Imithetho yabazali ekukhuliseni abantwana


Abantwana babonakaliswa ngabazali nobuntu, obumba umlingiswa ngezenzo zabo, impumelelo kunye nokutshatyalaliswa. Sihlala sikulungele ukubanceda njani ngexesha? Cinga ngeengcebiso eziphambili kunye nemithetho yokukhulisa abantwana kubazali.

Ukukhusela iimfuno zomntwana wakho kunye nexesha elifanayo kumchaphazela ngomzekelo, umzekelo ochanekileyo kunye ochanekileyo ngumsebenzi obalulekileyo ekukhuliseni abantwana. Kodwa akulula ukwenza. Ubuncinane kuba ngexesha elithile, umphumo wokubukela emva nokuphulaphulwa kwimbono yoluntu iyabangela. Lo, njengobulungisa obuphakamileyo, kufuneka ukuba kwenziwe isigqibo esingaqinisekanga. Kodwa abantwana, i-prank yabo, iqhenqa, amaqhinga ayilwaphulo-mthetho, ngokuzikhethela nangokhethekileyo. Kwaye esinye sezixhobo ezininzi zokukwazi eli hlabathi kunye nokufumana indawo yakho ebomini, kuluntu, kwindawo. Le ntshukumo phambili phambili kunokwenzeka kwaye ngenxa yokuzimisela kwangaphakathi abazali abafaka kuyo umntwana. Wayekrakra kakhulu njengoko wayeqinisekile kwaye engaqiniseki kwiziseko zakhe eziphambili, imikhomo yehlabathi lakhe-abazali bakhe. Abantu abadala bamehlo kubantwana abenza njengemigaqo-siseko apho i-worldview yakhiwa kwaye amava obomi aqokelela. Kwaye ngoku ucinga ukuba ngelinye ilanga, umzuzu, ngexesha okanye emva kwesiganeko, ezi ziseko ziyeka. Njani:

• Naliphi na isiganeko kwisahluko somntwana sichazwa kuye njengezigqibo zokukhawuleza, ezikhokelela kumtya wokunqandwa kunye nokulawulwa okuqinileyo.

• Ukulinda iileyibhile yomntu oshukumisayo kunye nenqununu ejongene noko akwenzileyo, ibonisa ukuba umntwana unokuba netyala le nto yonke into. Njengoko ukhula, le nkolelo iya kuqhutyelwa kwimeko enokuthi umntu omdala uya kuba noloyiko lwezenzo, nokuba ngowona uphambili okanye ozukileyo. Ngokucacileyo ulahlekile.

• Ukunyaniseka kunye nokunyamekela, xa u-tet-a-tet nomntwana esamkelwa ngecala lakhe, kodwa kubalulekile ukuba avele kumntu wesithathu, ongaphandle, njengoko ukuziphatha kuqala nge-caveat: "Kwaye baya kuthini abantu?", "Ukuba awuyi kuhlwaya ngoku, baya kundijonga ngenxa yomzali ongakhathali, uya kugwetywa. "

• Ukunyanzeliswa, ukungalawulwa, ukudala ukuziphatha ebuntwaneni njengomlinganiselo wokuqhankqalaza nokungafuni ukunyamezela indlela yokukhulisa. Yiyo imeko xa ukubonwa kwenyaniso kukuba abantwana abathobelayo, bekhululekile kubaphi abantu abadala abanokukhanya kwabazali, kwi-99% yamatyala unobunzima bexesha lokutshintsha. Hayi, baya kuthintela kakhulu kwimpilo yabantu abadala abadala.

Ezi ziganeko ziyi-tip of the iceberg, ezinokuthi ziwele kwiqhwa elikhulu kwaye ziphazamise ubomi obuninzi. Emva koko, ukuba ithemba kunye nokholo ekuxhaseni iindwendwe ezininzi zilahlekile, ezinye azibalulekanga, aziyikiyo, ingabalulekanga. Ayikho loo xanduva kunye noluthando lwabazali oluvakalayo kumthonyama, ukukhusela ukuphumla kwabo, impilo, isimo sengqondo.

