Ukubuyisela ukuzithemba kwintsapho akukho ndlela engcono kunokuba uxoxe ngeemeko kunye nabatshatileyo. Ukuba abafazi bafuna ukuhlala besithembana, koko kuyimfuneko ukuxoxa kunye nokuvumelana ngokuphathelele uxanduva. Kwaye, ngokwenu, qinisekisa ukuba izivumelwano ziyaqaliswa. Kubalulekile ukunyaniseka omnye nomnye, ukukhulumisana ngokungathethekiyo kwabatshatileyo kubaluleke kakhulu. Ukuba unetyala lokungathembeki, kungakhathaliseki ukuba yeyiphi indlela, kufuneka uvume ukunyaniseka, kuba ukuphika kungakwandisa imeko. Cela ukuxolelwa, nokuba ngaba uye waba nexesha elihle nomnye umntu. Uthembisa ukuphula ubudlelwane nomntu, ungaboni uze ungabonisane nento yokuxabana, yeka zonke iinkcukacha ezinokuzixhamla kwicala. Qinisekisa isiqingatha sakho sesibini sothando lwakho, ukuba awufuni ukuphula ulwalamano ngenxa yephutha lakho elingenangqondo.
Kanye kunye neqabane, hlalutya ubudlelwane bakho, okwenza omnye wabafazi bafune ukuzonwabisa ngokubhekiselele. Ixesha elide elibi, ukungaqondi kakuhle, iimvakalelo zokungaphantsi kunye nokulahleka kwezinto ezithandayo zizinto ezithile ezingakhokelela ekutshintsheni kwaye kufuneka zixoxwe. Ubuqhetseba phakathi kwamadoda nabasetyhini bohlukileyo, njengoko ininzi imithombo yengqondo ithi. Ngokuqinisekileyo, amadoda ngokwemvelo afuna abafazi abaninzi. Kodwa oku kubhekisela kwixesha leshumi elivisayo, kunye nobudala, umntu ofanayo ukhangele ubuhlobo obuvuthiweyo, obude obusekelwe kwimiba yesondo kuphela. Kwaye abafazi bayashintsha xa badidekile kwiqabane labo, ukunganeliseki, okumele kuthatyathelwe into ethile. Ngokwenene, ukungcatsha kwakhe, umntu ubonisa iqabane lakhe ukuba into ayifanelekanga. Emva kwakho konke, ngamanye amaxesha sisisithulu kwizinto esifuna ukuzibona kwintsapho.
Nazi ezinye iingcebiso kulabo abaye benza iphutha, kodwa bafuna ukubuyela kubuhlobo obuqhelekileyo kunye nomthandayo. Okokuqala, kufuneka uguquke, ukuba utshintshile, ulungele ukuba uxanduva lwakho. Mhlawumbi siya kufuneka siphule ubuhlobo. Ukuva uxinzelelo lwengqondo, iqabane lakho lifuna ixesha. Ngamanye amaxesha kungcono ukudlulisela ukucaciswa kobudlelwane, de kube ngumzuzwana xa iqabane liyancipha. Ukubuyisela ukuzithemba, qalisa ngokuhambelana ngokuthe ngcembe, musa ukunyanzelisa imicimbi. Qinisekisa ukuba nonke nidinga ubuhlobo obusenyongweni, ukuba awukwazi ukuba ngaphandle komnye. Kule nto uza kunceda unengqondo ye-psychoanalyst, kufuneka uqhagamshelane neengcali kwiingcebiso. Ngokukodwa kuya kufuneka ukuba "lilungu elenzakele", i. iqabane, oguquliwe.
Yintoni enokuyenza, indlela yokubuyisela ukuzithemba kumntu osinikele? Indlela yokubuyisela ukuthembela kwintsapho emva kokungcatsha? Omnye wabatshatileyo, abafunde ngokungcatsha komnye, ubuza umbuzo, kodwa ngaba simele sixolele, sisindise intsapho, sibuyise ubuhlobo obuthembayo? Okokuqala, lo mbuzo kufuneka uceliwe kuwe, ngaba unokuqhubeka uhlala nalo mntu, ulungele ukuxolela? Ukuba kunjalo, emva kokugqithiswa kwengqumbo, cwaka, ufanele uxoxe kunye neqabane lakho ingxaki, kungakhathaliseki ukuba kukubi kangakanani kuwe. Abaninzi, befunda ngokungcatsha komlingane - babone kwindawo ethile nomnye umntu, kwaye akazange abone, okanye abafuna ukuthetha kakuhle, bathi, akukho nto-yokwesaba ukulahlekelwa yiyo, ukufihla ulwazi lwabo. Ngaloo ndlela bayazithuthuthukisa, bacatshukiswa. Kususela kwimbono yokuziphatha kwamaKristu, akuvumelekanga ukuba omnye wabafazi bahlale kwizindlu ezimbini, ngelixa elinye lilinde kwaye linyamezele, xa imeko ixazululwe. Ngoko, musa ukufihla kumlingane owaziyo ngokungcatsha kwakhe. Kwakhona, ungagqali umsindo wakho - "wangcatsha, unetyala!". Ngenxa yomsindo umntu ubona nje intukuthelo yakhe, kwaye oku kuchaphazela kakubi ubudlelwane.
Ubomi bunobuninzi obunzima, izilingo, apho kufuneka sikulungele. Into eqhelekileyo kukuba umntu unokusilimaza, usinikele. Yonke le yimithetho yobomi, yophuhliso loluntu. Indlela yokubuyisela ukuthembela kwintsapho emva kokungcatsha? Abaninzi babecinga ukunyaniseka ekupheleni kobudlelwane kwintsapho, ngelixa bebuhlungu, inzondo, kunye nokulahlekelwa ithemba. Kodwa yindlela kuphela ekuphuhliseni ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu ababini. Iingxaki ezihlangene kunye zingabambanisa abantu ababini. Okanye mhlawumbi ngokuqinisekileyo baya kuqonda ukuba ubudlelwane obudala bephelile kwaye bobabini badinga abanye-ubudlelwane obutsha. Kwimeko nayiphi na into, amaqabane kufuneka avulekele omnye komnye, rhoqo ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zabo.