Kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo isinqumo esiyinkimbinkimbi senziwa ngokugqithiseleyo, ngaphandle kokulinganisela zonke iingxaki kunye nokuxhalaba, ukuthembela kuphela kwiimvakalelo zabo ngaphandle kokucinga ngokucokisekileyo kunye nokuqwalaselwa kwezinye iindlela ezikhoyo zokusombulula ingxabano, okanye ngaphandle kwimeko.
Kwiminyaka yakutshanje, iinani zomtshato zinobuhlungu kakhulu, obonisa isimo sengqondo esithe xaxa ngomtshato, inkxalabo kunye nokungakwazi, okanye kunoko, ukukwazi ukwenza izinto, kwimibhangqwana eselula. Ingcamango isetyenziswe ngokwawo, malunga nokuba nesiphumo saloo nto, ngenxa yokuba abayiqinisekisile ngoku. Kodwa kukufanelekile ukukhumbula ukuba nakuphi na, imeko yonke incike kuwe, kwaye kufuneka ukwazi indlela yokuzikhusela ekuqhawuleni umtshato.
Ukudala intsapho kwakhona ngumsebenzi, mhlawumbi unzima kakhulu kwaye uyonwabele kuzo zonke iintlobo zemisebenzi yethu. Ngezo zakhono azange zizalwe, zifunda kulo lonke ubomi, zithembele kumava, zombini kunye nakwamanye amazwe. Ewe, sonke sinako ukwenza iimpazamo, kodwa bambalwa kuphela abanokuzilungisa.
Kutheni abantu beqhawula umtshato?
Ubomi bentsapho, kuyo yonke imbonakalo yayo, iimfuno ezivela kumtshato womntu okhula ngokomoya, uxanduva kunye nokuqonda kwiyiphi inyathelo ebalulekileyo abayithathayo. Emva koko, ukudalwa kwentsapho ayinomcimbi ongunaphakade lomtshato. Kwaye emva komthendeleko womsindo, kufika iintsuku ezimnyama, ezihlala zihluke kwiimbono zethu ngokuhlala ndawonye.
Ukususela kwinqanaba leengqondo ze-psychologists, sinokuhlukanisa ezininzi izizathu eziqhelekileyo zokuqhawula umtshato kwintsapho:
Ukungahambelani kwabalinganiswa. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba isandi kangakanani, kodwa imbangela ebangela ukuqhawula umtshato ngokuchasene ngqo nezobalinganiswa. Kwaye xa umntu ephendula umbuzo malunga nesizathu "akazange ahlangane nabalinganiswa," ungayithathi njengesigxina, kwaye ungafuni ukuthetha ngento engqiqweni. Ingcamango enjengomlingiswa womntu usenza ukuba ngubani. Ngexesha lokuwa ngothando, sizama ukubonakalisa iimpawu zethu ezilungileyo, ngexesha lokuphila kwethu kunye kunye nentloko yethu iya kuba njalo. Ngenxa yolu tshintsho, iingxabano ziqala.
- ukungaphumeleli ngokomzwelo. Njengoko kuchazwe ngasentla, ukungaqiniseki ngokomzwelo kwabalingane kunye nokungafuni ukuhlala kunye, kukhokelela ekuqhawuleni umtshato. Oku kuyinyaniso ngokukodwa kubantu abatshatileyo abatshatileyo beseneminyaka emininzi nangaphezulu ngenxa yelukuluko.
- Inkokeli inqwenela. Wonke umntu unokuba yinkokheli, kodwa kwintsapho, njengakunoma yiphina inxalenye yobomi bethu, umntu kufuneka aholele, kwaye umntu makathobele. Ukuba akukho mntu ufuna ukunikela, umtshato uya kulahlwa.
Yintoni endiyenzayo ukuze ndikhusele umtshato wam ukuba ungaphumi?
Indlela yokusindisa intsapho kwiqhawulo-mtshato, kwaye ulondoloze uxolo noxinzelelo apho, nangona zizinto ezininzi, izazi zengqondo ziyazi.
Njengoko uqeqesho lubonisa - isizathu sokuqhawula umtshato, oku kuphela isizathu sokuguqula ubudlelwane phakathi kwebini. Mhlawumbi ulwalamano lwakho luye lwalahleka imbala yalo yangaphambili, kwaye kufuneka luhlaziywe kancinci. Ukwahlukana kunokutshatyalaliswa okufanayo, injongo ethile yokufumana ingxaki yomoya, nokuba yeyiphi na into. Ngoko ke kutheni uzivelele kwiimvakalelo ezingalunganga, ukuba unokwenza umgangatho oncomekayo?
Ngokufanayo, ukugcina uxolo kwintsapho, ukungqubuzana akufanele kugwenywe. Ingxabano ikwabanxibelelwano. Ngokuqhelekileyo ngale ndlela, abantu banokuqhagamshelana nokunganeliseki okanye ukuthanda omnye nomnye. Ngoko ke, intsapho efanelekileyo ingabonwa njengento enye apho kungekho mbambano, kodwa enye apho ikwazi ukuyixazulula. Emva koko, kuyimfuneko ukwazi ubuhlobo.
Mane ufunde ukuvuma ukuphosakela kwakho uze ucele ukuxolelwa. Igama elithi "ukuxolela" lithetha enye yeyona nto inzima kakhulu, kuba ukusetyenziswa kwayo kuthetha ukufakwa kwetyala, kwaye akukho mntu ufuna ukuzenza unetyala. Kodwa, ngobudlelwane beentsapho, indawo yokuzikhukhumeza idlulele kwiyokuqala, ngoko kwamkelwa kwetyala, kwaye ukukwazi ukucela ukuxolelwa nokuxolelwa kubaluleke kakhulu.
Enye impazamo yokuba ezininzi iintsapho zenza phantse nsuku zonke ukutshintshwa kweengxaki zomsebenzi kwintsapho. Oku akuthethi ukuba umxholo womsebenzi ukususela ngoku u-taboo kuwe, fumana nje inkxaso okanye iingcebiso ozifunayo ngaphandle kokukhupha yonke ingqumbo yakho okanye ukunganeliseki kumntu osondeleyo kuwe. Ngaphandle koko, umsebenzi uza kuzalisa ubomi bakho bonke, ususe kuyo intsapho. Kule meko, ukuqhawula umtshato kwintsapho ayinakuphetshwa.
Abazali.
Ngokuqhelekileyo imbangela yokuqhawula umtshato ngabazali. Oku akufanelekanga nje kuphela ukuba ngenxa yokuba umnqweno wokunceda bazimisele ukuhlala ubomi bomtshato osemtsha, musa ukuhamba uye wenze inyathelo lakho. Oku ngakumbi malunga nobudlelwane kwiintsapho zabatshatileyo. Abantu abavela ebuntwaneni bavame ukukopisha indlela abaziphatha ngayo yabazali babo, baze bawadlulisele ebomini babo. Ukwahlukana okukhulu kwiintlobo zeentsapho zabazali bomtshakazi nomyeni, ngokukhawuleza bangathwala iziqhamo zabo ezimbi. Ngoko ke, phambi kokubeka isitampu kwipasipoti yakho, qwa lasela indlela okhethiweyo wakho asetshenziselwa ukuphila ngayo, kungekudala emva koko uza kufikelela apha.
Into ephambili ebomini bentsapho akufuneki ukujonga izizathu zokuxabana, ngoko akukho sizathu sokufuna umtshato.