UKUBA KWEBINI - I-THIRD AYIBHUMBI?
Abazali kufuneka baqonde ukuba iimpikiswano ziyixesha elingenakukukhusela lokukhula umntwana, njengendlela yokuzimela ngokuzimela, ufunda ukuqonda kangcono kwaye uzive ngayo iimvakalelo zabanye abantu, ukudibanisa. Xa kukho ukuxabana kokuqala, kufuneka uziphatha kakuhle nomntwana ngokuzinzile nangokuqinileyo. Ukuba umntwana uphonsela enye i-crumb, uyayithatha into yokudlala, iluma, kungcono ukuyeka ngokukhawuleza le ntshukumo, ungavumeli ukuba imeko iqhube. Iintsana ezingaphezu kweminyaka emithathu zinganikwa ithuba lokuxazulula ingxabano ngokwabo, oku kuya kubavumela ukuba bafumane amava abalulekayo kwisisombululo-mbambano. Ngokuqinisekileyo, umntu omdala kufuneka alawulwe le nkqubo. Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba izinto ezinqwenelekayo ziyafudumala, kwaye "amakhwenkwe" amancinci alungele ukukhawuleza ekulweni, kufuneka ungenelele. Kule meko, kufuneka ube nexesha lokubamba isandla somenzi wobubi, unganiki ithuba lokubetha omnye umntwana. Qinisekisa ukuba ubuyisela izenzo zakho ngokugqamile "Awukwazi!" Abantwana abanamava adlulileyo kubazali kwihambo yabo enobugwenxa, banokuyeka kunye nesichotho esikhulu somntu omdala. Musa ukuthabatha abantwana, kunokubeka isandla sakho phakathi kwabo kwaye uthi awuyi kubavumela ukuba balwe, kodwa banokuthetha malunga noko kwenzekayo. Ungazami ukufumanisa ukuba ngubani oqale waqala kwaye kwenzeka ntoni ukuba abantwana banqabile. Thatha umdlalo oye wabangela ukuxabana kwaye uchaze kubo bobabini ukuba uya kuwubuyisela xa bekwazi ukuthetha ngokukhawuleza. Xa abantwana bezolile, bacele ukuba baxoxe ngezinto ezenzekayo. Isimo sengqondo somntu omdala kubantwana kufuneka sibe nokuzola nokuhlonipha. Khumbula, kule meko ungumncedisi obalulekileyo, kungekhona umgwebi oqinileyo! Nguwe omele "u-razrulivat" iingxabano zabantwana kwaye ujonge iindlela zokuzilungisa. Ukuba abantwana "kwinkqubo yokuxoxisana" bajongana neengxelo zabo kumntu omdala, kufuneka baxelele ukuba kufuneka baxoxe ngeemeko phakathi kwabo. Umzekelo: "Ndixelele, nceda, akunjalo kum, kodwa ku-Misha, kulungile?" Ukubandakanya abantwana kwinkqubo yokuseka ubudlelwane, zama ukufumanisa ukuba ubani ofuna into, eyabangela ingxabano, kwaye ichaza indlela eyayinokwenzeka ngayo ukulungisa ingxabano ngokuthula. Abantwana bafanele bathathe inxaxheba kwingxoxo, banikele zabo izisombululo. Kodwa abo bangaphula amalungelo abo. Ingxoxo enjalo inceda ekufumaneni izakhono zokwakha ubudlelwane kunye noontanga, inika ukuzithemba nokufundisa ukuqonda nokuqwalasela iimvakalelo kunye neminqweno yomnye umntu. Emva kokuxubusha, isisombululo esivumelekileyo kumntu wonke samukelwa. Kukulungele ukujonga ingxabano ekhuselekileyo evela ngaphandle kwaye uxubushe ngendlela engakuphepha ngayo. Ekupheliseni, ungalibali ukudumisa nokuxhasa abantwana ngemisebenzi yabo, ukugqamisa ukubaluleka kwesiphakamiso ngasinye. Oku kuya kunceda abantwana baqonde igalelo labo kwisisombululo esinokuthula kwimeko. Fundisa abantwana ukuba batshintshe amathoyizi, oku kuya kuthintela ukuxabana kwaye ekugqibeleni bafunde ukuqonda ukubaluleka komdlalo odibeneyo.
