1. Gqibezela iiprojekthi kunye nobudlelwane obungapheliyo
Kwizengqondo, impembelelo yesenzo, esibizwa ngokuba negama le-psychologist Soviet Blumy Zeigarnik, liyaziwa. Wazama ukubonakalisa ukuba umntu ongenasizathu esingazange agqibe ukugqiba oko aqalise kuye, ufumana iimvakalelo ezintle ezintle, kwaye, ngokubaluleke kakhulu, "uyanamathela" kwisenzo esingaqhelwanga, uhlala ebuyela kwiingcamango zakhe zonke ixesha. "Kwiminyaka eyi-15 edlulileyo ndandinomdla kunye nendoda yamaphupha am," khumbula enye yeendaba zeendaba zeZhZh. "Nangona sasisithandweni ngaphandle kokukhumbula, wahlahlela izikhalazo, ngoko ke umona wesikhwele, ngenxa yesizathu esicacileyo, ngoko wathi asizange sidalwe omnye ... Ekugqibeleni ndikwazi ukuma kwaye ndahlukana nayo, nangona kwakunzima kakhulu. Kwaye yonke le minyaka ndiyikhumbula inveli yethu ngokuphazamiseka, ukukrakra, ukuxhalaba, ukucaphuka. Kodwa ngelinye ilanga wavula iTV - waza wambona kwisikrini sakhe njengendwendwe intetho yeentetho ngesihloko sobudlelwane bosapho. Wathetha malunga nendlela ayenayo ngayo ukuhlukana nomfazi wakhe, kwaye indlela awayechasene ngayo nale mvelaphi akazange abe neentlobano kunye nabasetyhini. Ndiphulaphule kuye, njenge-spellbound, ndaqonda ukuba kwakukuphela kwithuba apho sasihlangene. Kwaye, ekugqibeleni, ndaqonda ukuba kwakwenzekani, ndayigxotha inzondo kunye nomvakalelo ongenatyala, "vumela" ubudlelwane bethu - kwaye ngoku ndiphantse ndiyikhumbule ngako, kodwa ukuba ndiyakhumbula, ngoko ndivakalelwa. "
Ngokufanayo, ngexesha lokudakumba kweengxaki ezineminyaka engama-40 ubudala, lo mfazi unxunguxwa ngokuxhamla, iintsebenzo kunye neeprojekthi: inkqubo yesiNgesi yaqalisa kwaye iphoswe ngecala, ingubo engagqokiyo, ukuthungca umshini wokuthunga, iphrojekthi engapheliyo yokulungiswa kwakhona kwesebe. Kufuneka zigqitywe - okanye ngomgudu onamandla onqwenela ukuyeka iinjongo. "Okokuqala, yenza uluhlu lwezenzo ezingapheliyo," icebisa ingcali yethu engapheliyo, ingcali yengqondo kwengqondo uAlexander Bondarenko. - Ngoku ke bhala kwiphepha elihlukileyo zonke iimeko ezingenakuchukumisa, ezingabalulekiyo kunye neeprojekthi - kwaye uyitshise, ngaloo ndlela ubeke ingcamango. "
2. Ukulahla oonxibelelwano abangenasidingo
Umhlobo ubiza zonke iinyanga kwaye unikezela ukudibana, uxoxe ngamadoda kunye nomsebenzi. Kwaye siyakwenqaba, sichaza ukuba akukho xesha, akukho mvakalelo, siziva sibi. Oku kuthetha ukuba ngokwenene asinqwenela ukugcina ubudlelwane, asifuni nje ukuthetha malunga nalokhu kumhlobo, okanye mhlawumbi thina. Kweli hlabathi lanamhlanje, umntu unolwazi oluninzi kunye noonxibelelwano, kwaye sinokunyusa inani labo, sizama ukuzalisa ukungabi naluthando kunye nokuqwalaselwa, kodwa sifumana (kwaye sinike) uthando oluncinci kunye nokukhathalela wonke umntu esinxibelelana naye. Kufuneka ukuba ukwazi ukunqabela oonxibelelwano abangenasidingo. Phinda ubhale iphetshana yakho rhoqo ngonyaka kwaye ungangena kumagama amatsha abo bantu ongezinjongo zokuqhubeka noqhagamshelwano. Kulo mbono, abaqhagamshelana nabo kufuneka baqikelele ukuba awufuni ukuhlangana kwakhona, xa uva impendulo: "Ndiyaxolisa, andinaso ixesha." Kodwa ukuba umhlobo uqhubeka ebiza, kungcono, ukuba, ukumxelela inyaniso - ngendlela ecacileyo.
