Ukufika ekuqaleni kwenkulungwane ye-20, ibhinqa elihle kakhulu lentombazana yokutshata yayineminyaka eli-18 ubudala. Ibhinqa elingatshatanga ngaphambi kweminyaka engama-25 ithathwa njengendoda endala, kwaye kwakunzima kakhulu kuye ukulungiselela impilo yakhe. Masiqale ngelokuba kweso xesha ixesha lobomi bezenhlalakahle balo mfazi bekuncinci ekulimeni nasekukhuliseni abantwana. Ukukhanyela kuluntu, ukunyamekela abantwana kunye nomyeni - oko kwakuyimisebenzi ebalulekileyo yowesifazane otshatileyo ngaphambili.
Abasetyhini banamhlanje baqhuba ubomi bezenhlalakahle, bazibandakanye kwishishini (ngokuqhelekileyo bafikelela kwindawo ephakamileyo kunabanye abantu), bangene kwezopolitiko. Namhlanje, akukho mntu uyamangalisa ukuba iqumrhu elikhulu lamazwe ngamazwe liholwa ngumfazi. Ubomi obunomsebenzi obuthile kunye nobunzima buyenzeka ngaphandle kokuba kubekho imfundo efanelekileyo, enzima ukuyifumana, ukuba ngumfazi nonina (mhlawumbi kwindlela ye-neyllabic). Ukongezelela, iziko lomtshato liye lafumana utshintsho oluphawulekayo, kwaye umtshato wokuqala usukwahluke kancinci, kunokuba ungathandeki, kunokuba uncomeke.
Ukuba ngaphambili umtshato uthathwa njengesiqhelo, ngoku izibangela zemitshato yokuqala ifundwe ngokucophelela. Kukholelwa ukuba umtshato osemncinci uyona nto imbangela yokuqhawula umtshato, uthi "abancinci abazi into abenzayo," batshata ngokukhawuleza kwaye bengacingi, kwaye kwiminyaka embalwa abanakuqonda ukuba kutheni ukhetho lomntu (okanye ukhethwa).
Izizathu zemitshato yasekuqaleni zibandakanya ukubonakaliswa okulandelayo, ezininzi zazo eziba ngumzuzu obalulekileyo ekwenzeni isigqibo esinqabileyo sokutshata.
Uthando, olugqithisa amantombazana amantombazana, luyinto edlulayo. Kukholelwa ukuba intombazana encinci ayikwazi ukufumana uthando oluvuthiweyo. Kwenzeka ntoni kumzimba wakhe, kunokwenzeka ukuba kubangelwa ukuba utshintsho lwe-hormone, kwaye umnqweno nomnqweno wokuhlala kunye nomthandayo wakho onke amaxesha ayithethi ukuthanda, ukuqonda, ukuxolela. Xa uthando luba yimbangela yomtshato wokuqala, abantu abaselula abakwaziyo ukuqonda nokuzamkela utshintsho olwenzekayo xa kuhlanganiswa ukulima. Ukongeza, bajamelene nesisombululo seengxaki ezininzi kunye nemibuzo. Ukwenyuka kweengxabano ezongezelelweyo kunokuncediswa ukungabikho kwembuyekezo kunye nemfuno yokuhlala kunye nabazali.
Ngokuqhelekileyo, imbangela yomtshato wokuqala ngumnqweno wokuqinisekisa ubuhlobo obusondeleyo obuvela phakathi kwabaselula. Okwangoku, abantu abaninzi bayeka ukungaqiniseki kulo mbandela kwaye ababonanga nantoni na into ehlawulelwayo kwimibandela yomtshato okanye kwiintlanganiso ezincinci zolutsha. Nangona kunjalo, ipesenteji yabazali abenza ngokuthe ngqo ukuziphatha okunjalo kweentombi zikhulu ngokwaneleyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo ngaba ngabazali beempazamo zemitshato yokuqala yamantombazana, bezama ukuzilawula ngokupheleleyo nokuziphathelisa, bengayiqondi ukuba ngale ndlela bayishiya ngaphandle kokukhetha ukutshata nokwenza ubuhlobo bomthetho.
