Bakhe nabanye
Ucwaningo olwenziwa ngabanye kwiziko leMoscow lubonisa ukuba abaninzi abahlala kunye nootata babo bathetha ngokubhetele ngakumbi kunabo bazalisekileyo kunye nosapho. Kwaye i-20% yabantwana babonisa isifiso sokuba unina akayi kudonsela kunye nomtshato kwaye azitholele "omnye umntu", ngenxa yokuba bekhathele ukuxabana nokukhala. Nangona kunjalo likhulu ngaphezu kwepesenti yabantwana abangenelisekanga abafuna ukubuyisela yonke into, baphile kunye nobawo kwaye bangaveli kubazali babo igama elithi "umtshato." Kuyathakazelisa ukuba abo bafumana ubaba omtsha ngaphambi kweminyaka emithathu, bamkele ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba ngumthonyama, nokuba ngaba bathetha noyise oqobo. Aba bantwana mhlawumbi bancinci, kuba "ukuguqulwa komlindi" kwenzeka ngexesha elinjalo xa imemori iyalinda iminqweno yabantwana kwaye isusa yonke into engeyiyo, ukuba kunjalo. Ukubeka nje, bayikhohlile ukusana kwabo, indoda eyatshata nomama wayo, kubakho abantwana kunye nentsha, kwaye ukuba unenhlanhla, nolutsha. Abantwana abakhulileyo, ngokuqinisekileyo, baya kukhumbula ukulungiswa kweentsapho, kwaye kuxhomekeke kuphela kubadala indlela abaya kuba buhlungu ngayo kuba yinguqu ukusuka kwipapa ukuya kwelinye. Eli qela labantwana ukusuka kwiintathu ukuya kwi sixhenxe lingaxhaswanga kakhulu kwaye, ngokutsho kweengcali, abasengozini kakhulu.
Utata olwahlukileyo
Iingcali zengqondo zithi ukufika kwintsapho ilungu elitsha - kuba umntwana uhlala ecinezelekile. Umdala omdala kunye nobawo abatsha banxulumene kuphela ngesondo (njengomthetho). Ngokuqhelekileyo umama ufuna umntu omtsha kwiqela elidala: umntu ohluke ngokupheleleyo uvela kwintsapho, into echasene ngqo nekhoyo. Ngaphezu koko, umama angakwazi ukuguquka ngokubanzi: wayesebenzisa icala kwicala lomntwana kuzo zonke izidumbu zokufundisa. Ukuba uthathe icala lomyeni wakhe, abanakho ukuqhawula umtshato (ipesenti enkulu yomtshato uya kwenzeka emva kokuzalwa komntwana ngenxa yeembono ezahlukeneyo ekukhuliseni kwakhe). Ngoku umama usehlangothini lomyeni omtsha. Nangona engathethi ngokukhawuleza, ucinga into efana nale: "Undithathe umntwana ongaqhelekanga, kunzima kuye, kufuneka asebenziselwe kuphela lo mntwana, kodwa ukuze aqinisekise mna kunye nabazali bam ukuba akabi ngaphezu komyeni wakhe wangaphambili. Yaye akayi kukhubekisa umntu ongengomntwana. " Kwaye umama wamkela kwicala lomlingane omtsha, ngokuhlala engalunganga kumntwana ongenatyala nantoni na, akazange athathe inxaxheba ekukhongweni kwamapapa amasha, kwaye akazange avume ukuhlala komalume womnye endlwini. Iingcali zengqondo zithi abantwana abanjalo "banokungena ngaphakathi kwabo", baqala iingxaki zokuziphatha, ezinokuthi zilungiswe kuphela yingcali. Kwaye oku kuyaqondakalayo: baphuma emlilweni nasemlilweni, besuka kwiingxabano ezingapheliyo phakathi koMama noTata "ekungcatsha" koMama kunye nomalume omtsha, omele athotyelwe. Kodwa, ngenhlanhla, ipesenti yezobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi kunye ne "papa omtsha" incinci kwaye ilandele isabelo "seentsapho ezihlwempuzekileyo", apho izinga eliphantsi leenkcubeko kunye nokuchuma okuncinci alinakunqwenela ukucoceka kwimeko. Ngokuqhelekileyo umkhulu nogogo baya kuhlangula, bathabatha umzukulu wabo ngexesha elithile kwaye banike unina ukuba asebenze ngokuzenzekelayo ngobomi bakhe. Oku akuyona into echanekileyo yokufundisa, kodwa into enhle kakhulu.
