Iingcebiso zengqondo zenzululwazi kubantu abanesidima esikhulu

Wonke umntu ovela ebuntwaneni ubeneengcamango ethile malunga naye, malunga nobuchule bakhe, malunga neemfanelo zakhe kunye nezidumbu. Ukwakhiwa kwesi mbono kuqhubeka ubomi. Ubuntwaneni, ukuhlolwa komntwana kunikwa ngabazali bakhe. Kamva abantu abakuzungezile: kwi-nursergarten, isikolo, isiko, emsebenzini nakwezinye iindawo ezininzi. Ngenxa yeziphumo zokuqala kunye nezinye izizathu zangaphandle, umntu ngamnye uhlakulela ukuhlola okokuba unokutshintsha nawaphi na amanqanaba ekuphuhliswa kwengqondo komntu kuye kuxhomekeke kwiimeko. Ukuzithemba kunganelisekanga, kugxilwe okanye kuhluthe. Ixabiso elibalulekileyo le nto okanye ukuba ukuzithemba kulamano olusondeleyo lomntu onabantu abazungezile kunye nokukhethwa kweendlela zokuqinisekisa.

Uthini umntu onokuzithemba ngokuzenzekelayo?

Namhlanje siya kuzama ukunika iingcebiso kwi-psychologist kubantu abanesidima esikhulu. Ukuba umntu onesidima esincinane, njengomthetho, akayi kunqunyulwa, unamahloni, uyaziqaphela izinto ezahlukeneyo, uvavanya amathuba akhe kunye nempumelelo iyancipha kunokuba uyinyani, ngoko ke umntu onokuzithemba ngokuzenzekelayo, ngokuchaseneyo, uyazivelela impumelelo kunye namathuba akhe. Loo mntu uqikelela ukuba uphakamileyo kakhulu kunokuvandlakanywa ngabantu abakuzungezile. Kubantu abakujikelezile, ngokuqhelekileyo unobundlobongela. Ubundlobongela bakhe bubonakaliswa ngumntu onqabileyo, onobukrakra, okhukhumeleyo okanye okhukhumelayo nabanye abantu. Ngoko ufuna ukubonakala engcono kunokuba uyinyani.

Umntu onokuzihlonela ngokukhawuleza uyazama ukugxininisa iinkonzo zakhe, uthanda ukuzidumisa, ngoxa engavumelani nabanye abantu kwaye akwazi ukufumana iingcamango ezichazayo. Umntu onjalo ufuna ukubonakalisa kwihlabathi elijikelezayo ukuba uyona mhle, rhoqo kwaye kuwo onke amalungelo, kanti abanye, ngokuchaseneyo, bonke babi kakhulu kwaye bahlala bephosakele. Ubuhlungu kakhulu kwaye uyaphatha kakubi ukugxeka. Indoda enokuzithemba ngokuzithemba, nangona inganelisekanga kuye eminzini yomphefumlo wayo, kwabanye kufuneka ihlale ihlonishwa ngokuphakama kwayo. Kunzima kuye ukuba novuyo ngenxa yokunganeliseki ngonaphakade ngento ethile: imozulu, iimeko zokuphila, ukufezekiswa kwamanye amazwe. Lo mntu kunzima ukutshintsha ingcamango yakho, njengoko kuya kufuna imizamo enzima yomntu ngokwakhe kunye nabathandekayo bakhe.

Ungatshintsha njani?

Kumntu onokuzithemba ngokuzithemba, kufuneka badinga ixesha elide kwaye, mhlawumbi, nangona uncedo lweengqondo. Ingcali yeengqondo inganika iimvavanyo ezahlukeneyo zengqondo kunye nokuzivocavoca, umzekelo, uhambo olunjalo ukulungisa ukuzithemba ngokuzenzekelayo: kwiphepha lephepha kufuneka ubhale iimfanelo zakho ezilishumi kunye nokuhlola ubunzima kwiinkqubo ezihlanu. Buza ukuba benze okufanayo kwizihlobo zabo okanye ngabahlobo. Emva koko uthelekisa iziphumo. Nguwuphi uhluko phakathi koqikelelo? Kutheni ku nokuba njalo? Kufuneka uzame ukucacisa isizathu esona sichasene nawe kunye nokuziphatha kwakho, kungekhona kwabanye abantu. Emva koko, kufuneka ubhale ezilishumi eziphosakeleyo zakho. Ngaba bayaphazamisa ebomini? Ngaba bayaphazamisa abantu abajikelezile? Kufuneka sicinge ngale nto.

