URabindranath Tagore wathi: "Umtshato ubugcisa, kwaye kufuneka uhlaziywe yonke imihla." Omnye umtshato ubonakala ngathi uyinto eqhelekileyo, abanye bayakubona njengento epholileyo kunye necocekileyo. Bobabini bahlala beshada kwaye bagcina le siko linikezelwa kwisizukulwana kwisizukulwana. Kodwa yintoni isizathu sokuba amaninzi ahlukanise? Kutheni imitshato "ishushu" kwaye abantu bephula ubudlelwane obuye bakhelwe ixesha elide, kunye namaphupha kuwo? Ziziphi izizathu zesimangalo nezengqondo zomtshato?
Emva kwakho konke, emininzi, umtshato ungcwele, iholide kunye nexesha elifanayo umthwalo wobomi, nangona njalo kubonakala ngathi uthando olungunaphakade nolwanxibelelwano phakathi kwethu kufuneka luhlale ngonaphakade. Kodwa kwiimeko ezininzi oku akunjalo. Yintoni ewonakalisa le nxu lumano, kwaye zeziphi izizathu zengqondo zengqondo zomtshato? Ngenxa yoko sithatha isinyathelo esinzulu, kwaye kutheni kusenza siqhube?
Kwizigqibo zenkundla zihlala zibhalwa ngokungafani kwezinto ezinomdla njengesizathu sokuqhawula umtshato. Enyanisweni, oku akude nenjongo kunye nenyaniso, kuba ngokwenene kukho abantu abahlukeneyo abaneemfuno ezahlukileyo, kodwa ke kutheni sifunda ukudibene kunye, ukuqonda iqabane lethu. Nantsi yonke into inomdla kuphela kwisiqingatha sakhe, ekufumaneni izinto ezithandwayo kuye into enomdla kwaye yena ngokwakhe, ngokukwazi ukuwamkela umntu njengoko kunjalo. Emva koko izinto ezithandwa yi-polar aziyiyo ingxaki kuyo yonke into, ngokuchaseneyo, kuyathakazelisa ukubona ihlabathi ngenye indlela kwaye uyiva nangenye intliziyo, ukufumana kuyo ngokwakho.
Isizathu esifanayo sokuxabana, ukungasebenzi kwemitshato emtshatweni kunye nokuqhawula umtshato kunokubahluko kuminyaka elishumi okanye ngaphezulu ukuya kwelinye iqabane okanye elinye iqabane. Kule meko, kunzima kakhulu ukuphulaphula iminqweno yomnye okanye omnye ukuyiqonda, kwaye izicwangciso zobomi beentlobo zombini zingazihambelani. Iingxaki eziphakama ngokwemvelaphi ephawulekayo zinokuba neengqondo, okanye ezentlalo okanye izinto eziphathekayo. Kodwa, nangona konke oku, izibini ezinjalo zixhasa kakuhle umtshato wazo kwaye zihlala zivuya iminyaka emininzi. Ziziphi izizathu ke ziya kubaluleka ngakumbi?
Mhlawumbi, esinye sezizathu ezibalulekileyo ziza kuba nekratshi nokungaqondi. Bawuthintela umntu ekusekeleni umtshato kunye nosapho. Ukuzikhukhumeza, ukuhluleka ukwenza izivumelwano, ukubandlulula, kunokudlala umdlalo okhohlakeleyo. Ukwahlukana ngamnye kunokukhula ngakumbi ibe yinto ethile, ziqulethe kunye nokunye ukuhlambalazana komnye nomnye. Ubomi ke buba nzima. Ukukwazi ukuqonda umntu kubaluleke kangangokuba ngamanye amaxesha siqaphela ukungabikho kwakhe kakhulu. U-Empathize, uthando kunye nentlonelo-izakhono ezibaluleke kakhulu, ngazo esizikhokela ngayo ubuchule, sinokuqinisa iimpawu zokuziphatha.
