Ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba indoda ibonakala ixelela intombazana yentliziyo ayithandayo, kodwa ngokwenene ibonisa iimvakalelo ezahlukileyo kwaye iyakhathazeka ngokunyanisekileyo. Iyiphi isizathu sale mpawu?
Amadoda amaninzi ahlupheke kwiinkomfa ezibethelwa ngabo njengomntwana. Kwaye phezu kweminyaka leyo iinkomfa zihluma kakhulu i-vpsihiku ukuze ukuze bahlasele ngandlela-thile ukulwa, abantu baqala ukusebenzisa abo bahamba nabo. Uninzi lwexesha, abafana bazimela ngokuzithengisa ngeendleko zabasetyhini ababathandayo. Ukujonga kwintombi ekulungele ukwenza into ethile kumntu wayo, umfana uqala ukuziva ngathi uyinkosi kunye noThixo. Kwaye oku kuvakalelwa kukuba uhlala elele. Ekuqaleni, loo mntu unelisekile kuphela ngothando lwesigamu sakhe. Kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha, uqala ukufuna unqulo olungakumbi, njengoko izakhiwo zakhe ziqala ukukhula kwakhona. Ngolu hlobo lwabantu luyakwazi ukuhlambalaza abo basetyhini, bebasongela ngokuhlukana. Kwaye a bafazi, ngokwenene, bathanda kakhulu abafana babo, bajika baba ngamakhoboka, balungele ukuya kuyo nayiphi na into, ukuba bangashiyi. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, ngokugqithiseleyo umfazi uzama ukubonakalisa uthando lwakhe kumntu, ngokugqithiseleyo uyazivumela. Ekugqibeleni, nantoni na ayithethayo kwaye akwenzayo, uya kubonakalisa kakubi kwaye akayi kuvumela ukuba ibonakaliswe njengomntu. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, isimo sengqondo esibi sishukunyiswa ngamantombazana ngokwabo, nangaphandle kokuqaphela. Amadoda akanakunikwa inkululeko epheleleyo yezenzo kwaye, ngaphezu koko, ukubonisa ukuba awukwazi ukuhlala ngaphandle kwabo. Ekuqaleni, kunzima ukuqonda ukuba zinjalo ezinzima kwiintsapho okanye nokuba ngumntu oqhelekileyo, ozinzile ngengqondo. Ngoko ke, ukuze ukhuselekile, soloko uzama ukuvumela ukuba abafana bangaphezu kwelokuqala. Xa umntu engabi nomona xa ehlala ekhwaza umfazi wakhe, ehlambalaza aze amthobise, kwaye unokwazi ukuphakamisa isandla sakhe, ngoko uthando lwakhe luyinto nje yokuba ufikelele yena kunye nabanye. Kodwa eqinisweni, ufuna ukumnqoba ubunzima bakhe, kodwa akakwazi ukucinga ngendlela eqhelekileyo yolu, kuba usebenzisa umntu onobuthakathaka nothando ukuxazulula iingxaki zakhe ezingokwengqondo eziye zafuneka ixesha elide ukuba aye kwizodwa.
Impembelelo yabahlobo
Ngelishwa, amadoda ahlala ephantsi kwefuthe lezimvo zabahlobo, ngakumbi abahlobo babo. Ukuba abalimi bathi le ntombazana ayinhle kakhulu, ayikho ihlakaniphile ngokwaneleyo, njalo njalo, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo, unokuzifumana engcono, le ntombazana iqala ukucinga ngayo kwaye inomsindo wayo. Ewe, ukuziphatha okunjalo kunye nesimo sengqondo ngokubhekiselele kwabesetyhini akunakubizwa ngokuba siqhelekileyo. Ukwanele ebubudlelwaneni bobufana banokwenza oku kwiminyaka elishumi elinesihlanu. Nanku kuphela kwimizekelo yokuziphatha okulondoloziweyo kuyo yonke impilo. Kwaye ngokuqala ngolwalamano lomntu, indoda iqokelela ngokukhawuleza "uthethwano" lwabahlobo bakhe, apho baxubusha khona imilinganiselo kunye neentlanzi zeentombi. Kwaye kwimeko engamashumi asithoba anesihlanu, ingqalelo ihlawulwa kuphela kwiinkcukacha zangaphandle. Kwaye, njengokuba