Awuzange ucinge ngako, kodwa nantsi nguwe: intanda ethandekile "okanye" kufuneka ufunde inxaxheba yintombi engumntwana ... Ukhethi olubuhlungu - ngubani ukuba abe: uPapa "ngokungabandakanyeki" okanye "ngokugwetywa"? Nokuba njani uba nguyise oyinyaniso? Iindlela zokwenza ukulungelelanisa inzala zinganceda kule nto.
Ukukhulelwa kwangaphandle
Kubomi bomntu kukho iibinzana ezimbalwa ezinokuqhuba ukuqhubela phambili-kwaye oku kungakhathaliseki ukuba ziqikelele. Umzekelo: "Into endikukhumbuliyo kwiintetho ... Siza kudlula njani uvavanyo?" Okanye "Unomashenyu obhaliso lwasemkhosini kwaye ubhalise iofisi, usayine." Kwaye ngokukodwa: "Mzalwana, ngokukhawuleza uza kuba ngubaba!" Njani? Wayefuna kuphela ukuhlala apho: Ndandifumana umsebenzi omhle, ndacwangcisa uhambo lwe-kayak (lonke ihlobo), ndiphupha imoto entsha ... kwaye unikwe ukunikela ixesha elizayo kwiindawo zokukhulelwa (izihlobo zandixelele ukuba zithini), ukugubha umntwana okhalayo ebusuku kunye noshintsho olungapheliyo lwabafana.
Akukho nto! Yintoni endiyenzayo?
Ukuphendula okunjalo kumadoda kubonakala, ngenxa yokuba isisa sikayise asithathi ngobisi lwangunina (ngokuchasene nesondo esifanelekileyo). Ngakolunye uhlangothi, unokuba nethemba lokuba kungekudala okanye emva koko umzenzeko uza kuzibonakalisa - iminyaka ukuya ku-35-40, kuba, ngokwezenzululwazi, ngeli xesha le nqanaba le-hormone oxytocin, elijongene neemvakalelo zobazali, lifikelela kwindawo ephakamileyo. Nangona kunjalo, kwimeko apho kubakho ukuza kubantwana, kungenakuchukumisa ukuba kwenziwe ngokunyanisekileyo. Umzekelo, ukuqala ukuqonda.
"Upapal" ukwesaba
Ndiselula kakhulu (kungekuphela kwengu-20 kuphela, kodwa nangeminyaka engama-30)! Amaqela ngaphambi kwentsasa, ukuhamba ngokukhawuleza ukuya "kumda wehlabathi" kunye noqhagamshelwano kunye nabahlobo be-bachelor baya kuhluthwa ... ngonaphakade?
Andikulungele ngemali: ithemba lokusebenza "ezintathu" lincinci kakhulu. Kwaye ukuba usenokuchitha inxaxheba yengonyama yengeniso kwimfucuza yabantwana ...
Ngomntwana kunzima kangaka! "Inxephezelo" yabantwana abaqabane abathile bemibala babuchaze le "ngxwaba": colic, ukutshintsha, utshintshe ukubonakala komfazi wakhe. Kwaye kuqhelekile ukucinga: "Ndiyabulela uThixo, akunjalo nam" - ayiyi kusebenza kwakhona. Mhlawumbi kunjalo. Mhlawumbi akunjalo: ngumntwana wakho oza kulala ngokukhawuleza aze amkele ukuhamba ngeenqanawa ... kwaye umfazi esikhundleni seepounds ezongezelelweyo emva kokuzalwa "uya kukhula" amabele e-chic. Kwaye ngokubanzi, zonke iingxaki zisesigxina - ngokungafani noluthando olunikezwa ngumntwana!
Indima kaMama
Lungiselela uyihlo ngenxaxheba entsha ngokuthe ngcembe. Musa ukuhlawula ingxube yolwazi malunga nokukhulelwa kunye neentsana kanye. Kodwa musa ukumvumela ukuba ahambe, uthando luphela ludala uthando.
Imizekelo yokunikela ngomzali ovuyayo ngeendlela zokwenza ukulungelelanisa ukuzala. Jonga iindwendwe kubahlobo abakhulayo abantwana abathandiweyo-ngaphandle kokuxhatshazwa. Yaye indoda iya kuqonda: abantwana abayintlekele!
Bonisa uthando lwakho! Ngokuqhelekileyo umntu ufumana: "Ngoku ndiyongezwa" yesithathu ", zonke iingcamango zakhe neemvakalelo zakhe zivela kumntwana." Kodwa oku akunjalo!