UKUBA ISIHLOKO SISEBENZA KUCANDELO ...
Ngokuqhelekileyo kubakho kwintsapho apho abantwana ababini abanomncinane weminyaka bahluka. Kule meko, umntu omdala kufuneka asebenze xa "zonke izinto sele zenzeke." Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukubonisa umntwana ukuba ukuziphatha okunjalo akuvumelekanga. Amagama achukumisayo malunga nomxhaphazi kunye nokunyamekela intlonelo kuya kunceda ukuqonda oko kulahlekelwa ngumntu oziphatha ngale ndlela. Izinto ezibini zibalulekile apha: okokuqala, amagama akho kufuneka aqondiswe ekuziphatheni okubi, kungekhona ubuntu bomntwana (kungekhona "Ulwabi!" Kwaye "Wenza okubi!"), Okwesibini, ngexesha eliqhelekileyo " umoni "kufuneka anandiphe ngqalelo kunye nokuthatha inxaxheba kwabazali. Musa ukwenza umntwana uxolise; kufuneka eze kwesi sigqibo ngokwakhe. Ungasebenzisa ukwamkelwa "kwekona elithulekileyo" - thumela umntwana ukuzola ekhoneni okanye kwelinye igumbi, kodwa "udibaniso" akufanele lugcine ngaphezulu kwemizuzu emihlanu ukuya kwemihlanu. Ndimele ndithi le ndlela ayisebenzelanga abantwana abancinci, akunakwenzeka ukuba baqonde ukuxhamla okunengqiqo phakathi kwezenzo zabo kunye nokususwa kwabo. Kulo mzekelo, kungcono ukubheka nzima emehlweni omntwana kwaye ubambe izandla ngokuqinileyo, uthi: "Awukwazi ukulwa!" Okanye "Awukwazi ukuluma!" Musa ukululalisa isohlwayo ngalo lonke usuku kwaye ungazami ukufunda ukuziphatha kwaye usolungise umntwana ixesha elide. akunakwenzeka ukuba uyayiqonda into oyithethayo kuye. Eyona nto iyamkelekileyo kukubonakalisa isimo sengqondo esingalunganga malunga nesenzo kwaye ugqibe isiganeko esingathandekiyo ngokukhawuleza. Kwakungavumelekanga ukukhupha umntwana okhubekileyo kwimpendulo enobudlova: "Hambani niyeke!" La magama angachazwa yinkwenkwe ngokuthi "imiyalelo yokusetyenziswa" kunye nendlela efanelekileyo yokulungisa iingxabano. Ungasebenzisi izisongelo kunye nezenzo ezinobundlobongela kubantwana, kuya kuqinisekisa kuphela ukuba umntu onamandla kunokwenyama. Khumbula kwakhona ukuba, njengomgaqo, bobabini abantwana banokusola ngxabano. Ngoko ke, ukuba akukho nto ichazwayo "ilungu elenzakele" kungcono ukwahlula emagumbini ahlukeneyo kubantwana babini, ekuxhaseni le nyathelo ngamazwi: "Ukuba awukwazi ukudlala ngokuzinzile kwaye ungaxabani, dlala ngokuhlukileyo". Musa ukuthatha inxaxheba kwimpikiswano yabantwana kunye neendlela zokuzisombulula. Kwimiba engqubuzanayo, bobabini abantwana baziva becaphukile kwaye banobuhlungu kwaye bafuna imfesane. Njengomthetho, abantwana banokulibala ngokukhawuleza. Ukuba sele behlala bodwa kwithuba elithile kwaye banqabile, baqala ukuphosakelana.
ABAKHULU NABANTU - NGONKE INQINISO
Ukuba uqaphela ukuba umntwana omncinci ngumntu ochaphazelekayo kwimpikiswano yabantwana, musa ukukhawuleza ukuhlwaya umdala. Ngokuqhelekileyo umntwana omncinci ngokuqinisekileyo "uzisa" umdala, kumchukumisa ukuba alwe, kuba usemncinci kwaye abazali baya kuzisola kunomdala. Le ngongoma ethile.
