Kuze kube kutshanje, igama elithi "matchmaker" lalinxulumene kuphela nohlaziyo olungapheli lukaGogol "Umtshato". Kule minyaka, xa abathandi bebeka izihlobo phambi kweqiniso lokudala intsapho, umdlali odibanisa umdlalo. Ngoko ke, ukubonakala kwalokhu kumntu we-psychologist owaziwayo uRosa Syabitova kubangele ukuphendula. Ekuqaleni. Kuba imfuno yolu hlobo lwenkonzo sele ibonakaliswe ngamava amaninzi abanobini abashadile abaqhubela phambili uthando lwabo ngokuqhawula ngokukhawuleza. Yintoni umfazi okufanele akhumbule kwimarike yomtshato? Yintoni ekufuneka yenziwe ukuze ikwazi ukuqonda umsebenzi womfazi? Iyintoni imfihlelo yolonwabo lwentsapho? Ngaloo nto nezinye izinto ezininzi zitsho i-Rosa Syabitova - ummemezeli owaziwayo we-TV weenkqubo "Masitshatile" kwaye "Ukwazi abazali bakho."
Luhlobo luni lukaRose Raifovna Syabitova ngokwakhe ungumtshakazi?
- Okokuqala, udidi, njengabasetyhini abaninzi. Ugogo wamfundisa isayensi yokuba ngumfazi. Zininzi zeengcebiso ezivela ebhokisini lemali ebomini ndiyabelana nabatshatileyo banamhlanje. Akukho mtshakazi omtsha okanye umfazi wakhe ongenamaphutha. Siyabonga kubo sifumana amava amancedo. Kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba kukho indoda ehlakaniphile ecaleni kwayo eyayikuxelela isigqibo esilungileyo kuphela. Umcebisi wam wayengumakhulu. Ukuba kukho iingxabano nomyeni wakhe, ndagijima kuye. Wathi, "Indoda ingundoqo, abantwana banesibini," xa ndathi ndikhalaza ukuba unzima kakhulu. - Kwakungekho myeni, bekungekho nabantwana bakho. Makhe afundise ngokuqiqa, musa ukuphikisana naye. Bamele bazi ukuba liqela elinye. Emva koko, chatha umntwana. Chaza ukuba kuyimfuneko, kwaye ubaba uyabafundisa ukukhusela kwiimpembelelo ezininzi kwixesha elizayo. "
Xa ndijonga ukuba umama-mkhwenkwe wandibathandayo, ndafunda izivumelwano zikagogo kwaye ngaba ngumfazi olungileyo. Ngomyeni wokuqala, ndahlala iminyaka engama-13, de kube sekufeni kwakhe. Ugogo wayehlala ephindaphinda athi: "Ukutshata kukuya kumakethi. Ngethuba uhamba-khetha, uthinte, ulume, uxoxe. Yaye indlela yokutshata, "udle", eyathengayo. " Kuthetha ukuba: ngelixa ungumtshakazi, khetha. Kwaye ndatshata - ubomi bam bonke. Indoda ikholelwa kuwe kwaye ithemba ukuba uya kugcina indawo yakhe, kungakhathaliseki ukuba nzima kangakanani, kwaye uya kuhlangabezana nomsebenzi onzima - umfazi omuhle. Apha kwaye uhambelane nayo, kwaye ungagxothi ekubunzima kokuqala ukufakela umtshato.
Kwinqaba yokudala i-arhente yomtshato
- Iingcamango zokusebenza njengomdlali wokumelana nazo zacetyiswa kum ngunyana oneminyaka emithandathu ubudala. Emva koko wathi: "Mama! Akulungele ukuba yedwa. " Ngoko ndagqiba ekubeni ndifumane ootshabisayo kubantwana bam. Wabuza umhlobo ukuba angenise kumngane wakhe okanye ngabafelokazi bakhe. Kwaye wayilungisa ipikiniki encinane, apho ndadibana namadoda anomdla. Omnye wabo wayedla ngo kukwakha ulwalamano olunzulu. Kwaye ke ndaqonda: kufuneka utshatile. Umntwana onolisayo unokuphela nje nonina onoyolo. Awukwazi ukuhamba phantsi kwesithsaba ngomnqweno owodwa kuphela, ukuze abantwana babe noyise. Ubenayo kakade, nangona enkumbulo. Ewe, ukuhlala ngaphandle kothando kukuziphatha okubi. Kodwa ndiyithandile imbono yokwenza umdlalo. Ngelo xesha, iminyaka eyi-15 edlulileyo, waqala umsebenzi wam njengomdlalo wokumisa. Kwaye kwakukuncedwa kwintambo yokudibanisa ukuba ndifumene uthando lwam.