uyazi, wonke umntu unomdla wakhe. Ngoko ke, akukho mntu unokuqinisekisa ukuba intombazana iya kuthanda abahlobo bakhe. Kwaye ukuba oko kwenzeka, baqala ukukholisa indoda ukuba uyayisondeza kunye nendlela enokuthetha ngayo nomntu onjalo. Ngako oko, umfana obuza ngokugqithiseleyo abahlobo ukuba kufuneka ahlangabezane nekhanda, ngumntu onzima kakhulu. Ukuphulaphula abantwana, ubeka iingcamango zakhe aze aqale ukucaphuka kwintombazana, owayengenalo ngokwaneleyo kubahlobo bakhe. Kwaye kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwakubonakala kungenangqondo, loo mntu uqala ukuzama ukutshintsha intombazana ngoncedo lwengqondo yakhe engafanelekanga, ingqumbo kunye nentlungu. Kodwa sonke siyazi ukuba idatha yangaphandle iguquka ngokulula. Yingakho amadoda athile eqala ukuthukuthela aze athukuthelelwe ngenxa yesizathu. Baphosa izibango ezingenasisiseko kumantombazana, bawabiza ngokugqithiseleyo urodks, bathi bahlangana kuphela ngenxa yenceba, kwaye intombi kawonke-wonke ayifanele ukuba nomntu. Ukuba ubona ukuba umntu uziphatha ngendlela enje ngenxa yabahlobo, ngoko kufuneka ucinge ukuba ufuna umntu ongenalo uluvo lwakhe. Emva koko, umntu oqhelekileyo ongahambiyo ukubuza imbono yabahlobo, akavumeli naluphi na ulungelelaniso kwindlela athetha ngayo intanda yakhe, nokuba kwintetho engaqhelekanga. Kwaye xa umntu osemncinci enento encinci yinto evumelayo, ngoko ke uyavuma, ngoko uhlonipho lwakhe nesithunzi asinakuthethwa nantoni na. Lo mntu akakwazi ukubizwa ngokuba ngumntu, kuba nguye owamthandayo kwaye ozikhethele yena, kwaye ngoku uhlambalaza nje ngokuba ngokungazelelwe angayithandi inkampani yakhe.
Ngakwazi nje ukwenza inxaxheba
Esinye isizathu sokuba abantu baqale ukubi kakhulu ngabasetyhini banalo ukuhluleka ukuhlula iindlela. Umntu uvakalelwa kukuba akafuni ukuhlala kunye nalo mfazi, kodwa endaweni yokuthetha naye, uqala ukuziphatha ukuze amthukuthelele kwaye anikezele inxalenye. Lo ngowona mqondiso obalulekileyo umntu ongakwazi ukuziphatha ngesidima kwaye abe noxanduva lwakhe izenzo. Nokuba uthe uthe intombazana, ayikho. Umntu ongenamdla kwiimvakalelo zomnye akaze azivumele okokuziphatha. Uhlala efumana amagama achaza kwaye akayi kuhlazisa kwaye ahlasele umfazi ngale ndlela. Ukuba loo mntu uhlala ecasulwa, inqabana, ikhwelo, kwaye ngelo xesha ayikwazi ukuchaza isizathu sokuba, kuthethwa ukuba uzama ukunyanzelisa intombazana ukuba yenze isigqibo malunga nokuhlukana, ukwenzela ukuba ikwazi ukuhlala ngaphandle kweshishini kwaye "yome."
Ngasentla sathetha ngeemeko apho abafazi abayikusola into nantoni na madoda aziphatha ngendlela efanelekileyo ngokuzithembela kuphela kwiminqweno yabo, engahambelani ngokupheleleyo nokuziphatha kwabafazi. Kodwa kwenzeka kwakhona ukuba ukuziphatha komntu kuba mbi ngenxa yokuba akahlambulukanga kwaye uyinkimbinkimbi, kodwa ngenxa yokuba lona wesifazane ngokwakhe uyamchukumisa ukuba enze oko ngohambo lwakhe lwomoya, ukungabi nhlonipho, njalo njalo. Ngoko ke, ngaphambi kokuba wenze izigqibo zakho, usacinga ngendlela oziphatha ngayo. Mhlawumbi oku kungenxa yenu, kwaye kungekhona ukuba acinge ngesimo sakhe sengqondo kubantu, kwaye ingakumbi kwisiqingatha sesibini. Kodwa ukuba akunjalo, ke emva kwakho ngumntu onomqondo onobuchule onokumdinga ulwalamano naye ngokukhawuleza.