Amazibulo ahlala ehlulwa ukunyuka kwengqalelo yomzali xa umntwana wesibini ezalwa, kwaye bonke uthando kunye nokunyamekwa kwabelwana phakathi kwaba babini. Umntwana omdala uvakalelwa ngathi "ulawulo lwakhe", kwaye ulahlekelwa ngumntu wokuqala ukuba nguye kuphela, kuba nguye eli liva elibi.
Njengoko kuboniswe ngophando lwezibalo ezijoliswe ekufundeni iindlela zokuphila zabantwana abakhulileyo nabancinane, impumelelo enkulu ifumaneka ngokuchanekileyo ngabazali bokuqala-malunga nama-64% phakathi kwabantu abadumileyo, 46% - ngabantwana abasibini. Isizathu esona sizathu sengqondo: umntwana osekhulile, owathi wafunyanwa kwimeko apho kuyimfuneko ukukhusela indawo yakhe elangeni xa "ukhuphiswano" lubonakala, kufuneka lizalisekise iinjongo ezibalulekileyo zoluntu. Abadala bayithatha uxanduva kubancinci, bazive benembopheleleko kubo, yingakho baqala ukufumana izakhono zobomi ukususela ebuntwaneni. Yingakho zikhula zibe ngabantu abadala nabasebenzi abaphumelelayo.
Ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba izibulo lijongane nesimo esicinezelayo, akahlali esilula ngokukhawuleza kwimeko entsha enxulumene nokuzalwa komzalwana okanye udade. Kubalulekile ukulungiselela owokuqala umntwana wesibini, ukutshintsha kwintsapho ngenjongo. Kunengqiqo ukude ulahlekelwe kunye neemeko ezinokwenzeka, umxelele ngeenguqu eziza kuqhubeka kwaye uqhubeke nokugcina iinkqubo eziqhelekileyo zomzali. Ngaphandle koko, wakho ozelwe kuqala unokungaqiniseki ukubaluleka kwayo nokubaluleka kuwe.
Umntwana wesibini ukhula, njengommiselo, ungakhathazeki kakhulu kwaye unethemba elininzi, njengoko lukhula emoyeni kwimeko yesimo sengqondo esele sekhulile yabazali. Ukongezelela, xa umntwana wesibini evela kwintsapho, abazali sele benamava kwaye bavumelana, bayaqiniseka ukuba imeko yentsapho iyancipha ukukhuliswa. Nangona, njengokuba iingcali zithi, kubazali abanamhlanje abakwazi ukuba "bakhulise" izilwanyana baze bahlawule ingqalelo ngakumbi kunokuba bazalwa kuqala. Nangona kunjalo, nangona kunjalo, isimo sengqondo sokuziphatha sabazali sihlala siqhotyoshelwe kubantwana abancinci. Kwenzeka ukuba abasebancinci bahlale benendima "yobuntana" ixesha elide, bahlala bengabandakanyeka ebomini bentsapho, musa ukuvuma kwingxoxo "imibuzo yabantu abadala": "Le ngxoxo endala. Yiya kwelinye igumbi. " Ngomntwana wesibini, umzalwana omdala okanye udade uba yinkokeli, abatsha bazama ukumlingana.
Ngamanye amaxesha kukho ubunzima ebomini bomntwana wesibini, xa kuvela umoya wokubambisana, kwaye omncinci unomnqweno wokubamba umntu omdala aze amfumane. Ukungaqiniseki kwesi sizathu senkalo yecandelo elongezelelweyo lweengxaki zengqondo ekuphuhlisweni.