Ngaba kunzima ukufumana indoda enhle ebusweni bomntwana
- Ibhinqa elinabantwana kunzima kakhulu ukufumana indoda. Nabani na umntu, ndigxininisa - nabani na - akafuni iingxaki ezongezelelweyo kwintsapho. Umtshakazi omhle ngumfazi omncinci, omhle, onomdla kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, ngaphandle kwexesha elidlulileyo. Indoda ibonakala ibe yinto yokuzingca, kwaye yinto eqhelekileyo. Ukuba kukho ukhetho phakathi kwowesifazane onomntwana kwaye uyedwa, uya kukhetha okokugqibela. Emva koko, uya kuchitha ixesha lakhe lokukhulula kuye, kwaye ke kubantwana bakhe. Akayi kuthanda ukwabelana nelifa lakhe nabantwana besinye indoda. Ibhinqa "ene-trailer" kufuneka lilungele ukuba iingxaki ziya kuba, kumacala omabini: bobabini abantwana kunye nomyeni omtsha. Ufanele umbulele ngokuba wamthatha kunye nabantwana. Kodwa ungagqithisi, uguqa umfazi rhoqo kwiinyawo. Wenza ukhetho lwakhe, wamthatha njengomfazi waza wayenembopheleleko kubantwana. Awukwazi ukucela umntu ukuba athande nabo. Kunelungelo lokubahlonela, kwaye bayabo. Ngoko abo bakule meko baya kufuneka benze imizamo emininzi yokutshata kwakhona: lungela ubunzima kwaye ube nesineke.
Yiyiphi ingongoma yokudibanisa kunye nendima yomdlali womdlalo ngokuphathelele kwe-Rosa Syabitova
- Kwangaphambili, injongo ekugqibeleni yokutshatisa imitshato yayiyimtshato ngomhlobo womtshato. Oko kukuthi, ukuzaliseka kwendlela yokubhaliswa kwecawa yomtshato womntu kunye nomfazi. Kwimihla endala umdlali womdlalo wabakhokelela inkqubo yesivumelwano phakathi kwabazali, kwaye abantwana bajongene nenyaniso. Umdlali womdlalo wamanamhlanje uxoxisana nomtshakazi nomyeni. Kodwa emva kwayo yonke into, phakathi kwendoda kunye nomfazi kufuneka baqhube u-spark uthando, oko kukuthi, kubonakalise ezo zinto zendalo zesohlwayo, ezingenakulinganiswa. Akunakwenzeka ukuvumelana nemvelo, inemithetho yayo. Umdlali womdlalo unokufundisa kuphela indlela yokufumana iqabane elungileyo. Ngenxa yoko-ibango. Abafazi bafuna umyeni othile, kwaye abafazi abafuni abahlobo abanjalo. Ndihlala ndixelela abathengi bam ukuba: "Mantombazana, andiyixhamli amadoda, andiyi-zombie. Ndiyakwenza kuphela izimo zokuba nolwazi, fundisa oko kufuneka kwenziwe ukwenzela umntu ukuba ahlale njani kunye naye. " Kodwa abafazi abaselula abafuni nto! Banike umyeni olungeleyo! Ngenxa yoko, kukho ukungaqondani, izikhalazo, amabango kumdlalo womdlalo. Ngethamsanqa ngokuvulwa kwesikolo sam kwimeko yaqala ukutshintsha. Abatshatileyo abaninzi, emva kokuyidlula, bakhawuleza batshata. Kwaye i intombi, zijonge, ziyazikhupha. Ngenxa yoko - utshintsho ebomini bakho bomi bubhetele.
Ngaba kufuneka ndibuze imibuzo eqondekileyo: "Yintoni onokuyinika umtshakazi?", "Uyi-roll-field, awunayo i-angle yakho" kwaye njengawe ngamanye amaxesha unqabisa abantu abaninzi. Ngaba kufuneka ndibale imali yabanye abantu?