3. Ukuphonononga ubudlelwane obubalulekileyo
Ukuqhagamshelana nabantu kubalulekile kuthi, sihlala sibabonelela ngokubaluleka kokubangela ukuba kube nzima ukuseka ubudlelwane nabo. Nasi umzekelo oqhelekileyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abafazi, bebathandana neendlebe, bude kwaye banenkani bayicenga into. Kwaye nangona bafezekisa injongo yabo, loo mntu uyagqiba ngokugqiba iveli, eshiya iqabane lakhe ngezinyembezi nokudidanisa. Ukuba esikhundleni sokunyamezela komkhuhlane wabonisa ukuvalela, ke awaziwa ukuba izinto ziya kuvela njani. Kodwa ukunyamezela komntu kukhwankqisayo.
Ukongezelela, senza izinto eziyintsifo, sizama ukufezekisa injongo enqwenelekayo - sinesaba ukuya kwimpikiswano, sifumane ulwalamano xa lufika kubantu abaluleke kakhulu kuthi. Ngenxa yoloyiko, ukungacatshangiswanga kunye nokungazinzi okuhlangeneyo. Indlela efanelekileyo yokuhlambulula ubudlelwane, obunqambileyo njengokwinkcenkcesha, ukubiza umntu "kwingxoxo". Okanye ubhale ileta, nokuba uhlala kwindawo efanayo kunye nawe. Nangona efunda umyalezo, akayi kuhendeka ukuba aqale ukuphikisa zonke iimangalo aze azixolise, kuya kuba nexesha lokucinga malunga neengcebiso kunye nezimvo ... Ileta ngumsebenzi kwiiposiso, luncedo kuwe nakwi-addressee yakho.
4. Lahla iimvakalelo zetyala
"Ukuba ungandithanda, ungandithenga lo mshini!"; "Ukuba ungandithanda, uyavuka kusasa uze upheke kwasekuseni!"; "Ukuba ungandithanda, ungandibiza imihla ngemihla!" Le mibhalo yinto enye yeendlela ezininzi ezithandayo. Isetyenziswe njengesiphakamiso sempembelelo ekufezekiseni kuthi ukuziphatha okuyimfuneko. Ukuxhaphazwa kweemvakalelo zecala kubakho njengomntwana: abazali bayasihlazisa ngenxa yokungaphumeleli okanye ukuhlazisa abamelwane bethu, ootitshala-ngenxa yokuba asizami ngokukhawuleza esikolweni, uluntu lonke lufuna ukuziphatha okuthile kuthi. Iwayini inokuba yakha xa ingasivumeli ukuba senze (okanye iphinde) izenzo ezimbi kakhulu, kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo iyakuthatha indawo yento yokwenza, ukufumana iintlobo zengxaki zokudakumba kweengxaki zeminyaka engama-40 kumfazi. Abasetyhini banzima ngokuphindaphindiweyo - uphando olutshanje olwenziwa ngabafundi beSpeyin be-psychologist babonisa ukuba kwindoda invakalelo yecala ngokuqhelekileyo ixhatshazwe ngokuthelekiswa namantombazana. Kuxelwa ngokukhethekileyo kubasetyhini abaneminyaka engama-40 ukuya kuma-50 ubudala: banokuzicingela benetyala lezinto ezenzekayo kubo kunye nabathandekayo babo. Ukukhonza isivakalisi ngenxa yecala lokucinga nje ngumkhuba ongenakunqwenelekayo omele ulahleke ngawo ukuba ufuna ukuzithemba ngolunye usuku. Ukuziva unetyala ngeke kukunceda. Kuza kukukwenza ube ngumthinjanga wexesha elidlulileyo kwaye kukunciphise ithuba lokuthatha nantoni na isenzo esilungileyo okwangoku. Ukushiya umva wecala, uyahlukana noxanduva lobomi bakho namhlanje.
