Ububele kweli hlabathi lwanamhlanje ludumo olubi. Ihlala enye yezinto ezilungileyo zobuKristu, kodwa thina, kunjalo, siyayikhathaza. Ngamanye amaxesha kubonakala ngathi ububele bububudenge obuhambelani nempumelelo yobomi, umsebenzi, ukuqashelwa, kunye nabantu abalungileyo, abangenakukwazi ukunyamekela iimfuno zabo. Ubomi obuyimpumelelo ngokuqhelekileyo budibaniswa, ukuba kungenjalo nangomsindo, ubuncinane, ngokunyaniseka, "ukuhamba entloko" kunye "nokuqhubisana neendlebe" zabanye abantu - kodwa yintoni enye into enokuthi ifumaneke kwilizwe lokhuphiswano? Kwintlawulo ngoku ububuhlungu, ukungabi nantloni, ukunyaniseka, ukungabikho kwemilingo. Kodwa ke, sonke, ngokuqonda okanye cha, sifuna ukuba umhlaba ube nomusa. Sifuna ukuphendula iimvakalelo zabanye abantu ngobubele kwaye sibonise ububele ngokukhawuleza. Sifuna ukuba singathembeli kuphela kuthi, sifuna ukuvuleka ngakumbi, sinikeze ingcamango yangasemva kwaye sinombulelo ngaphandle kokuhlazeka. Masizame ukufumana indlela yobubele bokwenene, evela entliziyweni.
Kutheni kunzima kangaka?
Okokuqala, kuba sicinga ukuba zonke ezinye izinto ezimbi zikholelwa yi-psychotherapist, ingcali ekunxibelelaneni nonogonyamelo kaTomas d'Ansembourg. Kodwa xa ubuso babo bubanda kwaye bungenakunqandwa, xa bengasamkeli, kudla ngokuba yindlela yokuzikhusela okanye ukubonakalisa ukunyaniseka. Kwanele ukubona ukubonakaliswa kwifestile yesitalato ukuqinisekisa ukuba sinokugqoka imaski. Ngokudakisayo, kodwa ngabazali, basenza ukuba sibe nomusa kwaye sikulungele ukuziphatha ebuntwaneni, senze isicatshulwa ukuba akunakulungele ukulungisa abantu abangaqhelekanga, ukuthetha ngokukhawuleza, ukuba akufanele ubencame ukuzithoba kunye nokuzama ukukholisa. Ukusondeza, ngoko ke, bafuna ukuqinisekisa ukuba asibaphazamisi kakhulu, musa ukuzithengisa, musa ukuphazamisa. Ngenxa yoko ukunyaniseka kwethu. Ukongeza, ivakalelo zobulungisa ezifakwe ebuntwaneni buya kuba yinto efunekayo ukuba unikele ngokubanzi njengoko ufumana. Simele siwunqobe lo mkhwa. Olunye ubunzima kukuba xa sithatha inyathelo ukuya kwelinye, sithatha ingozi. Injongo yethu ingachazwa kakuhle, uncedo lwethu lungashiywa, iimvakalelo zethu azikwazi ukuwamkelwa kunye nokuhlekwa usulu. Ekugqibeleni, singasetyenziselwa ukusetyenziswa, kwaye siya kuba ziimfama. Kudinga isibindi kwaye ngexesha elifanayo ukuthobeka ukuhoxisa kwi-ego yakho kwaye ufumane amandla okuzithemba wena, omnye kunye nobomi, endaweni yokuzimela rhoqo.
Ukhetho lwangaphakathi
I-Psychoanalysis inesizathu sokuba kutheni kube lula ukwenza okubi ngandlela-thile. Intukuthelo ithetha ngokuxhalabisa kunye nokukhungatheka: sesaba ukuba abanye baya kubona ukukhuselwa kwethu. Ububi bungekho abantu abanelisekile abaphelisa ingqondo engaphakathi yenkxwaleko, ukususa iimvakalelo ezimbi kwabanye. Kodwa umsindo uhlala ubiza kakhulu: uguqula izixhobo zethu zengqondo. Ububele, ngokuchaseneyo, bubonakaliso bamandla angaphakathi kunye nokuvisisana: okulungileyo kunakho ukubeka ingozi "yokulahlekelwa ubuso", kuba ayiyi kubhubhisa. Ububele kukukwazi ukuhlala kunye nomnye, kunye nomnye, ukuba uvelele ngayo, ubeka ingqondo yengqondo. Ukuze kwenzeke oku, kufuneka siqale sibuyise umnxeba nathi, "sibe khona kuthi." Sisoloko sinomusa, kuba ububele bokwenene abuhambisani nokuzithemba okanye ukwesaba abanye abantu, kwaye ukwesaba nokuzithemba kuthiwa sihlala kuthi. Ukuzikhusela, sisebenzisa i-egocentrism, ingqiqo, ubuthathaka. Ngoko sichaza ukuba asikwazi ukukhusela inyaniso, silumkise ngengozi, singenele, xa abanye befuna uncedo. Ububele obunomdla, kwaye kungekhona nje uthando lobuxoki kunye nokukhunjulwa ngekhanda, londla ngokulinganayo umntu othethayo, kunye nalowo owamkelayo. Kodwa ukuze size kule nto, simele siyamkele ingcamango yokuba singamthandi omnye, simdumise, ukuba kufuneka sifike kwimpikiswano, sivikele indawo yethu.
