Xa umntu eba ngumlutha, umzekelo, ukusuka kotywala, iziyobisi okanye ukugembula, oku akuyona nje ingxaki yakhe. Bahlupheke kunye nabathandekayo bakhe: nabo, bafumana intlungu kunye noyiko. Kodwa ngaphandle kokuba bazama ukusindisa othandekayo, kaninzi, ngelanga, aphumelelanga. Ngamanye amaxesha ukuzama ukumlondoloza kuye kukhokelela ekubhujisweni kokugqibela kobudlelwane. Yintoni na? Indlela yokuziphatha ukuze uncede umntu azigcine ngokwakhe kwingozi yokulimala? Yintoni efunekayo, kwaye yintoni, ngokuchaseneyo, akufanelekile ukwenza?
1. Musa ukuthatha uxanduva olupheleleyo
Ukuxhomekeka kuyisifo. Ngokuqhelekileyo kuleso sizathu, abantu abaxhomekeke ngokukhawuleza bathatha uxanduva ngokupheleleyo kwisiphumo sesi sifo, kuba bakholelwa ukuba "akakwazi ukunceda". Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba inkxaso kunye noluncedo luncedo, kodwa ukuguqula yonke imbopheleleko yokubuyiselwa akusiyo. Awukwazi ukunceda umntu ogqithiseleyo umnqweno kunye nentando yakhe. Ukuba uzibambe ngokuzikhuselekisa, kwaye uhlangulwa uthatha uncedo lwakho, kodwa akenzi lutho kuye, ngoko umnqweno wakhe okanye injongo yakhe ayikakhiwa. Kungenzeka ukuba uthatha kakhulu kuwe. Ngamanye amaxesha ukucinga ukuba uncedo kumntu luba yisisombululo sokuba aqhubeke esenza umkhuba omubi xa usebenza "ekusindiseni". Musa ukulawula yonke "intsebenzo", unike uncedo olufanelekileyo, olungatyekiyo, kodwa luhlakulela ukuthanda komntu oxhomekeke kuyo, kwaye unokwenza ntoni. Khumbula iifilimu malunga nexesha lomntu "ongendawo" (umzekelo, "Afonya"): impembelelo entle ayinayo impembelelo enqwenela ukuba umntu ngokwakhe, ngenxa yeemeko ezithile, akaqapheli isidingo sokuba nenxalenye yokuxhomekeka kwakhe. Nabani na ofumene kuloo meko unokunceda yena kuphela ngokuqonda umdla wakhe wokuphilisa. Ngaphandle koko, uncedo lwezizalwane luya kufana negama elidumileyo kwiindaba zikaK. Chukovsky: "Oo, kuwumsebenzi onzima: ukuhudula imvu ephuma emanzini."
2. Khetha izizathu ezilungileyo
Ngokuqhelekileyo kwingxoxo kunye nomlutha, asinakuthetha ngezinto ezixhalabisa ngokwenene. Sichaza ukuthukuthela kwethu ("ukusela njengengulube!"), Intukuthelo yabo ("Abahlobo bethu baya kucinga ntoni ngathi?"). Kodwa zombini ukucaphukisa kunye nentukuzelo kudla okwesibini. Ukuba uphulaphule ngenyameko, kuvela ukuba emva kwezi mvakalelo ukwesaba okukhulu. Sinoyika ukulahlekelwa ngumthandayo ngenxa yokutshatyalaliswa komzimba wakhe kunye / okanye ubuntu bakhe, sinoyika kakhulu ukulahlekelwa buhlobo bethu. Ngaphandle kokuba siqaphele ukwesaba kwethu, asiyi kuthetha ngako. Kwaye kubalulekile ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho ezixhomekeke kuyo: "Ndiyesaba kakhulu, ndiziva ndincedi kwaye ndiyazi ukuba ndenzeni. Ndibuhlungu kakhulu! "Mamela indlela eyahlukileyo ngayo amagama kunye neengqungquthela ezivakalayo:" Ndanxila, njengengulube! "Ukuba isibini sibangela ukucaphuka kunye nomnqweno wokuphendula okufanayo, okokuqala kukukholosa nokunyaniseka. Ukuchasa ungayichasani, kodwa ngokuchasene neemvakalelo - cha. Esikhundleni sokufunda iintetho malunga nokuba umlutha unobungozi njani kwimpilo kwaye indlela engathandeki ngayo kuthi kweli lizwe, jongana naye njengomhlobo, indoda, iqabane, isihlobo kunye nokwabelana ngamava akho okwenyaniso. Ukusongela, ukusongelwa, ukuphawulwa kwamagama, kubangelwa umgaqo, kwaneengxabano ezinkulu nakwintsapho, ngelixa uvalela uqhubeka emngcwaba umkhwa wakhe. Ngokuqhelekileyo siva kwidilesi yethu: "Andiyithandi, hamba." Kwaye ngezinye iindlela oku kuchanekileyo. Ngenxa yokuba wonke umntu unelungelo elipheleleyo lokukhetha indlela yokuphila, kwaye, ngokukodwa, indlela yokufa. Ngamanye amaxesha ulawula ukufumana umntu utshintshe ubomi bakhe, kodwa awukwazi "ukuvuyisa".
