Inyaniso yokuba umfana angacinga kakuhle xa umntwana ezalwa, enomtshato wesibini, kuxhomekeka kwiimeko ezininzi: kumntu ngokwakhe, umlingani wakhe, iimpawu, ulawulo lwakhe nobomi bakhe, izinto ezijonga ngayo umfazi, isimo sakhe sengqondo. Apha isimo sengqondo kumfazi uya kudlala indima ekhethekileyo. Ukuba umtshato wokuqala kumntu umbi ngenxa yesizathu sokuba uthe watshata ngephutha kwaye akazange azive umthanda ngokwenene, ngoko umtshato wesibini umntu unokutshintsha indlela yakhe yokuziphatha ukuze ibe ngcono. Okokuthi, isimo sengqondo somfazi singatshintsha yonke into exhomekeke kumlingani wayo, ukunyanzela. Kukho amabhinqa abonakala avumela umntu ukuba enze nantoni na ayifunayo, ukuphatha umfazi ombi, ukuba angayifeza imisebenzi yakhe. Abafazi abangenamandla okulo hlobo baya kuxolela umyeni wakhe, benze wonke umsebenzi kuye, bangawuqwalasela iimpazamo zakhe ezincinci. Ukuba umntu unomdla wokuziphatha okunjalo, uya kusebenzisa eli thuba kwaye akhulise ukuthanda kwakhe. Kodwa ukuba umntu ngokukhawuleza uyaqaphela ukuba umfazi ngokumgangatho othile uyamlawula kwaye unqande imikhwa yakhe embi, akayikuvumela ukuziphatha okunjalo, ngoko indoda eyesaba ukulahlekelwa ngumfazi iya kuvuma nemithetho yayo eya kulawula indlela yakhe yokuziphatha nokuseka mi miselo.
Emva koko, umntu unokutshintsha, kuxhomekeke ekubeni yintoni kanye ufuna ukutshintsha kuye? Uqobo, iimpawu zakhe okanye ukuziphatha, imikhwa emibi? Kukho izinto ezinokumiselwa, okufuneka ulungise. Zibuze umbuzo ongenakukhululekile kumntu kunye noluphi uhlobo lweemfuno zakho. Ukuba inxulumene nomlingani wendoda, ubuntu bakhe, ngoko ke akunakwenzeka ukutshintsha ngokuzalwa komntwana, okanye ngokubonakala komfazi omtsha onothando. Lo sele usuhlobo lobuntu obuvuthiweyo, obunempawu, iimpawu zokuziphatha, ixabiso. Ukuba uyamthanda umyeni wakho, kodwa uyacaphukiswa ezinye zeempawu zakhe, cinga ukuba ngaba uyayithanda ngempela? Ukuba simthanda umntu, ngoko sifunda ukuthatha yonke into, njengokuba kunjalo. Ukuba isimo sakhe siyakuthintela, simcaphukisa-simxelele ngako, sichaze ukungaphumeleli kubuntu bakhe, kwaye ukuba umntu uyakuthanda kwaye uyakuqonda, uya kuzama ukulungisa, ukulawula phambi kwakho. Yilungisa intetho yakho ngoncedo lwe "I-imiyalezo", uchaza oko uvakalelwa kwaye yintoni kanye ofuna ukuyifaka kumyeni wakho. Kwiimeko ezininzi, kunye neempawu ezithile, kulungelelanisa, kwaye ukuzalwa komntwana kunokunciphisa ezinye, kwaye, ngokuchaseneyo, kubandakanye ezinye iimpawu zomlingani, ezifana nokugwenxa.
Ukuba umntu ungumtyholi kunye no-sadist ngokwemvelo, utshintsho lwakhe lunokuba lukhulu nakakhulu, ngoko uvavanyo olunjalo alupheli, nangona umntu onjalo uya kuba nosapho olutsha, umfazi onothando nomntwana. Le ndlela iyakwazi ukuthetha kokubili isifo sengqondo kunye nohlobo lwesimboli esakhiwa ukususela ebuntwaneni. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba uyise womntu wayengumntu onobuhlungu kwaye wakhulisa unyana wakhe kwiimeko ezinzima kwaye ezinzima, okanye mhlawumbi uyise wayibonisa ubundlobongela kwinkwenkwe, kunokwenzeka ukuba umntu uya kukopisha iinjongo zokuziphatha komnye wabazali kwaye ngekamva uza kuphinda iindlela zakhe nezenzo zakhe.
Kule meko, ukuzalwa komntwana akuyi kutshintsha umntu, ngokuchaseneyo, kunokubonakalisa ezo fom zeemveli kunye nemigangatho yokuziphatha ehlanganiswe engqondweni yakhe.
Kodwa kukho amaxesha apho umntu angakwazi kwaye kufuneka ashintshwe, uphendule kwisigqibo. Ezi zinto, umzekelo, ziyimikhwa emibi, ukusetyenziswa kwezinto eziphathekayo zokuhlambalaza kunye nabanye. Ukuze isampuli, uthathe utywala njengesifo esibonakala ekuqaleni kwaye saqala ukuzibonakalisa nomfazi wesibini. Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukutshintsha umntu onjalo? Into ebalulekileyo apha naso isimo sengqondo kumntu kunye nengxaki yakhe ukuba unamandla kwaye ukulungele ukujongana nale ngxaki xa ebona ukuba oku kukubangela intlungu. Yingakho ufuna ukutshintsha, nokuba kunzima kuye, kodwa uya kuthatha isinyathelo sokuqala endleleni eya kunqoba, kwaye oko kuthetha kakade. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba kunzima kangakanani, kodwa umntu wenza iinzame, kwaye unokwazi ukumnyusa. Eyona ndlela ingcono kukubambisana nesazi sengqondo, ukuba umntu unomnqweno, ngoko uya kuphumelela, uya kutshintsha kwaye ajamelane nengxaki yakhe kuwe nangomntwana ozayo. Ngokukodwa ukuzalwa kwakhe sele kusisithuba sokutshintsha, ukufikelela kwinqanaba elitsha ebomini, ukulahla imikhwa emibi kunye neempawu, ukuze zingathinti umntwana. Ngaphambi kokuba azalwe, kufuneka ulungelelanise zonke iingxaki, jongana nawe kwaye usethe izinga elifanelekileyo lolwalamano nomfazi wakhe. Konke oku kunokunyanzela umyeni ukuba atshintshe ngcono, afinyelele iinjongo zakhe.
Ngoko, ukuphendula umbuzo: ukuhlala emtshatweni wesibini, nokuba umntu unokutshintsha emva kokuzalwa komntwana, sithetha njalo. Mhlawumbi, kodwa yonke into ixhomekeke kumfazi nomntu ngokwakhe, kwiimeko kunye nenjongo. Ukutshintsha umntu ngumxholo onzima kwaye unzima, ngamanye amaxesha kukho izinto esingenako ukutshintsha, okanye umntu ngokwakhe akayifuni. Kodwa imikhwa emibi okanye iimpawu ezinokulimaza i-psyche kunye nesimo somntwana unokulungiswa ngcono. Thetha kumyeni, mchazele umnqweno wakho nokungazinzi, ukuchazela ukuba kutheni ukuba kuyimfuneko ukuba atshintshe kule nto okanye kwimeko. Ngethemba ukuba uya kukuqonda kwaye akuphulaphule, akayi kuphinda aphele, ngelixa ekuthanda kwaye ekuphatha kakuhle. Ekulweni nokusela utywala okanye utshayi, ungalahlekelwa ithemba kwaye uncede umyeni wakho atshintshe. Ngaloo ndlela, uya kunceda impilo yentsapho yakho.