Unokukrazula ulwaphulo olungathandabuzekiyo ngokuhlaziya iimpawu zobomi bakho nokuqonda ukuba luhlobo luni lwabantu-ubudlelwane kunye nezenzo zibaluleke kakhulu kuwe, ziphi iimvume kunye nemihlatshelo ozimisele ukuyenza kwabanye abantu, kwaye ziphi na ozenzayo ngenxa yokuba awukwazi ukulwa nokuphathwa. Vumela ukuba wenze oko ufuna - akuyi kubhubhisa ubomi bakho okanye ubomi babathandekayo bakho. Nangona umva wecala awusayi kubhubhisa xa ufunda ukuyiqonda. Intombazana leyo yathiwa yi studio kwaye, ixhalabile, yamxelela ukuba kufuneka asebenze kakhulu, nangona wayenomntwana omncinci phambi kwakhe. Enye ingcali engabonakaliyo ingaba yifunde yonke intetho malunga nokutshatyalaliswa kwaloo mvakalelo, kwaye yathi: "Uyazi, xa ndimncinci umama wayesebenza kakhulu, ngoko ngeCawa, ukuba ndilungise kum, wandihambisa kuma-movie Ndathenga ice cream kangangoko ndifuna. Kwakumnandi!
5. Phuma kwi-hyperactivity
Musa ukukratshi, vumela inkwenkwe igibele ibhayisikile; Simele siphila kunye, sinikele kum udadewethu. Ukususela ebuntwaneni besiye sifunde ukuqwalasela iimfuno zabanye-kunceda ukwakha ubudlelwane kunye nokuziva uhlonishwa kwabanye. Iingxaki ziqala xa isiqubulo esithi "Cinga ngabanye, kungekhona ngawe" kuba yinto ebalulekileyo ebomini bethu.
Ukukhanyela iminqweno yethu, ukunikezela kunye nezihlobo ngaphezu kokuba sifumana, asenzi ngokuthandana, kodwa ngaphantsi kwidyokhwe yokungabi nantloni yokwenyuka. Ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba amaxesha okunyanzeliswa kunye nokunyamekelwa kwexilongo kulandelwa zizihlandlo zesohlwayo kwaye uzive ukuba ixhoba lalingenanto: "Ubaba kunye nam sele sichitha amandla amaninzi kuye, kwaye awukwazi ngisho nokungena kwiziko!"; "Ndakuzisa kubantu, ndakwenza umntu, wanikezela umsebenzi wakho, kwaye uqala ukwenza iziphoso!"
Elinye ibinzana eliyingozi esilitsheliweyo ukususela ebuntwaneni kwaye luyinto engabonakaliyo: "Unokwenza ngcono!" Umntu oye wayenza le mfuneko yabantu abadala ebuntwaneni, ubona ubomi obumnyama nomhlophe: konke okanye akukho, uloyiso oluqaqambileyo okanye ukutshatyalaliswa ngokupheleleyo. Kule meko, kukho ingozi enkulu ukuba, ngaphandle kokuphumelela kwimpumelelo ye-100%, uya kukwenzela imizamo engakumbi, esaba "ukuchitha yonke into."
Ukuqala ukuvuya kwakhona kwimpumelelo yabo, umntu kufuneka azame ukulibala "ngophando lwentsebenzo". Ungajongani nabanye, kodwa ngamava akho. Khumbula ezo zihlandlo xa uziva unelisekile ("ndenze!"). Khumbula indlela ofunde ngayo into (umzekelo, ukukhwela ibhasiki okanye ukuthetha isiNgesi). Ngokugxininisa kwezi ngongoma, umntu unokuphiliswa ngokungaqiniseki kunye nokunyanzeliswa nokudandatheka kwengxaki eneminyaka engama-40 ubudala kumfazi.