Njengoko kwavela iziphumo zeengqondo zengqondo, amadoda ahlukumeza abafazi bawo abathandekayo ngokusoloko ekhononda, abathanda ngokwenene. Ingaba ilizwi esiyilwaziyo liyinyaniso? Njengomphumo wophando kwi-survey yowesilisa kwafunyanwa ukuba amadoda ahlukanisa nabafazi bawo, abanobukhwele kuze kube yintshonalanga, emva kokutshata kwakhona kwaye babengabi nomona ngabafazi babo abatsha. Kubonakala ukuba amadoda ayenamona ngabafazi bawo abatsha, kuba bakhetha abo bafazi abazange bazive benzulu kwaye bazingatshatanga. Emva koqhawulo-mtshato wokuqala, baxhomekeke kubuhlobo obudlulileyo kwaye bazama ukukhetha abafazi ababengabandakanyekanga kwaye bengathandeki. Ngokusekelwe kumava abo adlulileyo, babesazi ukuba abayi kukwazi ukukrokraza abafazi abanjalo bokungathembeki.
Kodwa ukuba ingxaki yobukhwele obusoloko yayisombulule. Ngokuqhelekileyo, uthando phakathi kwendoda enomona kunye nomfazi ubamba ibini kunye iminyaka emininzi. Indoda ingakwazi ukuhlukumeza umfazi wakhe othandekayo iminyaka emininzi kunye nokuphenywa. Lo moya, olawulayo ngenxa yezinto ezihlaselayo kunye nokungathembeki rhoqo, kuphela ukuphazamisa isibini.
Kubonakala ukuba abo bantu bahlala bexhaphaza abafazi babo ngomona, baphila iminyaka engama-10 ukuya kwe-15 ngaphantsi kweendoda eziqhelekileyo ezingalindelekanga. Abantu abanobukhwele banesifo sengqondo kunye negazi eliphezulu kwaye baphila iminyaka engama-60. Kwaye a bafazi abahlala nabantu abanomona, iminyaka emininzi, bafumana iingxaki ze-neuroses kunye neengxaki ze-psychosomatic.
Ikhwele kuqala kwaye ngokubaluleke kakhulu ukungakhuselekanga komntu. Kubantu abanobubele kubonakala ngathi abayinto enhle kakhulu kumfazi wabo othandekayo, njengoko enhle kakhulu, enentlalontle kwaye unabaninzi abahlobo kunye nabanomdla. Kubantu abanomona kuhlala kubonakala ngathi umfazi wabo unokuhlala efumana enye indoda ngaphandle komzamo. Kukho umcimbi omnye wobomi malunga ndiza kukuxelela ngoku ngoku. Le ndoda yayibukhwele umfazi wayo kangangokuba akazange amvumele ukuba ahambe ethengisa yedwa, kwaye waya kuphela kwisixeko kunye nomqhubi. Ekhaya labo, kwakukho abahlobo abambalwa nabancinci, kwaye ngenxa yoko, umfazi wakhe kunye nomyeni wakhe bathetha. Eli bhinqa lahlelwa yinkxalabo enkulu yokuba le mbhangqwana idinga ngaphezu konyaka omnye weengqondo. Esi sibini sakho asizange siye kweli nqanaba, kukulungele ukujongana neengxaki zesikhwele kwinqanaba lokuqala.
Indlela yokufunda kwakhona umntu ohlala ekhwele ngawe?
1. Ungavumi ukuthetha nabahlobo bakho. Ukuba umntu wakho onomona akavunyelwe kwikhofe kunye nabahlobo, mema abahlobo bakho ekhaya. Qinisekisa ukuba kukho abaninzi abafazi kwinkampani yakho. Xoxa nabahlobo bakho uze ubacele ukuba bazuze intsapho yakho idyll phambi kwendoda yakho. Abantu abanobukhwele bayaba nethemba xa beva ukuxatyiswa kwamanye amabhinqa.
2. Ukubeka umntu wakho endaweni, qala ukuba nomona. Makhe azikhwele yena.
3. Yivusa. Vumela abahlobo bakho baqhagamshelane rhoqo, kwaye ummelwane wakho uya kukuqhubela emnyango. Tshela umntu wakho ukuba awuyi kuhlala eendongeni ezine kunye nomntu onomona. Emva kwezi nkcazo, le ndoda izakuzama ukunqoba kwakhona, kuba iyakoyika ukulahlekelwa nguwe. Emva koko, uya kuba nako ukutyhila umntu onomona kwimeko yokuba uyayeka ukukuhlupha ngeentlonelo ezingenangqondo.
4. Incomo kumntu wakho ukuba amadoda anesibindi akhwele kwaye uhlale ufuna umntu osondeleyo ukuba abe nethemba. Kwakhona unokuxelela ukuba intombi yakho yayinomntu onomona kwaye yagqiba isigqibo sokuba ukuba umntu akaqinisekanga ngokwakhe, ngoko akafanelekanga ukuba amncede kwaye wamshiya.
5. Zama ukuguqula ngamnye umona wakhe ube ngumloka. Makhe avele ukuba le nto iyisidenge kwaye iyamangalisa.
Ukufunda kwakhona umntu ohlala enomona akulula kwaye kuthatha ixesha elide. Kodwa kungcono ukuqalisa oku ngelixa kunokuzithengisa ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo.