Ngoko kuvela ukuba uyayithanda, kodwa awunayo. Emphefumlweni kunemvakalelo ebuhlungu. Ikukhathaza kwaye ayiniki uxolo, inyanzelekile ukuba ubalekele ukuxolela into enqwenelekayo, ngoko, ngokuchaseneyo, ukwenza izicwangciso ezimbi zokuziphindiselela ...
Konke oku kungenxa yokuvakalelwa ngothando. Ngoko njani ukulahla uthando lomntu?
Izindlela zokuthintela.
Masihlalutye umvakalelo wothando ngokusondeleyo. Kuye, kuyanconywa kuluntu, ngokwenene akukhona into engaphezu kwesifo sengqondo. Khumbula indlela oye wafumana ngayo uthando lokuqala - ukudandatheka kunye nokunyamezela, ukungahambelani kunye nokuzonwabisa, ukungabikho kwengqondo kunye nokuziva ukuba unokujika iintaba. Ngomqondo wangempela, yonke iJuliet inezibonakaliso ezichazwe ngentla, kodwa zama ukuhamba nabo, umzekelo, kwi-neurologist.
Uya kuhlolisisa ngokukhawuleza - ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo - uze unikezele unyango. Hayi, uthando luqala ukuphathwa kwimeko esele ihoywa, xa eso sifo singaphenduli unyango. Kulula kakhulu ukuthatha amanyathelo okukhusela ahlukeneyo. Akufanele uvumele iingcamango zothando okanye uthando, ulwe nayo yonke imbonakalo yayo, yeka ukufunda iincwadi malunga nothando, uphonsa i-melodramas yothando, kwaye endaweni yoko, zicwilise emsebenzini wakho. Ukuba le miqathango yokukhusela ilandelwa, usongelo losulelo "intsholongwane" ebizwa ngokuthi "uthando" luya kuhlahla ngokukhawuleza.
Indlela yokuqonda okuqondakalayo.
Ngenjongo kwaye uhlalutye ngokuzenzekelayo zonke iingenelo kunye nokungonakali. Yintoni enokukunika umvakalelo wothando? Nangona yonke into ihamba phambili, ngokuqinisekileyo ukupheliswa kweemvakalelo, kwaye ke ukuxabana, ukuxabana nokuphuka okungenakukuphepha. Nangona wena kunye neqabane lakho niziphatha ngokuchanekileyo, nangona ukuhlukana kukubangela ezininzi iimvakalelo eziphazamisayo.
Ukuthanda ukulahlekelwa. Kwaye yokuqala yokuqala inkululeko.
Uthando luzithandela, kwaye ngoko ke luhlobo olugqithiseleyo lobukhoboka; khumbula isidima sakho, uthanda ukuba yikhoboka? Uthando lususa kuwe ixesha elikhulu, amandla, iimbilini, imali; unakho ukulahlekelwa ngabahlobo, usebenze, kwaye ekugqibeleni, ufumane imemori kuphela, kwaye ayisoloko imnandi. Ukukrazula uthando kumntu kuya kukwanela ukukhumbuza ukuba zingaphi izenzo zobugebengu nokubi zenziwa rhoqo ngamaxesha ngenxa yothando; ukhumbule bonke abo bantu ubububi babo babangela ingozi kwizihlobo kunye nabahlobo. Ngaba lobu buhlanya obukhulu bubonakala buhendeka kuwe?
Indlela yeLope de Vega
"Ukuba uhlakaniphile kwabasetyhini, jonga izinto ezingenakuncedo kwiintsimbi," - ngoko wafundisa iqhawe lomnye wee-comedies ezidumileyo ze-playwright yaseSpain. Zama ukhathalela into enomdla wakho ngokukhawuleza kangako. Ngexesha elide, khumbula iimpazamo zakhe. Ingaba unesisu esincinci? Mkhulu! Unokholo, kwiminyaka embalwa ibonakala ngathi i-hogi yangempela. Akwazi ukupheka? "Akaze afunde!" Njalo xa ufika ekhaya, uya kulinda i-chops ezitshiswayo kunye namazambane angadliwayo. Fumana ukungapheleli nakwizinto ezifanelekileyo. Ingaba naye uqoqosho? Akuyinyaniso, utsho nje! Ngaba ungumthandi omkhulu? Oku kuthetha ukuba "uqeqeshe" kwenye indawo! Ngokuqhelekileyo ukwenza oko, ngokukhawuleza ukuwa kokuthandana ngamehlo akho.
Ubuchule bukaPasteur.
Ayikho imfihlelo yokuba uPasteur ucebe ukufaka usulelo oluthathaka kumzimba womntu ukukhusela ukuphuhliswa komzimba. Ngoko ke, ukuba unxibekile ngeentlobo zonke zamaphupha okuthandana, kwaye sele usuke udiniwe ukunyanzela, uze ubenike ngokukhululeka. Zama ukufumana into ephathekayo yokuthakazelisa kwaye uphendule ngeveli. Kodwa, ngokukhawuleza xa unomuva wokuba unamathele kuyo - ngokukhawuleza uphosa kwaye ukhangele olandelayo. Ukuba wenze ngale ndlela 4-5 maxesha, uya kufumana umthamo owaneleyo "weyeza" kwaye ulahleke ngokupheleleyo uthando lomntu. Kodwa musa ukulibala, "yonke into inetyhefu kwaye yonke into yonyango - kuphela kwimizi," into ebaluleke kakhulu akuyi kuyenza, okanye uya kuphinda uthandane. Enyanisweni, kwaye ukungabi nalutho kunokuba sisizathu sokuhlaselwa ngokutsha.
Indlela yokudibanisa
Njengoko uyazi, ngaba abantu abanengqondo yothando abathanda ukuthanda. Bafuna uthando, kwaye ngoko nayiphi na ingxaki kule ndaba ithathwa ngabo njengemvelaphi yokubandezeleka okukhulu kunye nokuhlushwa. Ukuba unalolu hlobo lobuntu, ngoko unokunceda u-romanticization. Kuya kubakho nje ukukrazula abantu beengcamango zothando zomhlaba, kwaye uthando luya kudlula ngokwalo. Kule nto, okokuqala, funda amabali ambalwa amathandabuzo athile, nangona kunjalo, phantse zonke ziphakathi, ngoko akufuneki kubekho iingxaki ezikhethekileyo.
Thetha kumntu onjalo ongavumelani nothando ngokusemthethweni. Abantu abanjalo banokufunyanwa kuyo yonke indawo, kwisixeko ngasinye unokufumana udibanisa naye. Kukho ukhetho lokukhangela kwi-Intanethi. Kungekudala, ndakwazi ukufumana indawo ye-misogynist. Inkxaso enjalo yesikolo ihlala isebenza kakuhle, ukuze ilahleke uthando lomntu. Ngaphezulu, ukuba ayinakunceda, kungcono uhambe uye usebenze. Kuba ubunzima bezonyango ziza kuba yinto engumongikazi, umakhi, umnqamlezo, umthwalo. Njengomthetho, kwanele ngokwaneleyo ukuhlala kule ndawo kuphela kwinyanga - enye kunye nesiqingatha, kwaye iiglasi ezibomvu ziza kususwa ngonaphakade.
Indlela yokuphucula
Kwimeko apho usatshatyalaliswa ngazo zonke iintlobo zengqondo zothando, ukuba ucinga ukuba unako ukusindisa okanye ukubuyisela ubudlelwane, koko kukho enye icebiso-yeka ukuzikhohlisa. Ucinga ukuba "yonke into iya kuhluke ngokupheleleyo" - zama ukucinga oku "ngenye indlela" ngosuku, inyanga ngenyanga. Ukutshatyalaliswa kobudlelwane sele kudlulile; Izihloko ezithandekayo zeengxoxo ziphelile, zihlala kuphela ukuxoxa ngeengxaki ezixinzezelayo okanye imozulu, enokuyenza ngempumelelo nabahlobo okanye ngabahlobo. Kwimlingani yonke into emitsha engeyona imigca emihle evulekile (kuthi ngamnye kuthi, kwaye ukusuka kule nto ayikwazi ukusinda) ...
Cinga ukuba unxibelelwano olutsha kunye nomlingane wakho, ukususela ngeveki ukuya kwiveki, unyaka unyaka, uhlale unomntu ofanayo-kwaye uya kuziva ngokukhawuleza ukuba ukukhwabanisa okungenakunqunyulwa kukuthintele, ukukusindisa ngonaphakade kwintando yomntu. Cinga nje: luhlobo olunjani luthando luya kubakho kwixesha elizayo? Ngaba ufuna ukuhlala kunye? Ngaba uya kuba nelithuba lokwakha ubomi kunye nento yothando? Ngaba kukho ukuqonda okunjalo okuyimfuneko? Ukuba kukho iinjongo kunye nokuqiniswa, ngaba uyavuma malunga nento? Ingaba unengcamango malunga nezoshishino, ezezimali kunye nezinto eziphambili zekhaya? ... Uyabona, zingaphi imibuzo! Ngaba uya kukwazi ukudlulisela konke oku bunzima bobubomi obuqhelekileyo ... Ngexesha elide ucinge ngalo, kwaye uya kubona ukuba umnqweno wokuba uthandane ngokukhawuleza ulahleka.
Indlela efanelekileyo yobomi.
Khumbula ukuba ukungazinzi kuyimvelaphi yeento zonke ezikhoyo. Ukuba iingcamango zakho azihlali kuyo nayiphi na indlela, akuyikumangalisi ukuba intloko izaliswe ngokukhawuleza; uhlobo, njengoko uyaziyo, aluze lubekezelele ukungabi nalutho. Ukuba unomsebenzi wokwakha wengqondo owakhuphayo, ngokubanzi, ukuba unesifundo esinqwenelekayo (ingaba kuyinto yokuzilibazisa okanye umsebenzi osisiseko) - iingcamango malunga nomlingani wakho wangaphambili azinakwenzeka ukuba uthathe ingqalelo yakho kwaye uya kukhangela kalula umthando ngomntu.
Akuyimfuneko ukuxhatshazwa kobuxoki bobuxoki balabo abaphakamisa ubuthakathaka babo ngokwabo, ngelixa bengenako ukuwunqoba. Abantu abanjalo, abafanelekile kuphela, kwaye oku kulungelelanisekanga, kwaye bekunakunyameko, kuba bekhukula ihlabathi ngamagama athi "awukwazi ukuyalela intliziyo yakho", "ngeparadesi enhle nakwindlu" kunye njalo. Iimpazamo ezinjalo zifana neembali zamachiza kunye nezidakwa ezinxilisayo ezingafuni ukunqoba igosa labo. Yiba ngaphezu kwayo yonke into, kwaye unokuziqhayisa ngokwakho, kwaye oku kuncoko kunokuba "ujabule" wothando.
Indlela yeSigmund Freud
Ufilosofi omkhulu uFrud kwimisebenzi yakhe yesayensi ichaza indlela yokuqonda komntu obizwa ngokuba yi-sublimation. Le yinkqubo apho amandla aqondiswe khona ekuqaleni kwiinjongo zesiganeko okanye zesondo iqondiswa kwezinye iinjongo, ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuya kwengqondo, kwezobugcisa okanye kwiinkcubeko. Ngako oko, kulandelelana ukuba, xa sithandana, kufuneka silungiselele zonke iingcamango zethu ekudaleni izinto. Ngaba uthanda ukudweba? Ngoko udwebe! Ukudlala umculo? Kungcono!
Zama ukuqamba into ebalulekileyo (ngokubaluleke kakhulu), umzekelo, i-opera okanye i-cantata. Awazi ukuba akunjani omnye okanye omnye, ngoko uya kwaye ufunde! Akukaze kube mva ukuba ufunde ukudlala isixhobo sakho somculo, ufunde izinto ezisisiseko zokupenda okanye ufunde ukuhamba kwemidaniso yesimanje, ngelixa uveza iimvakalelo zakho neemvakalelo ozifumene ngothando lomnye umntu.
Ukunciphisa amandla othando, unokudala into enhle kwaye, okhiye, uthando lwakho luya kuhamba, kwaye uya kuba nelinye it talente, leyo, ngexesha elifanayo, elinokuba sisihlandlo soqhelwano olutsha.
Indlela B. Kwi. Zeigarnik - vele uqedele uthando
U-Bluma Wolfenovna Zeygarnik owaziwayo kwi-homeanalyst yasekhaya wenza izifundo ezi-20 ezincinci, umzekelo, ukwenza indlu ngaphandle kwepakethi yemidlalo, ukuxazulula i-equation, ukudibanisa i-mosaic kunye nenxalenye yemisebenzi ayizange igqitywe kude kube sekupheleni. Emva koko, ngokungathi ngengozi, wacelwa ukuba yiyiphi into ayikhumbulayo, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo izifundo zikhumbula ngokuthe ngqo imisebenzi awazange avunyelwe ukuyigcwalisa.
Ngoko uthando aluhlali lugqibeleleyo kude kube sekupheleni. Kubonakala kubambelele kwimfudumalo yolwazi, ukuphazamisa ukuhamba kweengcamango eziqhelekileyo. Sisoloko sikhumbula lomntu xa sifuna okanye singenayo, sithetha naye ngengqondo, siyixhaphaza ngaye kwaye simxolele ngokukhawuleza ... Ngokuqhelekileyo ezi ngcamango ziba nzima kakhulu ukuba zinokuphazamisa ukufunda, ukusebenza, ukulala, ngoko kufuneka simshiye ukulahla.
Ungabanqumla njani? Kubalulekile ukugqiba uthando lwakho. Ewe, kuya kuba mnandi ukuya kwiphilanalyst uxoxe naye. Nangona kunjalo, akubona wonke umntu unalo thuba, ngoko uya kufuna uncedo lwentombi okanye umngane. Okokuqala: kufuneka uhlale umelane nomnye. Emva koko, uchaze kuye yonke imeko, xa uqala ukutshatana nokuphela kunye nokuhlukana, akudingeki ukuba uthethe ngeemvakalelo zakho okanye iimvakalelo zakho, zama ukukwenza, njengengxelo yegosa. Inxalenye elandelayo ibonisa ibali elifanayo, kodwa ngoku ukusuka kumbono wengqondo, vumela umncedisi wakho ukuba abuze: "Wenzani ukuba uziva njani ngaloo mzuzu?". Isigaba sesithathu sichaphazela ukukuqonda into ojongene naloo mntu ngoku, xelela ngathi ngokubanzi. Isigaba sesine sinomxholo kunye nesiqingatha sangaphambili, kodwa asikho okwangoku, kodwa sisicatshulwa. Fumana esinye isihlalo, uze uthi ngokwakho oko ucinga ngoku malunga nolwalamano, ke utshintshe kwisihlalo sesibini, uzicabange njengomntu owashiye naye, umnike impendulo, njalo njalo. Emva koko, phinda isinyathelo esine. Iingcali zengqondo zithi zinceda kakhulu ukuba ufuna ukulahla uthando lomnye umntu.