Kuyi nyaniso ukuba abazali abanako ukuvavanya ngokwaneleyo iintshukumo zabantwana babo: bayabathanda ngokungenamthetho kwaye bahlala bengaboni. Kodwa akukho malunga nokugweba, kodwa ngokuphathelele uthando kunye nokwamkelwa komntwana wakho. Ukulungele ukuhlala ubomi bakho ngasemva kwayo, kwaye ungahlali ubomi obudala obuqhelekileyo. Thina sifana neengelosi ezingabakhoyo, ukugcina, inkxaso ngenkxaso yokufumana uncedo. Ewe, ukuba kusebenza, ngoko kukho uqhagamshelwano olunzulu nolwazi. Enyanisweni, ngaba abantwana balindele ntoni kuthi kuthi xa bekhubeka? Izikhalazo, iimpawu ezimbi, uhlazo loluntu - kungekhona. Baye batyhayika, badangele kwaye, ngandlela-thile, badidekile. Abantwana abakwazi ukubala iziphumo kunye neendlela zokukhusela kwiimeko ezimbi. Benza imizamo ephezulu yokuphumeza isicwangciso, kwaye bakhula kuphela, bafunde ukubona izenzo zabo ekuboniseni impembelelo kwabanye abantu kunye nokuzibiza kwabo, ukujonga kunye nokuhlolwa kwabanye. Konke oko kuya kuba. Okwangoku, kufuneka ube nesineke nomonde. Zama ukulandela imithetho yokukhulisa abantwana:

• Ukuba uye waba ngubufakazi bokuzibonela ngento eyenziwe ngumntwana ethintela umnqweno womnye umntu, musa ukukhawuleza ukufumanisa ulwalamano. Ixhoba, obufakazi bokuzibonela - aba abaphulaphuli bentlalontle, abaxhomekeke ekusebenzeni. Isikhundla sabo akufanele sithintele iminqweno yomntwana wakho. Oku akuthethi ukuba awukhathaleli, kodwa umntwana wakho uvunyelwe yonke into. Ngokulula kwimvakalelo kunye nefuthe lokubamba ixesha elifanelekileyo lemfundo impikiswano ayayi kuxazululwa.

• Yamkele imeko kwaye ungazenzeli ukuba akukho nto eyenzekayo. Umntwana kufuneka aqonde ukuba ukuziphatha kwakhe kubangele ukuphazamiseka komnye umntu, kodwa ngokuthe ngqo-ngqo. Ukususela ngoku, uya kufunda indlela ukuziphatha kwakhe kuboniswa ngayo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo.

• Ungathethi kwi-prankster kumathoni aphezulu kunye nokusebenzisa amandla, okanye uvumele abanye ukuba benze. Kuboniswe ukuba ngexesha lokuvuya kunye nokuqonda ngokungahambi kakuhle kwabo, abantwana banokutshatyalaliswa. Izandi eziphakamileyo, ukudonsa, izibheno aziyi kuvakala. Kwanele i-intonation yakho eguqulelwe, ukwenzela ukuba umntwana aqaphele ubunzima beemeko.

• Ukujonga okuvela ngaphandle kubantwana bakho kunceda kakhulu. Kodwa akafanele ukuba amkele inyaniso ecocekileyo nonke uze uyenze ngokwakho. Lo ngumqondiso ofuna ukuba wabelane ngawo ngokuthatha inxaxheba kwabantwana.

• Kunjani na indlela engathintekiyo, engathintekiyo, enobungozi ukufumana izizathu zezenzo, umsebenzi wakho kunye nomsebenzi wokungavumeli umntwana ukuba abe yedwa, akaqondakali kwaye uya kutshabalalisa. Khumbula ukuba ukuphulwa komntwana kungenakwenzeka, kwenzeke kuwo wonke umntu kwaye kudlule. Kodwa ukuzithemba okulahlekileyo kubazali akunakubuyiselwa.

Ungesabi ukuqondisa umntwana, ukuze enze isigqibo kwaye uxanduva lwezenzo zakhe. Abazali abaninzi baqonda ukuba abantwana babo bancinci kakhulu kunabo. Enyanisweni, abantwana bakhula kwaye bakhula ngokukhawuleza ngaphezu kweengcamango zethu ngabo. Yingakho kubalulekile ukunika ixesha lokuxazulula iingxaki zabo. Ukuthatha inxaxheba kwakho kule nto akuyi kunciphisa, kodwa ukuzithemba komntwana okhulayo kuyanda njani. Uya kuqiniseka ukuba uya kuhlala ekwazi ukunxibelelana nawe ngoncedo. Yaye akayi kufumana ukuqonda kuphela, ukuzimisela ukuvalela, kodwa nombono obalaseleyo ngaphandle. Emva kwakho konke, bazali, njengokuba akekho owaziyo kakuhle umntwana wabo, kwaye ngokuziphatha kwabo kubeka ingcamango echanekileyo yehlabathi.