UMthetho wezoBomi
Siyazi ukuba bonke abantu abanomusa. Ngexesha elifanayo, iimvavanyo zibonisa ukuba siva novelwano ngokuzalwa: xa isana esivelayo siva ukukhala komnye umntwana, uqala ukukhala. Impilo yethu njengezilwanyana zasekuhlaleni kuxhomekeke kumgangatho wobudlelwane esifakayo. Imfesane iyimfuneko ekusindeni kwethu njengezilwanyana zezinto eziphilayo, ngoko ke uhlobo lusinike amandla okubaluleka. Kutheni kungagcinwa kugcinwa njalo? Indima ebalulekileyo idlalwa yimpembelelo yabazali: ngexesha xa umntwana ebalingisa, uba ngumusa, ukuba umzali ubonisa ububele. Ukukhuseleka ngokomzwelo ebuntwaneni, ukuzinzi ngokwenyama nangokwengqondo kubambe iqhaza ekuphuhliseni ububele. Kwiiklasi kunye neentsapho apho kungekho zifuyo kunye nezidumbu, apho abantu abadala baphatha wonke umntu ngokulinganayo, abantwana banobubele: xa lwethu uluvo lobulungisa lunelisekile, kulula ukuba sinakekele omnye nomnye.
Uhlobo lomsindo
Sivame ukucinga ukuba sizungezwe ngabantu abangonwabi abaphupha ngokusilimaza. Okwangoku, ukuba ukhangele ngokukhawuleza, kubonakala ukuba phantse bonke abafowunelwa nabo nabanye abantu bangathathi hlangothi, kwaye ngokuphindaphindiweyo - kunomdla kakhulu. Ingcamango yokungafihli komhlaba ixhomekeke kwinto yokuba nayiphi na intlungu enobungozi obuyingozi kwaye ikhunjulwe ixesha elide: ukususa kwimemori yethu enye ingozi, ubuncinane ubuninzi bentshukumo emininzi efunekayo, isazi sezinto eziphilayo, uStephen Jay Gould. Kukho amaxesha kunye neemeko xa senza okubi. Ngokomzekelo, ebusheni, ngamanye amaxesha unqwenela ukukhwabanisa-ngoko kukho umnqweno wokuzibamba, okwenziwa ngumntwana ongeyena mntwana. Ukuze le xesha elibi lidlulele ngokukhawuleza, kubalulekile ukuba umntwana uziva ekhuselekile, kungekhona ukubandezeleka, ungesabi ngekamva. Ukuba akukho ikusasa elizayo (uyasongelwa ukungabikho kwezindlu, umsebenzi, imali), ngoko ingqumbo nenkohlakalo inokuqhubeka. Emva koko, ngokwenene, kufuneka alwe ukuze aphile, okwenza umsindo uvumeleke. Sinelungelo lokwenza okubi xa ama-hooligans ehlasela, okanye kwimeko apho sizuza khona inhlonipho, sichasene nokuhlukunyezwa okanye ulwalamlo lwangokomzwelo, okanye xa sisebenza ngokunyanisekileyo, kwaye abazalwana bethu bathathisana nabo "basibonisa", basilwe neendlela ezingathembekiyo. Ukuba omnye uziphatha njengomchasi oye wangenela umzabalazo ovulekile kunye nathi, ukunyamezela novelwano kuyingozi: ububele bethu buya kubonisa ukuba asiyazi indlela yokuzikhusela, asikwazi ukuziphoqa ukuba sizihlole.