Owesibini uBawo
Umntwana sele sele ekhona. Ngoko, awukwazi ukukhathazeka malunga nobusuku bokulala, i-gruel kunye ne-diapers. Kodwa iingxaki ezivela kulo azincinci. Umntwana ngumnye umntu ... kodwa kufuneka abe ngumthonyama! Emva koko, lo ngumntwana ozithandayo! Ewe, umhlobo wakhe kuphela ulungile: wonke umntu uthatha isimo sengqumbo, kwiinyawo zonke afuna ukucaphukisa, umona unomona. Ungazifumana njani iphazili? Okanye, mhlawumbi, kumaphupha obomi obonwabileyo, ubeke umnqamlezo weoli?
Ngokuqinisekileyo, akulula ukuyifumana kumntu omncinane okhulile ngaphandle kokuthatha inxaxheba yakho, akazange azuze iimbonakalo zakho ... Kodwa ke, ungadikibala: ngokuqhelekileyo ngumntu okhupha umntwana, umnika isimo sakhe sengqondo kwihlabathi elikujikelezayo, umenze aqhubekele ngokwakhe - kuba ngo kwenene! Ewe, kulula ukujamelana nale nto ukuba "unayo" umntwana. Kodwa kunye nentsha ekhuselekileyo unokufumana uqhagamshelwano-kuya kuba nomnqweno. I-Slyukat kwaye ayifuni ngokuzibuza - ubaba onothando unakho kwaye kufuneka abe ngqongqo (ngokufanelekileyo). Kubalulekile ukufumana umhlaba oqhelekileyo, imicimbi eqhelekileyo - akunzima kunzima, ukuba umntu uyashukunyiswa uthando olunyanisekileyo kumfazi (kunye nomntwana - njengoko uqhubekayo). Musa ukufihla kumntwana wakho iimvakalelo ezinzulu ngenxa kanina - okokuqala into yodwa edibanisa nomntwana kwaye unokuthembela ngayo ukuseka ubudlelwane.
Ixesha leengxaki
Utata womntwana "ubeka iivili ngevili" - kwimeko apho isibini esahlukanisile, kodwa asizange sahlukane, oko kukuthi, sisenomdla komnye nomnye. Zama ukupholisa - indawo yokunkcenkceshela kunye nodaka akunakwenzeka ukuba ungeze ukuthembeka kuwe kwindlela yomntu okwenza ukuba ulungele ukuzala. Ngokufanelekileyo, kuya kuba kuhle ukuba noyise womntwana ongekho abathandanayo, kodwa amaqabane ebhizinisi kwimeko yokufundisa indlalifa. Ukwahlula, ngoko uyafana-unonwabo nenhlalakahle yomntwana.
Umntwana oqhelekileyo wazalwa: kuye kwaba lula ukuthelekisa "nomnye umntu" kunye "nokwakhe", ngokungazi ngokukhetha ukwesibini. Ngenxa yoko - umva wecala kunye nomnqweno wokulinganisa uthando lwabantwana (okungenakwenzeka okokuqala). Isicwangciso esilungileyo: zibathande - nangona zindlela ezahlukeneyo (oku kuqhelekileyo!), Zama ukuhlawula ingqalelo efanayo, umzekelo, ukutsala umdala ukuba unakekele umntwana - kodwa ngaphandle kwengcinezelo!
Indima kaMama
Ukubambisana kobudlelwane phakathi komntwana kunye nomntwana wesibini kuncike kakhulu kwimigaqo oyilandelayo kwinkqubo yokukhulisa unyana okanye intombi. Ukuba wawuyinto yonke kumntwana, wayehlala kuyo, uya kuthukuthela ngcamango yokuba umama wayenqwenela ukufisa into ethile - wayeyitshintshela omnye umalume kwaye ngoku uyamkhathalela! Ukuba ukhulise umntwana kwingoma oyithandwayo yongomama ongatshatanga "Bonke abalimi - bayo ...", umntwana uza kuzama ukulukisa unina kwisinyathelo esingalunganga okanye ukudelela: "Kuye kwenzeka ukuba uya kujongana nale" yinto enyanyekayo "! Yenza izigqibo.
Abaninzi abasetyhini banengxaki yokwesaba ukukhulelwa okungapheliyo, kuquka, kwaye ngenxa yokwesaba ukuba iqabane liza kuthatha iindaba ngeendlela ezimbi.
Ayikho into embi kakhulu! Ngokwenziwe uphando olwenziwa ngabantu baseMerika, abantu abangaphezu kwesiqingatha sabantu abadliwano-ndlebe (abangaphantsi kweminyaka engama-30!) Ngaba bayavuya xa befunda ngokukhulelwa kwesiqingatha-ngaphandle kwesi sicwangciso.
