Emva kwenkqubo enobunzima kunye nexesha elide lokuhlukana, kudla kunzima kakhulu ukugcina ubudlelwane obuhle kunye nomyeni ongaphambili emva kokuqhawula umtshato. Ngokukodwa ukuba isizathu sokuba ukwahlukana kwaba yindoda. Abasetyhini, njengombandela, ngenxa yokunyamekela kwabo kunye nokukhuseleka, kunzima kakhulu ukusinda kwinkqubo yokuqhawula umtshato. Ngako oko, kunzima ngakumbi ukwakha ubudlelwane kunye nomntu owayekade naye.
Umbuzo wokuba ngaba kukho ulwalamano olunjalo kunye nabangaphambili abatshatileyo baneempendulo eziphikisanayo. Kwiimeko ezininzi, xa ukwakha ubudlelwane kunye nomyeni owayengumyeni emva kokuqhawula umtshato, izizathu zegap kunye nendlela abantu abahlukana ngayo badlala indima enkulu. Ngokomzekelo, ezo zibini ezithe zahlala emtshatweni iminyaka emininzi, emva kokuqhawula umtshato, zihlala ziyingxaki kwibudlelwane.
Ukutshatyalaliswa kweengxaki kunye nokuqala kobudlelwane kunye nomntu osekude naye
Kuwo wonke umlingane wangaphambili usenokwenzeka ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Apha, okokuqala, kubalulekile ukugxininisa ukuba ekuqaleni, njengoko kwenzekayo nonke, abantu babe nolwalamano oluhle olwakhiwe kwiimvakalelo neemvakalelo. Kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha abantu baqala ukugxila ingqalelo kwiimpazamo zeqabane. Ngoko ke, ukuba ufuna le lamano kunye nomntu osekude naye, kufuneka uwathathe (sele sele ungumhlobo) njengoko kunjalo. Kwaye oku kuya kuncedwa ngokugxininisa kwizinto ezingazange zibi kakhulu kuye. Izinkumbulo zakho ezabelwana ngazo, iimvakalelo, abaqhelana nazo zonke iziseko ezisisiseko ekufuneka ukhulise unxibelelwano nomntu owayekade naye.
Ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho
Ulwalamano oluqhelekileyo kunye nomyeni wangaphambili luya kuba nzima ukuba, ngaphandle kweenkumbulo eziqhelekileyo kunye naye, awunanto nantoni na. Apha ungabandakanya zonke izikhalazo zokufihla. Khumbula ukuba ekuboneni "kwangaphambili" kufuneka uhlale uhleli, ukhangeleke, ngokubhekiselele kwimeko xa ebonakala kwindima yomqali weliphu. Kumele udale ubudlelwane kumgaqo jikelele: "Ngoku akukho mntu, akukho nto kwaye akukho mntu." Ukuba umyeni wakho wangaphambili u nethemba lokuba unokuza ngasiphi na ixesha aze athole yonke into oyifunayo kuye (kwaye kukho iimeko ezinje), khawuleza umnqume. Makuqonde ngokucacileyo ukuba, ngaphandle kweengcebiso ezinobungcali, kwaye kungenjalo nakwiimeko zonke (awuzange ubhalise kwendima yengqondo yakhe yengqondo), akayi kufumana nantoni na kuwe.
Sihlala sivakalelwa kakuhle
Isiseko esibalulekileyo solu budlelwane kunye nomyeni wangaphambili ngumntu ohambeleyo ngokukhawuleza. Oku kunokubandakanya amathuba okuba nolwazi lwabo lwangaphambili kunye namaqabane abo angoku. Kule meko, kufuneka uqonde ukuba "owangaphambili" kufuneka uqonde ngokucacileyo indima yakho kunye neemeko zangoku ebomini bakho, ngoko ke, ekunxibelelweni, kufuneka kube neempembelelo ezilungileyo kuphela. Akuyimfuneko ukuqhubeka nangona emva kokunyelisa umtshato umntu kwaye nangakumbi nangamazame akhe okuhlambalaza ngento ethile. Ngezihlandlo ezinjalo (ngokusekelwe kumgaqo jikelele weentsebenziswano kunye nabokuqala) ngokukhawuleza ukuwunqumla. Yenzani inhlonipho omnye nomnye.
Abantwana abaqhelekileyo
Ukuba unabantwana abadibeneyo bekhohliweyo, ngoko akuyi kubakho inkululeko yokuzikhethela, unxibelelwano kunye nolwangaphambili aluphepheki. Emva koko, umntwana akanako "ubaba osekudala" okanye "umama wangaphambili", kuye ngamnye umtshato wakhe ngumzali oseleyo kunye nomzali okhoyo. Ngoko ke, ukuthintelwa koqhagamshelwano lomlingane owayengumlingane nomntwana akukafanelekanga. Ungazami ukumnqula umntwana kunye noyise, kunye noyise, kufuneka ube nencoko enkulu. Umzekelo, ukumchazela ukuba unamalungelo alinganayo kumntwana kwaye unyanzelekile ukuba athathe inxaxheba ebomini bakhe. Kodwa ngokukhawuleza kufuneka kuqatshelwe ukuba indoda yangaphambili ayifanele izame ukumncoma umntwana kumama, ngaloo ndlela "imdonsa" ecaleni layo.
Iinkcukacha ezibalulekileyo
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukwakha ubudlelwane obunjalo obunokuba neqabane elitsha. Ngaphandle koko, kuya kuba lusizi kakhulu ukujonga ubuhlobo obutsha bokuqala (ukuba sele benalo).
Kwaye, ekugqibeleni, khumbula ukuba ubudlelwane phakathi kwabatshatileyo abangekho nhlobo ngeke kusebenze ukuba bobabini bangafundi ukuxolisa, ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo ezimbi kwaye bagcine yonke into ebilisiwe kwiminyaka yobomi bentsapho. Abantu abatshatileyo kufuneka bazame ukuhlala beqondana, nokuba yintoni na.