Nangona kunjalo, icebiso lengcali yeengqondo: nokuba kunokwenzeka ukugcina umyeni umntwana, kuya kuqala ukuqwalasela oko sithetha ntoni xa sithi "gcina umyeni umntwana". Emva koko, iimeko zihlukile, kwaye akubona sonke esinokugwetywa ngokulinganayo. Emva koko, kukho iimeko xa intombazana, ukuze igcine umfana ngendlela ethembekileyo okanye yokungathembeki, yakhulelwa. Kubonakala ukuba umfana kufuneka amtshatile ... Okanye xa bebe sele betshatile kwaye benomngcipheko omkhulu wokuqhawula umtshato, ngoko umfazi unquma ukuphatha umyeni wakhe, umbandakanya kumdlalo wakhe, edlala kwimilinganiselo yakhe yokuziphatha kwaye anqume ukuba indoda ayiyi kumshiya, kuba ukuba akayi kuvunyelwa ingqiqo yomsebenzi, iimpawu zokuziphatha kunye nesazela.
Kodwa kwimeko apho kusekho umngcipheko wokuba umyeni angakushiya kwenye, uqhawule umtshato kunye nokuhlawula i-alimony kumntwana wakhe ozayo. Yonke into incike kumntu, uninzi kangakanani ukuzinikezela kwizithethe kunye neenkolelo, indlela enqweneleyo-enqwenela ngayo nomusa wakhe. Ukuba usaphatha ukugcina umyeni wakho, cinga ngeemeko ngokwazo, iziphumo zayo. Khawucinge ukuba usakwazi ukukwenza.
Okokuqala, isenzo ngokwayo sesele senza okubi, usebenze umntu, udlale kwiimvakalelo zakhe kunye nemvakalelo kwaye uphule ubomi bakhe. Emva kwakho konke, ukuba ufuna ukugcina umyeni, sele usenalo iiplani kunye neengcamango ezinjalo, kuthetha ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba uyamthanda kunye neemvakalelo, mhlawumbi umntu ufuna ukuqhawula umtshato kwaye ahambe, wafumana elinye iqabane lobomi bakhe. Kwenzeka: abantu abavumelani nabalinganiswa, benza iimpazamo xa bekhetha iqabane, okanye ukukhulelwa okungalindelekanga kwenzeka, amaqabane awazange alungele, kwaye akukho uthando lwangempela phakathi kwabo, kwaye alukwazi ukuba khona. Indoda inokunqwenela ukushiya ngenxa yokuxabana nokuxabana, kwaye ngenxa nje yokungabi nthando. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, umntu makabe esele ahambe ngaphandle kokubamba. Cinga ngokwakho ukuba kuya kuba ngcono kuwe: ukuba umyeni ufuna ukuhamba ngenxa yokungahambelani kwabalinganiswa, ukuxabana rhoqo, unokunyamezela oku kubomi bakho bonke, uyayamkela? Ngaba ukuxabana okunjalo kuya kukuchaphazela njani, kwaye unokuhlala nomntu "obambe"? Ngaba uya kuxolelaniswa nelokuba umntu akanithandi, ukuba akayenawe, kwaye wahlala nawe kuphela ngenxa yokukhulisa umntwana, njengomsebenzi?
Okwesibini, cinga ngomyeni wakho. Ukuba unako ukuyigcina, uyaqonda ukuba uyaphazamisa umgangatho wendalo, kwaye wenza ngokumelene nentando yakhe. Ukuba uyamthanda kwaye ufuna ukumgcina, ngenxa yokuba unamathele kuye ukuba awukwazi ukucinga ubomi bakho ngaphandle kwakhe, musa ukuzingca, ngenxa yokuba uthando lokwenene ngumnqweno wakho othandekayo ukuba abe nolonwabo, enempilo, nothando, wayemhle. Uthando aluyena nje uvakalelo oluthetha ukutshisa ngentshiseko yento ethile, ofuna ukuhlala nayo yonke impilo yakho. Oku kuninzi. Yaye ukuba uyamthanda umyeni wakho, umele ahambe. Kukho amanye amadoda asemangalisayo kwihlabathi abangenakukukhathaza, baya kukuthanda ngokwenene, kwaye akuyi ku funeka kugcinwe kufuphi nawe. Umntu onjalo uya kufuna ukukugcina, ukunyamekela kwaye uhlale nawe ubomi.