Umkhwa owonakalisayo uyindlela elula yokuphuma kwiingxaki
3. Musa ukugxeka ubuntu bonke bomntu oxhomekeke kuye
Njengomgaqo, ukungavumi ukuxhomekeka komntu osondeleyo, oko kukuthi, kuphela emacaleni obuntu bakhe, sigxekisa ubuntu bakhe bonke. Xa umntu egula, tshela, i-ARD, siphatha umntu ngokwahlukileyo, kwaye isifo ngokwahlukileyo. Xa umntu engumlutha, sisasaza kuye kuxhomekeka kuye sonke: "Uthobekile ngale ndlela!" Xa umntu egxekwa, uqala ukuzikhusela, aze aqalekise, afune ukuthetha, kwaye ahlasele.
4. Hlonipha ukungahambi komlingo ukukhawuleza ukuyeka umlutha
Emva kwayo yonke into engumngcipheko yinkinga yobomi engaphendululwanga, kwaye umlutha kubonakala yindoda kuphela indlela ekhoyo yokunyamekela le ngxaki, uhlobo lwepilisi ye-analgesic. Ukutshatyalaliswa ngumntu othandekayo kumlutha wakhe, ngokuthe ngandlela-thile umenze umbi kakhulu, ngenxa yoko ngenxa yoko uziva entlungu kunye noyiko. Zama ukuqonda ukuba yintoni imbangela yangempela yengxaki yakhe, kwaye ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba uncede ukuyicombulula.
5. Musa ukuxuba ukuxhomekeka kunye nobudlelwane
Kukho inkolelo yokuba "ukuba wenza oko (okanye ukuba akanako ukuyeka), ngoko andithandi." Oku kudla ngokusetyenziswa ngabantu abasondeleyo njenge-mailmail ngokumelene nomxhomekeke. Ngokuqinisekileyo, i-blackmail ayifumanekanga, kuba bayakholelwa ukuba yonke into enomlutha ihambelana ngqo nabo, kwaye bayithatha yonke into ngeendleko zabo. Enyanisweni, ukuxhomekeka, nangona kukuchaphazela, akufuneki ukulandela kwisimo sengqondo somlutha kuwe. Izinto ezifunekayo zokuxhomekeka zivame ukuvela ebuntwaneni. Ngako oko, kubalulekile ukuqonda nokungaxubeki: ukuxhomekeka kokuxhomekeka, ubudlelwane bokwabelana. Umnqamlezo onxulumano lungasetyenziswanga kakhulu xa kukho uxhomekeke kuye ngokwawo, kodwa kuphela xa kungekho nto ishiywe kulwalamano ngokwawo.
6. Zizinakekele
Ukuba siseduze nomntu oxhomekeke kuye, sinamava amaninzi kakhulu: uloyiko - kuye, yena nentsapho yakhe, umsindo, intukuthelo, intlungu, intlungu, ukungathembeki, ityala kunye nehlazo. Kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule ukuba umsebenzi ophezulu womntu awuyikuphilisa omnye, kodwa ukuziphilisa, ukuzinceda. Yaye le ngenye yeendlela zokusombulula ingxaki. Ngokuzixhasa thina, ukuphuhlisa nokukhula kumntu, sihlala sisondeza abantu abasondeleyo. Kwenzeka ukuba ngokukhawuleza xa siphepha le meko ngokwayo, iqabane libuye "ngokukhawuleza" liphule ngokuxhomekeka.