Yaye imfazwe yangunaphakade
Abantwana abakhulileyo, abo amehlo abo kwiintsapho zentsapho zikhankanywe ngasentla, zikwazi ukuziphatha kakubi. Kwaye oku kubangela isongelo esithile kumtshato womama ophindaphindiweyo. Ngokukodwa xa umntwana engalunganga ngoyise kwaye akafuni naluphi utshintsho. Iingcali zithi ngenxa yokuchaswa kwendoda yomama omtsha, kwiimeko ezingama-20 ngaphandle kwe-100 lo mntu akaqhelekanga kwintsapho entsha kwaye uyishiya ngeminyaka yokuqala yokuhlala kunye. "Imfazwe" kunye nomntwana oneminyaka engama-9 ukuya kweye-10 kwiimeko ezininzi ziphela ekuphumeleleni ngokupheleleyo komntwana. Unako ukuziphindezela kuMama "wokungcatsha." Yile ndlela abanye abantwana abathandabuzwayo baqonda ngayo indima yabo ekuzameni ukwahlula kwabo babesoloko bebona ekhaya kwintambama kunye nabo bachitha iiholide zabo. Nangona kwakukho ukuxabana phakathi kwendlu, kwaye nangona ubaba ongowomthonyama engabenzekanga ngokungafanelekanga, abantwana basecaleni lakhe xa beqonda ukuba unina uya kuhamba naye. Hayi, abo banyango banqoba kakhulu kwimpilo yabo. Nanini na apho iindawo zabazali zitshintshiwe, inkqubo ye-endocrine iqalisa ukuvukela kubantwana, ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuzaliseka kubanzi, okanye umntwana, ngokuchaseneyo, ukhula ngokukhawuleza. Abantwana baqala ukugula, i-immune system iguqula njengoko nje isanda kutshintsha ukuzinza kobomi bayo. Ootitshala bezilwanyana banokuthetha ixesha elide malunga neengxaki zempilo zabantwana "kwiintsapho" ezinjalo "ezingasebenzi." Kodwa ingaba njani into? Wonke umntu unelungelo lokwenza iimpazamo, kunye nemitshato ephosakeleyo yinto yobomi bemihla ngemihla. Umbuzo wendlela yokukhusela umntwana kwiingxaki zabantu abadala.
Yintoni enokuyenza kumama
Ukuba umntwana engengaphezulu kweminyaka emithathu ubudala, zama ukwenza "utshintsho lwabagadi" ngaphantsi kunokwenzeka. Ukuziqhelanisa umntwana kulungu elitsha lentsapho ngokuthe ngcembe, ngaphandle kokuhlukanisa ngokucokisekileyo uyise. Abantwana abakhulileyo kufuneka bachaze into ethile, kodwa ungazami ukucacisela umcinge oneminyaka emihlanu ubudala ukuba "ubomi bunzima, kwaye wonke umntu ufuna ulonwabo." Kulula ukuthetha ukuba "utata ushiye" ukuba iqabane lomntu lafudukela kwelinye indlu. Kule meko, ukubonakala okungaqhelekanga komhlobo omtsha kumama ekuqaleni kuya kuthathwa njengobungqina bomhlobo kwaye akukho nto, kwaye ukhonkco luya kuqhubeka luya kubakho buhlungu: upapa uya kwaye ndiya kuye, kwaye ekhaya ekhaya umama wam umama nathi, uyavuya kwaye unomusa . Kodwa abantwana "baninzi" banako kwaye bafanele bachaze yonke into ngendlela endala, ngaphandle kokuzama ukukopela nokukhohlisa. Baya kudibanisa ngokukhawuleza xa bebona ukuba baphosakele ngokulinganayo kwaye abanakugqiba isigqibo sentsapho yabo. Kwaye kubalulekile ukuba ungayi kuwela ithoni yomcebisi, ukukhala nokuhlambalaza. Umntwana wakho okhulile unelungelo lokuyazi ukuba kutheni ethatha ikona ecocekileyo yobuntwaneni bakhe, kutheni kufuneka ahlanganyele amamitha amancinane kwindlu yeedolophu kunye nomfo kodwa engenakuqondakala kuye. Ngokwemvelo, akubona bonke abantwana abasabela ngokukhawuleza kutshintsho kwintsapho, kodwa phantse wonke umntwana ufumana oko. Ngendlela leyo, kuloo ntsapho apho umama wayehlala ethanda ukuthetha nomntwana wakhe ngokulinganayo kwaye wayengenalwazi ukuchazela okungaqondakaliyo, ukuthotyelwa kwipapa omtsha kulula kakhulu kunokuba xa umntwana engavumelekanga kwintsimi yabantu abadala kunye nokukhuseleka ngokuqinisekileyo kwiingxaki ezingengabantwana.