- Ndingumdlali onyanisekileyo, ngoko ke kufuneka ndihambelane nale ndawo. Ngendlela, inkcazo yomsebenzi yomdlali womdlalo ibhaliwe kudala. Akukho mtshato waseRussia oye waqala ngaphandle kwenkqubo yokwenza umdlalo. Iqela lomyeni libonise elinye lezimpawu zalo: ukukwazi ukuziphatha kuluntu, ukuhlonela umtshakazi nabazali bakhe. Lo mva wenza yonke imizamo ukuqinisekisa ukuba akukho mntu uthe "le nto yinto encinci" okanye umtshakazi akajonganga. Bazama ngeendlela zonke ukubonisa ukuba intsapho yomtshakazi ayikhuseli kangako kunentsapho yomyeni, kwaye umtshato upheliswa phakathi kwabantu ababini abalinganayo benqanaba lezentlalo elinganayo. Ngokwe-20 ye-Russian Family Charter ye-Domostroi (kwinguqulelo kaVasily waseKhesareya), kwakunqunywe indlela yokukhulisa iintombi kunye nokukhupha iintlanzi kubo. Ukuqala kobudlelwane beentsapho kwakukho ngaphambi kwesivumelwano sabazali bomtshakazi nomyeni, inkcazo yolu hlobo "lweemeko ezibalulekileyo" zomtshato, umtshato, ubukhulu bomda, njalonjalo. Esi sigxina malunga nentsapho entsha isasetyenziswa namhlanje.
Andizange ndihlangabezane nesibini esithile esasiya kuvuya kuphela ngothando. Umtshato yinkqubo ebalulekileyo yokuphila, isiseko saloo ndawo. Abantwana abanakuyondla enye ngothando, abayi kukunika esikolweni esihle. Yiloo nto endiyithethayo ukuba ndibalumkise abantu abatsha malunga neempembelelo ezinokwenzeka. Ewe, ininzi ayinakubalwa, kodwa umlingiswa womntu njengesibambiso sekamva unokubonwa. Ngoko ke akufuneki ukuba ufumane umgaqo womtshato ovuyayo, obawokazi obaziyo ngokunjalo. Uyazi ukuba yintoni? Ngokuthobela. Umfazi kufuneka akhonze umyeni wakhe aze amncede. Umfazi wanamhlanje akwazi ukuba yena ngokwakhe udala uxanduva lomntu kwintsapho.
Ingaba uluvo "Ngaba luthanda ukuthandana"? Ungakusindisa njani intsapho?
- Ndiyigcine intsapho yam, nangona kunzima ubudlelwane. Oku kufuna ukupha. Ndinayo, kuba ndiyamthanda umyeni wam kwaye ndikholelwa kuye. Indoda idinga umfazi owaziyo ukuxolela. Ndihamba ngendlela yokuxolela, indoda ngokuguquka. Ndifuna umphefumlo kum. Oku kunzima kakhulu. Sithanda ukuthetha ukuba asiyi kuxolela ukutshatyalaliswa, ukungcatsha. Yonke into engekho. Kodwa ulwalamano luyinto eyahlukileyo. Kwaye umbuzo awuyi kuxolela, kodwa nokuba siyazi indlela yokwenza.
Sifake kunye nendoda kwimeko ephezulu ye-aerobatics. Kwaye unyanzelekile kunezigidi zabantu abafuna ukungiphosa ngamatye. Ndaphinda ndaphetha ukuba sisesendleleni efanelekileyo. Ukuba nexanduva elikhulu, wafumana ukuqonda ukuba kuyimfuneko ukuba ukwazi ukubeka phambili ngokuchanekileyo. Yiba ngumfazi ngisho nomongameli welizwe, kufuneka kuqala okokuba ngumfazi nonina. Akukho nto ibaluleke ngakumbi.
Yintoni umfazi ofuna ukuyigcina intsapho yakhe
- kakhulu. Kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu - ibhinqa limele lihloniphe indoda. Ugogo wam osisilumko wathi: "Umzala, indoda kufuneka ihlonishwe." Kwaye ndaphendula wathi: "Ke ukuba akunjalo?" - "Ufumanisa kuye into ofuna ukuyihlonela, ukuba akayi kwazi malunga nayo, kwaye uyayihlonela. Uya kukholwa kwaye ahlonishwe. " Njengoko ubona, yonke into ilula.
Le ngcamango ye-professional matchmaker uRosa Syabitova malunga nosapho, umtshato kunye nendima yomdlali wehlabathi.