Ngaba kufuneka ndijezise umntwana? Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba umfundise njengomntu ontle kwaye uphumelele kwaye ngexesha elifanayo ukhulula ngokupheleleyo ngokuhlwaywa? Yaye yintoni imiphumo enokuthi ihlawulwe ngabantwana? Le mibuzo ixhalaba phantse bonke abazali, kwaye ekubeni ubomi bubaphendula ngokungahambisani, sagqiba ekubeni sithembele ngombono oqiqayo ootitshala kunye neengqondo zeengqondo.
Abazali abaninzi kakhulu, banokuqiniseka ukuba imfundo engenaso isohlwayo "iincwadi eziyintsifo ezingenanto enxulumene nobomi bwenene", ziqinisa uluvo lwabo ngento elula: abantwana bahlawuliswa ngamaxesha onke, oko kuthetha ukuba kulungile kwaye kuyimfuneko. Kodwa masibhale phantsi.
Abantwana abajezisayo isiko?
Abaxhasi bemfundo ngokusebenzisa isijeziso somntu onjengoko kubhekisela kumthombo onjalo ongenakukhunjulwa kunye negunya njengeBhayibhile: khona, kumaphepha eTestamente Endala, encwadini yomzekeliso kaKumkani uSolomon, kukho ezininzi iingxelo malunga nale ngongoma. Ukuqokelela ndawonye, ezi zicatshulwa, iil, zivelisa ingcinezelo. Njengoko, ngokomzekelo, oku: "Gweba unyana wakho, ngelixa kukho ithemba, kwaye ungaze ucaphuke ngokukhala kwakhe." Okanye oku: "Musani ukushiya umfana ongehlwayo; ukuba uyamsola ngentonga, akayi kufa." Kuphela nje ukuba igazi liyabanda kubakho ngcebiso. Kwaye kungenjalo: emva kwayo yonke into, yabonakala ngexesha abantu abaninzi bekhoboka xa kungekho mntu ucinga ngamalungelo abantu, kwaye ubulungisa buqhutyelwa ngokubulawa kweentaba kunye nokuhlushwa. Ngaba sinokuxoxa ngokucokisekileyo ngalolu suku? Ngokuqinisekileyo, namhlanje kwilizwe lakwaKumkani uSolomon (oko kukuthi, kwimeko kaSirayeli namhlanje) amalungelo omntwana akhuselwe ngumthetho okhethekileyo: ngamnye umntwana, ukuba abazali bayayifumana isijeziso senyama, bangafaka isikhalazo kumapolisa baze bafake ejele ngenxa yokuhlaselwa.
Indlela yeeqathe kunye nokunamathela
Endaweni esele siyivile - indlela yerrotti kunye nentonga. Yonke into ilula kakhulu kwaye isekelwe kwiimfundiso zemi. I-Pavlov kwiimeko ezixhasayo: wenza umyalelo owamkela kakuhle, wenza kakubi-wabanjwa ngumbetha. Ekugqibeleni, isilwanyana sikhumbula indlela yokuziphatha ngayo. Ngomnini. Yaye ngaphandle kwayo? Hayi, hayi!
Umntwana, eneneni, akusiyo isilwanyana. Nangona ukuba uncinci kakhulu, unokucatshulwa konke ngendlela eqondayo. Emva koko uya kusebenza ngokuchanekileyo, kwaye kungekhona kuphela xa ejongelwa "ngamagunya aphezulu". Oku kubizwa ngokuba namandla okucinga ngentloko yakho. Ukuba uhlala ulawulwa ngumntwana, ngoko xa ekhula aze aphule "i-cage" yakho, unokuhlaziya kwaye enze izinto ezininzi ezingenangqondo. Kuyaziwa ukuba izigwenxa, ngokusemthethweni, zikhulayo kwiintsapho apho abantwana bahlawuliswa khona okanye bengaziqwalasela.
Akanatyala nantoni na!
Njengoko uyazi, umntwana uyazalwa engenacala. Into yokuqala ayibonayo kunye noko akufunayo ngokwemvelo ngabazali bakhe. Ngako oko, zonke iimpawu kunye nemikhwa ayifumanayo ngeminyaka yobudala - ukufaneleka konke kootata kunye nomama. Khumbula, njengoko ku "Alice in Wonderland": "Ukuba i-piglet ikhulile, ubizwa ngokuba usuka kwindawo yokulala, i-bayushki-bai! Nangona umntwana onomnene kakhulu ukhula kwihagu esikhathini esizayo! "Abanye abaphathi beengqondo bakholelwa ukuba akuyimfuneko ukufundisa umntwana ngokukodwa (ukusebenzisa zonke iindlela zokufundisa): ukuba abazali baziphatha ngokuchanekileyo, umntwana uya kukhula kakuhle, ngokumxelisa nje. Uthi, ebomini akunakwenzeka? Ngoko, uyavuma ukuba awuphelelanga. Kwaye abo bavuma ukuba ayilungileyo, kubalulekile ukuba baqonde ukuba kuzo zonke izikhohlisi zabantwana bethu sinokuthi sizityhale.
Musa ukujezisa? Kwaye kufuneka ndiyenze ntoni?