Okwesithathu: cinga ngomntwana wakho wekamva. Uthando lomyeni ngomntwana luxhomekeke ekubeni unina umthanda kangakanani. Ukuba akanakho iimvakalelo kuye, amathuba okuba uya kumncoma umntwana wakho aphantsi. Ngaphezu koko, indoda iya kuhlala kwintsapho kunye nomntwana kungekhona ngenxa yokumthanda, kodwa ngenxa yomsebenzi wokumfundisa kunye nomsebenzi wakhe ngaphakathi. Nangona uya kumthanda umntwana wakho, akayi kuvuswa ngokufanelekileyo. Emva koko, izazi zeengqondo ziye zabonisa ixesha elide ukuba umntwana kufuneka akhule ngothando, kwaye akhuliswe kwintsapho apho umama nobaba behlala ngokuvisisana ngokuthe ngqo. Ngokomzekelo wabo, ufunda ukwenza xa ekhula, ulolonga ukuqonda kunye nesimo sakhe sengqondo, uhlakulele umbala kunye nokubandlulula. Umntwana okhulayo kwintsapho engaphantsi, kwaye uphinde ubone ukuba ukuphathwa kakubi komama, ukungabikho kothando lwabo, akuyi kukhula ngokomoya. Kukho ukuphakama okuphakamileyo ukuba uya kuqala ukuhlakulela ukungaqhelekanga kwengqondo, i-neuroses kunye noxinzelelo, kwaye ngokuzayo, uya kwenza okufanayo. Ngaba ufuna ukutyhila umntwana wakho engozini? Ngaba uya kubingelela ukuba ugcine umyeni wakho?
Ukuba uceba ukumgcina njengomntwana, emva kweminyaka emitshatweni yomtshato, qwalasela ukuba le yindlela yokuphuma? Ingaba sisisigqibo esifanelekileyo, ngaba ulungele ukusebenzisa umntwana ozayo ngeenjongo ezinjalo? Ewe, kunye nomnqweno wokugcina umyeni wakhe, sele sele uthetha ngeengxaki ezicacileyo kulwalamano, olufanele luqwalaselwe ngendlela eyahlukileyo.
Qala uqonda izizathu zokuba kutheni umyeni wakho efuna ukuhamba, zeziphi izizathu zesibini ezingammqulela kwisenzo esinjalo? Zikuphi ukuphazamiseka kunye nokungaphumeleli kubonakale kulwalamano lwakho kutshanje kwaye yintoni eyakhokelela kuyo? Zama ukufumana iziphoso kwaye uzilungise, cela ngamanye amaxesha ukuba ubalekele ngokuzikhukhumeza nemimiselo yakho, cela ukuxolelwa, kuba xa umntu ethandwa - akufanelekanga ingxaki. Kwimeko xa ubuhlobo bakho buphelile, iintsuku zigugu - cinga ngokucophelela, indlela yokuvuselelwa ngayo, ukuba yenzeni, ukuze ulungise le meko. Maxa wambi kufuneka ude ulinde. Ukuba ulwalamano lugqithise iingxabano - ziphephe, zama ukucombulula.
Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukugcina umyeni umntwana? Kunokwenzeka, kodwa cinga ukuba ngaba ufuna le nto, ngaba ufuna ukuyixazulula iingxaki zakho ngale ndlela? Kukho iindlela ezininzi zokulungisa iingxabano. Cinga nje ngowe, kodwa malunga namanye amalungu entsapho. Ngamanye amaxesha indlela enzima kakhulu iyona echanekileyo-le ngcebiso yesazi sengqondo.