseko. Kodwa oko wakha kuwo, kuya kuxhomekeka kuphela kuwe.