Indlela yokukhulisa abantwana ngaphandle kwesijeziso somntu? Kulula kakhulu! Unokuzama ukulungelelanisa yonke into ukuze umntwana akanayo isizathu sokusohlwaya. Kodwa ukuba ayisebenzi kwaye kukho ukungqubuzana, kukho iindlela ezibonakalisiweyo zempembelelo, ezingabandakanyekanga kubudlova okanye ukuphathwa.
Ukuba umntwana wenqaba ukwenza into ethile (umzekelo, umcelile ukuba awubeke emanzini), xelela ukuba ngoko kufuneka uyenze ngokwakho kwaye awuyi kuba nako lokufunda le ncwadi ngaphambi kokuba ulale.
Ukuba umntwana wenza into engalunganga, khuluma naye intliziyo ngentliziyo: khumbula ubuntwaneni bakho kwaye uxele ibali malunga nendlela owake wenza ngayo iphutha elifanayo, waguquka waza walungisa (ngoko umntwana uya kuba lula ukuvuma iimpazamo zakhe ngaphandle kokwesaba nezohlwayo).
Sebenzisa indlela yokuphumla. Ingundoqo yinto yokuba ngethuba elinqabileyo (ukulwa, ama-hysterics, i-whims) umntwana ngaphandle kokumemeza kunye nokukhutshiswa kuhoxiswa (okanye kwenziwe) kwi-epicenter yeziganeko kwaye ihlala yodwa ixesha elinye kwelinye igumbi. Ukuphuma kwexesha (oko kukuthi, ikhefu) kuxhomekeke kwiminyaka yomntwana. Kukholelwa ukuba ukushiya umntwana omnye ulandela ukusuka ekubaleni "ngomzuzu omnye ngomnyaka owodwa wobomi", i. iminyaka emithathu-iminyaka emithathu, iminyaka emine-yezine, njl. Into ephambili kukuba akayithathi njengesijeziso.
Ekugqibeleni, unako "ukukhubekisa" kumntwana kwaye ngokukhawuleza uyamthintela ngokuqhelekileyo, kumnandi kumnxibelelwano, eshiya kuphela "i-esemthethweni" eyimfuneko. Into ephambili kukuba ngeli xesha umntwana akalilahli ukholo eluthandweni lwakho.
4 izizathu zokuziphatha kakubi komntwana:
Isizathu | Yintoni eboniswayo | Iyiphi impazamo yabazali? | Indlela yokulungisa imeko | Yintoni ongayenza ngokulandelayo |
Ukungabikho ngqalelo | Umntwana unamathele ngemibuzo ecasulayo | Umntwana unikwe ingqalelo encinci | Xoxa naye ngesigxina kunye naye kwaye ubonise ukungafuni | Nika ixesha ngexesha lokuthetha nomntwana |
Ukulwa kwamandla | Umntwana uvame ukuphikisa kwaye ubonisa ubunzima (inobungozi), ngokuqhelekileyo ubuxoki | Umntwana ulawulwa kakhulu (ushicilelo lweengqondo kuye) | Nika, zama ukunikezela | Ungazami ukumnqoba, unikele ngokukhetha |
Buyise | Umntwana uhlambalaza, unenkohlakalo kubuthathaka, izinto eziphangaleleyo | Ihlazo elincinci elincinci ("Shiya, usencinci!") | Hlaziya imbangela yefowuni elahliwe | Ungaziphindezeli, zama ukudibanisa |
Ukungabikho | Umntwana wenqaba naziphi na iziphakamiso, akafuni ukuthatha inxaxheba kuyo nayiphi na into | Ukunyamekela ngokweqile, abazali benza konke umntwana | Phakamisa isisombululo sokungcolisa | Ukukhuthaza nokudumisa umntwana kumanqanaba onke |
Ngaba sifuna ukukhuthaza?
Iingcali zenzululwazi zenza uvavanyo: iinkawu zanikwa indlu enzima kakhulu - emva kwemizamo ende eyayivula. Emva koko wanikwa enye ingcingo - akazange ahlalise aze afikelele. Kwaye maxesha amaninzi: iimbongolo zafezekisa injongo yazo kwaye zavuya. Kwaye ngoko ukuphumelela ngokuphumelelayo kwinqaba, wafumana ngokukhawuleza ibhanana. Kulo lonke uvuyo lwembongolo lwaluphelile: ngoku usebenze kwinqaba kuphela xa wayiboniswa ibhanana, kwaye akazange abe nolwaneliseko.
Imfihlo iyacaca
Ukuba umntwana uyahlwaywa kakhulu kwaye ahlaselwe ekhaya, kuya kubakho kwimidlalo yezingane zakhe, nakwixesha elizayo - kunye nobudlelwane kunye noontanga. Ingqondo yengqondo "yokulandelelana" kwesohlwayo sonyango ekukhulisweni kwabantwana kuhleli ubomi. Okokuqala, uya kuthusa abantu ababethebileyo ngokubetha amathoyizi akhe, ngoko uya kufunda nabo, kunye nakwintsapho yakhe (nangayiphi na imeko, akayi kuba nako ukuvelisa abantwana bakhe ngokungafaniyo). Ukuba wena ubengumntwana onjalo, cinga: mhlawumbi ixesha lokuphazamisa imeko yentsapho?