Inyathelo ngesinyathelo

Ngaba ukuthelekiswa okuchanekileyo kweziganeko ezincinane kunye naluphi na ukungaziphathi kakubi kubantwana bethu kubangelwe kwiimeko zokukhusela? Emva koko, eli gama lithetha ukulawulwa nokulindela kweemeko ezinzulu ngokubhekiselele kubantwana: ukhuseleko lwendlu, ukuthutha, ubudlelwane, kunye nesondo. Kodwa thina siqala ngokukhawuleza sifuna ukukhusela, kungakhathaliseki ubudala kunye nendawo. Ziza kuqala nini "ezi khuselo":

Ukususela ekuzalweni . Musa ukumangaliswa, ngokoqobo kwimimiselo yokuqala yobomi bomntwana, uninzi oomama bachasa uluvo lukawonkewonke malunga nokukhanyela ukugonywa, ukungafani kokuzalwa kwasekhaya, ukungafuni ngaphandle kwemfuno, kodwa ngokucwangcisiweyo kwishedyuli yokutyelela i-polyclinic, ukunika umntwana uhlobo oluthile lwemidlalo (umzekelo, intombazana enesifo esicinci midlalo).

Ngokubonakala kokuqala kwi-sandbox kunye nokuqokelela amava oonxibelelwano. Nangona ukufafaza kwengozi okanye ifosholo ukubethelwa kwisithsaba esifanelekileyo kwingxabano kwibhakethi, kungena kwimfuneko "yokujonga umntwana kangcono", "khawuleza unike utshintsho" okanye "ufumane enye indawo yemidlalo".

Ngokuqala kwephulo kunye nokulungelelanisa kwiziko lokunakekela abantwana, xa uvavanyo kunye neempawu zomntwana wakho ziza kuthululwa zisuka kwi-cornucopia kungekuphela kootitshala, nannies, nabanye abazali. Kodwa mhlawumbi, umntu omaziyo owamva ngokuziphatha komntwana wakho kwirediyo "yomlomo".

Ngomnxeba wokuqala wokulinda kwaye uthintela esikolweni, xa ukhuphiswano oluqikelelwayo kunye nokuwunqoba kwegunya lomntu kuqala.

Kwaye njalo, kubomi bonke ukususela ebusheni ukuya kwi-gray-gray age. Musa ukwesaba oku okanye ukwenze ngokunyanisekileyo zonke izenzo. Uthando, ukuqonda kunye nexesha liya kubeka yonke into ngokufanelekileyo.

UFrancoise Dolto (u-psychoanalyst, ugqirha wezingane ovule umhlaba kwi-psychoanalysis yengane kwaye owathi waqala ukuxhamla izifo zobuntwana kunye nengqondo ye-psychosomatics) encwadini yakhe ethi "Kwi-Side of Child" ngokucacileyo kwaye kwimimiselo evela kwindlela yokufundisa ithetha indlela yokujonga ngaphandle kwayo "iiglasi ezikhanyayo" kubantwana bakhe baze bakwazi ukuthetha. Kuthetha, uhlalutyo kunye nengxoxo enengqiqo yimeko eyinkimbinkalo eyenza ibe yinto ecacileyo, ingabi nzima kakhulu:

• Kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngezinto ezenzekayo, endaweni yokucebisa "Khusela!" Indlela yokuzivikela kumntu ohlaselayo, uze ufunde oku, ungathethi kubo, ungabhekanga kwabanye?

• Indima yomntu omdala kukufundisa umntwana ukuba angene kuluntu ngelixa esaphila kwintsapho. Kubalulekile ukumnceda kule nto, ukumenza, ukuba ngumzekelo ofanelekileyo. Ukuxhasa ukuphuhliswa komntwana, kufuneka ubone oko kwenzekayo kuyo.

• Idrama kukuba ukususela kumzuzu xa umbongi omncinci, umntwana ophuphayo, ohlala kwilizwe lakhe, eyeka ukumbona, iipatheni ezimiselweyo ziqala ukuhamba.

• Ingxelo ethi "Uphantse umdala" - kufuneka usebenzise ngobulumko. Ukuba umntwana osemtsha uzimisele ngokuba ngumntu omdala, ke umntu omdala ongenakho: ufanele afike nalo mdala, mfumane yena.

• Ukunciphisa amaninzi, kwaye umntwana uziva njengomfokazi ngenxa yale nto. Akayi kukhwaza ukuba unikwe indawo ebomini ukuba wamkelwa kuyo.

Ukuba ulandela ubuncinci bemigaqo yokukhulisa abantwana kubazali, umntwana wakho uya kukhula ngakumbi ekhuselekile kwaye emele. Uya kuphelisa ubuninzi bezinto eziyinkimbinkimbi ezithintekayo kwiintsholongwane ezininzi ezingakhuselekanga.