Cinga ukuba ngoku kuqala kunomnqweno omnye kuphela: ukuzisa indoda ukuba ihlambulule amanzi. Kodwa ngaba a baninzi abafazi abavuma ukuba bayakwazi ukumelana, bengenanto yokuphazamiseka, inqaku elithembekileyo nelinyanisekileyo lomntu othandekayo malunga "neentlanga" zakhe? Ngaba kuya kuba lula kuwe nababini?
Ngaphambi kokuba uye enkulumweni evulekileyo, ecacileyo, qaphela ukuba yeyiphi impazamo enokuyenza xa udibana nomyeni wakhe. Ubuqhetseba bungqina bokuba intsapho yakho ihamba ngexesha elilona linzima kakhulu ekuphuhliseni kwayo.
Cinga ngento oya kuyenza xa uva uhlazo oluvela kumyeni wakho malunga nawe, ukubiza okungenzeka kuye kwaneeminyaka. Esinye sezimbangela zokungcatsha kubomi kwimeko ephosakeleyo. Mhlawumbi umyeni wakho akanakho ukuqonda okwaneleyo. Ngaba ulungele ukujamelana nale nyaniso?
Akukufanelekile ukuthetha nomyeni wakho ngomnye umfazi, nokuba unesiqiniseko sokuba ukhona. Xoxa ngawe, malunga naye, malunga nosapho lwakho, malunga nezicwangciso zexesha elizayo lobomi obudibeneyo.
Yilungele into yokuba ukuba indoda iyavuma ukunyanzela, inkululeko efunwayo ayifumaneki. Kule meko ukuphendula kwakho kunokubaninzi. Abasetyhini abaninzi baya kwisigqibo "sokuzibulala" ukuphika amadoda abo besondelene, baqhubeke behlala naye kwindlu efanayo. Akunakukwazi ukunyusa ngokuzikhukhumeza nokuguqula ubomi esihogweni, kungekuphela kwabo, kodwa kubo bonke abathintana nabo.
Unokumangalela umyeni wakho bonke ubomi bakho, kodwa ucinge, ngaba unokuba nolonwabo ngakumbi okanye ungonwabi nento? Kuya kuba yinto yokuziphindezela, kwaye "ukuqhosha" okunjalo akukuphakamisi, kodwa kunokuthotywa. "Ukuzonda yinto enzima kunayo yonke into enokuthoba ngayo umntu omnye, kuba amacangca aloo machungechunge ahlanganiswa ngumsindo noloyiko," kubhala uNicolo Hugo Foscolo ongumcebisi waseNtaliyane.
Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba uye wagxininisa ngokucaphuka komyeni wakho ukuba kunzima ukuba ucinge ngenye into, mhlawumbi kufuneka ujike kwii-psychologists kunye ne-psychotherapists.
Kodwa nangona kunjalo, unokhetho apho umfazi angenza khona. Zama ukuxolela umyeni wakho uze ungaphinda umkhumbuze oko kwenzekayo okanye ngaphandle kwesizathu. Kodwa nje musa ukudlala uzuko, qiniseka ngomnqweno wakho wokuxolela. Ekugqibeleni, yiyiphi into eyenzekayo ebomini, ziphi na iimpazamo esazenziyo. Uluntu kuwo wonke umlando walo luzama ukucombulula ingxaki: apho inkululeko yomntu omnye iphela kwaye ingenasiphelo senye iqala. Ngokuqinisekileyo ebomini bakho unokufumana ezininzi "izono" ezahlukeneyo. Cinga ngezinto iimpawu zakho ezikuthintela ukudala ukuthembela, umoya ovulekile kwintsapho. Mhlawumbi kuya kuba lula ukuba ukhangela imeko ukusuka kwelinye icala.
Uninzi lwale ngcebiso libhekisela kwimeko yenkqubela yexesha elifutshane. Imeko eyahlukileyo kwimeko xa uhlaselo ludla ixesha elide kwaye lujika libe yimpilo ebini. Ukuba oko kwenzeka, nguwe kuphela nomyeni wakho onokugqiba isigqibo sokuba unokuphucula njani intsapho yakho. Into ephambili kukuba sikhumbule ukuba ubomi bunokunika iindlela ezininzi ezininzi kwiimeko, ekuqalekeni, kungenathemba. Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba awukwazi ukuxolela nokujonga indlela efanelekileyo yokuphucula ubudlelwane, ungazama iindlela ezintsha zokunxibelelana nomyeni wakho. Mhlawumbi, akanako ukufudumala komzwelo okanye ufuna ukuthetha ngokuthe ngqo.
Kwimeko nayiphi na, nangona kufike ekuphumeni, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba uhlala unethuba lokuzifaka ebomini, ngaphandle kokuncediswa nenkxaso yomyeni ongathembekanga.