Ukuze ugweme umtshato, kuyimfuneko ukuqwalasela nesizathu esinjalo sokungakwazi ukuvuma izikhundla zomntu othandekayo. Kubalulekile ukuba ukwazi ukuphulaphula iqabane lakho, umxhase ngazo zonke iindlela, unokukwazi ukunikela kwaye unike uthando lwakho. Ngokuqhelekileyo abantu bajamelana nengxaki enjengokungakwazi ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo. Kuyafaneleka ukufunda ixesha elide, ukuvuleleka kwihlabathi kunye neqabane, zama ukulahlekisa konke ukwesaba nokuzingca kwakho, uzenzele. Emva koko, akukho mntu ufuna umntu onokumkela kuphela uthando, aluxhamle ngokwakhe kwaye akakwazi ukunikela nantoni na ngokubuyisela. Sonke sifuna ukubona ukuba sithandwa, sithatha imiqondiso yenkxalabo, yazi ukuba usadinga.
Funda ukunyamekela ukuzingca, ukwamkela kwaye unike uthando, uqonde umlingane wakho, mhlawumbi unokuba ngumdlali. Ngaloo ndlela, uya kunciphisa kakhulu umngcipheko wokuqhawula umtshato kwaye wenze ubomi bakho bube nobunye.
Eyona nto inzima kwaye ngexesha elifanayo elidabukisayo lokuqhawula umtshato kubudlova. Ngelishwa, lo mbandela awukude nathi okanye amazwe ethu, kwaye ukubonakaliswa kobundlobongela kudla ngokuphindaphindiweyo, kwaye kwiimeko ezininzi zifihliwe. Izizathu eziphambili zezizathu zengqondo kunye nentlalo yesicelo sayo. Ukwahlula phakathi kwengqondo, ngokomzimba, ukuxhaphazwa ngokwesondo. Kwakhona kwihlabathi leengqondo kunye nokufika kwethekhnoloji yangena i-term- cybernetting, ubundlobongela be-cybernetic. Ngaloo nto sithetha, umzekelo, ubundlobongela obufanayo obungasetyenziswanga ngamazwi, kodwa ngokusebenzisa imidiya, umzekelo, ukusasaza iifoto kwi-Intanethi.
Ulwaphulo-mthetho lunokubonakaliswa ngabantu abaphanga, abantu abaneengxaki zengqondo, kunye nalabo abaye basebenzisa le nto ebuntwaneni. Ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba asikwazi ukucacisa indlela umlingane oza kuziphatha ngayo emva komtshato, ukuvula ngaphambili zonke iinkalo zengqondo yomphefumlo wakhe nokuziphatha kwakhe. Ngaloo ndlela, sineengxaki zobundlobongela, kubini amaxhoba kunye noluntu ngokubanzi.
Esinye sezimbangela zobundlobongela singabunxila, esona sizathu esahlukileyo sokuqhawula umtshato. Ukuba sibona ukuba imikhwa emibi ibonakaliswa kumntu esimthandayo, sizama konke ngenxa yemizamo yethu yokumnceda, ukulungisa imeko ... Kodwa kwenzeka ukuba umntu othandekayo uyafa kuthi ngenxa yokuxhomekeka, akafuni ukusebenzisana nanoma ubani kwaye athathe nayiphi na imilinganiselo, ukukulungisa kuwe. Ujika waba ngumntu ohluke ngokupheleleyo, utshintshe ukuziphatha kwakhe, ukulahlekelwa ngumntu wakhe wangaphambili.
Ngokudabukisayo, kodwa izinto ezihlukeneyo zenzeke, nangayiphi na into, kulungele ukulwa lwakho lonwabo kwaye usebenze ngokwakho. Ngamanye amaxesha umtshato uyafuneka, kwaye ukufumaneka kwawo akuthethi ukuba ubomi bakho abukwazi ukuphucula.
Indlela ongeyiyo ukungahambelani kwengqondo kunye nomlingani, umda wobudala obukhulu, izicwangciso ezahlukeneyo kunye neembono zobomi - ukuthanda okwenene akukho miqobo. Ekubeni kwothando, kulula ukunyathela ngaphaya kwazo naziphi iingxaki kunye neengxaki, ukucima ebomini nokuba kungasakhulayo kwiimeko zengqondo zomtshato.
Ngoko ke, thandana uze uthandwe, thandana nothando, ujabulele yonke imingcele yomtshato, uyigqibelele wena ngokwakho, kuba umanyano wabantu ababini ubugcisa obunokufundwa imihla ngemihla, kwaye uthando, njengokuba uKokhov uthe, yinto ebalulekileyo ebomini bentsapho.