Ehlabathini lethu, umxholo wokungcatsha kwamadoda usasazeke kangangokuthi, mhlawumbi, amantombazana amaninzi kuphela akholelwa ngokunyanisekileyo ekuthandeni kwabo abathandekayo ukuba bathembekile kuye kwedwa. Ndifuna, ngokwenene, ukukholelwa kwizinto ezilungileyo kwaye zibuhlungu kakhulu ukujamelana nokutshutshiswa komntu omthandayo othembela ngokupheleleyo. Nangona kunjalo, kutheni, emva kokungcatshiswa kufunyanwe, thina besifazane siqala ukujonga izizathu kwaye sizibuze "Kutheni amadoda elala nabafazi bawo kwaye atshintshe?".
Indoda isithembu.
Okokuqala, kuyafaneleka ukuba sicinge ukuba, nangona izinto ezininzi zifana, amadoda namabhinqa, nangona kunjalo, ukungafani kwimibono kunye nesimo sabo sengqondo kwisiganeko esifanayo. Ngako oko, ingqiqo "yokunyanzela" ihlolwe kwaye ihlolwe ngabo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo unokuva uluvo lwamadoda ukuba alitshintshi abafazi babo kuba balala ngesinye isibhinqa, ngenxa yokuba abayithandi loo ntokazi, ngoko abayikungcungca iimvakalelo zomfazi wabo. Kule nkolelo, amadoda aqiniseke ngokuqinisekileyo, kwaye kunzima, akunakwenzeka, ukubanceda.
Ngokomntu, indoda isithembu, musa ukulibala malunga nale nyaniso. Ngokuqinisekileyo, kunzima ukufumana isizathu sabo, kodwa kuyafaneleka ukuqwalasela oku njengento enciphisa yona.
Siza kuzama ukuqonda izizathu eziphambili zokuba amadoda atshintshe.
Ingongoma yokuqala kukuxhamla ubudlelwane bobuqu, obubizwa ngokuba "ukukhathala kwi-grey dayday life". Apha, ukukhwabanisa kwamadoda kubonakala njengengeniso yokuvelisa, ukuhlengahlengiswa kokufanisana kunye nokuzenzekela ngobomi ngamapende, umoya ophefumlelweyo. Cinga, mhlawumbi, ngokuqinisekileyo, udibana naye kwisigqoko esifanayo sokugqoka ngegama elifanayo, musa ukukhawuleza ngokubaluleka kwindlela obonakala ngayo, okanye xa uphuma xa utyelela okanye umsebenzi khumbula ukuba kufuneka ubeke i-blouse entsha kwaye uyenze. Yaye khumbula, bekuphi ixesha lokugqibela oyenze kuye kwinto emangalisayo? Kude kube nini utshintshe indawo yakho yasekhaya kwaye uhamba kunye kunye nevenkile yokutyela, ipaki, ukutyelela?
Isizathu sesibini kukunganeliseki ngokwesini, ukungabi nothando kumfazi wakho. Kwakhona kwenzeka: ibhinqa likholelwa ukuba uyayikhathalela indoda yakhe ngokutshiza, ukuhlamba, ukuyilungiselela, kwaye kufuneka abe sezulu lesikhombisa eluthandweni olunjalo. Kodwa ungakulibali ukuba ukutya akudingi nje isisu somntu, kodwa iimvakalelo zakhe, iimvakalelo, nazo, kufuneka zikhutshwe ngumdla kwiqabane lakhe. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ukuba ibhinqa liyabanda, lingavumelekanga ukuba indoda yakhe iyanelisekile ngokwesondo kunye naye, ingakumbi ukuba nayiphi na ingcamango ebhedini yinto ecacileyo kuye, ngoko uya kufumana induduzo kwicala. Abasetyhini abafuna ukugcina uthando kunye nokunyaniseka kwabayeni babo kufuneka bacinge ngokuphuhliswa kwabo ngokwesondo kunye nokukhululwa kunye nomntu oyedwa ofuna ukuba bahlanganyele kunye nokudala ndawonye ngaphandle kokucasha, ngoko kutheni uhlaziswa?
Isizathu sesithathu ngumnqweno womntu wokubonakalisa kubahlobo bakhe okanye uzibonakalise ukuba ungokoqobo "kwaye uyakwazi ukuthetha nayiphi na ibhinqa ayifunayo. Ngokuqhelekileyo le ngcamango ibonakala kwiminyaka engama-40 ukuya kuma-50 ubudala, xa ukuhla kwezenzo zesondo kufikile, umntu uyayiva kwaye uzame ngokukhawuleza ukuba athathe kwaye azibonakalisa yena kunye nabantu bonke ukuba usemncinci, usebenza kwaye ufuna ukusukela kwisini esahlukileyo. Nangona kunjalo, olu hlobo lokucinga lufumaneka nakwabantwana abaselula.
Isizathu sesine sokungathembeki ngumona, intukuthelo, nokuba nomsindo kumfazi wakho. Indoda ikholelwa ukuba ukutshatyalaliswa kwakhe kulungile, ukuba umntu ohlala naye ehlala engonwabi naye, ngokuqhelekileyo "uyambona" ngokuzikhethela aze athathwe. Lapha, umfazi kufuneka ahlalutye imeko kwaye azame ukubheka yonke into evela ngaphandle, ngokuchanekileyo: ngaba kunjalo "iMegera" kwaye kufanelekile ukuba nomusa okanye, nje indoda efuna isizathu sokuhlukana kunye nokumangalela, kwaye akazami ukubeka isimo sengqondo , ukuqonda ngokudibeneyo kunye nokhethiweyo wakhe. Kwenzeka ukuba umntu utshintshe inhlanhla embi, ukuba umfazi othile wamngcatsha.
Ngokubanzi, kunokwenzeka ukubhala ixesha elide izizathu ezahlukahlukeneyo zokungathembeki kwindoda, ezi zine zazingundoqo. Icandelo ngalinye linye. Ngako oko, akufanele ukuba umntu enze izigqibo ngokukhawuleza ngaphandle kokufunda izizathu kunye nemiphumo yobudlelwane bomntu ngamnye. Amadoda ngokuqhelekileyo athetha xa ubuhlobo bufikelele ekufeni. Apha, mhlawumbi, akuyimfuneko ukunyanzela uncedo lwe-psychologist ofanelekileyo ongakwazi ukucacisa ngqo iimpazamo zakho, ukulungisa oko, yonke into inokulungiswa ngendlela efanelekileyo kakhulu.
Indoda ngumzingeli omdala, ofuna ukuvuyisa, ukuvutha komsindo. Mhlawumbi kuthiwa bafazi, ukufudumala nokuthula kwekhaya kuyonwabile, nangona kunjalo, kuyafaneleka ukukhumbula ngezidingo zomntu oyintanda. Kwaye akusiyo imfihlo indoda ithandayo amehlo akhe, ngoko ukunyamekela ukubonakala kwayo kuya kwandisa uthando kunye nentlonipho yendoda yakho, ukuba uyayithanda ngokwenene.