Umntwana omdala kulo mzekelo kufuneka achaze ukuba abatsha bathanda ukulawula iimvakalelo zakhe nokuziphatha kwakhe. Ngako oko, umdala kufuneka azame ukungabikho kwezi zinto. Kungcono ukuba ungasilisi kwaye ungasebenzisi kakubi umntwana omdala ebusweni bentsha, kodwa ukuqonda ubunzulu bepikiswano kunye naye. Umntwana omdala uyazenzekela ngokuzenzekelayo "mkhulu" xa umntwana omncinane ebonakala. Kodwa akayi kuxolela nokuhlahlisa! Ukubhala amanqaku ngelizwi lohlobo lomdala kumncinci ngumakishi wonyango lwethu kunye nesimo sengqondo kubantwana bethu. Abantu abadala baxelisa ngokuzithandela izibongo ezingenasiphelo zabazali okanye ukusebenzisa amandla ngokumalunga nomncinci. Ngenxa yoko, akuvunyelwanga kubazali ukusebenzisa igunya kunye nokunyanzela abantwana. Zama ukugxininisa imiba emihle yabantwana komnye nomnye. Ngokudla ukucela umntwana omdala ukuba ancede omncinci, mfundise into entsha. Qinisekisa ukuba akaphakamisi ilizwi lakhe kumncinci. Kodwa musa ukumguqula ube ngumntwana! Kuphela kwingxoxo eyimfihlo kunye nabantwana babo kunye nokwamkelwa ngokupheleleyo komntu ngamnye njengomntu, sinokubeka phantsi kwimiphefumlo yabantwana ukuqonda nokuhlonela umzalwana okanye udade.
Kutheni kuyingozi kangaka namhlanje?
Ngamanye amaxesha abazali balahlekelwa ngeso lengqondo, kutheni i-kid isicatshulwa ngokukhawuleza, ayilaleli, iziphatha kakubi kwabanye abantwana. Isizathu siyakwenzeka kumava akhe, kuba intsapho ayikho konke ukuzola. Akakwazi ukuqonda ukuba kutheni abantu bakhala kunye okanye kutheni umpapa wamisa umnyango, kwaye umama uyakhala. Ukuxinezeleka kunye nokuxhalaba omncinci kuzisa kwabanye abantwana: baqala ukumcaphukisa baze baqale "benetyala" kuba umntwana unobungozi. Akakwazi ukuyibeka ngamazwi, ngoko uloyiko lwakhe luyadlabalalisa kwimpikiswano, ukukhutshwa kweemvakalelo ezimbi, ezihlangene nomphefumlo womntwana. Njengomthetho, emva kokuphikisana okunjalo kunye nokulwa nomntwana akakwazi ukuchaza izizathu ezithile zokuziphatha kwakhe. Kananjalo, abantwana bangasebenzisa ingxabano ukuze batyelele abantu abadala, kwaye baqaphelisise le nto ukuze bathathe nantoni na kubazali babo. Mhlawumbi umntwana akanakunakwa kwaye uyanyamekela. Inkwenkwe ixhobhisa abanye abantwana kwimpikiswano, izisa imeko ekulwa, kodwa, xa ifumene ukukhuza, iqhubela ukukhalaza kunina. Ngoku unako "ukukhala ngokucacileyo," kwaye umama uya kuzisola, amkhathaze. Emva koko uyancipha. Cinga, mhlawumbi umntwana wakho ufuna ukuba uchithe ixesha elininzi kunye naye, ufuna unxibelelwano oluninzi kunye naye? Ukuba umntwana uhlala egxekwa aze agxothwe ekhaya, unokuphinda atshabalalise intlungu yakhe kunye nokukhathazeka kwabanye abantwana. Ngokuchaseneyo, ukuba umntwana uyanyamekelwa kwaye uyanconywa, "yintsimi yomhlaba" kwintsapho yakhe, enomnqweno wakhe uzaliseka ngokukhawuleza, akanakufumana ukuqonda kwiontanga zakhe. Emva koko, ulindele isimo sengqondo esifanayo kuwo wonke umntu ojikelezile, kodwa, ngokwemvelo, akawamukeli. Emva koko, umntwana uqala ukufezekisa oko akufunayo, kubangele ukungquzulana nokuxabana. Ngoko ke, ukuzama ukufundisa umntwana izakhono zoqhagamshelwano olufanelekileyo, cinga ngezinto ezifunekayo ukuba zitshintshwe kwintsapho yakho, ukuziphatha kunye nesimo sengqondo malunga nosana. Ndifuna ukuqaphela ukuba iingxabano zabantwana zifanelwe ingqalelo yakho! Ukungenelela ngoncedo kunye nokunceda ekufumaneni i-compromise isiqinisekiso sokuthi umntwana wesikolo uya kukwazi ukufumana indlela yokuphuma kwimpikiswano. Yaye ukuba ufuna uncedo lwakho, inkunzi iya kuhlala iziva ixanduva elithembekileyo nelomeleleyo lwabazali abanothando, abalumkileyo nabanyamekelayo!
