Umbuzo ohlala njalo "Ngaba yonke into ichanileyo kunye nam?" Ingaba ikhona into edlalwa yinto nawuphi na umfazi xa kuziwa ngesini. Abantu abaninzi bacinga ngexesha elide ukuba, mhlawumbi abagqibekanga kwizinto abacinga ngazo, into abayithandayo okanye, ngokungafaniyo, abangazithandi ngesini. Kunzima ukuba baqonde ukuba umbuzo othi "ngokuqhelekileyo" kule ndawo ngokuqhelekileyo unxulumene. Yintoni eqhelekileyo enye, ingaba utshintsho lwangomnye, kwaye ngokulandelelana.
Ukungabikho koxinzelelo kuyisifo esingathethi ngaso
Enyanisweni, akusiyo isifo esinjengesimo sokwakha ubudlelwane nabanye abantu. Kwindoda, ukutshutshiswa kubonakala ngokukwesaba ngokungabalulekanga ngokwesondo, kodwa obusondeleyo, obusondeleyo kunye nolwalamano oluhlala lusondeleyo kunye nomfazi. Abasetyhini banobungqina obufanayo bavakalisa kakhulu ukwesaba ubudlelwane bezesondo.
Iimbangela zokutshutshiswa zizahluka - ezentlalo, ezengqondo, zesondo. Ukukrazula kwesi sifo kunzima kakhulu, kwiimeko ezinzima kakhulu, udinga uncedo lwe-psychotherapist, umsebenzi omude kunye nobuhlungu kunye nomfazi kunye nohlalutyo olunzulu lwalo lonke ubomi bakhe bangaphambili. Ingcambu yokwesaba (kunye nayo yonke into engafanelekiyo yengqondo) ikhonjiswe ebuntwaneni. Iingcali zengqondo zibhekisele njengengxaki yokuguqula umlingiswa ngenxa yokukhuliswa komama oyedwa, ongenalucalulo ngengqondo. Ukuziphatha komama okwenza intombi yakhe ingakholelwa ekuchazeni komnye umntu. Akathembi nabani na, ezama ukungaxhomeki kunoma ubani ebomini.
Ngaphantsi kaninzi i-intimofobimybyvayut nabantu abaqinileyo nabanokuzithemba kakhulu. Ngendlela, kwenzeka ukuba uKazanova ngokwakhe uhluphekile. Esi sifo, kwaye kungekhona isifiso sayo sesondo esinqumlekileyo, senza ukuba amahlwempu atshintshe amaqabane abo ngokukhawuleza. Naliphi na umntu-donujanoitsya onqatshelwe. Kwaye indoda enentshutshiso ayikholelwa ekunyanisekeni nasebudlelwaneni. Ngoko utshintsho lwakhe oluqhubekayo lweentsizana, ubonakala "ekhushulwa" ngokuchasene nokwehluleka. Ixesha eliqhelekileyo eliqhelekileyo - xa umfazi okanye indoda engamkeli nayiphi na imvakalelo, uloyiko lweemvakalelo ezinobundlobongela, ucinga ukuba ubuthathaka. Ezinzulwini zobomi, abantu abanjalo bahlala bexhala. Kwaye emva kokungabi nantoni kunye nokuzithemba kunokuzithelana ngokuthe tye, - ukuzithemba ukuzithemba, ngokufanelekileyo.
Intimofobmuzhchiny
Kunzima kakhulu ukujongana nendoda enjalo. Nangona unokwenza ubuncinci obuthathaka ukukhuseleka kwakhe, uya kuhlala uhlala wedwa, ubanda kunye nokuzingca. Kule meko, kholwani mna, loo mntu ngokwakhe uhlupheka. Ngenxa yoko, emva kwemizamo eminingi engaphumeleli yokulungisa indlela yabo yobomi bodwa, uthabatha uqala ukuphendulela kwiindlela eziqhelekileyo zokukhusela ngokwengqondo: bayibona ibhinqa njengendlela yokuphucula ngokwesondo. Bona, ngokuqhelekileyo, baxwayisa ngokunyanisekileyo: "Siya kuba nobulili obukhulu, kodwa ungalindelanga ngaphezulu!".