Kwenzeka ukuba abazali, ngokungazi, bengakwazi ukufudumala ukhuphiswano phakathi kwabantwana. Xa uthe: "Awukwazi ukwenza oku kubi ngakumbi kunodade wakho (umzalwana)", abazali abakhuthazi umntwana okanye inkxaso, kodwa, ngokuchaseneyo, bamenywa ukuba bancintisane. Emva koko abantwana baqala ukuziva buhlungu ukuba abayi kuba ngabokuqala. Ukwesaba ukutshatyalaliswa kukuchaphazela iimpawu zabo. Umntwana unokuyeka ukuzibonakalisa enesibindi, enenjongo, enamandla, enenkani, xa engakwazi ukuphumelela "emncintiswaneni" kumdala. Yingakho abantwana abasebancinci bavame ukubonakalisa indawo "oxhomekeke kuyo", umthwalo wemfanelo unobuthathaka.
Ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba ngokufika komntwana wesibini, kukho ukuphucula kwimeko yentsapho, abafazi abanako ukungavumelani. Ngethuba elifanayo, ngokufika komntwana wesibini, umthombo omtsha kumava omzali kukungqubana phakathi kwabantwana.
Iinjongo zabazali zokusombulula zonke ukungavumelani kunye nokuphikisana okuvela phakathi kwabantwana, ngokwabo, nokukholelwa ukuba ngexesha lonke ubunzima buya kupheka - le yiphutha eliqhelekileyo malunga nabazali kubantwana abancinci nabancinci. Kubalulekile ukuba abantwana bazi ukuba abazali bayabathemba ekuxazululeni iingxabano phakathi kwabo. Ngoko ke, baninzi, abantwana baya kuzimela ngokuzimeleyo uxanduva lokuseka ubudlelwane obusondeleyo emva kokungavumelani. Ngamanye amaxesha kubalulekile ukuba abanye abantwana baqonde ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani kwaye kubalulekile kubazali babo, kwaye ukuze bakhangele abantu abadala, baqala ingxabano baze bafumene ukuba ngabazali bathatha phi icala. Kule meko, ukuba akukho nto ebalulekileyo eyenzekayo kubantwana bakho (esongela ubomi babo), kungcono ukwamkela isikhundla sokungeneleli-le ndlela yindlela efanelekileyo kwiimeko zokuxabana kwabantwana. Mhlawumbi wazi ukuba abantwana, ukuxabana, emva kwexesha baqhubeka bedlala ngokuthula. Ukunamathela ekungathathi hlangothi, nangona kunjalo "uhileleke" kwisigqibo sengxabano, musa ukuhlukanisa phakathi kwabantwana abadala, njengomntu onoxanduva, omele avelise.
Ukuba ubeka isohlwayo kumntu omdala kwiinkathazo zincinci, kuya kuphazamisa owokuqala ukuba angafuni ukuthatha uxanduva kwaye uya kunciphisa uvelwano kumntakwabo okanye udadewabo omncinci. Ukuba ngaba abazali baqala ukuhlambalaza okanye ukuhlazisa umdala phambi komntwana wesibini, ke le ndlela yokuziphatha yabazali bokuqala ikopishwe ize idluliselwe kwabancinci. Phantse bonke abazali babefanele babone ngentshiseko umdala ngexesha lokunyamekela okanye ukuzonwabisa kumntwana. Kwiimeko ezinjalo kubalulekile ukuba umdala azive efunekayo kunye nabazali abalulekileyo. Ngoko ke, unokuthetha into eyobonisa ukubaluleka kwayo: "Wena ungumncedi wam, ndingathini na ngaphandle kwakho!" Ukubulela kwabazali kunye novelwano, oluchazwe ngowokuqala, lunokugqithisela iimvakalelo ezenzondelelo zomntwana omdala. Ukungathembeki kunye nokuxhalabisa kuphele, kubuyela ekuvuyiseni nasekuzinikeni kwangaphambili. Zama ukuthetha ngolwazi ngothando lwakho phakathi kwabantwana, ngoko uxhalaba lwabantwana abadala aluyi kubonakalisa kwaye luphazamise nabo kwimpilo kamva.
Kwiingxabano zabantwana bazame ukukhawuleza ukubona ukuba ngubani othe tye, ngubani onokusola. Ziyakhathazeka, zikhubekile, kufuneka uzibonakalise ukuba uziva zombini, ziva kwaye wazi oko zifuna.