Yintoni oyenzayo ubawo?
Kuninzi okuthethwa ngothutho lomama, oya kumxelela umntwana ukuba omnye umntu uza kukhawuleza ahlale endlwini, kodwa bambalwa bacinga ngeemvakalelo zomntu omdala ozama ukuthatha inxaxheba kwipapa entsha. Yena, naye, unzima! Akangena kuphela endlwini kunye neenkcubeko ezisekelwe kwiziseko kunye neziseko, ufanele aqinisekise ukuba unokuthiwa "eyakhe." Nendlela yokwenza oku? Okokuqala, kufuneka uqonde ngokucacileyo ukuba uthatha njengomfazi wakhe nje ngumfazi, kodwa umfazi onomntwana. Kwaye ukuba kukho ukungathandabuzeki kokuncinci ukuba uya kumthanda lo mntwana, kufuneka ume kwaye ucinge ngenyameko. Okwesibini, yenza ngokuzinzileyo. Imvakalelo yangempela ibonakala emehlweni. Ukuba umntwana uyaqonda ukuba lo mntu uyamthanda ngokwenene unina, akunakwenzeka ukuba angamelana nabantu abadala. Kodwa ukuba yonke into efanayo ingquzulwano phakathi kobawo omtsha kunye nomntwana uye wavela? Kwakhona, kufuneka usebenze ngesithunzi: umntwana akathinti, unganyuki emphefumlweni kwaye ungakhokelwa ekuhlaseleni kwakhe. Thatha u bubele. Yithi, yitsho-ntle, uphendule imibuzo ngendlela echanekileyo kunye nekhono lokuguqulela izihloko. Abantu abadala bayazi indlela yokwenza oku, kwaye umntwana "onobungozi" nje ngumntwana kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba uyifake kwakhona. Lo mgaqo-nkqubo ubizwa ngokuba ngumgaqo-nkqubo wokukhubazeka. Kungekudala umntwana uza kudinwa nokulwa imfazwe ebandayo. Nantsi kunokwenzeka ukuba utshintshe umgaqo wokuziphatha kwaye unobtrusively uzama ukuhambelana nobudlelane, sele ufunde ngexesha lokunxibelelana, into enomdla kuyo nento ayithandayo. Nabanye abantwana, ungatshintshela ngokukhawuleza kwintetho enobungane kwaye uchithe ixesha eliphantse phantse kunomama wabo, kufuneka nje ukuba uqonde ukuba ulindele okanye cha. Abantwana, kuquka nabangendawo, banengqondo elula kwaye baqondakala ngakumbi kunabantu abadala, ngoko kunzima ukufumana ulwimi oluqhelekileyo nabo, abazange bafunde idiplomacy yabantu abadala kwaye bangathethi kabini. Kodwa oku kungumgangatho wabo obalaseleyo kwabo baya kuhlala nabo ecaleni, ukuba, ukuba kungekhona ukutshintshwa koyise wabo, ngoko nje ungumhlobo omhle kunye nomcebisi. Kufuneka ube nesigulane kwaye uqonde ukuba umtshato apho "umntwana olungele ukulungela" akulindelekanga kwaye ukulinda imimangaliso ayinanto. Kudingeka bazidale ngokwabo.