Iimbono zendabuko malunga neendima zamadoda kunye nabesifazane: zidluliselwa kumntwana kwinkqubo yemfundo, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo inkwenkwe iva ngobuntwaneni: "Kutheni le ntlungu ibuhlungu?", "Abantombazana kuphela badlala idodoli!" Ngaba kuyamangalisa ukuba, njengomdala, Ucinga ukuba ingxabano nomntwana akukhathazeki yindoda?
Ukulindela uluntu: kungekude kudlulileyo kuluntu kwakukho isimo sengqondo esichasayo kubayeni ababandakanya ukugcinwa kwendlu kunye nabantwana (oko kubonakaliswe kwiigama elithi "ibhinqa", "u-rag", "kungekhona umntu"). Umzekelo we "papa owaziyo" uye wavunywa ngokusemgangathweni kuluntu kwiminyaka elishumi edlulileyo.
I-Dogma malunga neyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu ekuzalweni komntwana.
Kwintlalo yoshishino, xa indima kayise yancitshiswa kwimisebenzi "yokutya kunye nokutya", oku, ngokwenene, kuyafana. Nangona kunjalo, ungakulibali ukuba iminyaka emininzi edlulileyo, oobawo basebenze kufuphi nendlu (kwintengiso okanye kwi-workshop) bathathe inxaxheba ngokuthe ngqo ekukhulisweni kwenzalo! Kwiminyaka eyiwaka, i-patrarchal culture yichaza uyise njengomzali ofanelekileyo kakhulu onoxanduva lokuba luhlobo luni lwabantwana bakhe ekugqibeleni bakhule. Kwaye, ngendlela, zonke iincwadi zokuziphatha ezinjengezemfundo (ezifana ne "Domostroy") zibhekiswe ngqo kubabawo!
Ukuze ube ngubaba omhle, kufuneka:
Thatha inyathelo ezandleni zabo. Umsebenzi kwimicimbi ephathelele ekuphuhlisweni nasekukhulisweni komntwana isiqinisekiso sokuthi yonke into iya kusebenza (ngaphandle kokukhawuleza).
Zenza. Ubume abukho isimo, ngumsebenzi! Izakhono eziphuhliswe kulo msebenzi (abazi - zibuze, zifunde, zicele ukubonisa).
Fumana isitayela sakho. Akuyimfuneko ukukopisha indlela yokuziphatha komfazi, kungcono ukuzama "ukuzalisa iibhanki": umama ugxininise ekuphuculeni ngokomzwelo wengane - engeza ukuzikhandla ngokomzimba; umsebenzi womlingane wemfundo - yenza "ukuzonwabisa", njl njl.
Ungabi ngumncedisi kuphela, kodwa kunye neqabane. Isimo sengqondo somntu ku-titshala njengomkhuseli kunye nendawo yomama yinto edlulileyo, upapa wamanje kuyo yonke imicimbi yezemfundo iyakwazi ukuhambisana!
Ukunika ingqalelo intsapho kunye nexesha. Nokuba u xakeke kakhulu! Inyaniso yokuba "isangqa esondeleyo" yinto ephambili. Intsapho yinto eya kuhlala ihlala nawe - kwaye ingqalelo yakho (ngamanye amaxesha ungabalulekanga ngokwenene!) Ihlabathi kunye nokuthula kwindlu kuxhomekeka kakhulu.
Ukulungelelaniswa kwabazali akusiyo imvelo yendalo, kodwa isigaba sokukhula komntu: umntu ufuna ukuguqula uthando olukhulu kunobomi obutsha. Inyaniso yokuba amadoda kunye nabasetyhini ukulungelelanisa umzali unempawu ezizodwa ziyingxaki.
Kuphathelele ubuntu bomntu ngokuzimisela kwakhe ukuba ngumzali kunye nezimo zengqondo zangaphakathi ezithintelayo / zithintele. Imifanekiso yexesha elizayo uyise nonina ibeka ithuba lokusebenzisana kunye noyise nonina, elowo lunegalelo: ulawulo lwabazali kunye nokuqhelanisa nehlabathi langaphandle, unina - ukudlulisela amandla okuphuhlisa umhlaba wehlabathi weemvakalelo.
Ukuzalwa komntwana kuyimfihlakalo yendalo, kwaye ukuba iNdalo ikhusela ukukhulelwa, nangona kungenakulungiswa, kuyisimboli: ufanelwe ukuqhubeka. Musa ukumdumala ngoxanduva lwakho.