Ukucinezelwa kwabazali, ukugcinwa kwabo ngokugqithiseleyo, ukungakwazi ukulinganisela ngombono omdala (intombi endala okanye unyana), kunokubangela umnqweno omkhulu wokuphuma ebukhosini kwaye ushiye ikhaya labazali, ngeendlela zonke. Ngcikivo olugqithisileyo kubazali, ukuziphatha kwabo rhoqo kukunyanzela amantombazana. Ezi zizathu zokudala intsapho ayilunganga okokuqala, kuba iinjongo zokutshata kule meko ayinzulu.
Esinye sezizathu eziqhelekileyo zomtshato wokuqala kusakhulelwa ngokungazenzisiyo. Nangona kukho uluhlu olubanzi lwazo zokukhulelwa, amantombazana amancinci ayengenangqiqo enkulu ngokuqala ubomi bocansi. Kule meko, indima ebaluleke kakhulu idlaliswa yindawo yomama, ngubani omele akhethe amagama afanelekileyo okuchazela intombi ekhulayo ukuba utshintsho oluthile emzimbeni wakhe luvela ngokumalunga nokungena ekuzaleni "ukuzala". Akunjalo na ukuba kufuneka uxinzelelwe igunya, njengoko ukulahlekelwa yithemba kungakhokelela kwimiphumo engathandekiyo (ayinakunyulwa ukuba umama uyifumene ngokukhipha isisu intombazana enokuyenza).
Ukukhulelwa kokucwangcisa kunyanzelekile, ekubeni ukukhupha izisu zokuqala akuphelelanga nje ngeengxaki zomzimba, kodwa kunye noxinzelelo lwengqondo olujulile. Ukuba ukukhulelwa kuba sisizathu somtshato, ngoko kunzima ukusho ngokungaqinisekanga ukuba umtshato onjalo uza kuphumelela kwaye uhlala njalo. Xa ulutsha lubandakanyeka kakhulu ekukhulisweni kwengane (kholelwa mna, oku kwenzekayo), kunokwenzeka ukuba umtshato wokuqala uyaphumelela. Ukuba abazali beentombazana banenkxalabo malunga noko abantu bathethayo, bengayithobeli ingqalelo kwiintetho zentombi, intsapho ingenamandla.
Amantombazana amancinci adla ngokuthandana aze akholelwe ukuba athande ngonaphakade. Nangona kunjalo, emva kokuvalelwa kobuhlungu bokwehlukana, banokuhlala ixesha elide, bekrola kwiintlanganiso zabo iingcinga, bahamba kunye nokubamba kuqala. Kwixesha elinjalo, kukho ingozi yokuba intombazana ilungele ukutshata nomntu wokuqala ukudibana, ukulibala uthando olungenakutheba. Imitshato efana nayo idlalwa ngokungafezeki, njengokuba intukuthelo idlulayo ngexesha, kwaye umoni lowo akafuni ukuphindezela, kwaye isitampu kwipasipoti iyafuneka.
Nangona kunjalo, naphezu kweenkcukacha ezidakisayo zokuqhawula umtshato ngexesha lemitshato yokuqala, kukho izibini ezitshatileyo ezizibophelela kwizibophelelo ze-Hymeny ebuncinci kakhulu, ukufumana uthando lokwenene nokuqonda ukuba umtshato uyimilinganiselo ebalulekileyo yobomi. Xa kunjalo, xa intombazana ingazivumi, iyakwazi ukufumana imfundo ukwenzela ukwakha umsebenzi kunye nokukhulisa abantwana kwixesha elizayo, umtshato wokuqala kusenokukunceda ukuba ube noxanduva olukhawulezayo. Kodwa inani lomtshato onjalo lincinci.