Ukuze kugcinwe inani elincinci, iingcali zengqondo zicebisa umfazi ukuba amnike inkululeko ephezulu. Ungabonisi iimvakalelo zakho, kuba kungekudala nje ukuba le ntshukumo ibone ukuba iqhotyoshelweyo kuwe, wabuyela ngokukhawuleza nawe. Mhlawumbi, esi sicwangciso esihle. Amadoda anjalo aphelelekile kwisondo esilula, kodwa kungengenxa yendima yomlingani ebomini. Kungcono ukugcina kwiintlobo ezinjalo kude - kuya kuba neengxaki ezimbalwa. Ngoko unokwenza njani ukuphazamiseka xa ukhetha umlingani osisigxina, njani ungayichitha ixesha kunye neentsholongwane kuloo mntu ongeke ahlale nawe ixesha elide na?
Okokuqala, kufuneka ube nako ukuqonda ngokukhawuleza ukutshutshiswa kwamadoda. Okwesibini, zama ukuphonononga ubuhlobo babo njengoko umntu eqikelela. Uthi ukuba kubuncwane obulula kunye nokubanga zibonakaliso nje zincinci nje? Emva koko u-vasoni akufanele athethe into enzulu. Okwesithathu, khumbula: ungalokothi ucinge ngethemba lokuba nguwe onokuyilungisa "umfazi". Kukunzima ukuguqula umntu okhulile kuye. Okwesine, ungakhetha umntu onjalo njengomlingane wexeshana - kulungile kule nto.Ukuba ukwesaba ukuthanda naye, hlala kude namadoda anjalo, ngaphandle kokukhangela ububele, ukulungiswa kwangaphambili kunye nokukhwabanisa.
Ethnophobes
I-intimofobiya yesifa ixhomekeke kwiminyaka, kunye nophuhliso lwezesondo samoshenshchiny. Enye into yokuba ukwesaba ngesondo ngo-16, kwaye unomnye - kwi-30 yo. Amantombazana amancinci angenakulungele ukulala ngokwesini, oku kuyinto evamile, kwiimeko ezininzi "isifo" sihamba kunye nobudala. Kodwa abafazi abaneminyaka engama-30 ubudala, bexhatshazwa ngokugatya ngokwesini, kukho izizathu ezilungileyo zokuthi. Ukuba ungekho ixesha elide eli-16 kwaye uziva unyantya okanye ukwesaba kwingcamango ye-axxe, uzama ukuphendula ngokunyanisekileyo imibuzo elandelayo:
- Ingaba kwenzeka ntoni ukuba ebuntwaneni bakho ubuye uchukumise ngesondo, kwaye ingcamango yale miqobo echaphazelekayo ayimnandi kangaka?
- Ngaba uthanda umzimba wakho, okanye kukho into eyenza ube neentloni ngaye?
- Ngaba bafundisa i-Livas ukususela ebuntwaneni ukuba ubulili bungcolile kwaye bubi?
- Cinga ukuba kuya kwenzeka ntoni xa ungena kubuhlobo obusondeleyo nomntu? Uza kuziva ntoni ngexesha lobudlelwane obusondeleyo?
Iimpendulo ezinyanisekileyo ziya kukunceda uqonde izizathu ezibangela ukwesaba kwakho. Ngoko unako ukuzikhawuleza. Nangona kunjalo, kungcono ukwenza oku ngoncedo lweengcali zengqondo. Abasetyhini baxhatshazwa rhoqo kwaye "banzulu" kunamadoda. Abaninzi babo bafumana imali enemali, bakha umsebenzi, ngoko ke abayidingi indoda yokutya. Inenekazi enjalo inokulungeleka ukuba neqabane nje "lexeshana". Uninzi lwabafazi abangatshatanga banokugqiba ukuzala umntwana "ngokwabo," becinga ukuba banamandla okwaneleyo nemali yokwenza oku. Nangona zonke iinzame zomntu onesizungu, umntwana onentsapho engaphelelanga uhlala efumana imfundo emibini. Kule ndlela kukho iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zeengxaki-ezibalulekileyo okanye ezingekho.
Enyanisweni, kukho iimeko, nangona i-intimophobes ingathembeki ngokukhawuleza iphiliswe ngaphandle koononophelo lwe-psychotherapist. Kunokwenzeka ukuba umntu onjalo udibana nothando lwangempela.Nye into ayizange ifundwe kuze kube sekupheleni, kodwa isele ibonakaliswe: inzondelelo kunye nothando olunyanzelekileyo lunokulungiswa nakwiinkqubo zengqondo zengqondo ebuntwaneni.