NGEZEKHARITYHULAM
Ngaba ukhathele ngenxa yokuxabana komntwana kunye neengxabano? Bobabini abadala kunye nabantwana kufuneka babe nomonde, bafunde ukufumana ukuzithengisa kwaye bazame ukukhumbula iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokusombulula iingxabano.
• Musa ukuthetha okanye ukukhononda nomntwana wakho kwabanye abantu abadala ngokuziphatha kwabo okubi. Unokuqinisekiswa ngoluvo lokuba akukho nto ingatshintshwa, kwaye iingxabano zingenakugwema.
• Zama ukukhumbuza umntwana kwakhona malunga neengxabano zamva kunye nempikiswano, ukwenzela ukuba ungayilungisisi kwimoya ekhohlakeleyo.
• Gwala ingqalelo yengane yakho kwiimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo zabanye abantwana, kwizinto ezikulo mmoya, oko bakwenzayo. Ngokomzekelo: "Khangela indlela uVolodya akhenkce ngayo, mhlawumbi ngoku akayonwabanga into ethile. Masidlale naye xa iimeko zakhe ziba ngcono. Kodwa i-Lenochka iyamamatheka, idlala ngeli xesha! "Kulungile ukuthenga umdlalo webhodi" ABC yemvakalelo ". Kuya kunceda umntwana ukuba ahlukanise iimvakalelo ezivela kwintetho ebusweni, obangela ukuba kuqondwe ngcono isimo sengqondo kunye nemeko yabanye abantwana.
• Bonisa umzekelo woqhagamshelwano olufanelekileyo. Musa ukuphikisana nomntwana ekhaya, ungafungi kwaye ungaxabani nomntwana, zama ukugcina ikhefu ukuba imeko ikhona kwimpikiswano.
• Indlela efanelekileyo yokusombulula ingxabano ngenxa yokudlala ityhutyana ingaba "kusetyenziswe ixesha". Uncedo ukuqonda ukuba akunakwenzeka ukuba ube neyodwa ithoyizi kubantwana ababini kanye, ukuba le nto yodwa. Unokwazi ukwahlula i-half quarves ye-apula, kodwa awukwazi ukwahlula i-toy. Emva koko, oko kuya kuba kungafanelekanga ukudlala! "Okuphambili" kuya kufundisa abantwana ukunyamezela kunye nokukwazi ukufumana ingcamango.
• Imidlalo yokunciphisa ukuxhatshazwa kunye nokukhupha iimvakalelo eziphazamisayo zilungele abantwana abaphikisanayo. Ukuzolile, ungasebenzisa izinto zokuphumla, ingqondo-gymnastics nokudlala ngamanzi nangesihlabathi.
• Vumela abantwana ukuba bakhononde (kodwa akukho mzekelo abafaka isikhalazo), kuphela xa oko kwenzeka ngaphambi kokuxabana. Baza kufunda ukufunda kunye nokucela uncedo kubantu abadala, bengakhange baholele imeko ekulwa.
• Zama ukuhlaziya ngokukhawuleza ukuba yintoni imbangela yangempela yokuxabana komntanakho. Oku kuya kunceda ukufumana iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokulungiswa ngokubambisana nomntwana wengqondo.