Uziphatha njani umntu onjalo?

Abantu abakujikeleze loo mntu kufuneka banganqikazi ukuyibeka endaweni. Ekuqaleni kufuneka kwenziwe ngenyameko kwaye ngokucokisekileyo. Ukuba oku akunakunceda, kubalulekile ukuvakalisa ngokucacileyo nangokunyanisekileyo. Ngokomzekelo, mbuze isizathu sokuba azibheke ngcono kunabanye? Kodwa akukho mcimbi ungahla eyokuhlambalaza. Umsebenzi wukubeka ingqwalasela yomntu kwisenzo sakhe. Musa ukuphakamisa ilizwi lakho. Ngokuchasene noko, kufuneka silondoloze ubuninzi obukhulu kunye nohlobo oluthile lovelwano.
Ngokuqhelekileyo abantu abanentlonelo ephezulu bahlobo ababi. Bazama ukuba ngabahlobo kuphela kunye nabo abanokubasebenzisa, kwaye abanye bayakuhoywa ngokucacileyo. Ukunyaniseka kubantu abanjalo akufanele kuthatyathwe entliziyweni, kuba ngokwenene, abahlali banovuyo, kuba abanako ukuzimela kwaye bahlala bephoqelelwe ukuba badlale indima ebanjwe ngumnye umntu.
Ukugqithisa okanye ukuzithembela komntu kunokuguqula isifo esiyinyani kwaye umlethe umntu ekuziphatheni okubi. Iseluleko kubantu apha sijolise ekugqibeleni ukuzingca nokuzimela. Ngokuzithemba ngokuzenzekelayo, umntu kufuneka afunde ukuzithemba ngawe kunye nabanye, kwaye uzame ukuhlakulela indlela yokuziphatha kunye noqhagamshelwano oluphawu lomntu onokuzithemba ngokuqhelekileyo.

Iingcebiso zengqondo yengqondo kule meko zilandelayo:

1. Mamela iingcamango zabantu abakujikelezileyo, kokubili ukuvuma kunye nokungavumiyo: kaninzi banokunika uvavanyo lokwenene, kunokuba kunokwenzeka ukuba wenze oko ngokwakho.
2. Ukunyamekisa ukugxekwa, ngaphandle kobugwenxa kunye neentlanzi.
3. Ukungabambisani nemicimbi ehlawulwayo kuyimfuneko ukukhangela izizathu ngokwazo, endaweni yabantu kubemi okanye kwezinye iimeko.
4. Funda ukuqonda ukunyaniseka kwalokhu okanye ukudumisa, kubaluleke kangakanani na ukuba ingahambelani nento yokwenene.
5. Thelekisa nabantu abaphumelele kakhulu kwintlobo ethile yomsebenzi okanye ebomini ngokubanzi.
6. Ukuhlalutya ngokucophelela ubuchule bakho ngaphambi kokuthatha nayiphi na ishishini okanye isabelo, wenze isiphetho esifanelekileyo.
7. Musa ukuthatha iziphene zakho njengeenkcukacha ezincinane, ngokubhekiselele kwiingxaki zabanye abantu.
8. Yiba yinto ebaluleke kakhulu, njengoko ukugxekwa kwimiqathango efanelekileyo kukukhuthaza ukuphuhlisa.
9. Emva kokugqiba ngokuphumelelayo ishishini lokucinga, nokuba ngaba kunokwenzeka ukwenza ngcono ngakumbi kwaye yintoni eyakuyithintela?
10. Gxininisa ekuphononongweni kweziphumo zabanye abantu, kwaye abanelisekanga ngokwaneliseko lwabo.
11. Hlonipha iimvakalelo kunye neminqweno yabanye abantu, kuba zibalulekile njengemvakalelo yabo kunye neminqweno.

Abantu abanokuzithemba ngokwaneleyo ukwenzela ukuba banqume oko kunokulindelwa ukuba bangaxoxe nalo okanye lo mntu, kufuneka siqale siqonde isimo sakhe sengqondo kuye. Ukuqhagamshelana nabantu, kufuneka ugcine ngokucophelela kwaye ufunde ukuqonda ngokubhekiselele kumntu, inzuzo, indlela yokuthetha inqanaba lokuzihlonela komntu. Oku kuya kunceda ukwakha unxibelelwano oluchanekileyo, ukuze wonke umntu abe nomuvo olinganayo kwaye akayi kuba nesimo sesithunzi.