Ngaphezu koko, izazi zeengqondo ziyazi indlela enxulumene nentlalo yoluntu ngokuthi "isijeziso esinqabileyo", xa ulwaphulo lwethu luhlanganisene nomnqweno wokubahlwaya abo abangadlali ngemithetho. Ulaka olunjalo luyakhayo - kwixesha elizayo uluntu luzuza kuyo. Kodwa apha kufuneka kukhunjulwe ukuba umgca phakathi komzabalazo wobulungisa kunye nobudlova bunqabileyo: ukuba sivuyiswe ngonakaliso lwe-oligarch, akucaci ukuba sinovuyo ngenxa yokuba simjonga njengomphangi okanye ngenxa yokuba simmonelela kwaye ngoku sivuyiswe ngengozi yakhe. Yiba nokuba kunjalo, ububele abukhiphi ukuqina, kuxhomekeke ekuzimeleleni kunye nokuzimela kwangaphakathi kunye nobomi obuqhelekileyo akufuneki ukuba sizinikele.
U bubele bu suleleka
Enyanisweni, ngamnye wethu ulindela oku: ukuba abe nomusa novelwano, avume ububele nokuphendula kwabanye. Amagama athi "ubumbano" kunye "nobuzalwana", athatyathwe nguRhulumente waseSoviet, ngokuthe ngcembe athola intsingiselo. Siyabona oku xa kukho iintlekele ezinjengezo esizifumana kumsi weli lihlobo. Siyabona ukuba intsapho kunye nemibutho yokuzithandela iyavela kwaye isebenza ngempumelelo. Iintlanga zentsebenziswano ngokubanzi ziyavela, apho zitshintsha khona, umzekelo, izinto zezingane okanye ulwazi oluncedo. Abantu abaselula bayavuma nge-intanethi malunga nokuzivumela ukuba bahlale kwiindawo ezihambahamba ebusuku okanye bafumane indawo yabo yokuhlala ebusuku. Ububele buhlala kuthi ngamnye kuthi. Ukuqalisa "ukuphendulwa kwekhenketho", kwanele ukwenza isenzo esincinci somnxeba: ukusula ibhotile yamanzi, ukuncoma, ukudlula kumgca womntu osekhulile, ukumncoma umqhubi webhasi. Musa ukuphendula ngokuhlambalaza ngcikivo, umemeza ngokumemeza, ulwaphulo-mthetho. Khumbula ukuba sonke singabantu. Kwaye ngoko sele sisidinga "ubunzulu bezobudlelwane". Kubumbano lwabantu. Ngo bubele.
Konke kulungile!
"Konke kulungile. Wonke umntu uzolile. Ngoko, ndizolile! "Ngaloo ndlela iphetha incwadi yeArkady Gaidar" iTimur neqela lakhe ". Hayi, asibizi sonke ukuba sibe ngamaTimu. Kodwa uya kuvuma, kukho iindlela ezininzi zokwenza ubomi bube mnandi - kwabanye, kwaye ke kuwe. Khetha kwi-10 ephakanyisiweyo okanye uza kunye lakho.
- Bhala, ekugqibeleni, umhlobo omdala olahlekelwe yimbeko.
- Ukuthatha izinto ezingadingekile, amathoyizi, iincwadi kwiziko elinobubele.
- Shiya ezinye iingcebiso kumlindi womgcini.
- Shayela abahlobo ukuba batyelele kwaye bahlele umdlalo wee-charades okanye iifoto eziphilayo (ukuba kukho ixesha kunye nomzamo, unokwenza umququzelelo wokwenziwa komsebenzi we-amater).
- Ukubhalela "kwiNcwadi yeziPhuculo" ngenxa yomthengisi kwivenkile okanye umsebenzisi kwi-bhanki.
- Mema abazali ukuba baye kwi-cinema kunye okanye kwi-konsathi. Ndiya kujonga ngenyameko kulabo basebenzayo kufuphi, kwaye nizibeke ngokukhawuleza ephaketheni lakho okanye kwirekhodi. Umzekelo: "Ndabona ukuba ukhangelekile. Ndingakunceda njani? "Okanye:" Ukhanya nje. Yintoni endinokuyincoma ngayo? "
- Nika iifatyambo zengane yakho okanye isikhumbuzo esincinci.
- Xa u tyelela izalamane esibhedlele, uthathe ipakethi yerusi, ipakethe yekiki okanye incwadi enomdla kwezinye izigulane.
- Dlala kumsebenzi "kwimfihlelo ngokufihlakeleyo". Ukwenza oku, kufuneka uthumele ileta kuwo wonke umntu ngaphambili ngombuzo othi: "Yintoni oyithandayo (wena) iyavuya?" Bese unike ngamnye impendulo engaqhelekanga, kwaye ngoNovemba 13, wonke umntu uya kukwazi ukubonisa into enhle kumnye osebenza naye ... kwaye baya kufumana isipho esincinane. Ukuba uyazi kakuhle abo usebenza nabo okanye ufunda nabo, unokukhetha izipho ezotshabalalisa ukuba unomdla kunye nobungozi.